


Changeling

by usedupshiver



Category: Iron Man - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, Thor - All Media Types
Genre: Age Difference, Alternate Universe - Human, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, But mostly fluff, Developing Relationship, Family Issues, First Crush, First Kiss, First Time, Fluff and Angst, Frottage, Jötunn Loki, Loki Feels, M/M, Masturbation, Odin's A+ Parenting, Oral Sex, Protective Tony Stark, Tony Stark Feels, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Has Issues, Touch-Starved
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-13
Updated: 2015-05-01
Packaged: 2018-03-12 02:47:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 111,740
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3340733
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/usedupshiver/pseuds/usedupshiver
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Twenty years ago a boy named Loki was born, but where that boy is now, no-one knows. Something else lives in his skin and under his name, and where there used to be a family, there is now only confusion. Because the truth can set you free, but it can also tear things apart.</p><p>When Tony Stark impulsively enters the scene he changes everything, and his own life will never be the same again either.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The boy in the corner

**Author's Note:**

> So this AU is a mix of events where the story according to canon happened to the Avengers (but under different circumstances surrounding the Battle of New York, for obvious reasons), and the asgardians are all human. (Sort of.)
> 
> As usual, I have no idea what I'm doing...

”Bruce? What's this?”

Banner turned from the monitor he had been studying to frown at Tony. ”I'm pretty sure I told you to stay away from my classified files.”

”Hey! It was right here on the table! What was I supposed to do? Walk in here with my eyes closed?”

”Was it _wide open_ on the table?”

”Well, no...” Tony looked at least a little bit like a kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar, but only for a moment.

”Then which part of 'leave my private, closed, classified files alone' didn't register with your genius mind?”

”Oooh!” Tony flashed him a grin. ”Someone woke up on the sassy side of the bed this morning! I kinda like it.”

”And I would like it if you closed that thing and left it alone now.”

”Yeah, no.” Looking down again Tony pulled the top thing from the file free of the paper clip holding it. It was what looked like a polaroid photo. (And who the hell even used those anymore?) He turned it around to show Bruce what he was talking about. ”You think I can see something like this and let it drop?”

With a sigh, Banner pulled his glasses off, rubbed at his tired eyes and didn't answer. He was clearly giving up the fight before it even started. He knew the ones he couldn't win, and this one had been lost the moment he had forgotten to remove the file from the table before Tony came to the lab.

Tony turned the picture to stare at it again. ”Beacuse, A – what the hell? And B – what in the actual fuck?”

Another sigh reached him, but Tony couldn't look away from the photo. ”I wish I could tell you, Tony, but I was asked by SHIELD to get on the case as a consultant only last night, and I really don't know a lot more than what you have in that file right there.” He paused a moment. ”At least not yet. I'm waiting for their most recent data to reach my computers.”

By now Tony was barely even listening. He was still staring at the photo, trying to believe that it was something real, and not a joke. But if SHIELD had involved Banner, it wouldn't be a joke, would it? Not bloody likely. He wasn't the guy you pulled insane pranks on. (Even though Tony couldn't stop himself sometimes.)

The little square photo showed the off-white and dull gray corner of a room that just had to be in some sort of institution; only hospitals and the like were allowed to have walls and floors that soulcrushingly boring. In the corner was a boy, almost angled into it, like he was trying to hide from the camera, his head half turned away. He was just wearing a pair of white briefs, and it was glaringly obvious that he wasn't even a little comfortable being nearly naked – one of his lanky arms was reaching across his chest so he could hold on to the opposite one, and the bony knees on his foal-like legs were rubbing against each other. Most likely he was no more than seven, skinny and nervous and probably cold, if Tony's experience with rooms that colour was anything to go by. His black hair, rumpled and falling into his forehead, probably after pulling a sweater or something off, half shadowed his thin face from the harsh light from the ceiling, but his downturned little mouth and squeezed shut eyes were still visible. And all of that was enough to make him feel sort of bad for the kid, so obviously miserable, but that wasn't even the main thing. 

No, the main thing, the ”what the actual fuck?” thing, was the fact that the boy was blue.

Blue. Not in a ”it's chilly in here” sort of way where you turn a bit blueish in places. No, all of him was a dark but still clear shade of blue, like the western sky on a summer night, right before stars show through. There were lines running through the blue, reminiscent of scarifications, raised markings in the skin, everywhere on his arms, chest, legs, even his face. Tony really hoped they weren't actual scarifications though, because damn... Anyone who did that to a child would have to be a fucking monster.

Reluctantly, Tony put the picture down and instead scanned the surprisingly few documents in the file. It was obvious that this was old information, and it didn't surprise him that the more recent data would be digital. There was just some basic personal information on the kid, like his name (Loki Jarlson – now what kind of name was that?), his date of birth (making him twenty today, so yeah, picture definitely old), and his weight and some measurements that had to have been taken about the same time as the picture, becuase no way was the guy this short at twenty. At least Tony hoped so; being blue had to suck enough without being tiny on top of it. Just imagine all the smurf jokes, right? 

Added to this information there was some pretty extensive bloodwork that looked like the most recent addition to the file, along with similar tests run on three other individuals, all with the same family name. An Odin and a Frigga, who judging by their ages had to be the boy's parents, and a Thor, likely a brother.

Only... No, they couldn't be. Because nothing here matched. Like, even a little.

”So, he's adopted?” But even as he said it, he wondered. Because why would you need to do this kind of comparison to know that? It could have been news to the boy and his brother, sure, but parents tended to know one kid wasn't theirs. And didn't he just see a copy of a birth certificate, with a completely different blood type, matching Thor's?

”No, he's not”, Bruce said, slowly.

Tony frowned at the papers. ”Hospital mix-up?”

”First thing they checked, obviously, and again, no.” Banner shrugged when Tony faced him with an eyebrow raised. ”The results are nothing even close to any other child born on the days Mrs. Jarlson spent in the maternity ward. And then there is, of course, the part where he's not even, you know...” Bruce pulled a face.

”Human.” Tony nodded and dropped his head to eye the numbers again. ”Yeah, I got that part.” Everything was just a hint off. Not hugely. But still off. Apart from the fact that the kid was blue. Which _was_ hugely off, no doubt about it. ”I'm guessing he didn't always look like this though?”

”No”, Bruce confirmed. ”As I understand it from the briefing I got from the SHIELD doctor in charge of the case, he doesn't look like that now either. Not all the time, at least.” He sat down in a chair across the table from Tony before he started telling the story that was obviously coming. ”Apparently the whole family was out ice skating when the ice on the lake cracked and both the boys fell through. Thor is just two years older, by the way, so they were seven and nine. Their mother was close enough that she could crawl to the edge and pull them out pretty fast, so no harm was done. But when they had the kids in safety, they noticed that Loki looked like that. Needless to say, they panicked.”

”I bet.” He scratched his neck and tried to imagine it. ”The kid looks cute as a freaking button, but that blue thing is definitely sort of... disturbing.”

”Yes.” Bruce made a little noise, probably thinking about the disturbing thing about sometimes turning a different colour. ”But as soon as he warmed up, he turned back to normal.”

”You mean they had to get him cold to turn him like that?” Incredulous, Tony pointed to the photo.

”The temperature in the room when that picture was taken, was minus thirty degrees celcius. That's minus twentytwo fahrenheit.”

”Pretty damn cold. A lot colder than the water under that ice”, he added, thoughtful.

”A lot”, Bruce agreed. ”The theory was that the shock was part guilty for triggering the change the first time. In this more controlled environment, they had to lower the temperature a lot more to get a reaction.”

Controlled environment. Yeah, right... Tony wondered how controlled it had felt to Loki, nearly naked in the freezing cold, likely surrounded by grown ups in winter jackets. Not very controlled at all, by the look of him in that polaroid.

”So”, Tony muttered, thoughtful, ”either something happened to the boy in that frozen over lake to change him into this, or...” He frowned. ”Or, what?”

Bruce met his eyes. ”Or someone switched.”

”Switched.” At first Tony could just stare at the doctor. ”You mean, switched, like...? No, Bruce, please, be serious! This is the real world! It's not a fucking fairytale!”

With a shrug, Banner crossed his arms over his chest, leaning with his elbows on the table. ”Maybe not. But the fact of the matter is that that Loki”, he nodded to the open file on the table, ”is not the same Loki those people brought home from the hospital. Somewhere after he was three days old, and before he turned seven, someone took that child away and left this one instead. Whatever he really is.”

It was difficult to believe that it could be true, but when Tony again felt his eyes drawn to the picture of the blue-skinned child, he had to agree that there was something in the story that felt like it fit. And what was the alternative? Mutation? Radioactive blueberries? Damn, it was the only answer that even sort of made sense. A fucked up sort of sense, yeah, but still...

”A changeling”, he muttered, running a finger along the white border of the photo. ”That's what he is.”

There came a little _ding!_ from Banner's computer then, and he turned to open the new file on Loki Jarlson. Tony, of course, moved in to stand where he could read over the other man's shoulder, and Bruce didn't even try to stop him. 

A lot more data here, just like Tony had suspected there would be. It would take hours to go through all of it. But his eyes were caught by two new pictures, side by side on one of the first pages, and he leaned in to point at them. Without asking, Banner zoomed in on them so they both could see every clear, strange, disturbing detail.

The left photo showed a simple portrait shot, the kind you take for a passport or ID, of a young man who appeared completely normal in every way. Apart from being pretty damn... well, pretty. Pale, flawless skin, looking smooth and almost glowing from within, like marble, perfectly cut emeralds for eyes, shiny black hair combed back and cut just below his ears. The elegant, aristocratic face was serious and the eyes and expression gave nothing away, the thin mouth a straight line, not a hint of a curve either up or down in the corners.

The photo on the right was so different it was difficult to understand that it showed the same individual, but Tony knew now that it did. The lines of the face were the same, from the fine jaw and the sharp cheekbones to the high forehead, the hairline and the neat eyebrows. But the pale, flawless skin had turned a scored blue, and the emeralds had turned to rubies now. Loki's eyes had been closed in the first picture, but here they were wide open and glaring into the camera. Red all over, not just the irises, even though those were a shade different enough to stand out. What was the biggest difference between the photos was the expression on the young man's face, though. In the first, completely neutral. In the second, the faint curl of a snarl, hinting at the sort of rage that is so cold it burns your fingers, teeth white behind the darker blue lip.

”Not a fan of science, I take it?” Tony studied the furious face of Loki on the right, and was sure no-one could blame the kid after what they had most likely put him through over the years.

”Doesn't look that way.” It sounded like Banner agreed on Tony's unspoken thoughts, too.

In silence they studied the images on the screen for a while.

”When are you going to see him?”

”Wednesday.”

”I'm coming with you”, Tony stated.

”Tony, no.” Bruce spun the chair around to look at him with wide eyes, pleading with him to see sense. ”You're no medical doctor. Why would you go?”

”Hey!” Crossing his arms in front of himself, scowling in a not totally convincing way, he leaned in closer to the man on the chair. ”I'm Iron Man! I can go visit a kid in a hospital if I want to. That's what superheroes do!”

”He's not really a kid anymore, Tony. And the SHIELD facility where he's kept isn't really a hospital.”

With a snort Tony just shook his head. ”He's twenty, Bruce. Nobody thinks they're a kid at twenty, but then you grow up and you know better.” He turned, offering Banner a wave over his shoulder as he started walking out of the lab. ”I say he's a kid, and I'm visiting. Especially if the facility fits the description of a place where someone's 'kept'. See you wednesday!”

* * *

Things were not exactly the way Tony had expected. 

The SHIELD research facility where Bruce guided him was in the middle of Manhattan, for one thing. It was a tiny place and the more he looked around, the more he got the impression that it served one purpose and one propose only - to study Loki Jarlson. 

Also, the young man wasn't kept there. Not the way Banner had made it sound. He was apparently brought there six times a year for more tests, but otherwise lived with his family. Who, to Tony's surprise, were right there now as well. He saw a woman with an impressively straight back and silver-and-gold curls falling around her shoulders, dressed in soft, golden wool pants and a dark blue, loose but elegant tunic. And a just as impressively well built young man with blond hair, the heroic attempt at a beard a few shades darker trying to cover his jaw, wearing blue-gray jeans and a bright red shirt, straining over his shoulders. They were both sitting in a comfortable waiting area just off the entrance hall. So when Bruce was swept away to start working, Tony slipped aside to join the two civilians. 

The woman spotted him first. She looked surprised for a moment, before she stood from her chair and graciously offered him a long, slim hand, just faintly wrinkled with age. "Mr. Stark", she said with a smile, making the kid in the other chair snap his head up from the phone he had been bent over. "I am Frigga Jarlson. It's an honour to meet you. After all, the city wouldn't be here if not for you."

Tony took her hand and gave it a short shake, giving her a bland smile. "Yeah, don't mention it." He noticed the kid stand and start to open his mouth, and threw a dark glance his way. "Really. Don't."

The kid was smart enough to snap his mouth shut. Instead he stepped up to offer his own huge hand, gold tan and all. 

"This is our son Thor", Frigga introduced the young man. 'Our', even though she was the only parent there with him, by the look of it. 

"Pleasure to meet you, sir." Thor practically beamed as he gave Tony's hand a firm shake. 

Tony again answered with the same bland smile he always used in these situations. 

"I usually come here with Loki so he will have at least some company", the woman continued when Tony turned back to face her, a small but warm smile on her own lips. 

"Yeah, I have to admit that I thought he was staying here on a, well, more permanent basis." He decided to be blunt. Frigga looked like she could handle it. 

"Oh, no doubt they would like him to." The smile didn't shift, but there was a glint of steel in her gray eyes suddenly. She was not to be messed with, that was obvious. "But I refused. He's young still. He needs to live a normal life, as much as possible, and I couldn't let them ruin it completely. He is my son, after all."

The different wording there told Tony a lot. Thor was "our son". Loki was "my son". But he still couldn't stop himself finding out if his suspicions were correct. 

"And your husband shares this sentiment, I guess?"

The quick, sharp glance passing between Frigga and Thor at that wasn't lost on Tony. At all. And then Thor turned completely away and walked out of the room, without another word. 

Frigga sighed and turned to Tony again, her face at once more lined and tired than before. "Please excuse him, Mr. Stark. These last years haven't been kind on our family, and he feels the strain of it."

"Of course." He gave the woman a smile that was a bit more heartfelt than the previous one, feeling a bit like a jerk all of a sudden. "And, hey, call me Tony."

She sat down in the chair she had left when he walked into the room, and he chose one to her left. ”I assume you are here to see Loki”, she said a few silent moments later. ”May I ask why?”

”In part because I'm a curious bastard.” It felt like he owed her some honesty after being a bit of an ass. ”And in part because I wanted to make sure he was treated all right.”

Her cool, gray eyes met his, and then she nodded, once, before raising that slim hand again to point across the room. When Tony turned his head, he saw a screen hung on the wall, showing what had to be streamed surveillance footage, presumably from another part of the facitily.

”I demanded to be able to see him at all times, no matter what.”

Tony nodded, understanding, without taking his eyes off the screen. It showed a large room, mostly empty, and cut off in roughly the middle by a thick glass wall. On the other side of the wall was what could be considered a cell, if the person in it hadn't been there more or less voluntarily. There was a desk, a chair, and a bed in a corner.

And there was Loki. He was on his back on the bed, placed so his ass was close to the wall, legs propped up against it, crossed at the ankles, so he was almost in a ninty degree angle against the wall with his feet in the air. In one hand he held a worn paperback, thumb and little finger spreading the pages open, while the other arm was curled under his head. His hair looked longer than it had been in the latest photos Tony had seen, and he was dressed in black jeans and a longsleeved t-shirt a dark petroleum green colour. Beneath the cloth, his skin was the same blue it had been in the pictures.

When Tony's eyes searched the numbers showing on the side of the screen he noticed the temperature in the room and blinked. It was so far below freezing the young man should have been huddled in a corner, rubbing his arms and rattling his teeth out. But no, he was just lying there, casually flipping a page with completely steady hands, before getting his hand back in under his head.

He had been sure that the way they had exposed Loki to that kind of temperatures as a child must have been pure torture, but now he found himself reconsidering at least that part of it.

”He's just fine with the cold, isn't he?” Tony at last tore his eyes from the footage to look at Frigga again.

”Physically, yes”, she said, still watching the screen. ”The cold is not the problem in itself; it's what it brings out.”

There was no need to explain that, of course. The cold dip under the cracked ice had been what had revealed the truth about who and what Loki was – or at least the fact that no-one really knew the truth – and who would like being reminded of that every other month, regular as clockwork?

In the end, Tony spent almost an hour sitting in that room. Thor returned shortly after they had sat down, but he didn't add to the light conversation between Tony and his mother, he just pulled his phone out again and ignored both them and the screen. For his part, Tony had a hard time keeping his eyes off the footage. Not because Loki ever did anything beside lying in that odd position on the bed, reading. But it was kind of soothing to watch it, in a way he couldn't put his finger on. Except for the way he always ended up staring at the raised lines and patterns on the back of Loki's hands whenever he turned a page.

Then two new figures suddenly showed up on the screen. One was very familiar – Bruce – while the other was unknown to Tony, but dressed in a white lab coat and probably the doctor in charge. The live feed didn't have audio, so there was no way to know what they said to Loki, but whatever it was it made him close the book and put it down on the bed before he swung those long, elegant legs down and sat up on the edge of the mattress. Now Tony suddenly had a better view of the bright, red eyes and he had to swallow. The blue skin had sort of become familiar over the last hour, but those eyes... Yeah, disturbing.

On screen Loki nodded, his lips moved now and then as he spoke to the two doctors, probably answering questions. In the meantime Tony noticed the temperature in the glass cell slowly rising, and while Loki spoke the blue colour looked like it was draining out of his skin, leaving his pale, human-looking complexion behind. Somehow, that looked more alien to Tony now, after seeing the other form for so long. He was a bit relieved to see the red eyes turn green though, with whites around the sparkling colour.

Not long after that the glass wall slid away, Loki got up from the bed and all three people left the room, disappearing off the screen. A while later the young man showed up in the doorway to the waiting area, alone, and stopping short when he realized that there was a stranger in the room. The way he did a double take and his eyes widened just a fraction made it clear that Tony wasn't really unknown, though. But then he rarely was.

Tony himself felt almost as shocked at seeing Loki now, suddenly there and real and present and all life-size and 3D after being something on paper and in pixels up until this moment. It had been way too easy to forget that Loki was an actual person, even though that was the reason Tony had felt like he had to come visit him in the first place. The young man was surprisingly tall, slim and long-limbed and moving with elegant grace when he finally started walking through the room again.

”I thought Iron Man only visited the bedside of terminally ill children”, Loki said through a lopsided little smile while he came to a halt a couple of steps from the chairs. His voice shouldn't be allowed on someone that young, really. Something that creamy and rich should have to be earned through hard work and long years, damnit.

”You mean this isn't the cancer ward?” Tony smirked up at the pale face. The kid was obviously not as easy to impress as his brother, and Tony liked that. ”Someone must have given me bad directions.”

”Most likely.” The corner of Loki's mouth twitched a bit higher.

Frigga chose that moment to get up from her chair and take a minute for motherly fussing, running her hands along the outside of Loki's long arms, hanging by his sides, combing his slightly tousled hair back from his forehead, placing a gentle kiss on his cheek. All of which he accepted with good grace and a tiny smile, which was at least honest.

”Everything all right, darling?”

He nodded. ”Just fine, mom. But I would like to go home now.”

”Of course.” She turned to the blond youngster. ”Thor, it's time to leave.”

When the other kid stood Tony did the same, and cleared his throat.

”Any way I could have a private word with you before you leave, Loki?”

The green eyes shifted his way, and he could see the wish behind them to tell Tony to piss off and leave him alone, but a touch of his mother's hand to the back of his made the kid sigh, and then nod. ”Sure, Mr. Stark.”

”Promise I won't keep you that long”, Tony assured before he said goodbye to Frigga and Thor, and then sat down to watch them leave. He made a gesture to the chair Frigga had just vacated. ”Have a seat, would you?”

Loki obviously didn't feel up to it, but after a moment's hesitation he sat down anyway. The new position made his eyes fall on the screen on the wall, still showing his now empty cell. He made a little huff of a laugh and turned to look at Tony again. "Did you enjoy the freak show, Mr. Stark?" There was no missing the bitter twist to Loki's thin mouth. 

"Definitely freaky", Tony said, unperturbed. "That's not why I'm here, though. Or why I wanted to talk to you."

"Really?" Loki didn't sound even a little bit convinced. 

"I came to make you an offer."

Wait. What?

Loki's emerald eyes narrowed a hint, and it looked like he was asking the same internal question. 

Tony was almost as curious to hear what would come out of his mouth next, when he felt himself speak up again. "Just that if you ever want to get away, you'd be welcome to stay in my tower."

The bitter twist to Loki's lips came back, after briefly having been replaced by slack confusion. "So you can poke and prod at me personally, instead of the doctors here? Why, I'm flattered, Mr. Stark, but no thank you."

With that Loki got up from his chair to walk out, and before Tony could think his next course of action all the way through, he was leaning forward to grab the kid's wrist, as gently as he could. He just wanted to stop him from bolting immediately. 

"That's not it."

Loki glanced back at him, an eyebrow raised, daring him to make himself even a little bit clear. 

"I just figured living with your mom and _dad_ ", he started, putting just a bit more emphasis on the last word, "isn't really that awsome when you're twenty. And when the only option is being stared at by doctors and scientists, you might like having a third alternative."

The green eyes traveled all over Tony's face, searching. "Correct me if I'm wrong", Loki drawled, "but aren't _you_ a scientist?"

"Yeah, sure, but I'm the good kind of scientist." When he saw Loki's eyebrow travel even higher toward that black hairline, he grinned. "I make shit blow up." He shrugged. "And I'm not asking as a scientist. It's just an offer of good oldfashioned hospitality. You're free to take it or not. Whatever you want."

Loki threw a pointed glance at Tony's hand still holding on to his wrist, dark against the white skin, before giving him a look that very clearly said it seemed otherwise. 

Tony let go at once, holding both hands up with palms out in a belated sign of peace. 

Then Loki's eyes made that searching move over his face again, before the kid gave a slow nod. "I'll think about it, Mr. Stark."

"You know where to find me." 

"I do." With another little nod to accompany the words Loki just turned and walked out of the room. 

Tony found himself sitting in the chair for a while longer, wondering where the hell that idea had come from. What had he been thinking? Why would he want a snarky not-even-human kid moping around his tower? He'd even been honest about it not being about the science. What was up with that?

He tried telling himself he didn't know. But that was bullshit. 

It was because in Loki's bitter mouth and tired eyes he had seen a reflection of the scared boy in that old photo, and in many ways Tony knew what it was like to be that boy. Once, he had also been the oddity, the freak, the specimen to study. Make it run through mazes! Poke it and see what it does! In a less literal way than Loki, absoloutely, but still... The similarities were there.

Tony knew a kid who desperately needed a break when he saw one. And he wanted to give Loki his break, if he would be allowed to. He wasn't sure Loki would take him up on his offer after all, and why should he? Yeah, Iron Man was a hero and had saved the world and all, but Tony Stark? He was just a self-destructive playboy who drank too much and didn't play well with others, after all. What reason did the kid have to trust _him_?

No reason what so ever, of course. But Tony found himself hoping that Loki still would. 


	2. Heroes and parasites

Loki had already gone to bed when Thor came to his room. He was surprised his brother had come; he'd seen the curious glances all afternoon, but they had been held back, since Thor never talked about the visits to the facility. Now here he was, already in his pyjama pants and a worn tank top, leaning on the doorframe.

Thor was still living in his parents house as well, while he was finishing college and saving up money to move. Not because it was strictly necessary. They weren't billionaires. Like some people he might mention... But they had plenty, by far enough that Odin could have bought his son an apartment in the city. That was not the way it was done in the Jarlson family, though. No. They came from a long line of self made men and women, people who had left everything to carv themselves a fortune out of the American soil, bringing nothing but their faith and resilience. 

And stubborn as they were, they had kept that faith, old and worn and mostly forgotten as it had been even then. They had kept the old family name, a reminder of a time when they had been rulers, even in a place and time where no-one knew what a jarl was anymore, and kept naming their children after their old gods. 

You earned what you wanted. You fought for what you wished to keep. That was the way it had been done before, and it still was the way it was done. 

”Can I come in?”

With a sigh Loki dropped the book he had been reading against his legs, angled up under the covers. ”Can I stop you?”

”Nope.” Thor gave a teasing smile.

”Then I guess you can.” He shoved the book aside and pressed his palms into the mattress to shift himself up straight against his pillows. Then he crossed his arms over his chest as Thor came closer. It felt uncomfortable showing bare skin, and he wasn't wearing a t-shirt.

Thor just walked up to the bed and sat down on the edge of it, a bit too carelessly, and the mattress groaned under his weight. It didn't bother him, though. He just carried on with his questions. ”So, what did he want?”

”Who?” The wide-eyed look of innocence didn't work on Thor, and his brother raised a hand as if to playfully punch his shoulder, but then averted the movement.

”You had a private chat with Iron Man, Lokes. Spill!”

”So?” Loki pulled the covers a bit higher over his torso. ”You and mom shared a room with him for a while. You could have asked him anything you wanted.”

”Sure. But he came to see you, not me. He must have had a reason.” He leaned closer, half turning on the bed, eyes bright with excited curiosity. ”Come on!”

”Fine!” Loki hissed the word at last. ”Fine. He invited me to come stay in the Tower. All right? That's all.”

”All?” Thor repeated his last word, blinking owlishly. ”All? Are you _kidding_ me?! In what kind of world is that not a huge deal?”

”It's only because I'm a freak and he's curious.” He glanced away, pulling harder on the covers, but they were stuck under Thor's ass now and wouldn't reach higher. ”In a week he'll be into something new and then he won't even remember making the offer anymore.”

”Did he say anything to make you think so?”

Why was Thor always the most observant when Loki least wanted him to be? ”No”, he reluctantly admitted. ”But he's not stupid. Of course he wouldn't say that to my face. He'd play nice, and then lure me to his lab. I bet he has at least one up there, after all.”

Thor was silent for a moment, then the movement of his headshake made Loki look at him again. ”No, I don't think so. Really”, he added when Loki looked sceptical. ”Mom seemed to like him. And she would have picked up anything off with him, you know that. Anyone even thinks something wrong about you in the same room as her and she _knows_ , every time.”

Letting his head tilt forward, Loki ran his fingers over a fold in the sheet. He knew Thor was right. Frigga had weeded out any doctor she didn't trust fully. But that wasn't really the reason why he after all, deep inside, doubted that Stark was just fickle and curious, here now, gone tomorrow.

He cleared his throat and didn't look up when he spoke. ”He touched me.”

”What?!” Thor's voice nearly turned to a shout. ”How? Where? If he did _anything_ I'll -”

”No! Stop!” Loki waved a hand in an aborting motion, glaring at him, and growled through a bubble of laughter that wanted to force it's way out of his chest. Trust Thor to react with overprotection before even stopping to think it through. ”No, you idiot! Not like _that_! He just put a hand on my arm. It was just... Strange.”

It had been very strange, to be honest. No-one ever touched him, besides his mother. She was the only one who could still stand to do so, and the only one he would allow to place her hands on him.

The doctors and their gentle fingertips fastening electrodes on his chest, or rubbing the crease of his elbow with alcoholic pads to clean him for their needles, or pressing papers to him afterward to catch the drops of dark blood... None of that felt like it counted as being touched. They always wore gloves, and it was all business, he was nothing but an object of study.

When Stark's hand had caught his arm in that close and personal way, it had been a shock, and he hadn't even been able to shake himself free, to remove it. Warm and calloused and firm and strong, he could tell, even when it was obvious that the hand hadn't grabbed him in a violent way. It hadn't hurt. The shock had still felt like a punch in the chest and his heart hadn't slowed down until half an hour later. He was sure he had been able to hide the reaction from the man, at least.

Most of all, the touch had somehow driven the point of the man's words home. Without it, Loki would have brushed it all off as lies. Now? Now he was not so sure.

”So?”

Loki blinked out of his thoughts and looked up. ”What?”

”Will you go to the Tower?”

He shook his head. ”No.”

”Loki...” Thor leaned in again. ”Seriously. An offer like that doesn't come around that often. You should -”

”I said no.” He didn't raise his voice, but it was sharp enough that it shut Thor up. ”Leave it.”

With a shrug Thor raised his hands with his palms out in a placating gesture so similar to the one Tony Stark had made. ”All right. If you say so.” He got up from the bed. ”But at least think about it, will you?”

Loki hesitated, and then nodded. He had told Stark that he would, so maybe it would only be fair.

When Thor had left his room and shut the door behind himself, Loki picked up his book again but then sat staring at it for a long time, not even seeing the words on the pages. Why did Thor even care what he did? And he must, if it had driven him to come speak to Loki about something that had to do with the facility. He never did, otherwise.

Still, thirteen years later, Thor wanted nothing more than to pretend that what had happened had not, in fact, happened. He wanted them to be brothers, the way they had been. He wanted blissful ignorance. Peace and quiet. And a part of that was pretending that Loki's visits to the doctors never happened. And if they did, they were something other than what they were. Regular check-ups, maybe? Loki had no idea how Thor chose to rationalize it to himself, and he didn't ask. It was how Thor wanted to handle the situation, and Loki had no other option but to let him.

How could he protest? If he tried, the old hurt and the crushing guilt would tear Loki to shreds, most likely.

With a low, guttural growl in his throat, one that was more pain than anger, he shoved the book all the way off the bed and heard it thump to the floor. He turned off the lights by the bed and curled up under the covers, hiding. Even though he knew it was useless; you can't hide from the monster in the dark when you're it.

Damn Tony goddamn Stark! Damn him for showing up out of nowhere and upsetting the fragile balance of his world! Stepping into Loki's life like he had a right to be there.

No, Loki was never going to his tower. Ever. He would be happiest if he never saw the man again, at all.

* * *

Two months later Loki was back under SHIELD's tender care.

This time, he had come there alone. Thor had been busy elsewhere, and he had told Frigga not to join him. He had been forewarned that they were taking blood tests this time, and he knew his mother just couldn't handle needles. Watching them give him shots or take blood was the only thing that never failed to make her break down in tears, and by now he made her stay away when he knew it was coming. The needles didn't bother him, but her red eyes, sore from crying, broke his heart.

By the time they let him have his arm back and roll his sleeve down over the little pad they taped in place over the punctures, he was very happy he had convinced her not to come. They had taken so many vials of blood he even felt a tiny bit lightheaded when he stood from the chair, but it passed with a deep, steadying breath.

”You should take it easy the rest of the day.”

Loki raised his head to meet the concerned eyes of Bruce Banner. The new doctor was gentler than the others, and Loki had the impossible to shake impression that the man really cared. That he was concerned about more than a lawsuit if Loki tripped and broke a bone on the way out.

”I will.”

”Eat and drink something as soon as you can.” He rolled the table holding the many vials to the side and stood too, pulling his gloves off. ”We'll be in contact if there should be anything here you need to know. If not, I guess we'll see you in another two months, Mr. Jarlson.”

”Thank you.” It came out mostly on reflex, but it felt a bit more sincere than usual. Perhaps because Banner's words did, too.

When he was back in the waiting area, where he had left his jacket behind, he found Tony Stark sitting in the chair next to it. Very, very obviously waiting for him. And with a smirk on his face, pulling at the overly elaborate goatee.

”I guess I could ask you if you come here often, but we already know the answer to that.” The man sounded amused at his own joke.

”What do you want, Mr. Stark?” Loki felt tired, and he didn't know if it was because of the blood he had left behind in the next room, or this unwelcome visitor.

”You said you would think about my offer”, he said, a bit more serious now. ”I came to see if you had made up your mind.”

Loki had. A long time ago. When he had been angry at Stark for turning his life upside down. Now he was standing there staring at the man, and felt everything being overturned once more. How did he keep _doing_ that?

”No”, he sighed. ”I haven't.”

”Want some help with that, then?”

Loki frowned at him. ”And what sort of help would that be, exactly?”

”Coffee.”

That was not what Loki had been expecting. At all. Even though he couldn't say what he had expected. He blinked. ”Coffee?”

”Best help for the synapses ever. Well, apart from nicotine, but that shit kills you too fucking fast. So I recommend coffee.”

He should refuse. But Banner _had_ told him to eat and drink as soon as possible, hadn't he? So why not let Stark pay for his early lunch? It wasn't as if the guy couldn't afford it.

Loki had barely had time to nod his consent before Stark was out of his chair, threw Loki's jacket in his arms and pulled a baseball cap and a pair of sunglasses out of his own jacket pocket. Things to hide behind in the crowded streets, no doubt. Then he led the way out of the facility and just a few blocks down the street to a quiet, hidden away little coffee shop he must have been familiar with to even know was there. Before Loki had got his bearings, they were placed at a table in a corner, far from other guests, blocked from view, a cup of coffee in front of Stark and a latte in front of Loki. That order had earned him a displeased scowl from the man, but he had let it slide. And when Loki added a bacon sandwich to his order, it seemed to make up for the disappointment.

They sat in silence until a server came with his food. Then, when they would be left alone, Stark leaned in over the table. Even though his eyes were brown, Loki noticed, not electric blue, they had the same bright sparkle of curiosity he knew from Thor.

”Okay, I have this one question I've just been dying to ask, and if you decide to say no to my offer this might be the last time I see you, so I... yeah, I need to ask.”

Something in the words assuring him that Stark wouldn't keep showing up to pester him if he said no today made him more at ease.

”Ask away, Mr. Stark. And we'll see if I want to answer.”

”I...” He hesitated. ”You mind calling me Tony?”

”Is that your question?” Loki raised an eyebrow.

”No.” The man chuckled. ”The Mr. Stark thing just makes me feel ancient.”

Loki felt his lips twitch, but he didn't comment. Tony (no, he didn't mind calling him that) was more than twice Loki's age, so perhaps an argument could be made that he was ancient, by comparison. Quietly, he made a gesture to go ahead before he picked up his sandwich and took a bite.

”So, I was wondering if the way you look, I mean right now, is a part of this whole... thing?”

Taking the excuse of chewing and swallowing to stall and think, Loki had a suspicion that he knew what this was about. At last he licked his lips clean, and shook his head. ”No. This is what Loki Jarlson should look like.”

”I see. It's just... You don't look anything like your mother or brother”, Tony pointed out while leaning against the table on his elbows, hands cradling the cup of coffee.

"Yes, I'm aware." Loki rolled his eyes, but then couldn't hold back a little smile. "You know, in a way it's almost funny, because people tended to guess that I was adopted long before this... thing came to light. I look nothing like Thor, and no-one ever thought we were brothers." He shrugged. "It never bothered me, though, because I knew that I had my looks and colouration from my uncle. My mother's brother and me? We looked pretty much identical as kids. It used to be a family game, almost, to guess if a picture showed me or him. And we look very much alike now, too."

Then he fell silent, and he could feel the little smile slip off his lips as he turned more serious. "Whoever left me with this family made sure I would blend in. I'm the perfect intruder. Imposter. A monster hiding in a human skin no-one can see through." Loki's gaze dropped into his own cup, and he could hear the faint sound as the top layer of bubbles on the latte burst under his breath. He had no idea why he was suddenly speaking so openly, spilling things out to this stranger.

Both of them were quiet for a while, and Loki didn't dare look up at Tony's face again. Even though he wasn't sure why it was suddenly so difficult. Why he gave a shit what the man thought.

Perhaps it was because Tony was the first person not in his family or part of the research team to know the truth about him. The first who wasn't already bound to him by years of living together as a parent or sibling, who didn't already have emotional issues with him, or who didn't want to pick him apart to find out how he worked. At least he didn't think Tony fell into the last category. The man claimed he didn't, and somehow Loki found himself believing it more and more. Against his better judgement, probably, but there it still was. If Tony wanted to know all about the details of Loki's curse, he had an in now – everyone knew he worked with doctor Banner, and the doctor would likely spill every single secret to his friend if Tony asked him - so there was really no need for him to trick his way closer to Loki to find anything out.

So maybe it was all true? Maybe Tony just really wanted to offer him hospitality? Another alternative? And if that was true, Loki had this one and only chance to be seen for who he was. The mere thought made his breath catch in his throat.

"What makes you think you're a monster?"

It was the tone of the question more than the words that made Loki finally look up. There was no pity in there, just a more open sort of curiosity, a wish to understand his reasoning, without apparent judgement. The expression on Tony's face was the same - open, interested, warm, present.

When was the last time anyone had looked at him like that? Loki couldn't remember. Had anyone _ever_ looked at him that way?

And now he still had to ruin it. Just because he felt this strange urge to be honest.

He sighed. "Do you know how cuckoos raise their young, Tony?"

The man didn't seem fazed by the apparent change of subject. "No idea. Birds were never my thing."

"Well, the correct answer is that they don't." Loki took a swallow of his latte before he continued, the sweetness not enough to wash the bitterness off his tongue. "They lay their eggs in the nests of other birds, you see. When the chick hatches, it's bigger and stronger and grows faster than the others. It steals their food, makes them weak and starved, and when it can it pushes the other eggs and chicks out of the nest, until it's the only one left for its unknowing foster parents to feed." He met the deep, brown eyes across the table. "I'm like that. I'm a parasite, placed in a family that was never mine, to suck them dry, grow strong on their resources, and then leave."

"Really?" Tony arched an eyebrow. "Because then my bet would have been on Thor to be the cuckoo, because damn, that kid's huge. Did they feed him steroids as an infant or something?"

Loki chuckled, but it was a dark sound. "Contrary to popular belief, size isn't everything."

"True. But still. You didn't push him out of the nest, did you? You're both still here."

"Yes, we are. But you forget the important thing." He sighed again, this time feeling half choked. "You forget that Thor once had a brother." Glancing away, Loki sensed the old, familiar sting of pain to his heart at the thought. "He no longer does."

A warm hand came to rest over his wrist on the table, and surprise and a deeply rooted fear made Loki jerk away from the touch, hiding his hand in his lap while he stared at the man. It was the second time he had touched Loki, and it was almost as shocking this time. At least Tony just left his hand there between them, didn't try to reach for him, and the look in his eyes was still gentle.

"You get that that's not your fault though, right?" The tone was serious. "You were just a kid. Someone else did this. Someone else took him from the nest. Not you."

”But he was taken away to make room _for me_.” Loki felt himself hunch up, fold into himself, eyes dropping to the hands in his lap, wishing he could disappear. ”If not for me, he would still be in his rightful place, alive, with his parents.”

More silence. Then the fingers tapped on the table between them.

”Hey, Loki... Look at me.”

It was a struggle, but in the end he managed to lift his head to face Tony again. 

He was even more serious now, and there were tense lines around his dark eyes, a twist to his lips that might have shown pain. ”Others dying so we can live is never easy. Especially when we're not allowed in on the decision. All right? It's a fucking burden and it never gets lighter. Sorry. Wish I could tell you different. All we can do is not waste it.” He leaned in closer over the wooden surface. ”Okay? Don't waste it. Maybe Thor's brother died so you could live. That sucks. But then at least you should actually live. Or he'll have died for nothing.”

Loki could feel his jaw drop, but he was unable to stop it. He probably looked like a complete idiot, but he couldn't make himself care. Not right now. Because no-one had ever spoken to him like that. 

Silent guilt, silent blame, he knew those. The look telling him without words that he wasn't wanted, not welcome, not the child once loved.

The fact that he was the reason the real Loki Jarlson was gone was rarely spoken of, but it was always there. And no-one had to tell him that they wished him away, wished their own son back. He was sure Frigga felt the same, as well. She was the only one he thought might love him, but it was still in the guise of a son lost, probably forever.

And here was Tony Stark, telling him that his life had value. _His_ life. The life of the blue-skinned monster with no name of his own. That he shouldn't waste it.

He felt something burn in his eyes and quickly looked down again, blinking furiously.

There were no words he could add, but he thought about Tony's. A lot. About what they meant for him. And the fact that it sounded very much like Tony had spoken from experience, as well. That he knew the feeling.

They finished food and drink in silence. Tony probably sensed that he had struck a nerve, something sore and inflamed and sensitive, and left him in peace.

Not until they were standing outside the door to the coffee shop did Loki dare face him again. Tony just raised an eyebrow, but Loki knew the unasked question. What had he decided to do about the offer?

”Yes”, he said, so softly he thought it might be lost in the noise of the city around them. ”I accept the offer.”

Tony's answering grin nearly blinded him.

* * *

Stark Tower. Or Avengers Tower, now. Loki had never been this close before, only seen it as a part of the skyline, something in the distance, or never thought about passing by. Now he was standing by the base of it, looking up, and saw the curve of the facade run away into the sky. At once it felt like he was falling up along it, being sucked into the sky above, where the wormhole into space had opened to pour destruction into the city, nearly a year ago. He almost lost his balance and toppled backwards, but he regained his footing, looked down, shaking his head to clear it.

The lobby was brightly lit and wide open, feeling welcoming despite the size. As soon as he was through the door the woman at the reception desk spotted him.

”Mr. Jarlson?” Her voice had a faint echo between the walls.

Loki didn't dare adding to the noise, so he nodded and walked up to her, adjusting the bag hanging on his shoulder.

”Welcome to Avengers Tower.” She gave him a practiced smile. ”Mr. Stark is expecting you in the penthouse. Take the private elevator at the far left.” The woman gestured to the hallway behind the desk, where Loki glimpsed several elevator doors. ”It will take you there.”

”Thank you.”

He wandered away to the elevator. There were no buttons outside it. Nothing to swipe a card in or anything, and even if there had been, he hadn't been given one. Confused, he stepped closer to the polished metal doors, wondering if there had been some misunderstanding, when they silently slid open. Loki blinked, took half a step back, and then hesitantly walked into the elevator. The doors promptly slid shut behind him, without the usual seconds of waiting. He felt his feet grow heavy in a way that told him he was moving up, and fast, but the movement was so smooth he barely noticed. It stopped just as smoothly, the doors opened, and Loki stepped out, noticing how the doors instantly slid closed behind him again. Like they didn't follow some automatic programming, but actually saw him enter and exit, and responded to the movements rather then a set time when to close when the way was clear.

But then he was standing in the penthouse suite, and the elevator suddenly seemed much less important. The dark, tasteful furnishing was impressive, but it all paled against the wide expanse of sky and city beyond. It was no mystery why Tony had taken this floor as his own. Loki would have too.

As if the thought had summoned the man, Tony stepped out from behind a corner to welcome him with the usual smirk. His hair was messier than Loki had ever seen it, and he was just dressed in a worn t-shirt with his jeans, the fabric thin enough to give a glimpse of the blue glow behind it. Loki had heard rumours of the glowing thing Tony carried in his chest, but he had thought it to be just that – rumours. He had seen nothing of it before now. 

”There you are. Was beginning to wonder if you'd lost your way getting here.”

Loki gave a little snort. ”Not likely.”

”Great.” He waved Loki closer. ”Leave your bag by the elevator and get in. I'll show you your room later.” He disappeared around the corner he had shown up behind, but when he spoke again his voice was still clear, so he was still in the same room. ”You want a drink? I'm having one.”

With a little smile, even though no-one could see it, Loki dropped his bag on the floor and walked all the way into the room. On his right Tony was positioned behind the counter of a bar, already pouring a glass of something for himself, an eyebrow raised, expecting an answer.

”I'm too young, you know.” Loki felt he had to point it out, still smiling.

”Yeah, I keep forgetting that.” Tony tilted his head to the side, his eyes widening. ”Damn. Oh, well, I'll risk it.” He picked out another glass, considered the bottles in front of him for a moment and poured generously from two of them, after filling the glas with ice. When he was done he picked both glasses up and walked over to hand Loki the one looking like it was filled with... well, coffee. Like he had read his mind, Tony spoke up while Loki accepted the glass. ”Not coffee, but as close as it gets.”

Loki sniffed, and then took a tiny sip. Yes, it did taste of coffee, but sweet, and with a punch of alcohol hiding under the velvety surface. Then he nodded his approval. ”I like it.”

”Perfect. Then let's have a seat.”

They took their seats in a rounded couch almost hidded in a lower part of the floor, and spoke of unimportant things while they drank, and Loki found himself relaxing back into the seat while he engaged in fascinating subjects like how he'd gotten here (cab), what the traffic was like now that the streets were mostly repaired and opened again (better, still a mess), and even the weather (sunshine, a chill in the air hinting at autumn). It could have felt like useless smalltalk, but he knew Tony was giving him a chance to land, settle in, and he appreciated it.

The ice in his drink had mostly melted and Tony had already refilled his own glass once, when Loki felt ready to talk about something real.

”So why are you doing this?” Loki turned on the couch, pulling one leg half angled up on the seat, to face Tony more head on. ”Really?”

”That's simple”, Tony said, the smirk in place. ”I just want to feel like a hero for a bit.”

”You don't? I mean, usually?”

”Do heroes usually offer underage people a drink?”

”Maybe.” He looked down into the dark liquid, and then back up. ”If that's what the underage person needed.”

”And was it?”

”Make me a few more, and I'll let you know.”

”Fair.” The smirk twitched higher, then faded nearly all the way, but just nearly. ”But yeah, no, I don't. Feel like a hero. Because I'm not one, really. It's not who I am. I don't have the constitution of a hero, it's not how I was built. Sure, I redecorated a bit.” He tapped a finger to the glowing center of his chest, and Loki knew he needed to know more about that, later. ”I made myself a nice, shiny facade. But on the inside, I'm still just a man, not a hero.”

Loki frowned. ”Even after everything you did? After saving everything?”

”No, that's the thing. What I did, it's... too much. Too big. You know? I can't grasp it.” The brown eyes drifted to the glass in his hands. ”I was there, in the middle of it, and I know it happened. I know it was real. But thinking back? It still feels like a dream, like something made up. Saving a city, saving a world... I can't even begin to make sense of the scale of that. And my mind is pretty damn flexible. It's all still so huge it ends up meaning nothing.”

”So saving the world doesn't make you feel like a hero, but -” Loki was going to say _saving me_ but no, that felt too wrong. ”- this does?”

”It does.” When he looked back up he was grinning. ”I'll never meet every single person I saved by flying that nuke into nothing. I'll never know everything I protected. Never. But I get to see you sitting here, relaxed and with a smile on your face, and that's just the way I want you.” It looked like he didn't like the sound of that, and shook his head. ”I mean, that's the way I want you to be, to live. Not hiding in some cold corner.” He glanced down into his glass again. ”I make a difference and I get to see it. Yeah, that makes me feel like a hero. Even though I know you already had one in your life.”

Loki frowned. ”What?”

”That mother of yours.” Tony looked straight at him, serious now. ”She's got your back. Not even SHIELD dares to mess with her.”

"She's not my mother, though." It hurt, but it was true.

Tony just shook his head. "Doesn't make a lick of difference. She's decided that she is, and I'm betting everything I own that she won't let anyone tell her different. Not even you. Am I right?"

Loki glanced away. He had tried. He had called her Frigga. Once. The look in her eyes had made it feel like his heart was being ripped right out of his ribcage. He had never tried again. 

”She saved me.” He swallowed. ”I have no idea where I would be, what kind of life I would have, if she hadn't protected me. When they wanted to take me out of the city, when they wanted to keep me, when they wanted -” He felt his throat close, and put the drink down on the table in front of them, afraid he would throw up if he drank now. ”She saved me.”

”She's pretty damn badass, isn't she?”

Loki could only nod.

”Yeah, I got that.” Now Tony turned some more too, leaning closer, giving weight to his words. ”And let me tell you, I'm in no way here to step all over that and try to tell you I can do better, because fuck, I can't. I can use whatever influence I have over there and I can put my not-too-shabby resources to work helping you out, but I can't replace her, and I would never wish to. She's been there for you since day one, whenever that actually was, no matter what.” He leaned in more, putting his empty hand on the knee closest to Loki, palm up. ”But we all need different people for different things. You're all grown up now, and this is the point in life, I think, where you need a friend. And that? That I can be. If you want me to.”

A friend. 

Loki was pretty sure the look on his face made it seem like he had never heard the word before. He had, of course, but that was also as close to the concept as he had ever come. There had been no such thing as a friend in his life before. Thor wasn't one. They were bound together in too many strange, conflicted and painful ways to even begin teasing the threads apart, but they were not friends.

”I don't know”, he mumbled. ”But I think I do want that.”

”How about we try and see how it fits?” Tony smiled at him then. Not a smirk or a grin, just a warm, real smile. 

”I'll drink to that.” Loki picked his glass up, held it out, and watched as Tony clinked the rim of his own to the side of it.

The delicate balance of his life was all shot to hell, but Loki was starting to think that that might not be a bad thing.


	3. Me, my suits, and I

The problem with grand and spectacular things is that when they are a part of your everyday life, they sooner or later blend into the background and you forget that they are, in fact, grand and spectacular. They end up just being there, something taken for granted. But when you introduce someone new into your life, you have a chance to see those things with new eyes, and appreciate them for what they are once more.

For Tony, it was Loki's appearance in his home and life that gave him this chance.

When they had finished their drinks Loki had spent the next hour more or less glued to the windows in the penthouse, spellbound by the view. And Tony had found himself joining him, really seeing it all for the first time in a long time. It was breathtaking, when he thought about it, but he so rarely did.

It was clear, when they entered the elevator to go to the floor below the penthouse, where Loki's own suite was, that the kid was bewildered by how the elevator really worked. No visible controlpanel anywhere, no buttons, no nothing. So Tony took the opportunity to introduce Loki to Jarvis, and the young man was completely fascinated. Even though Tony was of course fiercly proud of his AI, seeing that awe in someone elses face made it all new again.

Loki was impressed with the guestroom Tony showed him, which had a damn spectacular view of its own, of course, and when he had left his bag there they made their way to the workshop.

Not everyone was allowed in there, but Tony had decided right from the start that Loki should be. The whole point was for the kid to feel welcome, so Tony couldn't lock him out of what was essentially the heart of the whole building. And the heart of Tony's life in it. And when he saw the look on Loki's face, it so felt worth any risk it might be to let him in there. Those wide emerald eyes took in the huge, gleaming space and didn't seem to miss a thing, even though there was no way he knew what most things even were. It took about three seconds for him to fall in love with the robots, and if Tony wasn't mistaken DUM-E seemed to have a bit of a crush on the kid within another three. Didn't try to douse him with the fire extinguisher or anything!

But he had never seen Loki look more alive than when he discovered the glass cases with the suits. Eyes bright, lips slightly parted, a long, thin hand up to brush the surface of the glass, Loki looked completely overwhelmed by the sight. Which made Tony look at them again, try to see them as Loki did. Something he had probably only ever seen on TV before, mostly as a red streak in the distance, at that. Something that barely seemed real. And now he was two feet away from it, able to see every little detail.

At last Loki turned his head around, blinking, like he was trying to come back to reality, like he had woken up from a dream. "They're _beautiful_ ", he nearly whispered when he met Tony's eyes. "I didn't think they would be. I thought they were just... I don't know? Machines? But they're really not. They're... art."

All at once Tony felt his arm itch with the urge to reach out and give the kid a hug. Because hey, not everyone understood what Loki had seen in seconds, and not everyone could appreciate it. But he made himself hold back.

He hadn't been sure the first time he had touched the kid. It had been obvious that he wasn't comfortable - then on the other hand the whole situation had been tense and awkward. But the second time, in the coffee shop, it had been too obvious to miss. The way Loki had twitched and just snatched his arm away, like Tony had burned him. The brief but clear look of absolute fear in the kid's eyes, as if Tony had tried to punch him in the face rather than put his fingers on the back of his wrist.

So instead he gave Loki a wide, pleased grin and a wink. "What? These old things?"

Loki's little smile in return was almost shy, but then he couldn't keep his eyes off the suits anymore, and turned away again. His fingertips left the glass and he pointed up at the Mark 7, repaired and cleaned. "That's the one, isn't it?"

There was no need to ask what he meant. "Yeah." Tony couldn't hold back a little sigh. A year later it still made his heart speed up when he thought about the things he had done in that suit. The only witness to his brief but godawful visit to the other side. "That's the one."

They stood in silence a while, looking at the red-and-gold suit, and in that moment Tony knew that they saw different things and always would. Loki saw the thing that had helped save a city. Tony saw the dark, fucked up things he had glimpsed beyond the edge of the universe. Because some things that are grand and spectacular are also horrible and terrifying, and those things never really blend into the background.

"Well", he said after a moment, "it's an old model by now, anyway. Pretty much an antique. I'm working on a better version of the same basic idea."

"Better how?" Curious, green eyes fell on him again.

"I'll show you." Tony walked away from the cases, waving at Loki to follow. "It's not that far along yet, but I think you'll get the idea. Jarvis? Bring up the model of the Mark 11, would you buddy?"

"Done, sir."

In the middle of the open space they had walked into, the blue wire model of the newest suit in the collection flickered to life. It looked pretty much the same as the others. But it wasn't.

"All right. Stand right there." Tony indicated a spot by one of the work benches. "That should give you a decent view." He walked to stand facing Loki, but at the opposite side of the open area. "Right, Jarvis! Let's show the kid how it's supposed to work, shall we?"

Tony kept his eyes on Loki's face, while trying not be too obvious about it. He just had to see the reaction to this. At first, when the model of the suit just fell apart all over the floor into a heap of separate pieces, the kid frowned, confused. Sure, the fact that the thing required assembly wasn't that impressive. But then Tony lifted his hands, holding his arms a bit out from his body, and on que the scattered pieces of the suit came to life. A gauntlet was the first to take flight, shooting through the air to encase Tony's right hand, expanding up his arm. Loki's eyes turned even wider. The right shoulder came next, connecting with the gauntlet around his elbow.

As the rest followed, Loki's mouth first opened in a little O, and had stretched into a smile by the time the faceplate landed, making Tony's view of the kid slightly tinted blue.

"So, that's the idea." Tony swiped a hand across himself and the model disappeared. "Still on a sort of planning stage, but I kinda like it."

"How do the pieces know where to go?" Loki made a gesture across the room to sum Tony's shape up.

Tony held up his arm and tapped the bare inside of his forearm. ”I'll be using implants. Right under the skin. Should do the trick.”

Suddenly DUM-E was by Loki's side, pinching the hem of his green, longsleeved t-shirt and tugging at it, demanding attention. Apparently he thought Tony had had his chance and should share.

Loki's reaction was startling and made Tony learn something new about his guest. Loki twitched to the side, sort of the same way he had jerked back when Tony touched him, and his hands flew up, away from the little robot. It was painfully obvious that he was just as reluctant to touch as he was to be touched by someone else. He stared down at the robot, who just rolled after him, reaching for his shirt again. That was when Loki's eyes, still wide but now with worry rather than wonder, came searching Tony's face for help.

”Seems he likes you.” That made Loki's eyes go round, as if no-one had ever told him something like that before. And damn, maybe no-one had... Smiling gently, Tony made a little 'go ahead' gesture at him. ”It's all right, I didn't build him that fragile. Give him a scratch behind the... Yeah, ears? I don't even know. I doubt he has a preference, so you can just make it up as you go. As long as he gets the attention he'll be happy.” He shrugged. ”Sort of like me.”

It seemed Loki was too startled to get that joke, he just stared at Tony a moment longer, then back down at DUM-E, who was waiting not-so-patiently. His hands were still up, white palms out, like someone had pulled a gun on him and yelled _freeze!_ , but when the robot just chirped encouragement at him Loki slowly lowered his arms and reached out. It was a long, hesitant moment where his fingers just hovered over the waiting metal creature, but then he carefully made contact, making DUM-E chirp louder in obvious delight. Loki was pale as a sheet, but he didn't take his hand back.

So when Tony sat down by a screen to get some work done on the Mark 11, Loki ended up playing fetch with the robot, using a balled up piece of paper, until the kid's arm was tired. Then he sat down to watch what Tony was doing, even though it most likely didn't make much sense to him. He hadn't been sitting there long before Tony noticed DUM-E come closer again, not willing to give up on his new BFF so soon, and place his head right in Loki's lap. Out of the corner of his eye Tony saw the young man's hands be snatched out of the way again, this time to curl up over his heart, his whole frame tense as a bowstring. He was acting like his skin was a deadly weapon, but given that he was so thoroughly examined Tony was certain something like that would have been well documented by now, and there was not even a hint that Loki's touch was a danger. Tony guessed this was about something else, something in Loki's head. Which, of course, just made it worse.

Slowly, very slowly, Loki relaxed again. His hands lowered and one, which looked like it was actually trembling slightly, came to stroke over the robot's waiting head.

Smiling to himself, hidden and turned away, Tony went back to work.

After a while there was a noise in the room that made him blink and look up again, though. One he had never heard before. It was a bit like a cellphone on vibrate, but louder and constant. He turned from the screen with a frown and looked at the robot, still snuggling against Loki's thighs, the long, pale hand rubbing over his head.

DUM-E was purring. Tony had never even known that he could.

”You have a magic touch, kid.”

Loki's head snapped up, face blank with shock.

Tony pretended to think it was confusion, and just nodded at the robot. ”I've never heard him purr before”, he clarified.

”Oh.” It didn't sound like Loki could make a better answer, so Tony just turned away and let him absorb the knowledge that his touch had made someone happy. Even if that someone was a robot.

About an hour later the rumbling from Loki's stomach alerted Tony to the fact that he had a guest who was used to at least semi-regular meals, so he asked Jarvis to order in a couple of cheeseburgers because hey, can't go wrong with cheeseburgers. And it seemed Loki agreed, if the way he wolfed the thing down where they sat by the bar in the penthouse was anything to go by.

Then they ended up on the couch again, Tony with a drink in his hand again, but Loki had declined.

Some smalltalk later Tony got the feeling that Loki had a question lined up that he just didn't quite get out. He raised an eyebrow at the kid. ”You think any harder about whatever you want to ask and I think I can hear it all the way over here.”

A corner of Loki's mouth pulled up a bit. ”I wasn't sure if it was too... private.” Then the green eyes – probably involuntarily – dropped to Tony's chest before they came up to his face again.

”Ah, I see. The lightshow.” Yeah, he should have seen that question coming, since he didn't bother to cover the thing up

Loki nodded. ”I've heard people talk about it, but I never thought it was true.”

”Well, it's sort of a secret”, Tony said with a onesided shrug, ”but given that I was all over your secrets before we even met, I should say I owe you one.”

That made Loki's lips twitch again. ”Sounds fair.”

Tony still had to take a swallow of his scotch and gather himself a little. The story was sort of old now, but no less painful. ”Yeah, someone I trusted screwed me over pretty thoroughly, and I ended up at the recieving end of a missile that literally had my name on it. Not something a lot of people need to go through, I guess. Some would probably have said I had it coming, too.” He looked into the amber liquid covering the bottom of his glass. ”Anyway, I ended up with a chest full of shrapnel, and the guy who saved my life couldn't remove all of it, so he put this thing in me.” Tony tapped a finger to the reactor. ”Or, rather, the grandfather of this thing. It's seen a couple of upgrades since. It's an electromagnet. Keeps the shrapnel away from my heart. Keeps me alive, basically. And, incidentally, powers my suits.”

Loki looked at the glow under his t-shirt for a moment, and then nodded slowly. ”'The suit and I are one'”, he quoted thoughtfully, and met Tony's eyes again.

Damn, the kid really did get it.

* * *

The thing about being surrounded by strange and disturbing things is that when they are a part of your everyday life, they sooner or later blend into the background and you forget that they are, in fact, strange and disturbing. Loki had definitely forgotten. He knew that the life he lived was by no means normal, but since it was all he knew it had still become what he was used to; regular examinations by doctors, living with a family where he was the source of constant tension and brewing conflict. The family secret, the black sheep, the family shame.

When he was stretched out on his back in the unfamiliar bed in the guestroom in the Tower Loki realized that it had taken seeing something new to know how strange and disturbing it really was.

Not that Tony's life was by any means normal either, obviously. Not even close. But it was something different, something else, something with the odd combination of not being about Loki at all, and still being very much about him.

The life he had been invited into as a guest was all about other things, the things Tony worked with and cared about and created. But still, Loki had the feeling that being invited meant that _he_ also was something Tony wanted to work with, cared about, and – in some strange way – was creating something new out of.

Maybe Loki was twenty years old, but he knew that for at least thirteen of them, he hadn't actually lived one single day.

The last time he could remember feeling alive, the last time he had been truly happy, had been that day on the ice. His hands in Thor's, gripping each other as hard as they could through their thick mittens, Thor pulling him along as he skated backwards, Loki trying to stay upright even when he was laughing so hard he almost doubled over. Thor's smile as bright as the low but sharp winter sun in the sky behind him. Loki remembered every detail so well. The sweaty itch in his hair under the knitted hat and the helmet, the excited twitch in his stomach at the speed, the ache in his feet from being on the skates so long, the red colour of Thor's favourite jacket.

And then the ominous, deep crack from the ice under them. Thor's smile didn't even have time to fade before they were out on the thin part of the ice, invisible under a dusting of snow, and then they were through. Water everywhere, the shock of the cold and the panic when he couldn't breathe, suddenly heavy clothes pulling at him and the wild flailing to get up, get out. His mother's hands grabbing his collar and hauling him up. And then his sopping wet mittens fell off and he saw his hands...

Loki's life ended that day. In that wet puddle on the ice. It had barely even begun, and it was already over. After that he continued existing, continued pulling one forced breath after the other, even when he felt like lying down and giving up, but he didn't live. Not really.

His world broke apart.

He wasn't himself. Had never been. And how was he supposed to understand that? Handle that? He was just a little boy, after all. So he shut down, closed off, protected himself as well as he knew how, just to get by.

His family changed forever. Because they weren't really his family anymore.

The man who had been his father now looked at him like he was something dirty and disgusting that had been dragged into the house stuck to the sole of a shoe. When he could stand to look at Loki at all.

The boy who had been his brother was probably just as shut down as he was himself, but he hid it behind a smile - one that never reached his electric blue eyes - and an air of nothing being wrong. He never touched Loki again, though. That hard grip of hands on hands through mittens was the last time.

The woman who had been his mother still tried to love him. She still held him and still kissed his cheek goodnight and she made sure he was safe and sound. But the look in her gray eyes was never really the same either. It wasn't tinted by loathing the way Odin's was, but clouded by grief. She still cared, but he knew she also mourned her son, and he would never know if she cared about him, or the boy he had been. He didn't want to know.

Loki felt dead, and he couldn't even find that strange. He was living in the skin of a dead boy, after all. Maybe he was a ghost?

They tried sending him to school, but it soon turned out that didn't work. Loki refused to get close to the other children, or the teachers. If anyone touched him he panicked and ran away. He was too swallowed up by fear and numbness to listen to anything, and he learned nothing. In the end Frigga made the decision to homeschool him. Which helped him at last learn to read and write and do maths and the other things he had never understood when he was hidden in the back of the classroom, but it also isolated him even more. The only times he left the house to see other people, it was the visits to the doctors and researchers who poked and prodded and examined, and his dislike of being touched only deepened.

Thor started dating.

Loki never did. Even if he had wanted to, he never met anyone to ask. So he passed through puberty and grew to an adult watching the more intimate interactions between people at a distance, like it was something theoretical and hypothetical that didn't involve him. He sometimes wondered what it felt like to hold someone's hand. Or kiss someone. But mostly, he tried not to think about it at all. It hurt less that way. Whatever he really was, however the blue monstrosity hidden in this human skin was made, it was not so very different from humans, as far as he could tell. He longed, and he _wanted_ , but he could never have.

Because how could he stand someone touching him when he was always afraid he might hurt them somehow, or that they would loathe him? How could he trick someone into letting him touch them when they didn't know what they really got close to, and see the disgust on their faces when they found out? What if he got some girl _pregnant_?

No, it was impossible. Unthinkable.

So that was the existance of the creature living under the name of Loki Jarlson - a slow and empty addition of day after day where he made himself keep breathing, put one foot in front of the other, get through it. But never truly lived.

Until the day he sat facing Tony Stark, who told him that he should. That he had been given this life at the cost of another's, and that he shouldn't waste it. Tony, who didn't place a burden of blame on his shoulders for what had been, but just adviced him on how to move forward.

Tony, who claimed he was no such thing as a hero.

By now, Loki felt ready to call bullshit.

During this one single day he had felt more alive than he had in thirteen years.

Loki turned on his side, curled up under the duvet, snuggled his face into the pillow, and closed his eyes with a smile. For the first time in thirteen years, he looked forward to tomorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (In case there is any confusion - Mark 11 is this AUs Mark 42. This Tony just didn't go all in building that many suits before he came up with that idea.)


	4. Moving and changing

”Hey, kid?”

By now Loki had grown used to the fact that he was "the kid". It was what Tony called him a lot of the time, and how he spoke about him to Jarvis. He found it a little bit surprising that the man who had asked Loki not to call him Mr. Stark because it made him "feel ancient" had opted to nickname Loki something that made him sound a lot younger than he was. Something making the contrast between them even bigger. But for himself he didn't really mind it. After all, when it came down to it, Loki wasn't actually his real name. He was the other, the one who shouldn't be here. So he might as well be "the kid".

He looked up from the book he had been reading, sitting crosslegged on the floor, half his back against the wall and half against the wide windowpane in a curved corner of the penthouse, where he had plenty of light and the best view in all of Manhattan. His ass and bony ankles were a bit sore, since he had been in the same spot for maybe an hour or so, but he didn't care.

Tony, for his part, was sprawled out over what seemed like half the round couch, drink in his hand, the lightpad he had been working on resting on his stomach.

”Why don't you get over here? We need to talk.”

Loki raised an eyebrow. ”Are you breaking up with me?” Even as he said it he realized that what had been meant as a light joke made his heart stutter with fear. What if he was? Figuratively speaking of course, but still...

”Yeah, that's not really up to me.” Tony gave a small, crooked smile and pushed himself up straighter on the couch, curling one leg up under himself and let the other fall off the edge of the seat. ”Come on.” He leaned forward and patted the seat next to his own.

Rolling forward in a smooth movement Loki got up to his knees and then stood, stretching his thighs and back as he slowly walked across the room. The book he dropped on the coffee table, and then sunk down on the indicated seat in a position that nearly mirrored Tony's, but with an elbow resting on the back of the couch. They were sitting close enough that if they reached out they could touch each other, but Loki still felt safe because by now he was reasonably sure that Tony would never do that again. He had noticed how Tony kept his hands behind his back or otherwise out of the way when they were close, looking at something in the workshop, for instance, and he knew that wasn't what came natural to Tony. He was a physical person. He was all about using his hands. If he kept them away, it was because he made himself do so. For Loki's sake, because that was what made him feel comfortable.

”So.” Tony scratched at the side of his goatee. ”Tomorrow it's a week since you got here.”

”Oh.” That actually surprised Loki. The days had passed so _fast_. ”I didn't realize.” Now he knew why Tony wanted to talk. Before he came to the Tower they had decided that he would stay a week, as a sort of trial run, so they could see if this would actually work out. If Loki felt at home enough to want to stay. If they didn't drive each other nuts. Not that they had to even be in the same room – there was more than enough Tower to go around.

”I guess that's a good sign, then?” There came a wider smile on Tony's face. ”You're not itching to get out of here?”

Smiling back, Loki shook his head.

”You feel like staying a while longer?”

Loki nodded.

”You feel like staying indefinitely?”

Loki stared. ”What?”

”I didn't make the offer of hospitality based on a weekly agreement, Loki.” Tony leaned in closer, but kept his hands in his lap, one holding the lightpad and one the almost empty glass. ”If you wish to stay, you can stay as long as you feel like.”

Hesitating, thinking the words through, Loki tilted his head to the side. ”And if I want to leave at some point?”

”Then you're free to leave, obviously. And welcome back, anytime you want.” With a onesided shrug, Tony raised the glass to his mouth, but stopped it there. ”You decide you want it, and this place is your home. You come and go as you damn well please. Simple as that.” He tilted his head back and swallowed the last of his drink before he leaned to the side and put the glass on the table. When he looked back, he found Loki staring again. ”What? Not simple enough?”

”No”, Loki muttered, shaking his head, ”too simple. You can't just...” He raised his hands to indicate Tony, without reaching closer. ”I can't...” He tilted his hands back to touch his chest instead. ”This isn't...” He felt like an idiot, and stopped for a moment, his hands curling into loose fists by his heart. ”I barely have any money of my own, Tony”, he said when he had enough words to construct a sentence. ”I have no job. No income. I can't pay you any rent for those rooms. This... It wouldn't feel right.”

Chuckling, Tony rubbed his now empty hand over his eyes. ”Seriously, kid?” He gave a wry twist of a smile when he glanced up again. ”And here I was so sure that head of yours wasn't put there just to look pretty.”

Loki could _feel_ himself blink. 'Look pretty'?

”Do you honestly think I invited you to stay so you'd help me pay rent?” Smile still in place, Tony raised a sceptical eyebrow. ”Because if you do I think we need to start this whole damn thing over with some proper fucking introductions.” He moved his hand in a circle over the space between them, tying them together. ”This thing? Not about money.”

”What then, Tony?” Loki's hands dropped to his lap and he leaned to the side, into the backrest. ”What? I believe you that it's not about money. I do. But don't give me the 'I want to feel like a hero' bit again because it has to be more than that. There has to be more than that. Because if there isn't -” He swallowed, close to gagging on his own words, and had to look away. ”If there isn't, then I'm still just a parasite.”

”Hey!” Tony slapped his hand down on the seat between them, and made Loki's head snap back. He looked almost angry now. ”You've never been any such thing. You hear me?”

He stared so intently that Loki knew he had to give a response, and so he gave a slow little nod. He didn't fully agree, but yes, he had heard him...

”You won't be a parasite now either, because I don't expect you to just sit on your ass in those rooms and stare at a wall and eat the food provided for you. All right?” The look in the brown eyes turned down a notch, but it was still steady, making sure Loki listened. ”I expect you to make yourself a life here. A new one. Your own. What kindof life and what you'll fill it with? I have no idea, and it's not up to me. That's all yours. But I look forward to seeing it.” He leaned back a little then, a hint of a smile returning now that he had made his most important point. ”So, yeah, there is more than my hero bit. Or, there will be. But I can't tell you what because it hasn't happened yet. You'll make it happen.” The smile widened. "The word you're looking for isn't 'parasite'. It's 'symbiosis'."

A life. His own life. Loki tried to make sense of that, but failed miserably. Now he understood a little of what Tony had meant about not being able to grasp the enormity of saving a city. This too was so huge it ended up meaning nothing.

He tried to narrow it down.

If he lived here, Loki could come and go as he wanted. He wouldn't have to hide in his room when Odin was home, for fear of running into the man in the hallways. He wouldn't have to stay out of the way when Thor had his friends or girlfriend over.

He could wake up to that spectacular view every single day.

If he wanted, he could see Tony. Just like this week. Talk, or just share space, doing their own things.

He could visit DUM-E in the workshop. Play fetch and scratch the thing until it purred. That never got old; knowing that something in the world wanted his hands on it.

He could... Loki could do _anything_. He just had to figure out what he actually wanted to do. But that would be something new to do, too – make plans. Before he had only been concerned with getting through the day. Tomorrow was a torment better left alone until he was forced to face that as well. There had been no room for plans. Now he realized that he wanted that. Needed that.

Slowly, he raised the head that had fallen as he thought, and met Tony's eyes. ”You know you're full of shit, right?”

Tony blinked, startled. ”What?”

”You really are a hero.”

Leaning back, Tony gave the first real laugh Loki had ever heard out of him. He shook his head, but maybe it wasn't all in protest. At least he was still grinning when the laughter died away. ”That a yes, then?”

It was.

* * *

”You really don't have to do this.”

”Sure I do, kid.” Tony gestured with his chin toward the door in front of them. All dark wood with an elaborate, gold knocker and a matching handle. ”Go on. I've never helped anyone move before. Should be fun, right?”

Staring at the handle, Loki bit his lip. Then he nodded. "Right." He sounded anything but convinced, though.

Loki had made a phonecall before they drove over there, so when they stepped into the entrance hall, completely dominated by a huge stairway of gilded metal and pink marble, it was only seconds before Frigga came sweeping around a corner dressed in a long, dove gray skirt and a crisp white blouse. She looked like she had stepped off the set of a period drama, especially with her hair in a braided crown around her head.

”Sweetheart.” She placed her fingers gently on Loki's elbows and leaned in to kiss his cheek.

Then Tony tried to give her a handshake, only to be given the same treatment as Loki instead. He found that he didn't mind. She smelled of something sweet and warm, like caramel and cinnamon, and something about her just made his heart slow down a little.

”Tony?” She made his name sound like a plea, and he knew she would be asking something of him. Something awkward. ”Would you mind having a word with me in private? I'm sure Loki is eager to get to his packing, anyway.”

When Tony glanced at the kid it looked like he was far more eager to gnaw his right arm off than to leave the two of them alone in the room. But after his green eyes had flitted between Tony and Frigga a couple of times he gave a short, silent nod and turned to the stairs, taking the marble steps three at a time to the next floor. Damn, his legs were fucking long.

Tony turned his own eyes back to Frigga. ”Yeah, no problem. What's on your mind?” Even though he could guess.

”Come sit with me.” Frigga turned back the way she had come from, and walked through a high archway into another room that was all golden tones and dusty pink and elaborate carvings. She sat down on a loveseat by the windows, which were reaching up to the distant ceiling, and gestured for him to join her. ”I trust you understand that I care a great deal about my son”, she continued when he had.

”I do.” Tony clasped his hands in his lap just to stop them from moving restlessly and nervously around. ”And I know you've taken great care of him.”

That made her glance away. He saw her jaw muscles flex under her skin. ”Not as great as I should.” Frigga looked back, serious. ”I haven't always been able to. But I want nothing more than for him to be safe.”

Tony nodded. Hesitated. Then said it like it was. ”I know I've only just met the kid, and compared to you I know nothing about him at all. And you have abslutely no reason to believe me. But yeah, I care about him too. And keeping him safe is sort of my top priority here.”

Her cool, gray eyes searched his face in a way that reminded him a lot of the way Loki had studied him the first time they met. Then it was her time to nod. ”I do believe you, Tony.” Her soft lips moved into a slightly mournful kind of smile. ”Is he happy? In your Tower?”

He thought about it. ”Yeah, I actually think he is.” Tony tilted his head thoughfully. ”I don't think he would have even considered staying if he wasn't.”

”I think you are probably right.” Her smile turned less sad. ”Well then, I shouldn't keep you.” Frigga nodded to the stairs, just visible through the archway. ”If you go up the stairs and through the second door on the left, you'll find him.”

”Thank you.” And they both knew he meant for a lot more than the simple directions.

Loki's room was very different from the heavy gold decor of the rest of the house he had seen. The furniture was darker, elegant and simple and sleek. By the high, narrow window the drapes were a deep petroleum green Tony recognized from Loki's clothes, and the bedding had the same colour mixed with a brighter turquoise and dark gray. Despite the darker colours, the room seemed lighter and brighter than the rest of the house, in a way. Cool and fresh. It felt... Loki.

When Tony stepped in through the door, Loki was sitting on the edge of the bed staring ahead of himself. A suitcase full of clothes was on the floor by his feet. Lid propped against the side of the bed. Two empty cardboard boxes were placed by the full bookcase in the opposite corner. It seemed like Loki had been about to get started on filling those, but had got stuck on the bed before he got that far. Loki didn't even turn his head when he entered, so Tony just stepped up to the bed and sat down next to him, waiting.

”What did she say?” The question slipped out after a moment. Loki voice held a worried note. Most likely he was afraid that Frigga had wanted to talk Tony out of the whole deal.

”She told me to keep you away from water and to never feed you after midnight.”

That made Loki give a snort of laughter that he sounded about to choke on. Slapping a hand over his mouth to keep back the cough he glanced at Tony with an eyebrow raised.

”What do you think, kid?” Tony smiled reassuringly. ”She told me to take care of you. Which I totally plan on doing anyway. And I think she knows that. But you know, the mother gene is too strong to care about details like that.” He nodded at the empty boxes. ”Want help with those?”

Loki dropped the hand from his mouth and gave a long, deep sigh, looking around the room. Then he nodded. ”Yes, I think I do.” He stood from the bed, straightened up and pulled back his wide shoulders. ”I'm leaving the rest, though.”

Not that there was much more, so Tony didn't protest it. They just got the books Loki wanted to keep into the boxes, carried them and the suitcase out to the car, and then Frigga caught her son in a hug so long Tony was starting to wonder if she had changed her mind and was keeping him anyway, before she at last let go and waved them off as they drove back to the Tower.

In silence.

When they came back Tony helped Loki take the things to his rooms. It was the first time he had been inside Loki's suite since he'd shown the kid there the first day. He hadn't wanted to intrude in Loki's private space, and now he still stayed in the front room, where there was a desk in a corner, a couple of almost empty bookcases, a TV on a wall, and a couch and a coffee table across from it. Loki slipped through the double doors leading into the bedroom to deposit the suitcase full of clothes in there, and then came back to unpack the two heavy boxes of books.

Loki sat on the couch, slowly picking one book after the other up, examining them, like he was rediscovering every single one, before stacking them according to some system only he knew. Tony sat on the floor, the other box between his spread legs, just picking out stacks of books and placing them on the floor. He was sure Loki wanted to sort through them as well, and he couldn't help with that part.

"Oh!" The surprised, almost pained little noise out of Loki's throat made Tony stop what he was doing and look up.

Loki was still on the couch, holding what Tony would have thought was a leather bound book, until he caught a glimpse of the shiny, colourful surface of the pages when Loki hesitantly flipped it open, hands trembling noticeably.

It was a photo album.

When Loki just stared at the thing, Tony cleared his throat. "What you got there?"

Loki was frozen a moment, then he shook his head, still not looking up. His cheeks seemed paler than usual, though. "Something that's not really mine. I must have put it in here by mistake."

"Lemme see." Curious, Tony got up off the floor, and walked over to sit down next to him, careful not to get too close on the seat.

"It's all the old pictures of..." It was possible to actually hear the kid's heavy swallow. "Of Loki. And his family." And there was the pain again. But he still angled the album so Tony could see.

So Tony swallowed down his own unease at the always just as surreal feeling of hearing Loki speaking of the child who wasn't him, and looked.

It was a collection of all the typical photos from a family with kids. Baby pictures (and it was surprisingly difficult to tell Loki and Thor apart when they were newborn, they both had the same tufts of dark hair then), birthdays, ballons, cakes, playgrounds, swings, toys, parks, and so on and so forth, a blond boy and a smaller, black haired child, both growing bigger with every turn of the pages. Parents growing older.

Then something different caught Tony's eye.

"Well now, that's not New York." He leaned in over the photo album and tapped a finger under one of the pictures.

It showed the whole Jarlson family, arranged on a gray cliff. Behind them was the dome of a clear blue sky, the peaks of gray mountains with bright white caps, and a lake such a sharp shade of turquoise it looked like it was glowing from within.

The family in the center of this spectacular view were looking happy and at peace. Odin and Frigga were standing with an arm around each other's waists, both of them smiling, even if Odin's smile was smaller and not showing teeth. These pictures was the first Tony had seen of the man, but the patch over one eye left no doubt it was the same man Loki had told him about before.

Thor was sitting on the rock by their feet, crosslegged. He looked about six years old here, which would make the tiny version of Loki sitting in his lap with his big brother's arms around him, about four. Loki was the only one not smiling at the camera. He was leaning to the left, straining against his brother's arms, eyes fixed in the same direction and one of his little hands reaching for something unseen, probably outside the picture.

"No, that's Jotunheimen."

"Bless you?" Tony turned to look at the grown up version of Loki sitting beside him, and recieved an unsteady little smile.

"Jotunheimen", Loki repeated, a bit slower. "It's in Norway. Both Odin and Frigga hail from different parts of Scandinavia. They usually go back there now and then, visiting interesting places, going to family reunions, and so on. That time they brought their sons along. If I was really there I still don't remember any of it, but I kind of wish I did. It's beautiful."

"That it is", Tony agreed, looking back at the photo. Now he could understand where some of Loki's preferred colours came from. The gray, the turquoise, the petroleum green - it all went with this picture.

After a while, which he spent just staring quietly again, Loki shut the album and held it out toward Tony. "Could you...? Please? Just, send this back to them? It's not mine, and I don't want it."

"No problem." Tony took the thing from him, and noticed how Loki turned away, how his shoulders were tensely pulled up by his ears. The look of a person who needed to be left alone, if Tony had ever seen one. "I'll go see to that right away. You unpack, and I'll se you when you're done."

He was almost out the door when Loki's voice, half a whisper, reached him. "Thank you." And they both knew it was for a lot more than the simple favour of sending the photo album back.

It seemed Tony had made the right call, too, because it was only a couple of hours later that Loki showed up in the workshop, a bit red around the eyes but looking much calmer. When DUM-E greeted the kid by shoving the balled up paper they used to play fetch right in his gut, Loki even smiled.

Then, time did that strange trick it does where it just runs away with you. Hours added up to days and days to weeks, and having Loki around kept feeling more and more natural. Which in some ways was a surprise. Tony wasn't really an overly social creature. He knew a lot of people wouldn't believe him if he told them – so he didn't – but that was the truth of it. Yeah, he could be the center of attention and love it, but when that was over, he was happiest to retreat to his own, private sphere, where he had nothing to prove to anyone else. All him and his own creations.

Somehow, Loki managed to fit right into that sphere. He wasn't there all the time, but when he was he had a soft, quiet, unobtrusive aura about him, and sometimes Tony found him just being there in the room when he turned around and couldn't say when he'd shown up, or noticed that he'd left the same way. Maybe that should have been completely fucking unnerving, but it was the exact opposite.

On some days they talked, more or less constantly. Tony rambling on about whatever project was on his mind - mostly the Mark 11, which was coming along nicely - and Loki telling him more and more about himself and his life. That usually put a damper on things, for obvious reasons, and then Tony would try to lighten the mood by turning the conversation back to how the new suit was going to work and what colours it should have. And around it went.

Other days they didn't say a word to each other. But in a friendly way.

They spent nights watching movies. They played boardgames. (Loki preferred mancala, because he always won. Every freaking time. Tony had no idea how he did it.) They sat on the balcony and watched the night sky reflect the city lights in place of stars.

It was really... peaceful.

But of course, things couldn't stay that way, and when it all started to shift, Tony was very well aware that he had no-one to blame but himself for the change. It definitely wasn't Loki's fault. Fuck no! This was all his.

At first he wondered if it was some sort of reverse psychology thing he did to himself. If his mind was just unable to resist what it couldn't have. So when the main rule was "you can't ever touch Loki", his brain rebelled and decided this was something it really, really wanted anyway. Because reasons. Or whatever excuse the bloody thing made up.

He found himself stealing glances of any bare skin there was on the kid - hands, wrists, forearms, or more if he wore t-shirts or had rolled up his sleeves, neck, face...

And, yeah, there were dreams. Of course there were. Where he turned around in his bed and found the kid sleeping there, in just that same "where the hell did he come from?" kind of way that Tony turned around and found him sitting in the workshop or the penthouse. Only he was never surprised in the dreams. It was just the way it should be. And it was just the way it should be that he was allowed to reach out and put his arm around that lean, smooth, naked form and pull it to his chest. And in the dreams he never had to worry about the reactor burning cold against Loki's back, because it was never there. There was just the knowledge that he was free to bury his face in the soft, black tresses and breathe in the scent of warm hair and shampoo.

The weirdest thing? That that was all he ever did. He still woke up hard from the soft, gentle intimacy of it, remembering how Loki's chest and abdomen had felt under his palm and the pads of his fingers, the backs of his legs against Tony's knees. But his sleeping brain never escalated things to anything... explicit.

He was dreaming about _cuddling_ with the kid, and it was slowly driving him nuts with how badly he wanted it.

And how badly he wanted more than that, too, when he actually let his brain toy with the idea. Which wasn't often. But maybe he didn't manage to shut the program down every time it ran, all right? He was only human, for fuck's sake. So when he caught himself thinking about turning on the kid in the elevator, pushing him up against the wall and having his way with his mouth, until Loki was a whimpering mess melting into him, all Tony could do was scold himself internally and try to do better next time.

Tony was sure he managed to hide it all from the kid, at least. Or, well, he hoped he did. Damn, he hoped he did! He didn't even want to think about the disaster if he didn't. But he needed to do something about it. And soon.

One night when he'd had to flee the workshop early because the kid was too distracting just... existing, he knew he had to be done with this shit, before it was too late. He tore his clothes off when he reached the bedroom in the penthouse suite, and took a shower as cold as his body could stand, trying to punish this stupidity out of it.

Dry again, dressed in the thin sweatpants he usually wore to bed, he then stood in the bathroom, just lost in thoughts, feeling them slip through his control for just about the umpteenth time that day.

Tony groaned, scrubbing his hands over his face, before he stared at himself in the mirror. He scowled at his own reflection, raising a warning, or maybe threatening, finger. "Don't even fucking dare. This isn't about _you_ , asshole!" He jabbed his finger at himself at the emphasis. "You invited the kid here so he would feel _safe_ , not so you could think about..." He squeezed his eyes shut and pinched the bridge of his nose. He didn't even want to think about what he was thinking about.

Then he glared at his reflection again. "Jesus, Tony! He's twenty, and you're still the one who needs to grow the fuck up."

His reflection gave no answer. It just glared back. Tony stared at it, trying to make it see sense, but in the end all he himself could see was a goatee and dark temples with way too many gray hairs. Crow's feet. Yeah, he was in damn great shape for a guy forty-let's-not-talk-about-it-shall-we? years old, but then there was the thing where his chest was made up of equal shares scar tissue and homemade spare parts. Damaged goods. And let's face it, the guarantee had expired ages ago. Why the hell would some barely-even-legal kid want that pawing all over him? Especially a kid who didn't even deal well with handshakes. And it didn't really take an actual genius to figure out that someone like Loki, with his background and issues and way of behaving, had no such thing as sexual experience. So yeah, very likely that he would want something like that, very likely that he was into men at all to begin with, very likely that he -

"I said don't!" Tony full on growled at the mirror now. "Still not about you!"

And it really, really wasn't. Loki was here to have his own space, to be his own person. He was already feeling like he should be paying Tony for the rooms he was staying in, no matter how silly that was, so how the hell would he feel about Tony coming on to him? Like he had to play nice, or get thrown out on his ass? Like he owed it to Tony in some backwards way? Possibly. No, let's be honest here - probably. And yeah, Tony was prepared to agree that he was kind of an asshole, but he actually wasn't a complete dick. He couldn't put Loki in that situation.

"You better get a grip, Stark", he muttered darkly, before turning away from the mirror and leaving the bathroom.

When he was in bed, hidden from his own accusing stares, he dared to admit that it would be more difficult than it should be to get Loki back out of that part of his head. It would have been easy if it had just been about the kid being hot as all hell. But no, it wasn't even mostly about _anything_ like that.

It was – really, honestly – about making Loki feel safe.

The problem with that. The huge freaking problem he had no idea how to deal with just yet. Was that a deep, insistent part of Tony very much wanted to achieve that by putting his arms around the kid, holding him close, and never, ever fucking letting him go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (And yes, [Jotunheimen](http://www.visitnorway.com/ImageVaultFiles/id_746/cf_1174/Jotunheimen_740x334.JPG) IS a place in Norway. Look at the pretty! I want to go there. And maybe look for frost giants...)
> 
> (Also - let's play "spot the movie references"...)


	5. Now you see me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (I spent probably-too-much of my vacation sitting in the shade writing this, so I could share it with you guys as soon as I got home. Hope you enjoy!)

They were both sitting in the workshop, but for once there was nothing productive happening at all. Tony had recently finished the Mark 11 and it was being manufactured right now, which meant he had nothing to do but wait. Wait, and think about the paint job for it. Tony had asked Loki for advice, but it had pretty soon turned from a serious discussion into who could make the most hideous colour combination possible. In his latest suggestion Loki had given the suit a hot pink base to go with the usual red, and the result had made Tony laugh so hard he had nearly fallen off his chair. He was still wiping tears of mirth from his eyes when Jarvis spoke up.

"Sir. Regretfully I need to interrupt your impressive design endeavours to tell you that there is a message for Mr. Jarlson, from SHIELD." It was always a surprise for Loki to realize how much feeling and opinion could be conveyed by what should have been just a cold computer voice. The AI was obviously very much not amused by their paint suggestions.

And knowing what the message would be killed any amusement Loki had felt himself. He had lived with Tony for just over six weeks and in that time he had managed to forget that this meant that the two months since he had last been to the facility were passing fast. He hadn't wanted to think about that. Still didn't want to.

Tony dropped his hand from his eyes and turned to Loki, still a bit flushed from laughing, but all serious now. "You want to take it in private?"

"No need." Loki sighed. "I know what it's about. They want to remind me that I need to be there in a couple of days. Right, Jarvis?"

"Correct, Mr. Jarlson. At eight AM on wednesday, to be exact. The message also mentioned that you should be prepared to spend the full day in the chamber."

That made Loki give another sigh, one more like a groan, and he leaned over the table where they were sitting to put his face in his hands, all at once so very tired.

"Does that mean the glass box?" Tony's voice was gentle.

Without lifting his head from his palms, Loki nodded.

"That sounds like one boring fucking day."

Loki nodded again, still in the same hunched over position. It really would be. Horribly boring. One or two hours in there he could while away reading, trying not to look at his own hands while he did. But the times he had to be there for longer than that... Torture. Not because it was physically painful, but because the isolation and the boredom got to him, and he started thinking too much about why he was there to begin with. He hated it.

"You want company?"

Slowly, Loki lifted his head and blinked at Tony. His hesitation must have been clear on his face, because Tony raised his hands in a calming gesture.

"Only if you want to", he reassured, quickly.

Of course Loki knew how very curious Tony was about the nature of what was hiding under the thin layer of humanity Loki wore. It was in the man's nature to be curious, to want to know, to understand. But Loki felt reasonably sure that this offer to come along wasn't about that. It was for Loki's benefit. And if he didn't feel comfortable, if he didn't want that, all he had to do was ask Tony to stay away and he would.

He actually did feel reassured.

The thought of having Tony there again, seeing his true self, it wasn't something Loki felt good about. It scared him. Deeply. But on the other hand, Tony could be a great distraction from things that scared Loki, things he didn't want to think about. He bit his lip, thinking about it, and then he suddenly found himself nodding, before he had even come to a real decision.

"Yes", he said, quietly, "I want company."

So that wednesday morning, Tony was there. And not just in the waiting area either. No. Tony being Tony meant that he showed his face and flashed a grin instead of a badge, and everyone stepped out of his way and let him go wherever he wanted. The fact that Banner was the doctor in charge for the day helped, obviously. And the nod of permission Loki gave at the doctor's questioning glance his way was what sealed the deal. So Tony was perched on a high stool in a corner, chatting with his friend while Banner carefully attached electrodes to different spots on Loki's head. Loki barely listened to the words, too busy being relieved that he hadn't been asked to take his longsleeve off. The idea of being naked to the waist in the same room as Tony hadn't felt appealing.

Not because it was Tony, really. He never liked showing bare skin, and he avoided it if he could help it. Skin was far too connected to being touched, and showing it felt like the same thing as inviting hands on himself.

When Banner's fingers finally dropped from his forehead Loki blinked and returned to reality, because he knew this was the sign that he was ready to go into the chamber. He swallowed, stood from the chair he had been sitting in while the doctor worked, and walked in behind the glass wall, without looking at Tony as he went. Loki could feel his heart speed up, the way it always did when he knew what was coming. It was worse today, though, worse when he knew Tony would be watching. When he heard the door behind him get sealed shut and felt the temperature begin to drop around him, Loki crossed his arms over his chest, hugging himself. He kept his back turned to the room outside, as if that would hide anything at all.

He felt it when the cold reached the point where his body was forced to change. It was like icy liquid was poured over his skin. Chills traveled up his spine, over his scalp, and the sensation sweeping over him reached all the way to his toes and fingertips, burned behind his closed eyelids when his eyes changed.

Loki started shaking, shivering in a way that had nothing to do with the temperature in the chamber. He could feel it, but not stop it. It was impossible to relax.

"Loki?" Tony's voice was soft and careful behind him. "You okay?"

He felt his lips part, but nothing found its way out.

"Talk to me, kid. Do I need to get Bruce back in here?"

Loki managed to shake his head. "No", he choked out at last. "No, I'm okay. It's just..." He drew in a long, shuddering breath. "It's just harder than I thought."

"What is?" A note of worry in the words now.

"Having you here." It slipped out before he could stop it, and Loki squeezed his lips shut tight, as if that could pull the words back.

There was a moment of silence.

"You say the word and I'm out of here, you know that, right?"

Loki could just nod, but he knew that Tony would see it even when he was turned away like this. And he knew it was true. That was enough to calm him a little, to make the worst shaking subside.

He took another breath, one that felt steadier and deeper than the last one. Then he slowly straightened his back, let his arms drop to his sides, even though they were still tense, and began to turn around. Still with his eyes closed. When he knew he would be able to see at least a part of the room outside he blinked his eyes open. His eyesight was as always sharper like this, and when he realized that Tony was standing right by the glass, much closer than he had expected, it was a bit of a shock. Every detail of the man's face was so much clearer now, from the worried little line between his pinched together eyebrows, to the silvery glints in his dark goatee. Loki swallowed and turned the rest of the way, so they were fully face to face. They were so close that if they had reached their arms out their fingertips would have brushed against each other. If the glass hadn't separated them, that is.

The line over Tony's nose melted away when he took in Loki's face. There was no way Loki's true sight could miss the way the brown eyes scanned every inch of his skin, traced every raised line, studied the horrifying, red glint under his black brows. Then Tony did the last thing Loki had expected him to; he raised his hand and put it flat against the glass, the lines in his palm clearly visible. Like he still wanted to reach out and touch, reassure. Even now, with the monster under Loki's skin right in front of him.

"Well, there you are." And then, somehow, Tony smiled.

No-one. Ever. Had smiled at Loki when he looked like this. Not once in the past thirteen years. It felt like someone had reached right inside his ribcage and pinched his heart. Loki suddenly couldn't breathe.

When he had gasped in some air words come out, again before he could stop them. "You don't...?" He faltered and tried again. "You don't hate this?"

"Of course not." The smile was still there, and it was definitely one of Tony's honest ones. Small and soft and kind. Not a flashy grin or a teasing smirk. "This is you, right? And I don't hate you." He gave a little shrug, his palm still against the glass. "Yeah, it's freaky. I stand by that. Seeing that colour on a person instead of the sky takes some getting used to. Not to mention those red lanterns you've got for eyes. But no, I don't hate it."

Loki found himself believing that this was true. Perhaps because the words were so simple and real and honest - and so not flattering. Tony wasn't trying to sell him some bullshit about how he found this appearance appealing. Loki would never have bought that if he had. He was just saying that _"yeah, you look weird as all hell, kid, but I don't really mind"_. And that? That rang true.

Loki felt his own weight shift before he realized he was taking a step forward, then another, until he was right by his side of the glass. Slowly, he raised his blue hand and placed it right over Tony's, the thick glass separating their skin. His own hand and fingers were longer than Tony's, but Tony's palm was wider. It wasn't an actual touch, but it was the closest thing Loki himself had initiated in more years than he could even count.

Tony's eyes locked on the place where they were so nearly in contact, and Loki could see his fingertips move a little, as if trying to sense the blue fingers on the other side. Probably curious about what this skin would feel like. There was an odd look on his face, though. One Loki couldn't quite make sense of.

Then Tony sighed. "I guess I should tell you." He didn't look up from their hands when he spoke.

"Tell me what?" Loki swallowed in a strained movement of his tight throat.

"The real reason I invited you to move in." At last the dark eyes came up to meet his. They blinked, once, at all the red, but then they turned determined. "You said there had to be more than my hero bit, and you're right. There is more. Was more from the start."

Loki still felt wary, but he nodded slowly. "Go on?" It wasn't meant to sound like a question but it ended up that way.

Tony tilted his head to the side. "Let's sit down."

So they ended up sitting on the floor with their backs to the wall, the glass between them, in mirrored positions with their legs pulled closer to their chests and arms resting on their knees. Heads leaning back against the wall, tilted just enough to the side that they could see each other's faces.

The position calmed Loki's nerves a bit. It felt close and friendly, even with the barrier between them.

"It wasn't really about being a hero. Not at first, at least." Tony's voice was slower than usual, like he was thinking his words up as he went. "At first, it was because I saw you, studied and scrutinized, and I saw myself in you."

Loki frowned, confused. What of himself could Tony possibly have seen in something so strange and inhuman? But he swallowed the question and waited, saying nothing.

"It was different for me, obviously, but I still know what it's like to be the object of study." Tony's head rolled around a bit more, to face Loki more directly. "Really, in a lot of ways, I've been an object all my life. At first because I was a prodigy. Then a genius. I was a source of power and wealth. I lived in the spotlight, in the headlines. I still do. But in a different way. Still, it's all about what I have. What I can do. It's not about me. Even when it's all about picking me apart looking for secrets, it's still not about me."

And Loki found himself nodding in understanding. He could see the truth of that. He himself had known nothing of the man Tony really was, after all. There had been the businessman and the hero and Iron Man and Tony Stark the genius/billionaire/playboy/philanthropist, the way he appeared in the media. None of those was a true reflection of the of the real person. Loki had begun to understand that these last weeks.

"I don't cry over that", Tony continued. "I'm not asking you to feel sorry for me or anything. After all, I made a lot of that happen myself." He hesitated, biting his lip, thinking. "But then I came here, and saw how you were all about just holding it together, getting through it, and I just..." He trailed off, lost in thought, the dark eyes unfocused.

"You felt pity?" The word scratched at Loki's throat. He didn't want to say it, but what else could it be?

Tony's eyes instantly focused again, with a flash of something sharp. "No." Voice firm, leaving no room for doubt. "No pity. Yeah, I wanted something better for you, but pity is useless. Maybe it was more like empathy; I could understand a bit of how you felt. And I felt like I knew some of what you might need." He shrugged, his shoulder so close to the glass it nearly touched it. "I thought you needed to be seen. Not just studied."

Loki absorbed those words, what they meant. He had never thought about it that way before, but it felt right. It fitted into an empty space. Connected the dots.

He had been an object so long that he had forgotten he could be something else. He had been an object of discussion in the family; Odin and Frigga disagreeing on what to do with him, speaking about what had happened, what should be done, what he was. Never speaking to him, just about him. He had been an object of study for almost as long. His body barely felt like his own anymore. His skin wasn't his anyway. His name wasn't even his. He was a contruct. Something only made to fill a gap.

And then Tony had stepped into his world, looked him in the eye and spoken of his worth. Not as a science project. Not as a creature pretending to be a human, a son, or brother, and judged only on how well he could manage it all before the next breakdown. His own worth, as an individual.

Tony had seen _him_.

"Yes", Loki said at last, when he found his words, nodding again. "I did need that. I didn't know it myself, but I did."

He didn't continue to tell Tony that he had gotten what he needed, because he didn't have to. They knew it already.

No, for the moment Loki was distracted by another thought. That if Tony had known this was what Loki needed, then it was most likely something Tony had needed as well. And Loki wondered where he had been able to find that. But he didn't dare ask.

They sat like that, talking about easier and lighter things, until noon. By then Tony was hungry and had to leave to find lunch. Loki didn't get hungry when he was in this form. At least, they had never kept him in it long enough for that to happen. His body worked in different ways like this, and even with over a decade of study some things were mysteries.

When he'd eaten, Tony came back. He had taken a lightpad along from home that morning, and now they settled in the same spot by the wall and watched a movie, with the pad propped against Tony's thighs.

It could have been the longest, most painful day Loki had spent in the chamber in a very long time. Instead it seemed to fly by. When Banner came to let him out and take the electrodes off, Loki was almost surprised. They were all the way back out on the street before he really understood that it was over.

He didn't know if the doctors had learned anything new from this day, but Loki himself definitely had.

* * *

Three days later, they were by the bar in the penthouse, playing mancala. Loki was perched on one of the high chairs – winning, as usual – while Tony was leaning on the counter with his elbows, glaring at the dark wooden board and the polished stones in the carved hollows, hands around a glass of scotch.

”Goddamn it, kid! How do you even...?” Tony groaned and ran his fingers into his hair, making fists in the already messy style. ”I was sure I had this one!”

When he straightened up, grabbing the glass like it could save him, Loki just gave him a smirk. ”Maybe one day you'll get the hang of it.” He honestly didn't know how he kept winning. Sometimes he thought Tony let him, but the very obvious frustration didn't seem like an act. The game wasn't complicated, it wasn't as if Tony didn't grasp the rules or the strategy, Loki most definitely wasn't the smarter one. Still, he had never lost, even once.

Tony muttered something under his breath and finished his drink, then pointed at Loki with the index finger of the hand still holding the glass. ”Set it up for another round while I refill this thing. I will win the next one, so help me!”

Still smirking, Loki grabbed the stones collected at the ends of the board, and started dividing them into the smaller hollows along the edges. If Tony wanted to get his ass kicked again, Loki could oblige.

That was when Jarvis' voice cut in. ”Excuse me, sir, but there is a visitor for Mr. Jarlson in the lobby.”

Tony turned around with an eyebrow raised, but Loki just shrugged. He was as surprised by this as Tony.

”The visitor got a name, buddy?”

”Thor Jarlson, sir.”

Loki's eyes dropped to the wooden board, which was not quite set yet. Then he saw Tony's tanned hand land by the other side of it, and he looked up at the slightly concerned face.

”You okay?”

”Yes, fine. I just haven't seen him in a long time.”

”Then I think you should.”

Loki hesitated, but then he nodded. A part of him missed Thor, a lot, but he had a feeling that mixing the two halves of his life wouldn't work.

”Send him up, Jarvis.” Tony placed his refilled glass by the board, and then helped move the last of the stones where they should be. ”We can play later, if you still want to risk your winning streak.” He gave Loki a little smile. 

”Challenge accepted.” Loki smiled back, even if it felt paler than before.

Seeing Thor step out of the elevator was strange. He looked so out of place here. Even if the large, blond man usually filled every room he entered, he really had no chance here. No-one could outshine Tony Stark on his own turf. It was a surprise to Loki that Thor didn't seem very enthusiastic about being on that turf, though. He remembered how Thor had lit up and been all starstruck when Tony had showed up the first time, but when Tony stepped up to greet him now, casually carrying his drink and wearing his brightest ”yes it's really me and isn't everything just fabulous?” grin, Thor just gave the man a nod and a handshake and looked... wary, more than anything else.

Loki slipped off his chair and followed, reaching Thor in time to see him take his hand back and place both of them in the pockets of his dark jeans. He was wearing a red shirt with them, over a gray t-shirt, and by the open collar was the flash of silver from the chain and Thor's hammer pendant he always wore. Of course he didn't shake hands with Loki, or offer any other physical greeting.

He did smile, though. Wide and warm. ”Hi, Lokes. You all right?”

”Of course.” Loki smiled back, giving a shrug as he felt his own hands slip into his pockets, mirroring the man who had once been his brother. It was a position they often used, to be sure they wouldn't accidentally touch in some offhanded gesture. 

The smile on the golden face faded a bit, and the lightning blue eyes flickered to Tony for an instant before they came back to Loki. ”Any chance I could speak to you alone?”

Loki nodded. ”Sure, I'll just...” He glanced over at Tony as well, not sure if he was asking permission, advice, reassurance, or something else.

”Why don't you show him your place, kid?” Tony smiled, and raised his drink a bit. ”I'm all set.”

”All right.” Squaring his shoulders, Loki turned back to Thor, gesturing for him to follow when he walked toward the elevator. ”Come on. You'll like it; the TV is huge.”

As soon as the elevator had closed Thor turned to face him, his smile all gone now. ”Is it true?”

”What?” The elevator came to a smooth stop one floor down in seconds, and Loki took walking out and to his own door as an excuse to look away. He was fairly sure what was coming.

”That you moved here. Permanently.”

Loki stopped with his fingertips resting on the doorhandle to his suite, and glanced up at Thor. ”Yes, it is.”

A bright hurt flashed across Thor's features. ”I thought he only invited you to visit.”

”So did I”, Loki said. It was true, after all. He hadn't planned on staying this long from the beginning. ”But he offered me to move in, and I accepted.” 

He pushed the handle down and stepped in, the lights flickering to life automatically, showing his front room. It felt more like his now than it had. The bookcases were filled with his books, and a week after he had moved in for real he had come to the room to find turquoise throwpillows on the dark gray couch, dark petroleum green drapes by the windows, and matching linens in his bed. Tony had never said a word about it, but Loki knew the man had seen his old bedroom and done what he could to make the decor feel like home. Loki himself had bought a few plants for the windows. Tony wasn't a plant person, but Loki had grown up in a house with lots of flowers and greenery everywhere and felt better sharing his light and air with something alive.

And yes, the TV was indeed huge.

Thor didn't seem to notice any of it, though. His eyes were fixed on Loki himself. ”What happened to him just being curious about you?”

”I was wrong about that”, Loki said before walking over to sit down in the couch, and then he looked up at Thor. ”It was just a friendly offer.”

”Friendly?” Thor was sceptical.

”Yes.”

The blond regarded him thoughtfully for a moment, before he came across the room to sit next to Loki. ”He made you leave your home, Loki. Leave everything. Are you sure that's friendly?”

Loki frowned. He felt his stomach knot, but he wasn't really surprised. He had known his two lives wouldn't mix well, after all. Frigga had been so kind and accepting of his decision that he had almost forgotten about how Thor would react – by being overprotective and clinging to a long lost past, as always.

”Tony didn't make me do anything, Thor”, he pointed out. ”He made an offer. I accepted. I'm not a prisoner here, you know?”

Thor didn't seem convinced. ”This isn't where you belong, brother. You should come back home, where you're safe.”

For a moment, Loki just looked at him. At that worried frown, at the bright eyes, the way his wide shoulders curved in, as if he more than anything wanted to put his arms around Loki and just hold him, keep him safe. Or, more accurately, keep his perception of Loki safe.

Loki wished he could let him, but he couldn't. Thor was living a lie, and it couldn't stay that way forever.

He sighed, and decided to say what he had been keeping quiet for so long. "You need to stop this, Thor."

The frown turned from concerned to confused. "What?"

"Calling me your brother. You need to stop. This has been going on far too long."

Thor blinked, still bewildered. "Loki, listen, you -"

"I'm not Loki!" He gritted his teeth around the name. " _I'm_ not your brother. And I never was!"

Thor stared at him for a moment, stunned, before he found new words. "Yes, you are. No matter what, we grew up together. We've shared everything through the years." He shook his blond head slowly. "Are you going to pretend you remember none of that?"

"I remember a shadow!" Loki's voice snapped sharply and loudly enough that it cut Thor off completely, turning his face blank. "I remember living in the shadow of a boy long dead and gone. The shadow of the son who should have been." He made himself take a steadying breath. "For thirteen years I have lived in that shadow, Thor, and I can't keep doing it. I have kept my head down and let you pretend all is well. Let Frigga try to love me instead of the son I'm not. Let Odin hate and loathe me. I've lived in a shadow made of guilt, and I have been punished most of my life for a crime I can't even remember. One _I_ didn't commit!" He stabbed a long, pale finger into his chest at the emphasis.

Thor looked like he wanted to speak, but no words came, eyes too wide and white, cheeks pale under the tan.

"I can't stay in that shadow. It would crush me. And soon." Loki sighed. "I need to find some sun of my own. A life of my own. One that's _mine_ , and not something that should have been Loki's."

The lightning blue eyes searched his, a stubborn set coming to the golden face. "And you think Tony Stark can give you that? Of all people?"

It was almost comical how Thor, who had been so adamant that Loki take Tony's offer in the first place, now regarded the man with such suspicion. But it was easy to keep from laughing.

"No", he said softly, "I don't think he can - I know that he already has."

The stubbornness mingled with pain into something that was both harsh and sad, and Loki knew that Thor was far from ready to give up on this. "Why couldn't we be enough? We're your _family_ , Loki!” His large hands curled to tense fists on his knees. ”Do you hate us that much?"

Now it was Loki's turn to stare. Then he buried his face in his palms, elbows on his thighs, trying to calm himself, so he wouldn't scream. "Please, don't", he murmured between his fingers, before he looked up again. "Don't ever think that. I don't hate any of you. I don't even hate Odin. He's made me feel nothing but worthless as long as I can remember, but I can't blame him, really. Frigga has done her best to care for me, despite everything. And you have been there for me too. I know you have." He drew a slightly shaky breath and blinked at a burn in his eyes. "In my own way, I do love you for that. Never doubt that. But even so, I'm not your brother. I never was and I can never be. You need to accept that. So you can move on."

Once more, Thor's mouth opened. There seemed to be too many words trying to make their way through, probably protests to all the things Loki had just said. In the end they all crowded each other out, though, and no words came at all. Just something that might have been a choked back sob found its way out, and the bright blue eyes were too liquid.

It stung at Loki's heart to have to hurt Thor. He meant well, all the time, and he didn't deserve it. But Loki still knew he was right about this. Through all these years Thor had refused to see the truth. Somewhere along the way he had decided that nothing was wrong. That his family was his family the way he wished they were, and that nothing had happened to tear them apart. Living with that kind of denial wasn't right. He refused to see Loki as anything but the brother he wasn't. He refused to believe Frigga was anything but the happy mother of two sons. He refused to see Odin as anything but a proud father to the both of them. When none of it was the truth.

Over the years a part of Loki had wished he could do the same. Ignore reality and pretend all was well. But that had never truly been an option for him. The things Thor locked out, never thought about, Loki was forced to face every day. He could never forget.

”You have to let me go”, Loki murmured, meeting his would-be brother's gaze.

Thor blinked, at last, and a tear slipped from his golden lashes. ”I don't want to.” He pulled a deep, shuddering breath. ”I don't want to lose you.”

”Well, you don't have to.” Now Loki tried a tiny smile. ”I won't be gone; I'll be right here.”

”You will be.” Thor shook himself, and stood with a jerky series of movements. He wasn't looking at Loki now. ”But my brother won't.” Without another word, he turned and left the room.

Loki sat silent and watched Thor walk out, and he knew it wasn't just out of his new home, but also out of his life. Because there was nothing more he could say. Nothing that could change this.

Thor wanted him to stay a lie, and Loki couldn't. Not anymore. Not once someone had seen the truth of him, and accepted it.


	6. Distractions

When an hour had passed since the huge blond had left the building and Loki still hadn't returned to the penthouse floor, Tony gave up waiting for him. He emptied his glass in a too-large swallow that made him shudder a bit, and left for the workshop. Part of him wanted to go knocking on the kid's door, make sure he was okay, but he decided to stay away. Loki would come find him if he wanted to. It was better if Tony didn't follow every single impulse to be in his company. He was getting better at it, actually. Self-control had never been his thing, but maybe even Tony Stark could grow up, given enough years.

”All right!” Tony clapped his hands together when he walked into the workshop, making lights and screens flare to life all around him. The familiarity was like a balm on his nerves. Coming home. ”Where's the Mark 11 at, Jarvis?”

A new screen flickered up right in front of him, showing the rendering of the new suit. No longer a blue wire model, but an image of the finished thing, glowing and perfect.

”The manufacturing process was completed just over four hours ago, sir”, the AI informed him. It had taken a lot longer than his other suits, since each individual part had to be made separately and was far more advanced than anything he had made before. ”You and Mr. Jarlson put together seventeen different suggestions for the colour design, but never decided on which one to use.”

Grinning to himself, Tony scratched at his goatee. ”I think we can scrap all of those, to be honest.”

”Excellent choice, sir”, Jarvis praised dryly. ”Did you have a new design in mind?”

Watching the slowly rotating suit on the screen, Tony felt the grin slip away into a thoughtful frown. He put his hands on his hips, running his eyes over the sleek lines of it. Then he nodded. ”I believe I do”, he said, before he reached out and tapped open the manual colour tab. Flicking through the pages he at last made two choises, tweaked them, and watched as the rendering of the suit reloaded with this new input. He liked the result.

”Go with this one, Jarv.”

”It's rather different from your usual look, sir, if I may say so.”

”Yeah, well, I think it's time to try something new.” Tony folded his arms under the arc reactor and smiled at the suit. ”Let's get those implants in place, shall we? I want to try this thing out tomorrow.”

”With an audience, I assume?”

”You know me so well.”

Getting implants shot in under the skin stung like a sonofabitch. Who would have guessed?

* * *

By noon the next day, there was still no sign of the kid. This time, Tony decided to go knocking after all. He was leaning casually against the wall outside when the door was pulled open and Loki's paler-than-usual face showed up. The kid looked tired, with dark shadows under his eyes, and sort of defeated.

”Rough night?”

Loki nodded.

”Want to talk about it?”

The kid thought about the offer, and then shook his head, glancing away. ”Not really. There's nothing to talk about. It is what it is.” His voice was more scratchy than usual.

”Well, how about a distraction, then?”

The emerald eyes came back to Tony's face, and now the dull look in them gave way to a slight sparkle of curiosity. Good. ”Distraction?”

Tony grinned. He couldn't help it. ”New suit's all done. Thought you might want to come watch me try it out for the first time.”

Loki brightened more noticeably this time. ”Yes, that might work, actually.”

”Great! Come on, then. No time like the present.”

It wasn't until he was back in the workshop that Tony started getting a tiny little bit nervous. Maybe he should have done the test run of the damn thing alone? What if it didn't even work? Disappointing the kid would maybe be a distraction from whatever had happened last night too, but not the kind he was aiming for. Oh, well, too late to back out now.

Then, when he walked up to the table where the pieces of the suit were spread out, he shoved all those thoughts aside and turned to get a look at Loki's face when he saw it for the first time. And that was a good thing, too, because it really was sort of priceless.

The large, green eyes flitted all over the parts on the workbench, and the pale lips parted in surprise. He stepped all the way up to the edge, but he kept his long hands clasped behind his back, making himself not reach out to touch anything. For a long moment Loki just stared, then he turned to look at Tony, face still slack.

”Like it?” Tony leaned with an elbow on the table, nonchalant as he could, and glanced down at the suit with a smirk on his lips, hiding his nerves like a pro. What if the kid _didn't_ like it?

When it wasn't assembled it was hard to make out the actual pattern of the colours, the proportions and the lines they would form, but they were still clearly visible. The lighter parts, which would make up most of it when it was complete, were a soft gray with an unusually matte finish. The contrasting colour he had chosen to go with it wasn't his usual red, or any variation of it. It was a dark, rich petroleum green, with a polished, almost glowing surface that seemed deep, like looking into a bottomless sea.

Turning back, Tony found Loki once more staring at the suit, but he had managed to close his mouth now. He still hadn't answered. But then he blinked, met Tony's gaze, and nodded. Mute, but the shine in his eyes was almost as bright as the polished parts of the metal.

At last, Tony let himself relax a bit. And smiled. ”Hoped you would”, he admitted. ”That colour's sort of been growing on me since I met you.”

Loki's answering smile was a bit brittle, but at least he looked genuinely pleased beneath the uncertain surface.

”Now then.” Tony stood up straight and rubbed his hands together. ”I think you better get out of the way. This thing isn't really calibrated, so I have no idea how accurate it will be. Better be ready to duck for cover.”

The kid's smile widened just a bit. ”I'm sure it'll be fine.”

Tony grinned at him. ”Thanks for the vote of confidence, kid, but really, you should keep back.”

Loki finally backed into a corner, well away from where Tony positioned himself, and nowhere near the area between him and the parts of the suit. Tony wasn't taking chances with the kid's safety. His own? Well... He'd always believed in running before walking, after all.

After making sure the kid was at a distance, Tony focused on the suit. He still felt his nervousness, like a tingling under his skin, but now it was more about his tech than about impressing Loki. Fuck, he wanted this to work! Making the kid forget his troubles for a moment would be a nice side effect, but he had worked on this for far too long for it to fail now.

Taking a deep breath, Tony raised his hand and flicked it out sharply at the workbech holding the suit, palm up. 

Nothing.

Gritting his teeth, he repeated the movement. With a bit more force.

Still nothing.

Shit...

Tony scowled down at the inside of his forearm, where just a couple of tiny, red pinpricks showed where the implants had settled under his skin. He licked a thumb and rubbed it over one of them, the one closest to his wrist, and felt something like a little jolt in his nerves and tendons. Well, something was going on in there, at least. He looked up, rolled his shoulders, and flicked his hand out again. _Willing_ the suit to wake up and do what he asked.

His heart did a double beat behind the reactor when a blue light lit up on one of the gauntlets. It whirred to life, turned, and then shot acroos the room to swallow up his hand, landing with enough force to push his elbow back. Tony barely had time to see the metal extend up along his arm, searching out the points where the implants told it to reach, before the shoulderpiece smacked into him. Soon his arm was covered in suit, and he quickly twisted around to flick his other hand out to the table, summoning the second gauntlet. This one came to him instantly, quick and obedient, and triumph flared like wildfire through his veins.

Damn, he was good!

”All right, I think we've got this”, he grinned, raising his hands, repulsors out. ”Send them all!”

A leg piece was next, flying in a curve to attach itself to his hip, extending down the leg he raised to brace himself. He just had time to get his foot down with a familiar clang of heavy metal before something shot over his shoulder, crashing into a glass case behind him. He just barely deflected the next assault with his arm across his face, making that part bounce off the high ceiling to the floor.

”Maybe that's a bit fast”, Tony admitted, words quick. ”Slow it down, just a little.”

Then he didn't have a chance to talk for a few moments. 

His second leg piece landed, and then a part slammed into his crotch. Yeah, he hadn't thought that bit through enough, clearly... The back piece almost made him topple forward, but he got the repulsors out in time to steady himself, before he fell on his face.

Chestpiece. Check.

Helmet. Check. Although the faceplate came at him from behind, zipping past his head, only to turn and stare at him.

”Come on”, he challenged the glaring piece of metal. ”I ain't scared of you.”

It came at him at once, like it had heard the taunt, hitting the corner of a table and flipping around, and crap, it would land upside down. Well, only one solution! Tony braced, jumped, and let the suit lift him around so the faceplate could land just right, a split second before he himself did, hand and knee to the floor.

Holy shit, he did it!

Okay. Not exactly flawless, but it worked, damnit! A tweak to the speed, and something to cushion the crotch piece because _ouch!_ and then it would -

That's when the part that had crashed into the case behind him got free. He was all lost in gleeful thought when it smacked into his backside with full force. If he had been prepared, the suit could probably have kept him upright. But he wasn't prepared. Even a little.

Tony went flying. And not in the good way. The world was a flipping mess of input from the HUD, too fast to follow, and then the crash and clatter of suit parts falling off him and the impact of his body hitting the floor, before it all went mercifully still.

”As always, sir, a great pleasure watching you work.”

Tony heard Jarvis' flippant comment over the hissing of his own breath, before it came out a groan and he managed to turn on his back, pushing the faceplate off. When he blinked up at what he expected to be white ceiling and bright lights, he was really surprised to find himself shadowed by wide shoulders, a bent down head surrounded by black waves of hair, seeing a pale, wide-eyed face full of sharp worry, bordering on fear. Fear for him, Tony realized, and felt himself blink again. 

Honestly? He'd forgotten Loki was even there.

”Tony...” He almost breathed the name, and out of the corner of his eye Tony saw a long, thin hand be raised, coming closer, before the movement was abruptly aborted and the fingers curled into the white palm, the arm getting pulled back. Right then he was too dizzy to think about why that was significant. ”Tony?” Loki's voice was a bit steadier now, but still full of concern. ”Are you okay?” His long throat moved in a swallow. ”Please be okay...” Almost a whisper, that last part.

Tony took a new breath, deeper. ”I'm fine, kid”, he got out, voice just a bit strained. All right, so most of him hurt at least a little, but he knew nothing was broken. He twitched a smile at Loki. ”Distracted yet?”

That startled a little bark of a laugh out of the kid, his shoulders relaxed visibly, and Tony totally counted it as a win. Might even be worth the bruises he would have by tomorrow.

* * *

Loki really was distracted.

Probably not in the way intended, but yes, he was undeniably distracted.

First there had been the colours Tony had chosen for the new suit. Loki's colours. No red and gold anywhere. That had shocked him speechless, all on it's own.

Then the suit coming to life and doing what Tony had claimed all along it would be able to do. Loki had known how it was intended to work, of course, had seen the model do it more than once while Tony tweaked the construction. But seeing it happen for real, that was something else entirely. It had been impressive and scary in equal measure – until Tony had been knocked over to sprawl on the floor in a mess of suit parts. Then it had just been scary.

Before he had even thought it through, Loki had been running through the workshop, dropping to his knees by Tony's side so fast the impact hurt. His heart had felt frozen in place, unmoving, until he had seen the large, brown eyes flicker open and focus on his face. Then it had given a painful jolt and started beating again. Just in time for Loki to notice that he was about to put a hand on Tony's chest.

He had stopped and pulled back in time, but that almost-action of his was what he was distracted by most of all even now, much later, when it was all over.

Concern had almost overridden his fears, and he wasn't sure what that meant. What it implicated. When the idea of touch had started becoming something potentially comforting instead of something simply terrifying.

Not that long ago the knowledge that Tony would never again put a hand on him had made Loki feel safe. Now? Now he wasn't so sure it felt the same.

He found himself remembering that time in the coffee shop more and more often. How Tony, who had known what he was, who had just listened to Loki reminding him of the horrible truth of his existence, had still chosen to reach his hand out and touch him. Not to hurt him, not to push him away, or anything like that. No, just to comfort him. To assure him he wasn't to blame.

Loki remembered so exactly how it had felt, too. Like it had been burned into him. The warmth, the just slightly raspy feel of calloused fingertips, the gentleness that he had just barely noticed before he had pulled away from it all.

Now a part of him wished that he never had. That he had let that hand stay there.

The first time they met it had been the touch that had made Loki believe what Tony had been telling him, that it wasn't about the science, that he was making an honest offer. Since then Tony had tried telling him so many other things, convince him of so much. That Loki wasn't a monster. Not a parasite. That what had happened wasn't his fault. And he had seen how often Tony had wanted to reach out to make the reassurance physical. He had always aborted the movements or turned them into something else, trying to mask the original intent of them, but somehow Loki knew that wasn't because Tony had remembered half way through that he was about to touch something not human. It was only because he had known those touches wouldn't have been welcome.

If Loki had let him do it, though? If he had let Tony rub those words into his skin. Would it have been easier to believe them? There was no way he could know for sure, of course, but maybe...

In the days after the first test of the Mark 11, Tony mostly took it easy. He claimed he was just fine, but Loki glimpsed bruises when he stretched and the hem of his t-shirt rode up his middle. (Then he quickly looked away because there was also bare, tanned skin and a dark hint of treasure trail above the low jeans and Loki had no idea how to handle that.) But even if he said he wasn't in any pain, Tony suddenly preferred just settling them both on the couch in the more private part of the penthouse suite, in the front room outside the master bedroom. This couch was more comfortable than the round one, and angled into a corner opposite a wall with a TV even bigger than the one in Loki's rooms. There they spent a whole lot of time watching movies, often into the night.

Mostly completely mindless action movies that made little sense at worst and were severely lacking in realistic detail at best.

It was easy and relaxing.

Or would have been, if Loki still hadn't been so distracted by his thoughts.

One night, when Loki had stayed later than usual and was feeling more distracted than ever, he turned his head to comment on something in the so-called plot, and saw that Tony had rolled over on the seat cushions until he was on his side. His head was resting on a throw pillow, dark hair sticking up every which way. Tony's right hand and arm, left bare in the t-shirt he was wearing, were on the seat close to his face. His eyes were closed, his usually so sharp features softer and more relaxed, lips slightly parted in the frame of his neat, elaborate goatee.

Asleep.

Loki had never seen Tony sleep before. Suddenly he felt very much like an intruder, in a way he hadn't in a long time in the Tower. This was something too open, something secret and personal and private and _vulnerable_ , and it wasn't something Loki should see. At least, he felt sure it wasn't. So he should leave. Right now.

He didn't.

Instead he felt his eyes be drawn to that bare, unprotected arm on the black cushion. Loki bit his lip, hesitating and fighting the urge that made his fingers twitch. The sudden, unexpected urge to reach out and touch. He hadn't felt something like that in so many years, but thinking so much about Tony's hands on him had made Loki curious. Woken an old, buried want.

He couldn't ask to be touched. Of course not. He wasn't human. It wasn't right to ask someone else to want to touch him. To subject themselves to that. Maybe Tony had meant to do so himself before, to comfort or out of curiosity, but Loki could still never ask for it. And he definitely couldn't ask someone to let him touch them in turn. That was even worse! Ask them to let the monster close enough to put its hands on them? Never.

Tony was asleep, though. He would never know...

A part of Loki was disgusted by the thought. The invasion of privacy by just watching the man sleep was bad enough. To take advantage like that? To touch him without his knowledge and consent? That was by far too much.

He wanted it, though. So badly it hurt. Wanted to steal the only human touch he might ever get again, apart from his mother's. Wanted to have it, even if it was in this despicable way. And before he could stop himself, he saw his own pale hand move over the seat, reach closer,. Until his fingertips were just brushing the curve of muscle below Tony's elbow, over dark hairs and tanned, warm skin and the firm flesh under it. Loki held his breath, ready to quickly pull back at any sign that Tony was waking up, and gently moved his fingers down the dark forearm. Following the hint of a dip between muscle and bone, to the knob by the wrist, where the hairs turned softer and finer to cover the back of Tony's hand.

When Loki got as far as feeling the tendons there, under those softer hairs, Tony shifted his head a bit, softly muttering something in his sleep, and Loki immediately pulled his hand back. Staring, stiff. Waiting for a reaction. But Tony just went still, never waking up.

The scare had been enough to bring Loki back to reality, however. He blinked at the arm in front of him, and the shifting light from the movie on the screen across the room made it look like it was moving. He could still feel the warmth and the texture of hairs and skin under his fingertips and swallowed when it felt like he was suddenly choking up, his throat too tight even for air to pass. Slowly and carefully he drew back, moving in a way that made the seat dip as little as possible, stood, and nearly backed out of the room. Afraid that Tony would wake and glare, angry, asking what the hell he thought he was doing.

In the end, Loki reached the elevator and left without Tony waking up.

When he got to his rooms, Loki didn't undress. His own skin suddenly disgusted him, and he didn't want to see it. He had forced it on someone else, like the loathesome creature he was, and he just wanted to forget it even existed.

He curled up under the duvet on his bed, but found that he couldn't sleep. He had done something wrong, he knew it, and panic was twisting in his gut. Hugging his pillow closer he squeezed his eyes shut and felt the hot sting of tears in the corners of them.

If Tony ever knew what he had done, his days in the Tower would be numbered, Loki had no doubts about that. And Tony would be right to throw him out, too.

* * *

When Tony woke up, everything hurt. At least it felt like that until he managed to turn and stretch and "everything" narrowed down to just his neck, from the too-thin pillow his head had been on, and his hip, from the too-soft cushion under it. Apart from the general soreness still there after his intimate encounter with the workshop floor. He felt about a thousand years old when he sat up and rubbed at the nape of his neck, wincing at the gunshot-sharp crack in the joint of his sore hip.

"Worst night ever", he muttered to the room at large, even though that was far from true.

And then he was surprised to find the room empty. Because he was pretty sure Loki had been there the last he knew. Right? Then he noticed the light falling in through the window and realized he'd slept until morning. Of course the kid had left; he was smart enough not to spend the night on the couch. Unlike some people...

"Good morning, sir", Jarvis greeted him then.

"Debatable, Jarv", Tony groaned, stretching his neck some more. "Hey, when did Loki leave?"

"At fourteen minutes past eleven, sir." The pause that followed somehow made Tony suspect there was more coming from the AI. "I believe you might be interested in the circumstances of his departure, however."

That gave Tony pause. He stopped stretching his neck, straightened up in the seat and frowned. "What?"

Jarvis gave no verbal response this time. Instead the screen on the opposite wall flickered to life, showing the surveillance footage of the room instead of the pointless action flick from last night. There was Tony, stretched out in the position that would give him such discomfort some eight hours later, no matter how nice it looked right then. And there was Loki, turning in his seat, and freezing at the sight. Just staring at the sleeping man on the couch, for a long time, before his hand moved out in a slow, hesitant gesture until his fingers reached Tony's arm.

Tony felt his jaw drop.

Loki's face was even paler than usual in the light from the screen, and he looked tense as he let his fingers slide along Tony's forearm to his hand. Then there was a movement in Tony's body, his head shifting minutely, and Loki instantly pulled back. His white face turned slowly from a tense but blank mask into lines of shock and fear and maybe something like pain? Or was that disgust? It was really hard to tell. As Tony watched, he pulled away further, got up off the couch, and left the room, backing away as if the sleeping form on the seat might jump up to bite his throat at any moment.

The screen turned black again. All Tony could do, was keep staring at it.

"Holy shit he touched me", he finally muttered, still staring at the flat, black, unresponsive surface across the room. Blinkning, he dropped his head (groaning at the stab of pain in his neck) and looked at the arm Loki's fingers had taveled along. As if he was expecting there to be something showing from that event, some sign of what had happened. There was none, though. No surprise there.

Then something else struck him. "Jarvis? Why did you show me that?"

An uncharacteristic little pause followed, as if the AI needed to think his answer through. "The way Mr. Jarlson interacts with you has been a clear source of distress, sir."

Yeah, well, there was that. Of course Jarvis would have seen that, and known that Tony needed to see this. This proof that maybe he was in some ways getting the kid to warm up. Come out of his no-touching shell.

"Thanks, buddy." Tony leaned back in the seat, deflating completely when the tension left him.

Again, he felt his gaze drop to his arm. As he absently let his own fingers follow the length of it, he suddenly remembered the thing that had happened in the workshop, when he'd been on the floor, the kid leaning in over him, all worried eyes and asking him to _please be okay_ and that hand... That hand just almost – almost! – reaching out to touch him. When he had been nearly too out of it to understand what was happening, and nearly didn't even remember.

And now this.

When he had been asleep.

Lying still, not moving, not a threat. 

Oh...

Yeah, he was going to have to fall asleep on the couch again. Definitely. Soon, too.

But that turned out more difficult to arrange than Tony had expected, because suddenly the kid was just... gone. Yeah, sure, Loki was still in the Tower, Jarvis assured him of that, but he was nowhere to be seen. Barely leaving his room, only going to get food at off and awkward hours, and definitely never showing up in the penthouse or the workshop. 

What the hell?

Then Tony remembered the horrified look on Loki's face after the kid had touched his arm, and he thought he understood what the problem was. It was worse than he had guessed. A lot worse.

The kid thought he had messed up.

It was obvious that Tony would have to make it clear he hadn't. So he found a really stupid and pointless movie they hadn't seen yet, one it would be difficult to not fall asleep to for real, discovered half a bag of chips under the bar, and then went to find his preferred movie company.

The kid took longer than usual to open the door after Tony had knocked, and if he had looked tired and defeated after Thor's little visit, it was nothing compared to how he looked now. His shoulders were slumped down, the shadows around his eyes looked more like purplish bruises, and the hollows under his cheekbones looked ten times deeper. How was it only a couple of days since he'd last seen Loki? It looked like he had been sleepless for a month. And Tony knew that kind of look.

Tony made himself not say anything about that, though, but just gave the kid a smile. The sight of which made Loki cringe, just a little, but enough to show.

Yeah, that was a problem, right there.

”I found this really bad action movie I for some reason feel a strong need to watch”, he said, still smiling. ”It has a lot of words like 'deadly' and 'lethal' and 'final' in the title and I'm not sure I'll survive it if I have to sit through it alone.”

The way the kid looked at him, it seemed like he had been so sure Tony would say something completely different that he barely understood what he was actually talking about when the words coming out of his mouth didn't match the expectation.

”There's chips”, Tony added, to sweeten the deal. ”Sourcreme onion. I know they're your favourite. You don't even have to share them with me. I just want three. Or ten, maybe. Fifteen tops.”

Loki looked woozy, like Tony had hit him over the head with something heavy. Then he nodded, at last. ”Okay. Sure. I guess I could help you with that.” All gravelly, like he had been asleep. Or maybe crying.

He was still moving slowly and hesitantly, all the way from walking out his own door until he was sitting down in Tony's couch, and he was more quiet than usual.

Tony was starting to wonder if this was a really bad idea. If it would even work in the first place. Right now, Loki seemed more likely to set his hand on fire than he was to touch Tony again, to be honest. Oh well. If all this night would result in was Loki seeing that he wasn't in trouble, that would still be a success.

The movie was really, really awful. When they were halfway through it, Tony decided that he was going to give the plan a go, just as a form of self-defense if nothing else, because he couldn't stand keeping his eyes open and watching this garbage anymore. So he let himself slide down in his seat, until he was almost flat on his back. Eyes closed, one arm under his head, the other casually and not-even-a-little accidentally draped across the seat between him and Loki. All bare skin in the t-shirt he had worn for this exact reason.

Bait.

He was actually not that far from falling asleep for real when he noticed a dip in the cushions, making his thrown out hand move minutely. But he made himself keep breathing slow and steady. Carefully, oh so carefully, he opened one eye just a fraction. Not enough that the kid would notice in the dim, shifting lights, and not enough that he could see anything in sharp detail himself either, but enough to see Loki leaning closer. Once more, his face was tense and fearful. The hand he was inching closer actually trembled enough for Tony to see it. The kid was terrified of what he was doing, but still, drawn like a moth to a flame, he didn't seem able to stop himself.

And Tony didn't want him to stop.

Softly, like the touch of of a ghost might feel, Loki's fingertips finally settled on the inside of his upturned wrist. And oh crap, that tickled! Even when he had tried to be relaxed Tony couldn't stop himself twitching under that far-too-gentle touch.

He saw Loki's eyes go wide and panicked at the same time he heard a sharp little gasp for air.

Fuck!

Tony blinked his eyes open, still trying to act like he was waking up, and Loki just froze. A deer caught in headlights would have looked calm and relaxed by comparison.

”I'm so, so sorry!” The kid's whole body was shaking so badly that the pained whisper was barely intelligible.

Tony was reasonably sure no-one had ever been this scared of him in his entire life. He made himself swallow, keep his voice even. ”Nothing to be sorry for, kid.” He slowly, carefully rolled his hand around until it was completely turned up, wrist bared between them. ”Just tickled a bit. Want to try again?”

”What?” If Loki's eyes went any wider they might pop right out of his face.

”You can touch me again. If you want. Just put some more pressure into it. I'm sort of ticklish on the inside of my arms, that's all.”

That really wasn't all, and they both knew it, but they had never once mentioned the fact that Loki didn't do touch. Or touching. And maybe that had been a mistake? Maybe Tony should have brought that up at once, instead of thinking he did the right thing by restraining himself and pretending everything was just the way it should be?

Should have, could have, would have... Whatever. He had a new chance now, and fuck if he was wasting it!

”You won't hurt me”, he continued. ”And I don't mind. At all.”

Loki was still trembling, but a little less and more in waves – sometimes it stopped and then it started again. His eyes didn't look about to roll out of their hollows in his head anymore, and now the slightly less panicked stare left Tony's face and moved to his hand again. The kid's long fingers moved where they were pressed into the cushion between them, cramping almost, his short nails making a ripping noise on the coarse fabric.

His thin lips parted, opened, like he was about to say something. Or gag, possibly.

”Hey, kid?”

The emerald eyes, burning in the light coming off the screen, snapped up.

”Breathe, all right?”

Loki hissed in a breath, shuddered, and then slumped a bit in the seat. He stopped trembling, at last.

Tony watched him a moment, and tried to figure out what to do, how to fix this.

”I'm not saying that you _have to_ touch me”, he got out at last. And fuck, that sounded so bad, and wrong, even with the negation in there... How the hell was he allowed to talk to people at all? Even in ideal situations – which this so was not – they should just make him keep his mouth shut. ”You really don't have to. I'm just saying that _if you want to_ , then that's not a bad thing. Okay? You're... yeah... you're allowed to, all right?” Was he making even some sense?

The kid bit his lip, glancing away. ”I shouldn't be”, he muttered when his teeth let go of his lip again.

”And why's that?” Tony pushed himself up a bit, to sit slightly more properly, his arm still out on the seat.

The green eyes flashed his way again, looking at him like he was an idiot. ”Because I'm not human, Tony. I'm not... worthy.”

All right, that crap had to be dealt with. Right now. ”That's bullshit, kid.” His voice came out maybe a bit sharper than intended.

Loki blinked, his head twitching back on his neck.

”Yeah, you're not human. We both know that. It's a fact.” Tony leaned a hint closer, holding Loki's eyes. ”But somehwere along the line you decided that 'not human' meant 'less than human' and that, kid? That's an opinion, not a fact. And I don't agree.”

The black eyebrows knitted together in a bewildered frown. ”How could you not?”

”Because you've given me exactly zero reasons to believe you are less than any human. And a lot of reasons to believe you are better than most.” Tony kept his words soft but steady, like he was talking to something frightened that might bolt at any moment. Because that's how Loki looked. ”Almost everyone who's ever tried to kill me has been human. Or used to be, at least. It's sort of debatable what Red Skull was in the end, and those chitauri he dropped from my roof sure weren't human, but mostly? Plain old Homo Sapiens Sapiens. Just like me. By now it could be a point in your favour that you're not. Might actually reduce the statistical risk that I wake up dead one of these days.”

The kid just stared, lips moving a bit, nothing coming out.

”But that aside”, Tony continued, trying to say something more reassuring, ”you're not a bad person, Loki. You're intelligent. Your sense of humor cracks me up. And you're kind. And caring. Hell, you've probably outdone a decent chunk of humanity right there. An argument could be made that you've outdone me. My track record as a decent human being isn't fucking spotless, kid, you know that, right?”

It wasn't without reluctance and hesitation, but Loki did nod. At last.

”Right.” Tony took a slow, calming breath. ”So, yeah, no, I really don't think you're less than human. Or that you're not worthy of putting a hand on me.” He opened his palm all the way, and reached it closer across the cushion. ”And if you want to give it another try, you're welcome to.”

He could hear Loki's strained swallow. Even over the sounds from the movie still rolling. Then the kid slowly lifted his right hand off the seat, leaned in, and reached out until he could slip his fear-cold fingers into the palm of Tony's left hand, where it was patiently waiting for him. He looked ready to faint, but he did it.

When the fingers stilled there, Tony gently ran the side of his thumb over the backs of them and gave the kid a smile. ”Didn't tickle at all this time.”

It felt like a miracle when Loki smiled back. Brittle and fragile, but a smile never the less.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (I had way too much fun rewatching the suit assembly scene from IM3 to write this chapter - which almost made up for the feels I spilled all over writing the last part.)  
> (And hey - a clue to how this version of the Battle of New York happened!)


	7. (Un)wanted

Loki knew that his life up until this point had been strange, and beyond strange, but somehow that had become his normal. Therefore these last few days, when some might have claimed that he was slowly, ever so slowly, making a return to reality, it felt stranger than anything else.

So when he found himself flat on his stomach on the floor of the penthouse, baded in the bright daylight from the windows, and face to face with Tony Stark, placed the same way, it was just a new level of strange. They were both softly and casually dressed in jeans and longsleeved t-shirts, nothing but socks on their feet. (Tony's socks actually had tiny little Iron Man figures on them, which had made Loki laugh so hard he snorted.) Tony had one arm folded in under his chest, to keep some of the pressure of his own weight off the arc reactor, the other reached halfway across the stretch of empty floor between them. A little smirk was playing in the corner of his mouth, but it was more kindly teasing than mocking.

Loki tilted his head where it was resting with his chin on the back of one hand, so he could raise an eyebrow at Tony. ”One more?” His other hand was curled up by his shoulder.

”If you're up for it.” The man reached out further and wiggled his fingers a bit in Loki's direction. ”But if your fingertip starts glowing, I'm out.”

Rolling his eyes, Loki started stretching his own arm across the floor. ”I'm not ET, Tony.”

”You sure, kid?” His smirk pulled higher, creating curved lines in the skin of his cheek. ”You could be, for all we know.”

Loki just shook his head, still resting on the back of his hand, and extended his arm, uncurling his fingers until the tip of his middle one could touch the same spot on Tony's hand. He felt it like a little jolt. Like energy passed between them, but not like the sting of static electricity, not painful. Biting his lip, he made himself keep his hand in place for nearly half a minute, before he slowly pulled it back.

Nothing on his hand glowed, but it felt sort of like it should. 

Tony had managed to turn his new exploration of the unknown and frightening world of physical touch into something of a game. They did silly things like this, lying around on the floor like children, just tapping fingertips together for as long as Loki could stand it, not close, no other parts of them close to touching. Tony cracking lame jokes, the way he always did, and sometimes Loki even laughed. It helped making it into something lighter, less overwhelming, and Loki was grateful.

With his arm and hand and fingers back by himself, Loki rolled over on his back, pulling his legs up until he could place the soles of his feet flat on the floor, staring up into the sky just outside. He didn't have to say anything; Tony knew this meant he was done for now. He could hear the man shift and move and then soft steps as he walked over to the bar. The familiar clink of glass on glass and the silvery smooth sound of liquor pouring. Then the steps came back his way, until Tony was standing almost over him.

”Gonna stay there, kid?”

”I was planning on it, yes.”

”Well then.” Tony bent down, folded his legs like a tailor, and sat on the floor where Loki could easily angle his head to the side to see him. He sipped from his glass, dark eyes traveling along the city skyline outside. Thinking, by the look of it, and then he proved that right when he spoke up. ”Actually, I've been thinking.”

”Oh? That's what smelled like something was burning, then.”

Loki sniggered when Tony turned his head to _stick his tongue out_ at him. The playfulness of their latest interactions seemed to have made it easier to tease and throw mock insults around. It felt like they really were kids. Both of them. It was good.

But then Tony's face shifted into something more serious, and Loki suspected that the good times were over. For now.

”You think you could be, though? An extraterrestrial?” The dark brows rose while Tony took another swallow of scotch.

"I don't know." Loki gazed at the sky again, sighed, closed his eyes, and saw the light of the low but sharp autumn sun still seep through his eyelids. "Why?"

"Well, you don't seem to be from around here. That could be the reason." Clink of glass on teeth, a swallow. "I mean New York is full of weird stuff, but you don't strike me as New York weird. You're... something else."

Squinting, Loki glanced back. "Does it matter?"

Tony thought about that for a moment. "Maybe? I mean, we should try to figure this out, right? And finding out where you came from might be a start."

'We'? Were they a we? Loki blinked in the harsh light, and tried to focus on what mattered. "And you don't think I came from anywhere near here?"

"No. I'm reasonably sure this... switch, didn't take place in the city. Maybe not even in the States."

With a frown, Loki pushed himself up sitting so he was face to face with the man. "You really have been thinking about this."

"Well, yeah? Of course I have. I think it could help you if you knew more about this. And it's obvious being poked at by scientists every other month isn't really helping. Maybe you need to go to the source?"

"No." Loki almost hurt his throat on the sharp word.

Tony's face turned into a surprised blank. "Kid, you -"

"No!" He rolled up on his knees and stood, quickly walking across the room. He had to get out.

"Damnit, Loki! Wait." He heard Tony scramble to his feet as well. "Come on! Talk to me, kid! Why not? If you knew why this happened maybe you -"

Loki came to an almost skidding halt, halfway to the elevator, and spun around to glare. "Because I already know why!"

Even from across the room he could see the shock bloom in Tony's dark eyes, and right then he knew that had been the wrong thing to say. When he saw the man open his mouth again, Loki turned tail and fled, thankful for the instantaneous way the elevator doors slid open when he approached, and promptly closed behind his back, hiding him from view.

They weren't playing anymore.

* * *

For a few long, stunned moments Tony could just stand staring at the closed elevator doors where Loki had disappeared, like the metal surface could explain to him what the fuck had just happened. And what the hell the kid had meant by those last, spit out words. But of course, that didn't happen.

He lifted his still half full glass and stared into that instead. It was equally unhelpful. He didn't even feel like finishing the drink. Frowning to himself Tony walked to the bar and put the glass on the counter, before glancing at the elevator again. He felt torn. Should he leave the kid in peace? It was the first time Loki had ever straight up ran away from him. And that was saying something, considering he'd upset the kid pretty badly before. He'd still never left, and never reacted with this kind of anger, either. It felt wrong to follow, prod some more. He should probably respect the fact that Loki had fled the scene and wanted to be alone.

Could he, though?

_I already know why._

What the fuck did that mean? Loki had always said he knew nothing about what had happened, that he didn't even remember when, where, or how he'd become a part of the Jarlson family. So where had this come from?

Yeah, he was curious. So sue him! Mostly, though? Mostly he was worried. He had made the kid run away, and he didn't like the look he'd seen on Loki's face before he had fled. There had been anger there, absolutely, but pain and fear too.

"Shit!" He rubbed his hands over his face. "Jarvis? Where did the kid go?" If he'd left the building, Tony wouldn't chase him.

"He is currently in his suite, sir."

All right, that did it. He left the bar, took the elevator one floor down, and went to the kid's closed door. He hesitated before knocking, he did, but just a few seconds.

The door didn't open. Even after he had knocked again. Twice.

"Kid?"

Nothing.

Tony reached for the handle. His fingers twitched in hesitation; he knew he shouldn't... But, well... Whatever. Anyway, it was locked.

With a sigh, he leaned with his forehead against the door. "Loki? Please? I just need to know you're all right. I messed up, kid. Okay? Just... Talk to me?"

Still no response.

"Shit", he repeated, softer this time. "Open it for me, Jarv."

"Is that a wise course of action, sir?" The AI sounded doubtful.

"Not even a little. Just do it, buddy. You can judge me later."

The lock clicked as it unlocked and the door opened. Tony placed his fingertips on the dark wood and pushed, just enough to show him a part of the room behind it. His eyes fell on the couch by the wall across the room, and the shape curled up in one corner of it. Loki's head was bent down, a bit to the side, so all he could see was a curtain of black hair. Behind his drawn up legs and the long arms hugging them closer, Tony could glimpse the corners of one of the turquoise throw pillows he'd given the kid, pressed to his chest like a soft comfort. Somehow, that warmed his heart a bit. They'd never mentioned the things Tony had ordered for Loki's rooms, but the kid had to know they were from Tony, right?

Maybe the kid wasn't really angry at him? If he was, would he have been sitting there hugging a pillow Tony had given him? More likely would have been that he'd tossed it across the room, if that was the case.

Loki didn't look up, though. Even though he must have heard the door open. Didn't even move.

"I'm sorry about, you know, breaking in and all." Tony shuffled sideways into the room when there was no reaction from the couch. "I just had to know you were okay. Didn't mean to upset you, kid. You want me to leave? Tell me if you do, and I'll go. Or, I dunno, flip me off or something, if you don't feel like talking. I'll take the hint. Promise. I can, actually, even though it might not seem like it."

Yeah, now he was just rambling and he knew it. The still, quiet shape on the seat just made it so damn difficult to stop.

Then, very slowly, Loki raised his head and looked at him. The pale face was sort of blank and impassive, not at all what he had expected. "You're going to make me say it, aren't you?"

What little warmth had accumulated in his heart evaporated instantly. "What?"

"Why this happened to me."

"I'm not going to make you do anything, kid. Okay?" Tony stated with finality, and waited until he saw a hint of a nod. "But can you blame me for wondering? You've never said you knew anything about that before and -"

"I _don't_ know", Loki cut him off, a bit softer, and glanced away across the room. "Not really. I can't remember, I don't... I don't _know_. But it's obvious anyway."

Tony slowly walked over to sit down on the other end of the couch, not wanting to crowd Loki into his corner. "What's obvious?"

The kid still didn't look back when he answered. "That I'm unwanted." Said calmly, like it was a simple fact.

And at once, Tony's words left him completely, right when he needed them the most.

Loki curled up tighter by the armrest of the couch and hugged his long arms harder around his shins, pillow still sandwiched between his thighs and chest. He kept speaking, words fast and sharp and cutting. But mostly cutting at himself. "Whoever – whatever – my real people are, they got rid of me. Abandoned me. Left me with these strangers of another species. And of course, the family that was stuck with me wanted nothing more than to be rid of me, have their own child back." He pulled a dry, gasping breath. "My own must have had a reason to give me up. You don't leave behind what you want to keep. They must have seen some fundamental flaw in me, something wrong and imperfect, to do that." The kid's head suddenly turned back, and wide, liquid, emerald eyes stared at Tony, so bright with pain it hurt to see it. "They didn't want me, because I'm something broken. My new family never wanted me, because they never asked to have me." He looked like he was about to throw up, but swallowed it back down. "Nobody wants me", he got out in a hoarse mutter, and turned away again. "I'm a child of two worlds, and unwanted in both."

Tony felt like someone had punched him in the gut. The raw hurt coming off Loki in waves was that potent. But he had to get his shit together. He had to say something.

Because that wasn't right.

"You're wrong, kid." He was surprised by how firm his voice suddenly was.

Maybe Loki was too, if the way his head whipped around was something to go by. Tears had streaked down his cheeks now. His thin lips parted, probably to protest, but Tony raised a hand and he stayed quiet.

"Maybe you're right about your people. I can't say anything about that, obviously. You're probably right about your new family, and yeah, it's hard to really blame them, because they're victims in this mess too." Tony leaned closer and put a hand flat on the seat between them. Reaching closer, but not daring to touch right now. "But you're wrong, anyway, because you forget one thing." He made sure he held the green eyes before he went on. " _I_ want you."

And oh crap, there he went again! Tony Stark and his huge fucking mouth that should just be kept the fuck shut! He really had to stop saying shit like that if he wanted to get out of this with what remained of his sanity intact. The kid was smart, he'd pick up on it if Tony kept dropping way-too-obvious hints like that all over the place.

Rather predictably, the kid blinked at that, looking almost startled. It made more tears run down his face, but it also made some of the pain be replaced by stunned surprise. "What?" A croak more than anything.

"How is that not clear by now?" Tony gave him a little smile, taking any edge there might be off the words. "I asked you to live here, but I could have just kept you out of my way. Easily. You know that, kid. I didn't. Because I want you here. Not just for you, but for me, too."

Was that saying way too much? He didn't know. Proabably. To be safe, he should stop there. But seeing the tense, tormented lines on Loki's face, he couldn't.

"And there's something else I want." He swallowed. Took the leap. Just because he couldn't not do that, not when Loki looked like that – eyebrows a distressed knot, the thin lips pressed together in a pained twist, cheeks pale as paper and eyes overflowing. "I really want to give you a hug, kid. If you'll let me."

For the first time in a long time now, the searching look came back into Loki's eyes, scrutinizing Tony's face, even through the pain and the tears. As if this could be some sort of trick, even now.

"You... want to do that?"

"I really do." Best to keep it simple.

The green eyes flitted between his faster, the pale lips parting _"Why?"_ Loki sounded wrecked and broken and utterly confused.

"Oh, kid..." Tony sighed. "Lots of reasons. Because I like you. And care about you. Because you're hurting and I'd do anything I can to make that stop." Yeah, okay, he really had to stop talking now. Preferably yesterday.

But it was obviously too late for that kind of precaution, because that was the moment when Loki came completely undone. Tony could see it happen. It was like pulling at a loose thread and seeing the entire garment fall to pieces. A single snowflake making a mountainside come flooding down in an unstoppable avalanche. The tightly wound coil of tension that had held the kid together up until now failed. Sure, he had been crying already, but he had been sort of collected, in control, but now that was all gone. His face fell apart, his painfully pulled up shoulders slumped in a shudder, and a strangled whimper escaped him. What had been silently running tears beacame a cramping series of helpless, wracking sobs, trembling hands clutching at his own knees.

Tony had thought of him as "the kid" all along, but it had never been more accurate. All at once Loki's age seemed cut in half. Now he was nothing but a lonely little boy, crying his eyes out, and if Tony had thought his heart couldn't break more on Loki's behalf, he had been sorely mistaken.

There had been no permission given, still, and Tony was painfully aware of that fact, but he just couldn't watch from the sidelines anymore. Slowly, he shifted closer over the seats between them, turning in the movement until he was facing the kid, one arm on the backrest behind Loki's head, the other still resting in his own lap. The movement still made the kid take his hands off his knees and hide his face in his palms, muffling the sobs somewhat, but not easing them one bit.

"Will you let me, kid?" Tony kept his voice as soft as he could, while still being heard over the crying.

He could see Loki try to tense up, but he was too far gone by now. Just a trembling mess of shivers and wet gasps. Then, at last, he gave a little nod, still hidden behind his hands.

"Thank you", Tony murmured, and carefully moved the last inches closer. He made sure he didn't touch any bare skin to bare skin. Not now. He just put one arm around the wide, shuddering shoulders, his long sleeve against cloth and hair, and the other around Loki's pulled up legs, all bony shins under black denim.

The kid really wasn't small, even though he looked it right now. He wasn't thin and frail. But damn, he felt like such a fragile thing in Tony's arms. Like a bird, all fluttering heart and brittle bones, something that could break in an instant if Tony made one single wrong move. So he made no moves at all. He just sat still, leaning in enough that he could smell the nearly faded fragrance of shampoo and something warm that maybe was Loki's skin. Without thinking, he made some soft, hushing noises, just air running over his tongue in the universal way of calming and soothing something small and helpless and hurting.

He closed his eyes, held on, and hoped that could be enough.

But it didn't seem to be enough. Not nearly. The sobs just grew worse, until Loki's entire body contracted and clenched up around them, his gasps turned panicked, hissing in his tight throat, and a hand came to grasp at Tony's wrist, painfully hard, like he was clawing for air there. This wasn't just crying; it was something a lot worse.

"Easy there, kid", Tony mumbled, almost into the waves of black hair over Loki's ear. "You're all right. You're safe here. Just breathe. Come on, deep breaths. You're all right."

No reaction. The gasps just turned to hyperventilating, the kid cramping up harder in Tony's arms, until his frantic grip on Tony's wrist suddenly went slack and his hand fell away. He slumped sideways into Tony's chest, no longer resisting the hold on him, and his head rolled limply to the side, dropping to Tony's shoulder, feeling far too heavy.

Well, shit...

* * *

Later, Loki couldn't even say how it had happened. He just knew that when he was really aware of himself and the world again he was on his side on the wide seats of the couch, stretched out by Tony's side, with his head resting in the hollow between Tony's shoulder and chest, and his hands curled up by the man's ribs. It was the strangest way to come to ever in his life, being this close to another person, but he found that he was thoroughly unwilling to move. It felt safe. Warm and sheltered and close and he would be happy to stay forever.

Tony was flat on his back, one arm resting behind Loki. Not holding him, not really touching, just there, a firm presence by his back. He wasn't moving. All Loki felt was the slight flex of breaths traveling up to where his head was placed. They were slow and even, but they didn't feel deep enough to be sleep.

Curiosity more than anything else at last made Loki angle his head enough that he could get a glimpse of Tony's face. He felt how wet both his skin and the cloth under it was. As soon as he moved even that much, the bearded chin tilted down and brown eyes opened to fix on his. A moment they just looked at each other, stunned by being this startlingly close. Then Tony smiled, small and soft.

"Hey there, kid."

Loki could _feel_ the vibrations of the words in Tony's shoulder, and had to supress a shiver in his own body at the sensation. He had never known it was like this to be close to someone else. Like their bodies were connected, one feeling what happened in the other. It was strange and a little terrifying and - he noted before he quickly buried the thought deep down - slightly arousing.

"Hi." His own voice felt rougher than it should and at once he was sure he was blushing. Which in one way wasn't that surprising, given the thought that had just passed through his head – as if simply finding himself in this unusual situation hadn't been enough to do the trick. But on the other hand it was still devastating, because here he was, lying on a couch next to Tony Stark – of all people! – blushing. And his only solution was to close his eyes and let his face drop back against Tony's chest, hiding it.

He could feel the gentle chuckles from the man, rather than hear them; there seemed to be a weird noise buzzing in his ears, drowning everything else out.

"It's all right, kid", came more softly vibrating words, rolling into him like a warm current. "I think you might have passed out there for a little while. You weren't breathing right. Better now?"

Not really, since he had apparently cried himself unconscious in front of Tony. But at least Loki felt somewhat in control of himself now, so he nodded against that firm shoulder, knowing the man would feel it, and was sure he was blushing again at the strange intimacy of that thought.

Then he was reached by the memory of Tony asking to be allowed to hug him. Of Tony _thanking him_ when Loki let him.

He didn't remember what had happened after that, but obviously Tony must have kept holding him after he blacked out. Getting him down on the seats and still staying there, placing Loki right by his side. Not leaving. But he did remember some of the strange words which had reduced him to that sorry state to begin with.

_I want you._

It might have been brushed off as just words, but here Tony was, close and warm and reassuring, showing it to be true. 

Tony was great at talking. He could run his mouth forever and it wasn't exactly all wisdom coming out of it all the time. But at heart, Tony Stark was a man of action. The words he backed up with deeds, those were the ones he really, deeply meant. What he had done had always made Loki believe him, in a way that had nothing to do with his words.

If he said he wanted Loki close, and then kept him that way, then it had to be true.

Although, that wasn't really what he had said, was it? What had he really said? Loki couldn't make sense of it. So right now, he just stayed there, tucked between Tony's chest and arm, breathing in warmth and the spicy blend of sweat and deodorant, or maybe aftershave, and a thick, greasy hint of oil and metal. He found that he liked it. All of it.

When he was buried in that world of scents, he felt Tony's hand brush by across the shirt covering his lower back before it pulled back again.

”Maybe we should get you something to eat, kid?”

This time Loki couldn't hold back the little shiver at the feel of the words. Not completely. And he made himself sit up to shake it off, hoping Tony hadn't noticed. At least the man didn't say anything, just moved to the side, sitting up too, so he would get out of Loki's way.

Something in the way his eyes traveled from Loki's hands, resting in his lap, up his waist and chest to soak up his face, made a restraint in Loki's throat just... snap.

”You said that you want me.”

Tony froze solid. Not even his eyelids moved.

”What did you mean by that?” Loki felt sweat break out on his palms.

At last, a blink. ”Huh?” That level of lacking words was unusual for Tony. In the extreme.

”I mean...” He caught himself squirming a bit and placed his clammy palms on his knees instead, to keep still. ”In what way do you want me?”

Loki couldn't believe he had just said that. But apparently, he had.

Tony blinked again, and Loki was sure he turned at least three shades paler. It looked like he was squirming a bit too. ”Oh.” He choked on it, cleared his throat, and shook his head. "You don't have to worry about that, kid. It really doesn't matter.” He turned his head away and put his hands on the edge of the seat, ready to stand and leave. ”It's not about me.” 

Those words triggered another memory. A memory of Tony talking about also being more of an object than a person. How it was about what he had and what he did - never about him. Loki hadn't reflected on it right then, but Tony had never actually said that this had ever changed. Maybe it hadn't?

"No", Loki said, unthinkingly reaching out to grasp the man's wrist, just as he stood up. "It _is_ about you, Tony. About both of us.” It felt like a light bloomed in his head. ”Everything you've ever said to me applies to you as well, doesn't it?"

The fingers around his arm had made Tony stop and half turn around, but he wasn't sitting back down. He was just looking down at Loki, stunned.

"It is about you, because you're not only what you have or what you can do. Because you're not less than human, either." Loki swallowed. "It is about you, because you saw me, and I'm starting to see you, too."

They regarded each other in silence for a few moments. Loki felt his gut twist. Had he gotten it all wrong? Then Tony's knees seemed to buckle, and he sat down on the couch again, a bit too heavily. The wide, brown eyes still locked on Loki's face.

Tony cleared his throat again. "You are?" The very idea seemed to terrify him. As if that was the last thing he had ever wanted. As if there was no way Loki could possibly like what he was seeing...

Loki realized that he was still holding on to the strong, tanned wrist, warm skin tingling against his and a fast heartbeat ticking against his fingertips where they rested on the inside of that wrist, right above the veins. Instinct made him itch to shove the limb away, but that wasn't what he wanted. At all. So instead he willed his fingers to make the grip firmer, gently pulling that wrist and hand closer still. Tony's eyes widened, and fell to Loki's fingers, before snapping up to his face again.

"I am." Loki once more had to fight the instinct to pull back, leave it there, forget he'd even tried to ask for more than he'd already gotten. He shouldn't be greedy. He had no right to be. But the words _I want you_ kept rolling around in his head and he couldn't make them stop. And all he could see in his mind was smiles. Hands reaching out driven by the wish to touch, to hold close, to reassure. Always reassure. He swallowed. "Please, Tony? Tell me what you want?"

The brown eyes flitted away, moving all over the room around them, and then fell on Loki's hand again. Tony's tongue came to wet his lips, before he bit his bottom lip. He winced, and bent his head down as if to hide it in his hands. But he didn't pull the one Loki was holding back, so in the end he just covered his eyes and half his forehead with the other one.

"Oh, hell", he muttered, half into his own forearm. "This is where I should be a responsible adult and do the right thing and tell you how all I want is for you to be safe and happy and anything you want to be. And for fuck's sake!" He looked up quickly. "Don't get me wrong! I do want that. But I'd also be lying because that's not all I want. And I don't want to lie to you. Even if I probably should." Tony forced himself up straighter in the seat. "I want you, too. Just... you. All of you."

It was unreal to hear it said out loud. To his face. His fingers turned numb, the world gray, and for a moment he wondered if he was passing out again. Loki had been convinced he would never hear something like this, ever, even if he lived to be a thousand years old. And for all he knew, maybe he would live that long. 

It was all he could do to keep breathing. 

Tony, for his part, was clearly frightened by this lack of reaction, speaking fast when he continued. "But wanting you doesn't mean I think I have a right to have you. You don't owe me anything, kid. Nothing at all. Really. It really isn't about me, and if you say the word I'll just pretend this didn't happen and you don't have to even think about it again, because it doesn't matter. Not like that. You don't have to... I'm not...” His words at last slowed down and then trailed off completely.

”You're not going to make me do anything”, Loki filled in, repeating Tony's words from earlier, sounding a whole lot calmer than he actually was. Perhaps because he knew that was the truth of it.

For a moment, Tony remained frozen in place. Then his shoulders slumped when he visibly relaxed, his eyelids fell closed when he drew a deep breath, and then he met Loki's eyes again. ”Not one single goddamn thing.”

And then Loki slowly leaned to the side, until his forehead was resting on Tony's shoulder.

”I know”, he said. And meant it.


	8. Let go and fall

"So, first of all, there was this Jot-what's-its-name, right?"

"Jotunheimen."

Tony turned to point at Loki where he was sitting on a workbench, the long legs crossed at the ankles where then dangled over the floor, waiting for DUM-E to return with the balled up paper they still used to play fetch. "That's the one! Jarvis, will you do the honours?"

"My pleasure, sir." If the AI could sigh, he would. But he did light up a bright, blue point on the world map Tony had pulled up on a screen in the workshop. It ended up right in the middle of the fattest part of Norway.

"All right." Tony glanced back at the kid, who was gracefully accepting the wad of paper back from the eager-to-please robot, and tossing it across the room as far as he could once more. "Did the family make any other trips outside the States, before you were seven?"

DUM-E chirped happily as he whirred away, and Loki absently licked the corner of his mouth while he was thinking. The sight was just a bit too distracting. Tony had to watch the little robot straining to reach in under a table to get to the paper ball instead, while he waited for an answer.

"The year before that, they went to Mexico", the kid finally said, and then Tony found it safe to turn back to Loki's still thoughtful face. "And when I was... six, I think, there was Italy. But that trip I remember, so by then I am fairly certain Loki was already gone."

"Right." When Tony returned to the map, Jarvis had already placed blue pinpoints on the mentioned countries. "Probably not Italy, then." That point disappeared again. "Could be Mexico, I guess, but... Hm... Doesn't feel right, does it?"

"Nothing about this is right, Tony." Loki could sigh, and he did. Deeply. "Why try to make sense of something that makes no sense?"

Tony shook his head, without looking away from the map. "Everything makes sense, kid. Everything follows its own set of rules. You just have to know what they are." He shrugged. "I know enough to make some assumptions, and ask some questions, and the main one here, is why would a frost resistant species live in Mexico?"

He found Loki scratching DUM-E's head when he looked back. The kid was looking down at the robot, but the bitter twist to the corner of his mouth was still visible. There came no verbal answer, just a listless little shrug. It was obvious he wanted no part of Tony's attempts at solving this.

”Well then.” Tony sat down in a chair, legs spread wide and his hands clasped behind his head, gazing up at the first blue point on the map. ”What have we got on Jotunheimen, Jarvis?”

”It is a mountainous area in the southern part of Norway, approximately 3500 square kilometers in size. The highest mountain peaks in Norway, and some of the highest in all of northern Europe, are located in this area. There is a national park, and the place is popular among hikers and climbers. The name means, literally, 'home of the giants'.”

”Huh?” Stretching his arms above his head, before he let them drop in his lap, Tony frowned at the now magnified map showing the area in question. Yeah, there were some seriously high peaks there. ”Guess that name makes sense, with all those high-as-fuck mountains littering the place.”

”The name was borrowed from Norse mythology, sir”, Jarvis added. ”Jotunheim was the home of all manner of giants and other forces of evil.” A pause. ”It might interest you that the trickster of Norse myth, Loki, was indeed a giant and thus hailed from Jotunheim, even though he lived among the gods in Asgard.”

Slowly Tony spun his chair until he was facing Loki, who still had his hand resting on the robot's head, but was now directing a wary glance Tony's way.

”You already knew that.” It wasn't even a question; Loki's entire demeanor showed that this was not a surprise, but rather a familiar and not at all appreciated piece of information.

”Of course.” The kid sounded tired, more than anything else.

”And you didn't think it might be relevant in trying to figure this out?”

”What do I care?” Emerald eyes dropped to the robot again, as it snuggled its head against Loki's thigh, begging attention. ”I told you, Tony; I have no interest in 'figuring this out'. They cast me out. I want no part of it.”

”Don't you see, kid?” Tony got to his feet and walked over, stopping where he could prop an elbow against the table by Loki's side, leaning in as close as he dared. ”Maybe they didn't?”

A sharp, doubtful glance.

”Maybe they heard that little boy be called Loki, and figured he was theirs? Maybe they made a mistake?”

”You honestly think anyone would have mistaken me and a human child?” A black eyebrow quirked in a sceptical curve.

”I don't know. Do you know what you would have looked like that young?”

Loki's mouth opened, then he hesitated, closed it again, frowned, and at last reluctantly shook his head. No, of course he didn't know. No-one knew.

”I'm not saying I know for sure either, obviously”, Tony murmured, listening to DUM-E's pleased purrs under the kid's stroking fingers – maybe feeling a bit envious of the treatment. ”But really, come on? There are too many things connected here to think this is as simple as you make it sound. Whatever happened in that place – and yeah, by now I'm fairly certain that's where it happened – I don't think it was just them getting rid of you. Because that? Yeah, that makes no sense.”

The kid was still frowning, and now he gently pushed the robot's head aside so he could slide down from the workbench and stand by Tony's side. As always it was a surprise that Loki was the one who was a bit taller. Someone with a baby face like that shouldn't be allowed to be taller than someone more than twice his age, right?

”What doesn't make sense, Tony, is you thinking you can understand them. Whatever they are.” His long, lean arms folded over his chest, almost protectively. ”You heard Jarvis. Giants and forces of evil. That's what spawned me, apparently. Just because you won't cast me out, that doesn't mean that they never would.”

”Well, you know, history is written by the victors.” Tony stood up straight, so he wouldn't be so much shorter anymore. ”I'm pretty sure that goes for myth, too. Don't think we should take that view at face value, really.”

Loki gave him a long look, bordering on a glare, before he unexpectedly broke down in a little huff of laughter. ” _You_ don't make sense.”

”You're not the first to express that opinion, kid”, he chuckled. ”Just think about it, okay?”

The kid glanced down, and one of his arms dropped to his side, the other arm still across his chest, hand gripping the hanging arm just above the elbow. The pose reminded Tony so much of the picture of the blue-skinned little boy in the corner that it stung his heart.

”Okay”, Loki sighed, not looking up. ”I will.”

”Great. Lunch?”

That earned him the emerald eyes back. And a hint of a smile. ”Lunch.”

* * *

After a mostly quiet meal Tony returned to the workshop, while Loki opted to stay in the penthouse, reading on the couch.

Or at least trying to read. It didn't work. His mind was a mess. Full to overflowing with the thoughts of what Tony had said before they left the workshop, and... well, everything...

Loki closed the book with a sigh, giving up, and rolled over to put it on the floor. Then he didn't have the energy to roll back. He stayed there, stretched out on his front, one leg half angled out to the side, arm still hanging over the edge where he had deposited the book, the other curled under his head, eyes blinking sluggishly against the lights from the windows. The food in his stomach and the thoughts in his head seemed to weigh him down, and in the end he let his eyes fall shut and drifted, trying to make sense of what was going on in his mind.

And Tony's theories about his origins didn't even manage to take the top spot on the list of things happening in there. Which was saying something...

Not even two days had passed since his huge, embarrassing breakdown and Tony's reluctant confession. They hadn't touched the subject since. And not each other, either. Not even in a playful way - because it didn't really feel like it would be playful anymore.

Not that Loki didn't trust Tony when he'd said he would never demand anything. He did. Completely. Once maybe he wouldn't have. Maybe he would have felt pressured into doing... something. Just to repay everything Tony had done for him. Now he knew that wasn't what this was about. He knew Tony well enough to believe that he would never, _ever_ do anything that.

No, the problem really wasn't what Tony wanted. (Even if it still felt unreal and unbelievable and _made no sense_ \- just like the rest of Tony, come to think of it.) The problem was what Loki wanted. Or didn't want. He had no idea which. How could he know? All his life had been about not wanting anything, because it was useless; he would never get it anyway. Better to suppress it, deny it, pretend it didn't exist, when his body or his heart was yearning for more. Forget it. Stomp it down. Move on.

Now he was suddenly faced with a possibility he had never dared dream of, and he didn't know what to even do with it.

He sighed into the cushion under his cheek and tried to dream of it now. Let his mind toy with it.

There was always the possibility that he would reject the entire thing. Tony was another man, for starters. Did he even want that? How was he supposed to _know_ what he wanted, before he'd had it? Did people know things like that, just automatically? He was far from sure. But maybe he could find out... 

Loki summoned up the memory of lying right next to Tony on the couch the other day, feeling his breath and words and laughter pass into his own flesh and bone, the warm, rich, spicy scents of him in Loki's nose, the feeling of being _safe_ and at home there. That was... nice. (Understatement.) And then another part of his mind - a more basic part, not afraid to be greedy - decided to be daring and changed the image in his head, leaving the both of them in the same place on the couch - only naked instead. Tony's arm still behind his back, the warm, calloused hand sliding along the small of his back just the way it had, but tingling along the lines of his bare skin now and moving lower down and oh... Oh!

Loki's breath hitched. His gut clenched in a little spasm of pure excitement, and all at once he was so very aware of the rythm of his heartbeat echoing back from his groin. With an involuntary little noise in his throat Loki buried his flushed face in the seat and tried to breathe evenly.

Well, Tony being a man was obviously not an issue, then... At least not in theory.

And there was no use even trying to deny that Tony was attractive, objectively speaking. All firm muscle and lean lines and energy. Sharp face and messy hair with silvery temples, dark eyes lined with laughter and bright smiles. Warm hands and warm words... (All right, maybe not so objectively speaking at all.)

Because most of all, Loki _liked_ the man. His caring heart and his fierce passion, his sharp intellect and his stupid jokes, his playful nature and serious honesty. Liked him a lot, actually. Not just because he was grateful for what he had been given; even if he had left the Tower right now Tony would have been what he missed most of all, not the fine rooms and the incredible view. No, Loki would miss Tony's company and conversations, he'd miss beating him everytime they played mancala, the smoky scent of scotch and the way he laughed at things Loki said, miss how it all made his heart feel full and warm and...

Oh...

Perhaps Loki _did_ know what he wanted, after all?

* * *

The kid was asleep on the couch when Tony came back to the penthouse a few hours later. He must have been there since after lunch, by the look of it, book dropped down on the floor by his side. Tony felt a fond smile spread over his face at the sight of him, loose-limbed and relaxed and his serene face looking even younger still.

He felt his fingers twitch with the sudden wish to do something to make the scene in front of him even better, and his eyes fell on a red blanket, folded up and thrown over the back of the couch by the opposite end of it. Smiling wider Tony walked around the couch to get there without the risk of jostling anything, steps soft and careful. He picked the blanket up, shook it out, and then almost tip-toed to the kid's side, leaning down to spread the blanket out over the long, lean shape on the seats.

There came a little movement in the now covered body when he had almost reached Loki's shoulders, and Tony stopped moving, waiting, hoping he wouldn't wake up.

Loki stretched, his cheek rubbing against the cushion, and then he rolled over on his side, his eyes never opening. His eyebrows just twitched together, like he was seriously considering the suggestion of waking up but hadn't decided on it quite yet. It was such a fascinating display for some reason, the kid moving completely free of self-consciousness and tension. Tony was so caught up in just watching that he didn't notice when one long, slender hand reached out, grasping at the edge of the blanket. The smooth fingers ended up finding his hand instead, cool and soft as they curled around it. Cool, he knew, because Loki's body temperature was a few degrees lower than human average. Which somehow just made it all even more fascinating.

It was obvious that Loki still wasn't really awake as he sighed, and pulled Tony's hand to his chest, holding it there together with the blanket, and he couldn't find it in him to pull it away. Or even look away. Fuck, but the kid was adorable like this. Fine lines from the coarse fabric of the cushion in the skin of the cheek his head had been resting on, hair a bit tousled, his lips looking fuller when they were relaxed and slightly parted.

Would those lips be as cool to the touch as his fingers? And his tongue, too?

Yeah, no, those were exactly the wrong things to be thinking about right now. He should get his hand back and leave the kid alone.

He didn't, though, fool that he was.

Instead he carefully sat down on the edge of the seat by Loki's crazy long legs, and kept watching the kid sleep, clutching Tony's hand to his slowly beating heart. He had no idea how long he had been sitting like that when he felt the ribs under his hand flex with a deeper, almost shuddering breath, and the black and ridiculously long eyelashes fluttered against the kid's white cheekbones. Slightly disoriented but still bright emerald eyes opened gradually to take in the sight of Tony, right there beside him. The pale lips shifted into a tiny O-shape of surprise when the green eyes followed Tony's arm down to where his hand was resting in Loki's own, over his sternum. Then he glanced up, and his cheekbones were more pink than white all of a sudden.

"Sorry", he murmured, a bit hoarse from sleep. But sorry or not, he didn't actually drop Tony's hand.

"My own fault", Tony said with a little smirk, which felt weirdly tense. "I shouldn't have come to disturb you with the blanket in the first place."

The kid only then seemed to notice and think about the fact that the blanket hadn't been there before. But when his eyes shifted back up it didn't look like he was thinking about that. Then the cool fingers grasped his tighter, and pulled. Willing him closer. Down on the seat?

Tony wasn't making assumptions here, though.

"You want company down there, kid?"

Loki just nodded, and pulled a bit harder.

Well, then... Who was he to refuse? Tony turned and pushed the blanket aside, while Loki moved himself into the back of the couch, making room so he could stretch out beside the kid. The rumpled, black head came to rest on the juncture of his shoulder and chest again, like it had never done anything else, and Tony was almost worried his heart would dislocate both that and the reactor – it was beating that damn hard.

For a while they were just lying there, unmoving and in silence, and it felt really, _really_ good. It was sort of like the dreams he'd had, except they were both fully dressed, but that somehow didn't make it any worse. Tony found himself relaxing deeper into the seat. He folded one arm in under his head, and hoped the kid wouldn't notice the way Tony smelled his hair when he lifted his head to get the arm in place. The other arm he curled up a bit awkwardly by Loki's shoulder; not daring enough to squeeze it in between the kid's back and the backrest.

All was just well for a bit. Then he noticed Loki shift slightly by his ribs, muscles tensing in the movement, and then Tony felt a weight that must have been a hand settling over his solarplexus. He blinked at the ceiling, surprised, and angled his chin down just in time to see slim fingers move up his chest, gentle fingertips coming to trace the curve of bright, blue light under his t-shirt.

Without conscious thought, without meaning to at all, Tony tensed up. And given the way Loki tensed against him in turn, it was obvious he had noticed.

”Well, how about that?” Tony huffed, and tried to melt back down into the seats the same glorious way he had just a few moments ago. ”Guess I have some touch issues of my own.”

"Sorry", Loki repeated, so softly is was barely audible. "I should have known you wouldn't want me near that."

Like there was no way Tony would want the kid near anything important. When all he wanted was to let Loki near everything important; not only his heart.

He felt the kid's hand start retreating down his chest again and hurried to pull his hand free from under his head, letting the back of it thump back onto the couch. He placed his own fingers on top of Loki's hand, pinning it in place, but gently. "No, it's okay", he told the ceiling far above, his voice just a hint strained. "Really, kid. I need to work on my issues too, you know." Slowly he folded his fingers around Loki's, and then pulled them back up to the reactor, pressing them softly to the center of it. It made him swallow down a little tightening in his throat, but fuck it, he trusted the kid with it, didn't he? This was just self-preservation gone haywire. Old fears he didn't need right now.

When he let go, the kid kept his hand in place. Tony tucked his arm under his head again, showing him he was free to explore unhindered, and just raised his head enough to watch. Loki splayed his fingers out, almost covering the light. His head was tilted in a way that told Tony he was watching too, but he couldn't see the kid's face.

”I can... feel it”, Loki said, still almost whisper soft. ”And your heart.”

At least the kid didn't comment on how it was beating so hard and heavy, fast, galloping like a fucking race horse.

”Great”, Tony smiled, almost into his black hair. ”Then it's still working.”

A little shiver passed through the kid, so easy to make out the way he was almost pressed into Tony's side. Maybe from the warm breath in his hair? Then he sighed, and seemed to press just a tiny bit closer, his fingers relaxing over the glow in Tony's chest.

”Good to know.” It sounded a lot like he was smiling too, actually.

* * *

The glowing device felt like something almost alive, and only in part because of the heartbeat behind it. It was warmed by Tony's bodyheat, or maybe some warmth it produced in itself, it was difficult to tell. It gave off a slight little humming sensation he could just barely feel through the worn thin cloth of the t-shirt Tony was wearing.

And that never stopped being amusing to Loki; the man was wealthier than he probably knew himself, but when he was at home he preferred to walk around in band t-shirts likely older than Loki was. He could smell fabric softener on this one still, so Tony must have picked it fresh this morning. 

With his hand still resting on the reactor, Loki let his eyes fall shut. He wasn't tired, not after his nap, but he was feeling deliciously heavy and relaxed at the moment.

By his shoulder, Tony's arm moved around until his hand suddenly came slipping up the nape of Loki's neck, fingers brushing over his hair and following the curve up the back of his head, rubbing gently when they reached the crown. Somehow, it was the best thing he had ever felt. All at once Loki wished he could purr, just like DUM-E, to show it. But all he could do was arch the top of his back and let his neck follow, pushing his head into the warm palm. His skin begging for _more_.

That was when it hit him. The way everything was changing so fast his mind was reeling.

A couple of days ago he had struggled to keep his fingertip on Tony's for thirty seconds.

Now this.

What had changed? Well, apart from everything?

_I want you._

Yes, there was that...

Loki squirmed around a little, angling his head back again, but not searching for more of Tony's hand this time. At least not only searching for more of his hand. Mostly, he was searching for his eyes. And boy, did he find them.

Dark and warm and with sparks of gold. Tony's face was soft, but there were still some lines at the outer corners of his eyes, hinting at a smile. Even when his lips weren't smiling. No, they were parted just enough to show a dark line between them. Giving him a slightly breathless expression when his eyes dropped to Loki's lips. And then his tongue slipped past his teeth to lick quickly at his own. 

The sight of that made Loki's heart do something strange and unnerving in his chest. Did that little movement mean what he thought it meant?

Anxiety and excitement were fighting in his chest, slithering around each other like something scaly and clawed, making him feel almost nauseous. It was like hanging over an endless depth, just barely holding on, wishing for nothing more than to let go. Fall. And hope he would land safely.

He looked into the face of a man he knew to be a hero, though. He could trust Tony to catch him, couldn't he?

So Loki let go, and fell.

”Tony?” The half-whisper came out a lot more gravelly than he had expected. ”Do you want to... kiss me?”

Warmly dark eyes swept down to trace his lips again then, this time so slowly and _intimately_ that Loki thought he could almost feel the heat of that gaze on his skin, like something real and tangible. Tony nodded, and then his eyes smiled right into Loki's. ”I want it pretty badly, too”, he added, his voice as hoarse as Loki's own.

Trying to swallow, Loki discovered that he couldn't; his tongue and throat felt numb and useless. His lungs, too, when he tried to breathe. It felt like he might be dying, although he had never before thought that could be such a sweet thing. This, though? This he could drown in, happily. But, please, not yet... He wanted to taste it first. Savour it.

And he could. 

Now Tony's eyes traced the rest of his face, searching, a tiny hint of a line between his eyebrows. ”Loki...”, he started, slowly, like he was going to try and calm him down again, reassure him that he wouldn't do what he wanted, just because he wanted it.

Loki let his hand slip down from the man's chest to his side, almost by his waist, and made his almost stiff fingers grip the thin cloth there instead. Pulling. ”Please”, he all but breathed.

The man's eyes turned even darker when his pupils widened in a way that was actually visible, but they scanned his face again, searching for any sign of distress. Then he gave a shuddering sigh and turned a little on the seat, so they were more face to face, Loki's head now almost resting on his bicep. His other hand came up to cup his jaw, softly.

”Sure, kid.” His little smile was trembling a bit, and his voice was even more shot now. ”Since you're asking so nicely.”

There was no pressure in the way his fingers shaped themselves to the side of Loki's neck, and the way his thumb caressed his jawbone, coming to rest on the soft flesh under it. It was just a light, guiding touch, showing him where Tony wanted him, angling his head slightly, making the tips of their noses brush together. That made Loki move in an almost-flinch, mostly from surprise, and he realized he'd closed his eyes without even noticing or meaning to. When he opened them he found Tony watching him, waiting, and he curled his fingers tighter into the fabric of the man's t-shirt. Apparently that was enough of a sign to go ahead, because then Tony's hand just held him in place while the man moved the last inches closer. And then Loki's eyes dropped closed again, almost of their own will.

The first thing to touch his skin was the surprisingly soft hair of Tony's neatly trimmed goatee. Warm breath came next, followed by warmer lips. The man's top lip landed softly in the seam between Loki's, his fuller bottom lip closing gently around Loki's thinner one. His lips weren't just warm, Loki realized then, but hot. Just moist enough to be pleasant. A light but firm pressure Loki found himself responding to in kind, unthinkingly.

It only lasted a few heartbeats, then Tony slowly pulled back again, just the faintest hint of suction pulling at Loki's lower lip in the movement. Then they were parted again, leaning back enough that they could comfortably meet the other's eyes.

”Thank you”, Tony said in a smile, slightly steadier.

”No”, Loki murmured, trying to mirror the expression back. ”Thank _you_.”

* * *

The kid's lips were just as cool as his fingers. And soft like satin.

Tony felt like he had just taken a tumble out of his own Tower. Maybe not bothering to open the window first.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Ohmygod my baby just got his first kiss... Please excuse me while I go *squeeeee!* in a corner.)


	9. Enough

That first kiss was followed by more. Tony lost count of how many. Pretty damn quickly, too. But he made sure to keep every single one of those kisses as soft and gentle and sweet as he possibly could. It was still overwhelming enough as it was.

Because, well, he'd gone a couple of months restraining himself, keeping his hands away and staying at a distance that didn't come natural to him, and now he suddenly had his hands threaded into the tresses of the kid's soft, silky hair and was allowed to press his lips to that cool, delicious mouth and it had all happened so _fast_ that it still felt like a dream. Like falling. And, honestly? He couldn't even remember the last time he had kissed anyone like this. The last time kissing hadn't been about a frantic make-out session up against a wall before tumbling into bed. The last time kissing hadn't been foreplay; a quick pit-stop on the way to fucking each other's brains out. Now he didn't know how he could have let himself forget that it was something worth its own time and place. Just enjoying the soft brush and press of lips, damp and supple and perfect, sharing breaths and feeling another body close - even with two layers of clothing and a blanket between them.

He didn't move his hands lower than Loki's neck. He didn't use his tongue for anything except wetting his own lips in the pauses between kisses. Just this was enough.

The way Loki's hand trembled against his ribs, the way he sometimes couldn't hold back a little moan or whimper against Tony's lips, his slightly ragged breathing and his blown pupils, that all seemed to indicate that yeah, this was enough – and probably a bit more – for the kid as well. They had gone from nothing to this in no time at all, so if that was a bit difficult for Tony to grasp, he couldn't blame Loki if it was just plain too much at once. So it was no surprise, really, when the kid's hand moved to his chest again, settling over the reactor and holding him there. Not actively pushing him away, but clearly showing that Loki had reached a limit.

Tony slowly rolled half on his back, just let the arm curled around Loki's shoulder stay in place, fingers softly rubbing at his head. He had seemed to enjoy that, before, so he thought that maybe that could still be okay. Judging by the way the kid just sighed and let his head slump down to rest against Tony's shoulder again it seemed he had been right about that.

For a while they just breathed.

”I really enjoyed that”, Loki finally murmured into his chest.

Grinning up at nothing, Tony curled his fingers around the back of the kids head and held it just a hint closer. ”Yeah? Well, that makes two of us.” All he'd have to do to show exactly how much he'd enjoyed it was twist a bit to the left and press his hips against the kid's abdomen, but this really wasn't the time for anything like that.

A silence that sounded a bit hesitant fell, before the kid spoke up again, just as quietly. ”I had no idea it would feel like that”, he said, and it seemed he tried to hide his face in Tony's pectoral when he did. His cheek was hotter than usual, and he was probably blushing. 

And, oh, wow, Tony had a weird moment of vertigo then. He'd already guessed that Loki wasn't exactly experienced, but had he seriously just stolen the kid's first kisses ever? He wasn't sure he was happy about that, or plain terrified. Fuck... He'd better not mess this up.

But he swallowed it all down and hid it behind a smile, even though no-one could see it. ”What did you think it would be like?” He was actually genuinely curious with that question.

A pause. Then, carefully: ”Wetter?”

Tony chuckled. ”Yeah, well, it can be. A lot.”

That reply made Loki shudder slightly against his ribs, and Tony _did not_ echo a little shiver right back because no way was he imagining what that would be like. Nope. Not even a little. Only he totally was. A lot. And oh shit, he was so going to mess this up...

He could feel Loki swallow. ”I think that, maybe? I'd enjoy that, too.”

And yeah, Tony was so lost. Because that made him more sure than ever that he would make a mess of it all, and also made him completely, unshakeably certain that he wouldn't give up the chance to try anyway. Not for anything.

He didn't say anything though. He just turned his head enough to get his nose into Loki's hair and this time he didn't even try to hide that he was smelling it. Taking in the perfume left from the last wash, and the sharp, fresh little hint of the real scent from the body under it. And he was still breathing it in when he drifted off to sleep a while later, knowing that he would be sore as hell whenever he woke up and not giving a shit, because it was just too worth it to get to stay just like this a while longer.

* * *

After that, everything was changed forever. But to Loki's surprise, everything stayed more or less the same anyway.

Tony still spent hours in his workshop, and occasionally left on meetings and other things to do with his company. Loki spent hours reading. They watched movies, played boardgames, talked about everything and nothing while Tony sipped his scotch. Lif in the Tower carried on as before, as weeks passed.

The difference was that now and then, they also did new things. Things that weren't playful the way lying around on the floor and touching their hands together had been, not nearly, but they were still easy enough that it didn't all terrify Loki, the way they could have.

A night in front of a movie could end with them cuddled up close on the couch, in a way they never had before on those occasions. And when they did, by the end credits they were more often than not trading soft kisses again, just like that first time. Once, when Loki rolled his head back to catch his breath, overwhelmed, Tony's lips settled gently on his exposed throat instead, and breathing was a lost cause, chills slipping all along his skin.

One day when Loki was visiting the workshop, as usual sitting on the edge of one of the heavy tables, Tony walked up to show him something he was working on. Slipping right in between his casually spread knees and thighs, into his personal space. The man had heard the way his breath hitched at that, and given him a questioning little look, waiting for a protest. It never came. So when he'd flipped through the schematics on his lightpad (and Loki remembered exactly nothing of what they had shown) he put it aside, placed his palms flat on the table by Loki's hips, and shifted just that little bit closer. Until Loki could tilt his head a hint, inviting him in, and while he felt the warm solidity that was Tony's body between his legs, gentle lips caught his. The intimacy of that was something completely new, and made him crave even more of the same.

Once the first fear of touch had been conquered, once he had seen the payoff was greater, it was a dam slowly breaking. He still couldn't take too much at once, it was still something he needed to adjust to feeling. Handling the sensory overload and the lingering fear of having someone so close. But now he knew he needed it, had been starving for it all along.

While things continued like that Loki became increasingly sure that this, this what he wanted. Badly. And had he been braver, as sure of himself as he was of that fact, he knew he could have reached out and taken it. All of it. Because yes, he had no excperience of these things, what so ever, but he was by no means oblivious. He wasn't naïve. Loki knew where this was all heading, and all he would have to do was let it happen. If he wanted.

Part of him very much did.

Another part was cringing away from the very idea in embarrassed nervousness because... Well, he might as well be honest with himself - performance anxiety.

Tony had a reputation, after all, and even if half of it was plain lies and made up rumours, what was left was more than enough. Not that Loki cared about that, but... What if Tony had expectations he couldn't live up to? What if he messed up? What if he did something wrong and never even knew? What if he was simply bad at it?

What if Tony got him naked and just didn't like what he saw? What if Tony remembered that under this pale skin there was something else? Something not human, something cold and blue and alien. Would he still want to lay his hands on that, if he stopped to really think about it?

Too many questions and no answers anywhere, because he didn't dare ask any of them out loud. 

For now, he tried to just enjoy what was without thinking about the future. And what was really was enough. He didn't have to think about it anyway, since Tony was the one choosing when to escalate things, take them further. And Loki was okay with that, because that felt right. This was a bit like a dance, one where Loki didn't know the steps. Tony did, so it was only natural that he would lead, and Loki follow. That meant Tony set the pace too, but so far it had been slow and easy, elegant and smooth, and Loki had been able to keep his feet without any trouble.

So while so much remained the same, his view of Tony and their relationship was changing, a little bit more every day.

More importantly, though, his view of himself was changing as well. Not as fast and as easy – seeing Tony in a new light after only a few months was no problem, really. Seeing himself differently after thirteen years of guilt and loathing? That was a problem. Loki could see it happen, though. Slowly and not without some discomfort, but it was happening.

The night after Tony had placed himself between his thighs was the first time Loki really realized how much he was changing, in a concrete, hands-on sort of way.

The thing was that besides being severely lacking in experience in intimate interactions with others, Loki was almost as lacking in those interactions with himself. Not because he had any moral issues with touching himself. No, he found that quite natural and unproblematic in itself. He had just always had a relationship with his skin and body that was, at its best, deeply conflicted and complicated. At its worst? A veritable hell.

A lot of the time he had felt like he didn't belong to himself. He was just something to study, nothing else.

Even when he could get past that, he couldn't forget the fact that this skin wasn't his. The body hiding under it was something filling him with dread and disgust and he could barely accept to live in it, let alone find any pleasure there. So the times he had touched himself with any sort of sexual intent had been few, far between, and only even more rarely to completion. The majority of the orgasms he had experienced in his life had been the results of wet dreams, and had felt like vague, removed things, not truly connected to his body.

Now, things were changing. 

The way Tony spoke to him and about him had given him the strongest sense of self-worth he had ever had. He was his own person now, more than ever before, and he did belong to himself. What was hiding under his skin he still wasn't at peace with, of course, but the skin hiding it felt more like _his_. And more alive.

The way Tony never hesitated to touch him made the distance and hesitance from others fade a little more every time.

And the night after the close encounter in the workshop it felt like he had shed an entire other skin, made up of old fears and feelings of being _wrong_. When he had shed his clothes the same way, he tipped back onto the bed, rubbed his cheek against the petroleum green covers that marked it his, and smiled. He didn't even bother pulling on the old sweatpants and longsleeve he usually slept in, but sprawled out on the mattress in just his underwear and liked it that way, the sheets so soft under his skin.

With his head still turned half into the covers he closed his eyes and thought back to what had happened earlier that day – which had already been repeated quite a few times in his mind by then. He couldn't even put his finger on why this action from Tony had had such a strong effect on him, but it had, that he couldn't deny. Perhaps it was simply something more suggestive about the way he had placed himself between Loki's thighs, compared to how they were usually side by side on the couch? He couldn't say. He knew he had liked it, though.

In his mind's eye, he could see it so clearly; Tony's smirking face, the black denim of Loki's jeans framing his hips, his hands planted on the surface of the table to frame Loki's. Then the Tony in his head moved those hands up to actually frame his hips, warm palms settling against them, then running up to the angle where they met the tops of his thighs, caressing warm traces along the line of them down toward his knees. Nothing like that had happened, but it felt so real. Loki could feel the heat in the skin on his legs, and he was strangely aware of his ragged breathing, when Tony's hands changed direction and slid back up to his hips, around them, to move down and cup his ass, pressing themselves in between him and the surface of the worktable, obviously not caring about the discomfort. Then he moved his own hips forward, pushing against Loki, making him spread his legs a bit wider with the way Tony's hands were holding him firmly in place.

Loki became aware that his hips were moving here and now, bucking up slightly from the bed like he was searching for the pressure against him that would have been there if the fantasy was real. Gasping in a quick breath he got one hand off the sheet and reched down, instinctively searching that pressure, friction, resistance, anything. The hardness that met his palm through the cloth of his boxer-briefs was almost a shock, but he didn't let that stop him from pressing harder, seeing Tony's hip roll in to meet his. Then he curled his fingers around himself, still with the underwear between, and squeezed.

He whined softly, bit his lip to keep the noise back, and then relized he had no reason to. Giving a more audible moan, he at last pulled his hand back and slipped it in under the elastic of his one remaining garment. His cock felt like a steel rod wrapped in satin, harder than he had even realized it could get. Which made sense. He had definitely never been this turned on before.

As Tony grabbed his ass harder, ground his hips into the angle of Loki's spread legs and then leaned in to kiss him, Loki formed a firm fist around himself and gave an almost experimental stroke. It was enough to make him whine again, and then he repeated it, and again, while Tony's lips parted against his and the tip of his tongue came to lick at the seam of them. Just the way Loki imagined it would feel, hot and slippery wet, and oh, how he wanted that!

Rolling his head to the other side on the bed he found a cool patch of sheet to press his cheek into, but his flushed skin and panting breaths soon had it just as hot as the one he had left.

Loki groaned, pulled one leg up until he had his foot flat on the mattress, giving himself a bit of leverage, and thrust up into his own hand until the side of it was pressed hard into the flesh of his groin and he saw stars. The fantasy dissolved in his mind and all he knew was friction as he repeated the movement again, and again and nothing was as important as reaching the edge he saw rushing closer and then – _oh!_ – he was dropping right over it.

There was absolutely nothing vague or disconnected about the sensation sweeping through his muscles and bloodstream now. It felt like it lifted him up off the bed, back arching and his head thrown back, his throat all tense tendons – and then mercilessly slammed him back down on it. Leaving him limp and panting and tingling with the aftershocks of a pleasure he had barely thought possible.

And while he lay there, calming down, his hand a sticky, cooling mess stuck inside his underwear, he knew that everything really was changing. Completely.

He pulled his hand free and studied the thick, sticky, milky fluid on his fingers. Suddenly curious rather than desperately wanting to free himself of this external part of himself at once, he lifted his hand to his face. Nose scrunched up in preparation for revolting stench, he sniffed gently. And was surprised that it really wasn't that bad. The smell wasn't even strong, but sort of... clinging. Just like the texture of the stuff. A little bitter, a little thick, moist. A hint of something dark and earthy. Mushrooms and damp.

A thought flickered by, of what Tony's cum might smell like. Anything like this, or completely different? What would it _taste_ like?

His stomach did a flip at the last thought. Nothing like nauseous disgust at the notion, though. Just an almost greedy little twitch of _want_ in his gut.

Loki drew his fingers away a bit and eyed them thoughfully, but then decided that no, this was where he drew the line. At least for now...

As he rolled out of bed to go clean up, a part of him was wondering how he was supposed to face Tony the next day without blushing. Not that he had imagined the man doing anything he thought Tony would have issues with doing in real life either, but it was still the first time Loki had been the one choosing the next step in this little dance of theirs. And Tony had had no part in it, really. No say. Perhaps it was selfish of him, but it made Loki feel sort of... powerful.

Yes, he was changing, and it was for the better.

But even though his own personal world was turning in a way he enjoyed, it didn't make the outside world forget about him. Even when he forgot about it.

Just like last time, Loki had lost track of time. So when the 'invitation' to visit SHIELD's medical facility came, it was once again a surprise. To make things worse, it came in written form this time, and as soon as Loki held the envelope he knew he wouldn't like what was inside.

He wasn't wrong.

* * *

They were standing by the bar, checking the mail, and for once there had been something in there for Loki, too. By the look of the plain envelope Tony guessed it was from SHIELD, so he kept an eye on the kid over the top of the document he was reading himself. He couldn't say he was really surprised when he saw Loki's cheeks slowly turn paler and paler as he read, and he at last swallowed convulsively, once, twice, looking ready to throw up. But the lack of surprise didn't make the reaction easier to watch.

Tony lowered the paper he was holding, a concerned frown pulling at his face. ”Kid?”

Loki didn't answer. Not in words. He just let the letter fold in his hands again, put it on the counter between them and pushed it closer to Tony's side, before he slid off the barstool and turned to walk away. He headed straight for the door out to the balcony, steps fast and stiff.

Yeah, that couldn't be a good sign.

He took the letter left in front of him as permission to read it, and picked the thing up. At first he felt a bit like he was illiterate as he eyed the page, tense and anxious, and then his gaze fell on the words ”spinal fluid” and his gut twisted. Oh, fuck... Was there no end to this bullshit?

They had taken a lot of tests on the kid before, Tony knew that. Both because he'd seen some of the results and because Loki had told him about that. For the most part, it didn't seem that he minded. He hated spending time in the chamber, but the tests were mostly no big deal. They were over quicker, and he got to keep his human skin on. He'd even told Tony that he preferred when they stuck needles in his arm to get blood, because getting the tip of his finger pricked hurt a lot more.

This, though? This wasn't right.

When Tony came out on the balcony Loki was standing by the railing, folded arms resting on it and his head tilted forward, chilly autumn winds pulling at his hair. Between the black waves Tony saw that his eyes were closed, and his pale mouth downturned. He walked up to stand beside him, leaving a little bit of air between them, placing his own elbows on the railing too, lower arms hanging off the outside edge, fingers braided together.

After a while like that in silence Loki turned his head, and Tony turned to face him. His eyes were too liquid, and Tony didn't think it was because of the wind. ”Will you be there?”

”You want me to be?”

A tense nod. 

”Then nothing can keep me away.”

The rest of the kid's body turned then, slowly, shifting closer to close the gap between them. Tony pulled an arm back, opened himself up, and carefully curled it around Loki's waist. He could feel tense muscles and rapid breaths and then Loki was close enough to lean his forehead against Tony's. Neither of them spoke. Not then. They just stood there until Loki's back felt softer under his palm and his breathing was more even. There really wasn't much to say, after all.

Four days later Loki was supposed to be at the facility, and on the night before it was very obvious that he was scared. The last time the kid had just been nervous, and now Tony knew it had been mostly because he was going to be there and see it. It was different this time. This time Tony wasn't the problem. He didn't think he was much of a comfort either, even though he didn't think he would be making things worse now.

Loki was simply afraid of the procedure in itself.

They had researched lumbar punctures together. Or tried to. Loki could never stand it for long, but they read enough to know that the risks were very small of anything going seriously wrong. It still made the kid sick thinking about it, every time, and Tony couldn't deny getting a bit nauseous as well.

It was mostly the pointlessness of it that got to Tony. When he had reread the letter there didn't really seem to be a specific reason for the test. It was mostly for comparison. Basically – because they felt like it.

It pissed him off.

Tony went to bed with a cold, heavy knot in his stomach, and he was far from sure he would be able to sleep at all. He must at least have dozed off, though, because some time later he woke up, thinking hazily that something must have disturbed him, turned over – and found the kid in his bed.

At first he thought it was a dream again, but in the dreams Loki had always been asleep, naked under his covers. Now he was on top of them, dressed in a longsleeve and sweatpants, and he was still sitting on the side of the bed more than lying in it, even though he was leaning in close. Like he had been about to reach out and shake Tony awake, but had been stopped half way when he woke up on his own. Suddenly Tony was very happy he had chosen to sleep in a tanktop tonight, or he would have given the kid a gruesome eyeful when he flipped over, the covers almost down by his hip. But now he felt all right about propping himself up on an elbow to face him.

”You okay, kid?” Even though he thought he already knew the answer.

”No.” Loki's voice was a raspy mess, even in that one, short word. ”I couldn't sleep and I couldn't... be alone.” His eyes dropped to the sheets. ”If you don't want me here, I'll go, but I didn't know what to do, so I... Ended up here.”

”You did the right thing.” Tony gave him a little smile when he glanced up, just to ease his mind. ”Come on. Get under the covers.” He pulled at the covers on the other side of the bed, making Loki shift off the edge until he had folded them back, and then the kid just hesitated a little before sliding in between the sheets and pulling the covers to his shoulder. He was facing Tony, still. ”Better?”

”Maybe.” The kid's mouth made some sort of curve that wasn't actually a smile. 

”Well, that's something, at least.” He got a hand free from his own covers and reached across the mattress between them, palm up in an offer.

Loki seemed happy to accept it. His palm settled over Tony's just a few moments later, and held on.

They were silent again, just finding comfort in the other's presence.

It wasn't how he had imagined getting the kid into his bed. It was nothing like his dreams. It wasn't intimate, not in a physical way, and he was as far from turned on as he could be. The little tense, worried line that stayed between Loki's eyebrows even when his eyes were closed, the little twist to his lips, his paler-than-usual face, it was enough to make Tony's heart sting.

Still, it all warmed his insides a little, too, because the kid had after all come seeking him out here, in his bedroom, when he'd felt scared and lonely. That was a good thing, even if the reason he'd needed to wasn't.

Tony fell asleep again while his thumb was still rubbing slow little circles into the back of Loki's hand.

When he woke up, the kid was gone. But not far, as it turned out. He was curled up, dressed now, on the couch out in the penthouse, staring out at the still half dark sky. They said nothing much getting ready and going to the facility.

Getting them both cleaned and Tony into all the protective clothes they wanted while they gave him wary looks, like he would fight them off any second (like he was going to protest anything to keep Loki safe during this stupidity?), and the kid prepped for the procedure all felt like a blur. Tony tried to just keep his eyes on Loki's face, pale and blank and eyes too stiff and staring, so he wouldn't have to see anything else, like the needles.

When they'd gotten the kid down on the table, curled up in a fetal position with his head bowed down to his chest, Tony moved the little stool they had offered him as close as he could, and clasped a hand around one of Loki's, lying open and defenseless on the papery sheet.

Even through the latex glove he was wearing Tony could feel how ice cold and clammy Loki's hand was. This wasn't the usual cool coming off his fingers; this was fear leaking out through his skin. He was just holding on to Tony's fingers first, but then he suddenly squeezed harder, and when Tony looked up from their hands he saw that the kid's eyes were shut tight. His cheeks were so pale they bordered on gray, and it was pretty damn obvious he was in pain, more than likely made even worse by the fact that he was scared. And fuck if Tony could blame him. He'd had a stranger put an experimental piece of tech in his chest in a dusty desert cave, and even he would have run off the other way if someone wanted to stick a big fucking needle into his spine. Especially when there was no better reason for the invasive procedure than ”because science”.

Tony saw a tear sneak out of the corner of Loki's eye, to slowly trickle down the side of his long nose, leaving a wet trail behind. And that was the moment Tony decided that this had gone far enough, and probably too fucking far already. He'd had it. Enough was enough.

He felt something huge and dark and hot swell behind the reactor, clouding his heart, rearing up full of claws and fangs and a startling kind of anger he'd never experienced before. It wasn't anger on his own behalf, this roaring thing in his chest. He knew the difference, because that he had felt before. The fundamentally selfish need to let people know they had no right to touch his stuff – like the way he had been livid about Red Skull using his power source, what should be part of making the world better and cleaner, in his efforts to conquer and destroy it. But this wasn't like that. No, this was not even a little about him – this was all for Loki. A protective sort of rage he had never thought he was capable of feeling, urging him to jump right off his chair to chase them all from the room, snarling like an animal if he had to.

He wanted to _bite_ someone! Fucking sink his teeth into anyone who came close to what he needed to protect and care for, and tear them to shreds. Make them regret hurting what was close to his heart.

But he couldn't do that right now. Right now, Loki needed him still and calm and quiet, so he would be. That rage didn't leave, though. It was still there, coiled, waiting to pounce.

Luckily the test was over quickly after that. Tony wasn't sure how long he would have been able to keep himself together.

The doctor put his instruments away, pushed the rolling table aside and stood. ”You can rest a while if you want to, Mr. Jarlson”, he said behind his mask. ”Then you are free to leave.”

Loki nodded, mutely, his eyes still shut just as tightly.

The doctor and his nurses started to clear up, cleaned Loki's back and probably patched him up, got their stuff, and turned to leave. And Tony quietly, inwardly, snapped.

He squeezed Loki's hand for a moment, then pulled his own mask off before he leaned in and brushed a kiss by his temple. ”I'll be back in a minute, kid, all right?”

That just prompted another stiff little nod.

Tony hated leaving him like that, but it was for a greater good. He'd make up for it later. Now he focused on getting to his feet and hurrying out of the room, careful to close the door behind him before he followed the doctor's retreating back.

”Wait up a sec there, doc.” He heard himself that his voice nearly was a growl already.

The man in white came to a halt and spun around, surprised and perhaps a bit startled. The pale blue mask had been pushed down from his face now and was hanging around his neck. ”Yes?”

”I just want to let you know that this was the last one.” Tony saw the doctor frown, and continued. ”This was the last time any of you got to put so much as a finger on that kid. It's over.”

The frown deepened, and the doctor stuck his hands into the pockets of his lab coat in what felt like a typical 'I'm a professional and I know better than you' gesture that rubbed Tony exactly the wrong way at the moment. ”Mr. Stark”, he said, slowly and seriously, ”that's not a decicion you can make.”

And that dark, roaring thing in his chest stirred and bristled. ”Funny thing? I just did.” Tony showed his teeth in something that was older than a smile and definitely not a show of amusement; this was all threat. ”You people have poked and prodded and scared the shit out of him for _thirteen fucking years_ , and you have exactly _nothing_ to show for it. You had your chance. I'm putting an end to this shit, right here and now.”

The man swallowed. ”You really can't do that, Mr. Stark.” It looked like the doctor's hands were curling to fists in his pocket.

”You just watch me, asshole.” It really was a full on growl now. ”And you better pack up and back up everything here you want to keep, because if you even _try_ to get Loki to come here again, I'm going to level the entire fucking block. Personally.” Tony made himself turn back to the door he had just came through, because if he kept staring at the man's face he'd want to punch it. But before he opened it and stepped back inside, he glanced over his shoulder. ”You tell Hill or Fury or whoever has the reins on this that if they have a problem with my decision they can shove it. Shouldn't take more imagination than even they have to guess where.”

Tony didn't bother to wait for an answer before getting back into the room where Loki was waiting. He didn't give one single fuck anyway. He was getting the kid out of here, back to the Tower – Or, hell, maybe they'd ditch Manhattan altogether now that the kid didn't strictly speaking need to be here, and just head off to Malibu? He wondered if Loki would like the ocean; it had his colours, after all. – and that would be the end of it.

* * *

Loki felt sort of all right, at least physically, until late that night, when the headache hit him, crushing down on his skull as soon as he stood up. Or sat up. Or raised his head from a plane, lying down position at all. As long as he stayed down, it was fine, or just a teasing little ache slipping by, but if he tried getting up? Agony.

So all he could do was lie in his bed, staring at the wall, trying so very hard not to think about what had made him like this. The degradation and the helplessness and the pain and fear he hadn't even been able to hide. He hated showing weakness, to anyone, and at the same time that Tony's presence had been a comfort, he had also felt even worse for letting the man see him like that.

And also – the man seeing him all but naked. Right then he hadn't had the strength left to be bothered, there had been so much else to occupy his thoughts. But now? Now he remembered and he wanted to cringe right there in his bed, but it hurt when he tensed up.

As if the thoughts of Tony had summoned him to the room, there came a gentle little knock on the door before it slid open and an untidy head of brown hair poked inside, dark eyes searching him out.

”You decent?”

Even with the things he had just been thinking about still rolling like boulders inside his head, Loki couldn't keep a smile from curling his lips. ”You're supposed to ask that _before_ sticking your head inside a room, Tony.”

”Uh-huh? Guess I never got the hang of the polite stuff.” He shouldered the door open and walked in, carefully sitting down on the edge of the bed, so he wouldn't jostle Loki's body unduly. Maybe he wasn't polite, but he sure cared. ”How's your head feeling?”

”Fine as long as I stay like this. Like shit as soon as I get it off the pillow.”

”Sounds like no fun at all”, Tony said, tilting his own head, and then reached out a hand to run his fingers over the crown of Loki's. ”I talked to Bruce”, he added after a moment. ”He said this was nothing to worry about. Not that uncommon, apparently. One out of ten gets like this, no matter what you do. Just rest and plenty of fluids and it'll be fine in a day or two.”

Loki nodded just a little, relaxing under the fingers rubbing gently against his scalp, short, trimmed nails sometimes running along the strands of hair to scratch at the skin below. It felt like heaven on his still slightly aching head. 

He let his eyes slide shut and sighed into the pillow. ”You don't have to stay with me, Tony, if you have things to do. I'm not worth the trouble.”

”Yeah, you are, kid.” The hand on his head moved so the thumb could caress his forehead, before the fingers ran back into his hair. ”That and more. And I'm standing by that.”

Something gave Loki the impression that there was something more Tony wanted to say, and he let an eye slit open again to see his face. It was concerned, but not enough that he felt worried himself. There was just something there, something new. The feeling that Tony wasn't telling him everything. That the man was holding back what he wanted to get out. And that felt strange. Tony, who was always so honest with him.

He tried a frown, but let it go at the twinge of pain. ”Is everything all right, Tony?”

The tanned face instantly smoothed out in a smile, and even if the reaction felt like something practiced, the mask of a public persona he was used to hide behind, the smile was real and sincere. ”It will be, kid.”

Nodding slightly again, Loki closed his eyes, relaxing into the familiar feeling of reassurance. As long as he was still like this, his head was behaving. Soon, he was drifting off. He hadn't had much sleep at all the night before after all, and now that he could finally feel calm again, he noticed how completely drained he was. While his breathing evened out and slowed down his heartbeat followed, and he could feel how he almost melted deeper into the mattress. Being this relaxed with Tony by his side still felt odd, but not as unsettling as it would have been before.

”It will be all right”, he heard Tony murmur, so softly it felt like part of an unfolding dream. ”You'll be safe and sound on my watch, kid. I promise. No-one's ever getting near you again that you don't want close. No-one.” A little sigh. ”As long as I'm around, I'm not letting anyone make you cry again. Ever. You have nothing to worry about, kid. I've got your back.”

Tony kept murmuring reassurances and Loki was too tired to really understand what any of it meant. So instead he just took all the words in, the feel of them more than the actual meaning, wrapping them around his heart like something soft and warm. Tony's hand kept stroking along Loki's hair, and slowly it all helped lull him fully to sleep.

His dreams were nothing but warm and safe, and there was no pain, what so ever.

* * *

After asking Jarvis to keep an extra close eye on Loki, Tony left the kid's room to let him sleep in peace. He went to the penthouse instead, straight to the bar. Fuck, but did he need a drink right about now. 

Worst day in a long time. And he still had to talk to Loki about what he had done at the facility.

A part of him wasn't sure the kid would like it. Not that he'd been happy about going there, but he had a feeling Loki might object to Tony taking matters into his own hands like that, like Loki really _was_ a kid who couldn't stand up for himself. He hoped not, because this wasn't about anything like that. But he still worried a little.

That roaring thing in his chest would never have let him stay quiet, though, so there was no use having regrets. Done was done.

He downed one glass of scotch while still standing behind the bar. The second one he brought to the couch, and had just seated himself when his phone rang. He leaned back far against the backrest to fish it out of his pocket and glanced at the display. A number he didn't have in his contacts showed for a few seconds before Jarvis traced the call and a sort of familiar adress showed up, with a name – Odin Jarlson.

What the actual flying fuck?

Tony scowled at the name, not liking this even before he tapped the command to take the call.

”Yeah?” Okay, he really had no hang of the polite stuff, and he was probably biased when he didn't even try with this man, but fuck it. This was the wrong time.

”Mr. Stark?” The voice was dark, smooth and schooled, not giving anything away but an unwavering control.

”The one and only.”

”I am Odin Jarlson. I assume my name is familiar to you by now.”

”You could say that.” Tony knew his voice wasn't as neutral, but at least he kept his words that way.

The man just went on, no hesitation. ”I was informed you threatened to put an end to Loki's examinations”, he said, just as evenly. ”That would be a mistake.”

”Really?”

”He needs to stay under close supervision, Mr. Stark. SHIELD are the only ones equipped to handle something like him, as I am sure you are aware.”

'Something'. Mm, yeah, no, Tony was not a fan of this guy. He pressed his lips together and just listened for a moment.

”They have done an excellent job of doing so these past years, and I had hoped the arrangement would stay in place for many years yet.”

Arrangement? That didn't really fit with what Tony had thought.

”And exactly what arrangement would that be?”

Now the man hesitated a little, but then the voice was back, a hint sharper. ”I had assumed you knew, since you decided to meddle with it, but perhaps you need to be enlightened to come to your senses, Mr. Stark.” He gave a little sigh and continued. ”SHIELD promised to keep him under close watch, contain him if necessary, in exchange for anything worthwhile they could find in him. Anything useful to humanity.” A little huff. ”I would have preferred to hand him over to them altogether, so my family would not have to suffer his presence, but that was unfortunately not an option.”

Well, shit. Tony was so surprised he almost forgot to be pissed for a moment. He sort of owed SHIELD an apology. For once, they were not the biggest assholes in the picture. How about that? This fucker had just blown the entire 'we come rolling in and get what we want and no-one can stop us because we barely exist' pack of agents out of the water. Almost impressive. In all the wrong ways.

And _then_ the anger roared to life in Tony's chest again. All claws and snapping jaws and damn, if Odin had been in the room he would have been in pain right about now.

”Is that how you see it, then?” Tony bristled, nearly choking on the words he tried to keep steady. ”You think he's some sort of... _thing_ you can just hide away and keep ignoring until he proves useful in some fucked up way? Like that's the only worth he could possibly have?”

The man's voice turned so cold it would have stung if Tony's anger hadn't already been burning so hot. ”He is the reason I only have one son instead of two. What worth do you suggest I see in something like that?”

And yeah, Tony himself had once said it was hard to blame Loki's unwilling foster family for not wanting him. He had, and he stood by that. Because it was. You couldn't expect a family to lose a son and not grieve that loss, the empty space and the pain of never knowing what had actually happened to their missing child. You couldn't expect them to be satisfied that they now had another child – identical to the one lost, at that – to fill its place, because it didn't work like that. Just like you couldn't comfort a child who'd just lost a beloved pet by telling them you'd get a new one. That wasn't how love worked.

So yes, Tony could have understood grief. Anger too. But this was something else. This was loathing filled with bitter accusation. Accusation where it didn't even belong. And that he couldn't understand.

”No, he's not the reason, and I'm sure you already know that.” He was pressing the phone so hard to his ear it hurt. ”At least your wife does.”

”Frigga has a soft heart.” Said like it was an insult. ”She wouldn't see the value of this either.”

Tony could understand at least one thing then. Frigga saying she hadn't always been able to protect Loki as well as she should have. Her fierce efforts to make things as easy on Loki as she could, when she was unable to protect him from this altogether, even though Tony was sure she had wanted to. And that just made him even more adamant in his resolve to do what she hadn't been able to – get Loki out of it. He had promised her he'd keep the kid safe, and everything else be damned, he was going to keep that promise!

”Yeah, I hate it when people care”, Tony muttered, and then raised his voice to make it clear. ”Anyway. You all had your chance with him, and apart from your wife, you've done nothing but hurt him. This is the end of that. He's not yours to use. Not anymore.”

”So you're saying his yours then, Mr. Stark?” The tone was tinted by mocking now. ”That you will be the one to find a use for him?”

”You know what?” Tony growled, and had to get up from his seat to pace, or his anger would boil over. ”You don't get to do that. You don't get to compare me to you. We have _nothing_ in common. Not one single goddamn thing.” He clenched his teeth, kept it together for one last point. ”And he's not _mine_. I can tell you what he is, though – as long as he's living under my roof, he is _my responsibility_. Which means no-one gets to touch him. Not you. Not SHIELD. No-one. And if any of you think I can't back those words up, you've got another thing coming.”

For a moment everything was quiet in his ear, apart from dry breaths. ”You should be careful what you protect”, Odin finally said, voice just as dry. ”You let it inside your defenses, and it can stab you in the back.”

Scoffing, Tony turned to glare at the dark night sky outside the penthouse. ”Oh, I'm well aware of that, thank you very much. I have no problem taking my chances here, though, so don't lose any sleep worrying about my safety.” He straightened his back, and saw the reflection of his own eyes in the windowpane; pools of anger even darker than the sky. ”Nice talking to you, pal. And never fucking contact me again.”

If there was any attempt at a reply on the other end Tony didn't wait to hear it. He just took the phone from his ear, ended the call, and stood staring at the darkness outside. It took a long time, but finally the burning, snarling rage in his heart retracted its claws and started to calm down. It had served its purpose, and was willing to go back to sleep – but he knew it could wake up again, if its slumber was ever disturbed. 

Loki was safe, and protected, and goddamnit, Tony was keeping him that way. Forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Let me tell you - writing a "pissed off mother bear" level of protective Tony really warmed my heart and was very, very satisfying. I think I need more of that in my life.)


	10. Run before you walk

”We need to talk, kid.”

Loki froze while turning a page in his book and threw a wary glance Tony's way across the couch-seat between them. The man's face was serious, which didn't feel like a good sign. He swallowed. ”Are you breaking up with me?” He still tried to make it sound like a lighthearted joke, even if it wouldn't be quite as figuratively speaking now as it had been the last time he had asked the same question. Now there actually was something to break, and a suddenly frightened part of Loki wondered if that something wouldn't turn out to be his heart.

The words made a smile stretch Tony's lips though, and it looked warm enough to calm him again. ”That's still not up to me.” The smile slipped away again. ”And we'll see how you feel after we had a talk, all right?”

Closing the book completely Loki sat up straight in the seat, dropping it in his lap. He'd known there was something, since after the last examination. A week had passed since then, the headache was long gone, the punctures on his back mostly healed and he felt fine again. The feeling that Tony was keeping something to himself had kept nagging at him though, and now here it was. Whatever it was. ”What's wrong, Tony?” He felt his fingers grip the cover of the book too hard.

”Okay, so...” Tony glanced away, cleared his throat. They were sitting in the rounded couch in the penthouse, side by side but not that close, legs casually resting on the coffee table in front of them. Now Tony pulled his feet back, put them on the floor, and shifted a bit closer on the seat. There was a nervous tension furrowing his dark brows. ”After the test, while you were resting, I had a... chat with the doctor. And I told him you wouldn't be coming back there. Ever.”

Loki blinked. ”You what?”

The brown eyes fell and Tony's hands fluttered nervously until one settled for tapping an irregular rythm with spread fingers against the cushion under him, and the other rubbed at his neck. ”All right, I know I should have talked to you before I did anything like this, kid. Okay? I know. But seeing you in there it just... it just pissed me off!” His eyes flew up to Loki's, and there was something dark flashing in there that Loki had never seen before. ”They had no fucking right, and they never had, and I couldn't let it go on. So I told them it was over, for good, that you weren't coming back, and that they would just have to deal.” The hand on his neck rubbed harder before it fell in his lap, the other hand still tapping away. ”There was just no way I could let you be put through that anymore.”

The fingers that had been almost cramping around the bookcover went slack when Loki's surprise flooded his body, making it nearly numb. ”And they... accepted that?” 

Tony pulled a wry little face. ”Not 'accepted', as such. They weren't pleased or anything. But there's really not that much they can do. It's not like they have a legal right to you, SHIELD gets far too much of its funding and tech from me to make a fuss, and it would be too fucking much of a mess trying to take you by force, and they know that.” He slowed his rant down. ”So, well, anyway, I made sure they knew it was all over and you never have to go there again.”

Staring, Loki searched his still tense face. ”You did that? For me?”

”Yeah. And, well... maybe a bit for your mom, too. Because if there had been any justice in the world she would have been the one who got to tell them to go fuck themselves, years ago. Although I suspect she would have phrased that differently.”

”Maybe not”, Loki mumbled, almost absently, shocked. ”She hated that place.”

”Small wonder.”

Then Loki turned confused. ”But why did you wait to tell me? Why hesitate? You're not..?” He nearly choked on the idea alone. ”You're not joking, are you? Please don't, because I couldn't take it if -”

”No!” Tony shot up straight, eyes wide and his hands waving back and forth with palms out, stopping him in his tracks. ”I swear! No joke. You never, ever have to go there again. Really. Honestly.”

It took a while for that to sink in. It would probably take days for it to feel real. Weeks, even. He slowly shook his head. ”Then why hesitate to tell me?”

”Because I was kind of afraid you'd be pissed at me”, the man finally admitted, rubbing his neck again, looking sheepish. ”I mean I sort of stepped right in and took over and I wasn't sure you'd like that.”

Now Loki really could only stare a few moments. ”Are you _serious_?”

”Well... Yeah?” Tony's hand dropped back down, but he still looked uncertain.

”Tony...” He made the name a groan and buried his face in his hands, not sure where to even begin with how wrong that assumption was. Then he looked up again. ”If you had stepped in to do something for me I could have easily done myself, then yes, I would have been pissed. You may call me a kid, but I'm not.” At that Tony started to open his mouth, but Loki just shook his head vehemently enough to keep him quiet. ”No, I don't mind; I know that you know I'm really not. But this wasn't something I could have done. I was tied down too hard, too controlled, too... _helpless_!” He took a slow, calming breath after that exclamation. ”And I knew mom did her best to make it easy on me but I couldn't ask her to do more. I couldn't ask her to fight Odin anymore, not for me. They were at odds enough as it was, and I -” That's when he noticed the shocked expression on Tony's suddenly pale face, and cut himself off. ”Tony? What's wrong?”

”You _knew_?!” Tony's voice was half gravel.

Loki frowned. ”Knew what?”

”That Odin gave you to SHIELD.” It sounded like the man couldn't believe the words even as he said them.

”Oh.” All air seemed to rush out of Loki in that little noise. He glanced away, biting the inside of his lip. ”I wasn't supposed to know, but I overheard them fighting over it. Over me.” He clutched a hand around a knee and pulled it up to his chest, hooking his heel on the edge of the seat. ”Thor has no idea. But then he never wanted to know anything about my visits there. Liked to pretend they never happened at all, mostly.” A strangled swallow made his eyes burn. ”Odin wanted me to stay there, permanently. Mom wouldn't let him. That's the fight I heard. I was... nine, I think, or ten. And I already knew he hated me, of course, but I...”

Trying to disguise a sob as a cough, he turned his head away. It shouldn't hurt anymore. So why did it?

He made himself go on, not turning to face Tony. ”I was still scared. Home was all I knew, even if it wasn't the same anymore.” The fingers on his knee turned to tense claws as he fought to keep his voice clear. ”Mom flat out refused. She... she said she'd leave him. Take Thor with her and leave. That made him agree to let me stay, but that was all. I made a habit of hiding from him after that. Make sure he noticed me as little as possible. I didn't want him to try again.”

Pulling a slow, trembling breath Loki quickly brushed his free hand over his face, wiping it dry. Then he at last dared a glance at Tony. The man looked completely stricken and lost, and again Loki thought of something else. ”I didn't think _you_ knew about that either.”

”I didn't.” Tony's voice was shot to hell. He cleared his throat again. ”He called me. The night after the test. Trying to tell me I'd made a mistake taking you away from SHIELD's supervision. I didn't agree.”

Loki hadn't thought he could be more overwhelmed by now, but he was. Odin and SHIELD had been the two powers that had seemed absolute in his world. Inescapable. Frigga had stood between him and them, but there was only so much she could do to protect him. And now Tony ”I'm not a hero” Stark had entered his world, and swept them both off the board in one single move.

How was he even real?

Not stopping to think about what he was doing, Loki twisted on the cushion, shifting around and to the side, up on his knees on the seat, to lean in over the still stunned-looking Tony. He settled his hands around the sides of his neck, thumbs brushing his silvery temples, tilted his head and pressed his lips to Tony's. At first they just felt slack and too soft, but then the man seemed to snap out of the shock and they became firmer, more intent, while Loki felt warm hands catch his shoulders and hold him, so Tony could lean closer in turn. When Loki at last pulled back a little he looked almost as stunned, but in a better way.

”Thank you, Tony”, he said, holding the brown eyes. ”For everything.”

”You're welcome, kid.” A small smile managed to find its way to Tony's lips.

Loki couldn't stop himself covering it with another kiss, the second one ever that he had been the one to initiate, all on his own.

* * *

”The ocean looks good on you, kid.”

Loki spun at the sound of his voice. He'd been standing in the middle of the wide balcony, looking out over the endless, blue-green waters, and when he turned there was an awestruck smile on his face, eyes narrow against the bright sunlight.

”Well, it is the right colour”, he pointed out, just like Tony had hoped he would. Then he seemed unable to stop himself from turning back to look at the ocean again. ”I don't think this place could be more different from the Tower even if it tried”, he said, a bit louder so Tony would still hear him over the breeze and the faint rumble of waves against the cliffs below.

”The veiw is pretty different from Manhattan, I'll give you that one.” Tony walked out to stand next to him, the salty wind ruffling his hair. ”I think we needed a change, though. A vacation.”

”I know I did”, Loki agreed.

They stood a while and breathed, landed in this new place. Then Tony glanced the slight angle up to see Loki's profile.

”Want the tour of the place?”

”I'd like that.” The kid turned a brilliant smile on him, and Tony decided that the ocean really did look good on him. He'd never seen Loki's eyes sparkle quite that shade of startling green before.

Of course the view wasn't the only thing different about this place, compared to the Tower. There the rooms were decorated with more black and gray and dark, rich wood, and the rooms were smaller. Here it was all open layouts, windows even bigger than the ones opening to the Manhattan skyline, and air and light and white and sandy colours. But the workshop was pretty much the same – even though U didn't seem to fall as completely for Loki as his brother in New York had.

Tony noticed Loki's wry little smile as the robot whirred away, unimpressed with the new guest, and placed a light hand in the small of the kid's back, making him turn his head. ”If we end up staying, I can get DUM-E over here, too.”

Loki looked surprised at the offer. ”That's not necessary, really.”

”No, it's not, but it'd make you happier, right?”

The kid's eyes fell on the retreating robot, and then he nodded slowly.

”Then it's necessary enough.”

The huge, connected livingroom areas were mostly a walkthrough while Tony pointed to the kitchen and the library (Loki noticeably perked up at the last one), and then they walked up the stairs to the bedrooms. Loki's single bag was placed at the top of the stairs, waiting for him to find a place to unpack it. Tony jabbed a thumb to the left, to the double doors leading to the master bedroom.

”That's me”, he said. ”You can pretty much have any guestroom you want, but I recommend the ones on that side”, he gestured to the doors on the left side of the corridor on their right, ”because they have an ocean view.”

Loki ended up grabbing his bag and bringing it into the very first room on the left. There he put the bag on the floor by the sliding door to the walk-in closet, and looked around. It was just as open and bright and airy as the rest of the mansion. Very colourless compared to Loki's own room in the Tower, Tony realized.

”You can decorate it any way you like”, he said, and earned a smile, before Loki wandered away to quickly inspect the ensuite.

When he came back he eyed the bed, a huge, wide and low thing with a headboard of gleaming, pale birch. He hesitated just a moment, before he stepped up, put a knee on the edge of it, turned, and let himself flip casually on his back, half his lower legs still hanging off the bed, arms stretched out by his sides. For a moment he lay there, blinking up at the high ceiling, then he nodded.

”Yes, I believe this is acceptable.”

Tony actually laughed. ”I've spoiled you, haven't I?”

Loki pulled his arms in and propped himself up on his elbows, grinning at him. ”Honestly? I don't think you know how not to spoil people.”

”Maybe it's just you who gets this treatment?” He raised an eyebrow at the kid, who shook his head.

”I highly doubt that.”

With a shrug, Tony walked to the bed and sat down with a bounce by the edge of the mattress, next to Loki's legs. The kid made the bed dip when he sat up and moved to sit by his side.

”Busted”, Tony said, giving the kid a smirk. ”I just like to spoil people, I guess. And with my resources it's pretty easy to make a habit out of it. Not that I do it for just anyone, though.” His face turned more serious at the last part, and he spotted a hint of a blush on Loki's cheeks before the kid turned away. Tony cleared his throat. ”Yeah, anyway. I hope you'll be all right here. Jarvis works here too, by the way, so if you want anything done around here you just ask him. And if you have trouble sleeping in a new place – fuck knows I always do – you know where to find me.”

”The workshop?” Loki gave him a knowing look.

”Yeah, probably”, he agreed with a onesided shrug. ”But even if I actually happen to be in bed, you're welcome to join me there too.” And he was obviously still just as great at making ill-phrased statements like that. Better try to fix it. ”I mean, you know, just for company. Like last time. If you can't sleep and you want to -”

A cool hand settled over his on the sand-coloured bedspread, and Tony glanced down at it, surprised, before he met Loki's smiling eyes.

”I know.” The kid's voice was soft. ”You really don't have to worry, Tony; I don't.”

The strangely amazing thing was that he didn't even feel like he needed to ask Loki what he meant. He already knew. And then it felt like his heart was glowing just as bright as the reactor.

"Damn." It hit him like a punch in the face. But in a good way. If there is such a thing. "You really do trust me, don't you?"

And Loki just smiled then, in a way that told him yes, and that he was an idiot for not realizing it before, and that it was still all right.

"I'm just not used to that, kid." He turned the hand under Loki's around, until they could hold on to each other. It felt a bit weird just sitting like that, holding hands, but still nice. "Mostly I'm the screw-up. Unreliable. You know... A bit volatile. Pretty damn self-obsessed. And don't play well with others. That's not really how you get people to trust you."

The kid's smile widened and turned a bit crooked at the same time. "Still saying you're not a hero?"

"Seriously?" Tony leaned a bit away, but turning to face Loki more head on at the same time, raising an eyebrow. "Did that list of character flaws sound heroic to you?"

"I've never seen you as any of those things." Loki held on to his hand a bit tighter. "And anyway, it's not really up to you to decide. To me, you still are a hero."

"You're saying I'll just have to deal?"

"Exactly."

Sighing and smiling at the same time, Tony shrugged a shoulder. "Well, I guess I could try it out. See how it fits."

"I think you should."

They just sat smiling at each other. Hands still connected. It could have been really sappy, but something about the glint in the emerald eyes in front of him turned it into something else. 

And then, for the first time, Tony wasn't sure which one of them made the next move. It had nearly always been him before, always the one to edge closer to the limit and try to push it, no matter what. In a gentler way than usual in this case, yeah, but still. Then there had been those kisses Loki had given him after Tony had told him the truth about what he had done at SHIELD, and those had been all Loki's. Now, they sort of met in the middle. Both of them leaning in at the same time, making their lips come together with a bit more force than usual, lips sliding apart at the pressure and _that_ was the little click of teeth meeting before they eased back into something softer.

Tony's free hand was combing into the hair on the side of Loki's head before he knew it, and then he realized he was fisting it there, pulling the kid closer. Which was potentially really stupid. A part of him was trying to dig its heels in, pull on the brakes, but a pent up excitement was too eager to make its way out. The relief at having Loki at least on the way to being safe and sound, the even bigger relief that the kid hadn't been pissed off about that, having them here, away from the autumn gloom and the dark memories of Manhattan - it was all making him giddy. And now he had his mouth and hands on a very nice outlet for that excitement and well, holding back was _hard_ , okay? Hero or not, he was still just human.

At least there was no resistance under his hand, no holding back. Quite the opposite. The kid was kissing him back, just as eager as he was, by the feel of it, and that? Gasoline on the fire, really.

So this time when Tony's lips moved apart, it was because he meant to do it. He tried to be careful when he ran the tip of his tongue over Loki's bottom lip, didn't want to freak the kid out and scare him off.

Tony was completely unprepared for the reaction he actually got.

There came a heated, deep moan from Loki, the vibrations of it tickling Tony's lips, and suddenly there was a fist in the front of his t-shirt, twisting into the fabric, like there was a risk he would stop and turn away at any moment if he wasn't held firmly in place. Nothing could be more wrong, obviously, but he still liked it. A lot.

So he did it again. This time swiping his tongue along the inside of that thin, satiny soft and deliciously cool lip. Then touched the tip of his tongue experimentally to the inside of the kid's top lip too. Feeling the hand in his t-shirt twist harder, the brush of Loki's quick breathing through his nose against his skin.

When he pulled back, Loki actually fucking whimpered at the loss. Wide eyes flew open in a shock of green fire, wordlessly begging, and wow, even if Tony hadn't already been dying to do it again, that look would have changed his mind pretty damn quickly.

Tony spread his fingers through the silky tresses of black hair again, rubbing gently, soothing. "Just need to breathe", he mumbled, lips feeling tingly and numb at the same time, before he leaned back in and oh, fuck it, who needed air anyway? 

The inside of Loki's mouth was even cooler than his lips. He tasted clean and fresh and his tongue was so sweet and careful and shy, until Tony gave it a warm, welcoming lick and it seemed to find some more courage to explore Tony's lips in turn.

He had no idea how long they kept kissing. If felt like forever. His world had narrowed down to that curious mouth and limber tongue, sharp teeth and supple lips. There was barely any room to even realize how it seemed like every drop of blood in his entire body had gathered in his groin, throbbing and pulsing and heated. Somewhere along the line he did realize that they were no longer sitting on the edge of the bed, though. They had tipped over to lie down on the bedspread, and somehow even shuffled to the middle of the bed, so their legs wouldn't hang off the side of it. Tony had ended up on top, both hands in Loki's amazingly soft hair now. The kid seemed just spread out under him, arms resting on the mattress around his head, open and wanting and still begging more. 

But oh, damn, Tony suddenly knew exactly how explosively hard he was and shit, he was sort of lying so that he was straddling one of Loki's thighs and the kid couldn't possibly have missed the way he was unconsciously rolling his hip into it. And even if Loki had shown trust, believing that Tony wouldn't do anything he didn't want, the theory of that was one thing, and having Tony practically rutting into his leg like an animal in heat and _still_ trying to believe it... Yeah. Not the same.

Tony made himself lift his body up on his elbows, gasping in the air he'd thought he didn't need but had obviously been wrong trying to do without.

”Hang on, kid”, he mumbled, still almost against the corner of Loki's mouth, when he felt the body under his arch slightly off the bed, pushing into him, into the hard-on he couldn't even try to deny anymore, and he just knew Loki felt it by now, too. There was no way he could have missed it, really. ”This is all moving pretty fast.” Tony pulled back enough to meet Loki's glinting, green eyes.

And then the kid just shifted his thigh, rubbing it against Tony's crotch, making his breath hitch, in both surprise and a sharply spiking arousal. ”It feels like you're okay with that?” Loki's voice was a hint brittle, though, at odds with his daring movement. Like he was afraid Tony might take offense at this statement of the obvious and walk out.

”Hell yeah I'm okay with it”, Tony groaned, and just had to grind into that firm, amazing thigh again, a bit higher. ”But if you -”

Loki gave a quick headshake. ”I'm... okay with it.” And yeah, with the way he was still pushing up from the bed, Tony could now tell for sure that he wasn't the only one hard. He got his arms off the bed and slid his hands up Tony's back, one finding it's way into his hair. ”Sometimes you just need to try running before you walk.”

Those words made Tony pull back another couple of inches in stunned surprise, but he made himself quickly shake it off when he saw the worried look in the kid's eyes at the movement. So he gave Loki a smile, calming him. ”You have no idea how right you are, kid.” And then he didn't hold back. He just swept back down and pressed his lips to Loki's, firm kiss turning more heated and demanding in seconds. The cool mouth under his slid open at once, inviting him in, tongue smooth. As if Loki had never done anything but kiss in his entire life.

Tony just moved a bit higher over Loki, using the leverage to change the angle their mouths slotted together, and tried not to worry about the way he was pressed up against the kid. After all, Loki was pressing back, his hips starting to find a deeply rooted, instinctive rythm, needing friction and resistance.

"Oh, fuck..." Tony groaned after a short while of this, into the wide shoulder where his face was now buried. The zipper on his jeans felt like it was about to cut his cock in half down the middle and he still kept pushing harder into the juncture of Loki's thigh and hip, because yeah it was painful but damn, it was sweet, too, and he just wanted more. What the hell was that about? He hadn't lost it this bad in _years_! Being close to the kid seemed to be turning him back into a teenager. "Damnit, kid", he breathed, "you're gonna... make me cum... in my fucking pants."

And Loki - that little shit! - actually laughed! But before Tony had a chance to start feeling offended by that, the kid's arms held on to him tighter, fingertips pressed against his shoulder blades, and he nuzzled his face into Tony's hair, ghosting a kiss by his ear.

"Good", Loki said into it, voice breathy and husky. Just as broken between panting gasps as Tony had been. "Then it's not... just me."

And damn if that didn't just make things even worse. Or possibly better. Yeah, definitely better, he decided when Loki moved his other leg to wrap it around one of his thighs, pressing all of Tony if possible even closer. So he just turned his hip ever so slightly to the side, just so his fly wouldn't cut right into his aching hard-on, which made him rub sort of sideways into the equally rock-hard bulge in Loki's jeans. Which worked a lot better - judging by the actual _whine_ it drew from the kid - for the both of them.

Tony turned his head too, latching on with his mouth to the pale column of neck that movement placed right in front of him. Under his lips he could feel muscles flex and the kid's Adam's apple bob with a strained swallow. When he flicked his tongue out to taste the salt and softness on the skin there he could taste the vibrations of Loki's voice as well.

"Tony..." It was a wrecked moan when it reached Tony's ears. The hands on his back fisted desperately into his t-shirt. "Please, just... I can't..." Then the kid ground his hip back up into his, gasped in a breath that sounded almost panicked, and went stiff all over. "Tony!"

And there was just no way in hell Tony could have the kid clutching at his clothes, trembling and shuddering under him, moaning his fucking _name_ , and keep himself from completely coming undone.

With what he refused to acknowledge as a whimper, he pressed his entire face into the crook of Loki's neck, his back arching up with the force racking his body. It took a while before he could breathe right again, but then he figured that he had to be heavy enough on the kid that the reactor was crushing into his chest, which could hardly be comfortable, so he slowly pushed himself up to sit on his knees between Loki's legs. The leg Loki had curled around Tony's hip fell limply out to the side, and the kid's arms slipped bonelessly from Tony's back when he moved away, to fall spread out on the mattress.

When Tony got a look at the kids face, Loki's eyes were closed, his mouth dropped slightly open, and he was still breathing heavily. His lips were swollen and red from kissing, and his cheeks were flushed an adorable shade of pink. Suddenly Tony wished he'd taken the chance to raise his head and watch the kid's face when he came, but he was feeling pretty hopeful right now that there'd be more chances to do that. A lot more.

”Is this what it's like on vacation?” Loki mumbled suddenly.

Chuckling, Tony ran a soothing hand over the kid's thigh and saw a shiver rush up his body until it made the emerald eyes fly open to fix on his face. ”Can be.”

Loki closed his eyes again, looking drained but with a sweet smile pulling at his lips. ”Acceptable.”

And Tony's chuckles turned to a deep, honestly amused laughter.

* * *

Without having to exchange too many words making the decision, they went their separate ways to clean up.

Back in clean underwear and sweatpants instead of his jeans, Loki let himself flop black down on the bed, head on the pillows now, blinking up at the ceiling and still feeling sort of stunned by the way the day had turned out. He hadn't moved from the spot when the door to the room was pushed open a bit, and Tony peeked inside. Catching the movement out of the corner of his eye just made Loki tilt his head to see him smile.

”Want company?”

Loki considered the question, and decided that he did. After what had happened it would just feel too odd to drift apart. He nodded, and moved to one side of the bed.

Tony opened the door all the way and came over to stretch out on the bed on his side, so they were facing each other. They were well within arm's reach, but they didn't touch. ”So”, the man said, still smiling. ”That was sort of not at all how I was thinking this would go.” He still looked like he was okay with that fact, though.

Dropping his head into the pillow, half trying to hide a blush and huffing a laugh at the same time, Loki still kept an eye on Tony's face. ”Would you say that technically counts as me losing my virginity?” The longer that question carried on, the hotter his face grew.

It seemed Tony actually took it seriously, even so. He placed an elbow in the middle of the pillow on his side of the bed, propped his head in his hand, and looked thoughtfully out into nothing a moment. ”Maybe?” He turned smiling eyes back to Loki. ”I guess it depends on how you yourself would define that. The first time having sex – which that totally was – or if you think it takes something else. Usually involving less clothes. So, yeah, if you want to count it, I say it holds up.”

Loki mulled that over for a moment, and then came to the conclusion that... ”I don't really care.” He curled up in a loose fetal position, both forearms up under his cheek by the edge of the pillow. ”At least I know I enjoyed it”, he offered, smiling.

”Me too”, Tony said with a grin, his hand coming to rest on Loki's elbow.

They just lay there in silence then, and Loki felt his eyelids grow heavy, until he was almost drifting off. Then he felt a dip in the mattress, a fan of warm breath, and a kiss brushing by his cheekbone.

”You go to sleep, kid. I'll be in the workshop if you need me.”

Loki just curled up tighter, and fell asleep almost at once.

He didn't know how long he stayed that way, but it had started turning darker outside when he sat up and looked around, for a moment confused at his whereabouts. Then he remembered. Malibu. Sunshine. Ocean his favourite colour. Tony... A warm, pleasant little shiver passed along his spine. Yes, he definitely remembered.

Then his stomach growled at him, and he realized why he'd woken up, too. He wondered if Tony was still in the workshop. If so, he might need to be reminded that food was a good thing, as well.

”Jarvis?” he asked tentatively. Loki still wasn't really used to adress the AI directly.

”Yes, Mr. Jarlson?”

”Where is Tony right now?”

”Sir is currently enjoying a swim in the pool, Mr. Jarlson.”

That wasn't at all what Loki had expected. But maybe that would make it even easier to get Tony to agree to dinner.

He ended up needing Jarvis to direct him at a couple of turns, but at last Loki found himself by the stairs leading down to the balcony holding the swimming pool. And sure enough, Tony was right there. Hesitantly, Loki started walking down, and then he stopped near the bottom of the stairs, and just watched for a while.

The pool wasn't very long, and with the strong, smooth, well practiced strokes Tony was never able to take more than a few to get from one end to the other. It looked more like playing in the water than swimming for any actual exercise. In the gathering dusk his reactor was throwing strange, flickering reflections in the water under him, and his mostly bare skin looked very dark against the bright blue colour around him. The sight was sort of hypnotizing, and Loki barely noticed when Tony stopped by the far end of the pool, planted his hands on the edge and lifted himself out of the water, the his arms flexing with the effort.

He got to his feet and walked over to a nearby chair and picked up a towel waiting for him there. Tony without his clothes looked even better than Loki had tried to picture him; firmly muscled with obvious strength without being overly bulky, tanned and with the last daylight shining off the water on his skin. The man ran a hand back through his tangled hair, looking almost black when it was wet, before he turned to walk away. A few steps later he glanced up, and that's when he spotted Loki on the stairs and came to a jerky halt. All at once, he looked more awkward and self-conscious than Loki had ever seen him before.

"Oh. Hey, kid. Didn't hear you coming." The man's shoulders seemed to curve in on themselves, as if he was trying to hide himself behind them. Which – of course – didn't work. His hands, holding the towel, came up to rub at his face, but it felt more like a movement meant to hide his chest. "Sorry, didn't mean to give you an eyeful", he said with a self-deprecating little twist of a smile when he'd lowered the towel, still letting his hands hover by his clavicles.

"No, I'm sorry." Loki glanced away from his obvious discomfort, clasping his hands behind his back. "I shouldn't have come sneaking up on you like that." Then he couldn't stop himself turning back, a little smile playing in the corners of his mouth. "I didn't mind the view, though."

If possible, Tony seemed to tense up even more at that. "Really?" He sounded deeply doubtful.

"Really." Moving slowly, Loki let his hands fall to his sides again and stepped down the last steps, walking closer. He stopped a couple of steps away, still out of arm's reach. He knew from experience not to try and get grabby when someone wasn't comfortable in his own skin. Although he felt fairly certain it wasn't so much his skin as the glowing thing in his chest that made Tony uncomfortable now. The first time Loki had tried to touch it, through a layer of clothing, the man had turned stiff as a board, as if Loki had pulled a gun on him. He was obviously more than a little sensitive about that. So Loki went for a distraction.

”You look great”, he said, still smiling a little. ”I'd say you're in better shape than I've ever been.”

They both knew that wasn't the issue, but it seemed to at least ease Tony's mind a little. Enough to let his shoulders roll back, more naturally relaxed. ”Pretty necessary, actually. I love my suits, but they're no picnic.” He wasn't smiling, but his face looked softer.

”I'm sure. You made them, right?”

That did earn him a little smile.

Then Tony gave a long, slow sigh, and gradually lowered the towel until the hands fisted in it were hanging down in front of him.

Loki found himself following the movement, and then his eyes traced back up flat, just a hint defined abdominals, to Tony's chest. But he didn't linger there before he faced the man again, even though he was curious. And he was sure it showed on his face, too.

Biting his lip a little, Tony watched him for a moment, before he sighed again, sharper, and let the lip go.

"You don't hate this?" One of Tony's hands let the towl go and slipped across his chest, to indicate the many small scars marring the skin there, and the reactor in the middle of these old reminders of destruction. It looked like he wanted to hide it all in the same movement.

The scarring would never be pretty. Loki guessed that the scattering of smaller scars were from the shrapnel. Since the wounds had never been neatly stitched they had left bigger marks than they should have, but they were all flat and faded by now. Around the metal casing in his sternum the scar tissue was thicker, and even if that was no longer red either, the texture was different enough from the skin around it that it still stood out. 

The arc reactor was beautiful in itself of course, the work of shining, otherworldly art that is was, but the way it was embedded in flesh and bone and skin was also horrifing. Loki could never deny the fact of that. A constant reminder of how death had come so teasingly close, and then never truly left. He couldn't say it was all appealing. Just like Tony had never tried telling him that his true form was.

They were both too strange, too unreal. Things that shouldn't be.

Loki really, honestly, didn't hate it, though.

Loki recognized his own words in the question as well, and felt another little smile tug at the corner of his lips. He shook his head. "This is you", he reminded Tony, giving him his own words back in turn. "At least, it's a part of you now. And your genius made it. I don't hate you, and I don't hate this."

When Tony just stared at him, lips parted and face blank, Loki slowly raised a hand, toward him. Still too far away to reach, but showing clearly what he wanted.

”Would you let me?”

Wide, dark eyes flitted to his hand, his face, hand again, and Tony swallowed. Then he nodded.

Taking the last short steps closer, Loki felt Tony's intense stare almost boring into his head. It was obvious the man wasn't comfortable, so he still moved slowly, no sudden movements, giving Tony plenty of warning and a chance to pull back, if he changed his mind. But he didn't. He stayed stubbornly still, until Loki's fingertips landed softly on his left pectoral, right on one of the many small scars. It was barely detectable by touch alone, just a slightly more smooth surface than the skin around it.

Even this far from the center of Tony's chest he could feel the man's heart beating, hard and heavy, and the too-rapid flex of breaths in his ribcage. Keeping his hand still, Loki met the still wide, brown eyes.

”Are you sure this is all right?” It definitely didn't feel like it was.

A stiff nod. ”I told you before, kid.” A slightly slower breath, Tony obviously trying to calm down. ”I need to work on my issues, too.”

Loki raised a brow. ”Running before you walk?”

A tense smile flickered by on Tony's face. ”Yeah, something like that.”

Then Loki lowered his gaze again, and slid his fingers down to Tony's sternum, and the top of the reactor's casing. Right to the thicker scar surrounding it. It felt unnaturally smooth, harder than the healthy skin around it, the way scar tissue usually is, and even harder since it was stretched around the metal casing and pressed against it. It shifted from thicker lumps in some places, to a thin, nicely healed line in others. He felt the edge of ribs when his fingers reached the side of the casing, and it was obvious that bone had been removed to make space for it. Loki tried to imagine how painful that must have been, but couldn't even get close.

When he had traced the full circle around the arc reactor, Loki let his fingertips linger against the chest above it, and noticed that the heart under it all was no longer beating as frantically as it had before. He was still staring at his own white fingers against that darker skin, when a just as dark hand came up to catch his, and gently pull it away. But Tony held on to his fingers when they were removed from his chest, so it didn't feel harsh, just a sign that it was enough, for now.

Loki knew that feeling. He made no protests.

Their eyes met, and they watched each other in thoughtful silence a little while.

”I actually came out here for a reason, though”, Loki said at last, rubbing a thumb over Tony's fingers.

”Yeah?” There was still a wary glint in Tony's eyes.

”I'm really hungry.”

That finally made the man's face relax into a real smile. ”Just let me get my clothes on, kid, and we'll fix that right up.”


	11. Surprises

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (This chapter is basically a load of tooth-rotting fluff. Bear with me... I needed to get a couple of things in there before moving on to bigger and better things.)

”I really wish I had never let you see that file.” Banner's voice was tired over the phone line.

”I really don't.” Leaning in under the popped hood of one of the cars in the workshop, Tony still smiled as he answered. ”Pretty sure it was one of the best things that ever happened to me.”

There was a moment of silence on the other end. ”Loki means a lot to you, doesn't he?”

Tony slowly straightened up a bit, oily hands supported on the metal edge in front of him. ”I would never have taken responsibility for him if he didn't.”

”I hope you're ready to stand by that, Tony. Fury wasn't too happy.”

”Yeah, well, I sent a message telling him where he could shove any problem he had with it.”

”I know. He wasn't amused.”

With a snort, Tony pulled a rag from his belt to wipe his hands. ”Of course he was. I crack that guy up. He just does his best to hide it.”

He could hear the sigh from Bruce clearly. ”You're really not worried at all?”

A flippant reply was very close to come rolling off the tip of Tony's tongue, but he made himself swallow it back. ”I'm worried, Bruce. Really fucking worried. I mean I know this was a pretty impulsive and not-so-well thought out thing to do, but I'm not stupid.” He threw the rag away, saw U try to catch it and fail miserably. ”Doesn't make a lick of difference now, though. I made this decision, and now I have to see the kid through the consequences of it. At the moment, I'm really all he's got, you know?” Tony sighed and watched the robot pick the rag up and roll away to put it in the trash. ”SHIELD would probably be more than happy to take him back, but that's not an option.”

”His family -” Bruce started, but Tony cut him off.

”The kid has no family, and you know that. He has a mother who's done everything she can, but after this I doubt there's more she can do. He had an almost-brother who pretended nothing was wrong, but I think they had some sort of falling out the last time they met. Loki was a mess after that. And yeah, there's Odin, and there are just no words for that guy. He'd never let the kid back under his roof, which would mean back to SHIELD, and just... no.” Tony was almost out of breath after that. He shook his head to himself. ”It's fucked up, all of it, I know, but yeah, I'm ready to stand by it. By _him_. He deserves that.”

”Well”, Banner started again, and then hesitated on his own. ”Okay, I can't say I disagree with you. I wasn't completely comfortable with the set-up, and Loki... He does seem like a nice kid. You sure you can handle him, though?”

”He's not a danger to me or anyone, Brucie. Really.”

”You know that for certain?”

Tony huffed. ”We never know anything for certain. That's not the way the world works. But I'm willing to bet most of what I own and a limb of your choosing that I'm more dangerous than this kid. By far. And I trust him.”

It was almost possible to hear Banner's eyebrows fly up his forehead. Or if Tony just knew the tone of his voice too well by now. ”You don't say that about a lot of people.”

”I don't.”

”Prepared to trust him with your life?”

Tony thought about Loki's gentle fingertips tracing the scarring around the reactor casing. ”Yeah, I am.”

”All right.” Another sigh from New York. ”I'll try to go over everything from the facility, all the tests and the results and the videos and interviews, and make sure Fury gets all the information he might want. If there's nothing to make a fuss about in there, I'll do what I can from my end to keep them away.”

”If there was, I'm sure they would have made that fuss already”, Tony pointed out. ”But really, thanks, Bruce. That means a lot.”

”Take care, Tony.”

”You too, big guy.”

An amused little noise, then Tony was alone in the workshop again. He turned to look at the car over his shoulder, but knew he wouldn't get anything done on it now. The call had scattered his thoughts all over the place and he needed to get his shit together again. On one of the workstations was an old cup of coffee, long since cold, but he swallowed the bitterness down anyway, while he sat down and stared into nothing for a while.

It felt good to have Bruce at least sort of on his side. That meant he had to have done the right thing, even if it had been impulsive and foolish and still might come back to bite him, but yeah, worth it.

For a moment he wondered what Banner might have said if he knew the direction Tony's relationship with Loki had taken, but then he realized he didn't have to wonder. He knew. It would be exactly what he had told himself before it all started – that he was putting someone dependent on him in a vulnerable and horrible position and that he should know better. Which he totally did. But he also knew that it was far too late for that now. He'd come too far and couldn't walk away anymore. 

Not just because of the sex. Which, quite frankly, had feelt too fucking good for something involving that many layers of clothing. But mostly because he did care about the kid. He did trust him. And no, he didn't say any of that about a lot of people. Hardly any people at all, really.

He'd fallen. Tony had known that the first time he'd kissed the kid. But he had done his best to pretend he didn't.

”Excuse me, sir, but there is another incoming call.”

Tony groaned. ”Now what?”

”Miss Potts needs you to visit the office and look over the latest draft of the contract for the Stockholm arc reactor, sir. Urgently.”

”Oh, damn.” He leaned forward and rubbed his palms over his face. ”They're going to be picky about the details in the fine print again, I just know it.” Sighing, he pressed the heels of his hands to his eyes. ”I should never have told her I was coming out here.”

”Done is done, sir.”

”Yeah, tell me about it”, he muttered, getting up and walking to the glass door of the workshop. ”Tell her I'm there in an hour. I need a shower. Where's the kid?”

”Mr. Jarlson is still asleep, sir.”

”Still?”

”He fell asleep at around three thirty AM, sir. It is now a quarter past nine in the morning.”

”Huh. Makes sense, then.” Tony, true to form after relocating across the continent, hadn't slept at all. ”Tell him where I am when he wakes up, so he doesn't worry. No ETA on when I'm getting back, though. I'll call him when Pepper lets me go.”

”Of course, sir.”

A quick shower later, Tony had whipped his hair into shape, pulled on a pair of jeans, and was turning to the closet to pick out an at least sort of nice shirt to take the casual edge off, when he spotted himself in the full-length mirror on the inside of the door. He froze for a moment, staring at the blue light flashing at him – and the scarred skin behind it. Tony swallowed down the slight nausea he always felt at the sight of it all bared like that and made himself keep looking anyway. If Loki had been able to look at this mess and not freak out, then he should be able to as well. Especially since he'd had five years when he could have gotten used to the thing.

How _had_ the kid been able to look at this and not freak out? Tony frowned at himself and raised a hand to trace the uneven edge of scarring around the casing, just the way Loki had. Hard, lumpy, ruined remains of skin. It felt horrible. He let his hand drop but kept staring at the reflected image of his chest.

In the back of his mind came the memory of the first time he had come face to face with Loki's blue form. On the whole, that had definitely been on the same level of strange and freaky as a man living with a flashlight embedded in scars. Or a few levels above, even. And yeah, it had been freaky. But Tony hadn't been _freaked out_ , because that had not been the only thing he had seen; he had seen Loki.

Loki had claimed, once, that he was starting to see Tony, too. So maybe the reason the kid hadn't lost it was that he had not only seen the freakshow.

Tony let his eyes drop from the mirror, pulled on a t-shirt and the shirt he'd chosen, double layers to hide the light behind, and left the bedroom. He needed to think about this, but those kind of thoughts wouldn't mix well with trying to deal with pedantic, nitpicking swedes, so he mentally shelved them and went to work.

* * *

Tony had been right; Loki couldn't sleep in this new place. At least not when he was undressed and under the covers to sleep properly, instead of fully dressed, curled up on the bedspread - and all but knocked out by overwhelming pleasure. He could still remember how it had felt, though. The sweet and sated warmth, every nerve so close to the surface, and all of them tingling with pleasure and relief. Tony had never touched him even below his shoulders, they had not removed one single piece of clothing, and it had still felt a hundred times better and more satisfying than when he'd jerked himself off. Probably because he'd still gotten to feel something beside his own touch, and a lot of it, too.

The kissing, for one thing. Although "kissing" didn't quite cover it anymore, did it? They had been making out. Which felt unreal, even when Loki could still remember how Tony's mouth had tasted. How his tongue had felt against his own. Teeth nipping so gently at his bottom lip. A lot better than he had ever dreamed it would be. And then, on top of that, even more unreal, Tony's hard-on rubbing up against his own through their jeans, Tony's helpless panting and moaning into his neck, and now there was just no way he could doubt the fact that Tony wanted him. Really, truly wanted him. 

It hadn't even seemed to bother him that Loki lacked any sort of experience. And it had bothered Loki himself a lot less when Tony had been just as lost as he had. Maybe he could have been disappointed that the notorious playboy hadn't pulled off something more spectacular, but instead he found it reassuring that they could both be reduced to useless wrecks by the force of this need and want.

The gap between them suddenly felt less wide and impossible to overcome.

Realizing how Tony felt about his own body had also made Loki see that they had more in common than he had previously thought.

Once Tony had gotten his clothes back on he had calmed down noticeably. They had managed to get together a simple dinner in the form of a salad - which had been so much heavier on the cheese and meat than the vegetables that Loki wasn't actually sure the term applied - and after a mostly quiet but still relaxed meal they had decided that it was time to go to bed and at least try to get some sleep. Which obviously didn't work out. At least not on Loki's end. While he twisted and turned until the sheets were a tangled mess around his legs, he wondered if Tony was doing any better. 

Part of him wanted to take Tony up on his offer and go seek the man out for company, but it felt like Loki had probably pushed the boundaries enough for one day with his actions by the pool. Instead he got the lights back on, picked the book he had been reading on the flight up from the nightstand, and read until his eyes more or less fell shut.

When Loki woke up again, it was very late in the morning, almost closer to noon, and he felt heavy and somehow still exhausted when he stretched and then rolled up to sit on the edge of the bed, rubbing at his narrow eyes.

"Good morning, Mr. Jarlson", the AI greeted him gently. "Mr. Stark has asked me to inform you that he is away at a business meeting today, and will be calling you as soon as he can."

Surprised, Loki sat up straight on the bed and combed his fingers back through his tangled hair. "Oh, I see. Thank you, Jarvis."

He was slightly disappointed to hear that he was alone in the mansion, but at the same time he felt a little hint of warmth flare in his stomach because Tony had been sure to let him know that right away, so he wouldn't wonder and worry. That was sort of... sweet. Thoughtful. Loki smiled to himself, and that little smile didn't slip off his face while he took a shower, dressed, and went to the kitchen to see what he could make himself for breakfast.

Loki wasn't much for cooking, but investigating the contents of the cupboards and the fridge told him he wouldn't have to cook anything. He ended up making coffee - something Tony had taught him to appreciate, he'd never tried the stuff before moving into the Tower - and cutting up banana and mango to cover with some thick, creamy vanilla youghurt. Then he took the bowl and his cup and went to sit outside in the softly warm shadow. His breakfast tasted a bit like this place felt, soft, sweet breeze and fresh sunshine.

If he never had to leave, he would probably be happy with that.

Breakfast finished, coffee gone, Loki still stayed in his chair, his mind an unusally peaceful blank. Mostly his head was never quiet. There were thoughts and worry and anxiety and tension of some sort, over something, shifting around in there nearly all the time. Now, it was still and just... content. It was a new feeling, and a very pleasant one.

He had no idea how long he had been there when his cell phone gave two short vibrations against the table next to him, pulling him back to reality. Loki's first thought was that it was Tony messaging him, already out of his meeting, but it was Frigga's name that showed up on the screen.

_I hope you arrived safely and that everything is all right, sweetheart?_

It was such a motherly thing to send him, that Loki for the second time this day felt the warmth inside that came from knowing someone cared about him. Smiling again, he even pressed the display to his heart, curling up around the phone in a hug.

When he could stand to let it go again, he raised the phone, opened the camera and took a picture capturing the wide, blue-green ocean, some of the mansion hanging out over it, and the cliffs holding the building up. He attached the photo to a reply, and typed:

_Everything is perfect, mom._

Then he tapped a finger to the send-button, knowing that answer would probably warm her as much as her message had him.

Minutes later, his phone vibrated with a new message.

_Beautiful, darling! Take care, and give Tony my love._

Loki ended up hugging the display to his chest again, just for the way she so naturally included the man in their little conversation, and accepted his importance in Loki's new life. While he closed his eyes over it, a thumb stroking the back of the device like it would be able to feel it, he found himself strangely wishing he could tell Frigga everything. Tell her about the direction his relationship with Tony seemed to be taking, and how happy he was. Really, honestly, truly happy, in a way he didn't believe he had been since he was seven and the world was still safe and loving and perfect.

Maybe he could have told her. At least some of it. But Loki didn't dare. It felt too fragile to let reality touch it with words and explanations. And if she were to say anything even with a hint of doubt or dislike, he wasn't sure he would be able to handle that.

A while later, when the vibrations from his phone took on the more drawn out tone that indicated an incoming call, Loki was still sitting in his shadowy spot outside. But now he had his book for company. He put it away before picking up the phone, saw Tony's name on the display now, and put the thing to his ear.

”Hi, Tony.”

”Hey, kid. I heard it's been a while since you had breakfast.”

”Having Jarvis help you stalking me?” Loki slid down deeper in his chair, feet propped up on the seat of another one. He tried to keep his smile back. ”Creepy, Tony.”

A huff of laughter. ”You know it. Anyway. Was thinking I might as well bring home... I don't know. Late lunch? Really early dinner? You know, food?”

Loki presented the idea to his stomach, and the suggestion was met with approval. ”I could eat.”

”Indian, sushi, or italian?”

”Never had sushi”, Loki admitted. ”No real preference otherwise.”

There came an obviously feigned gasp from the other end of the line. ”Never had sushi?!” The tone made Loki admit that the gasp perhaps wasn't all fake. ”That does it; I'm fixing that.”

With a sceptical little hum, Loki just shrugged, even though Tony couldn't see.

”You'll love it.” Then the man seemed to think of something else. ”Oh! I'll be bringing a surprise home, too. Brace yourself, kid!”

Loki felt his eyebrows climb up his forehead. ”Really? For what?”

”If I told you”, Tony said with exaggerated patience, ”it wouldn't be a surprise, now would it?”

It wouldn't have surprised Loki if his eyeroll was loud enough to hear. ”I'll just wait here, then, on the edge of my seat.” Where he actually was, judging by the way it was now digging into his ass.

”Excellent.”

The call ended, and Loki slid the phone onto the table again. Pulling a face at his own by now pretty uncomfortable position he sat up properly and tried to go back to his reading, but in the end he failed. Miserably.

Surprise? What kind of surprise? He never got surprises. Damn, now he was curious...

Loki distracted himself by carrying the dishes left from his breakfast in and put them in the dishwasher. Then he set the coffeemaker to brew a new pot, because he suspected Tony would want some when he got back home.

By the time he'd come that far he heard a noise from the livingroom area, and turned around just in time to see Tony walk into the kitchen, sunglasses pushed up into his hear, worn jeans and a pale blue shirt over a white t-shirt. The sleeves were folded to just below his elbows, and the colour made his skin look very dark, his smile when he spotted Loki even brighter in contrast.

Tony demonstratively held up a paper bag and then put it down on the kitchen island between them. ”I'll be right back to introduce you to these beauties. Just need to change out of this shirt and hide this away.” He tapped his now free hand to something wrapped in a plastic bag and held between his other arm and chest, and winked. ”Back in a minute!” The last he threw over his shoulder, already halfway out of the room again.

Shaking his head in a fondly exasperated way, Loki let him go and stepped up to the counter to lean in over the bag. Blinking in surprise at all the bright colours greeting him from the clear plastic lid on the container inside. Green and red and pink and bright white. Sushi had always just translated to ”raw fish” in his head, and he had pictured something gray and sickening and not apetizing at all. This was... really pretty. It looked fresh, and artfully made. And it smelled good, too. A hint of something sweet and tart that intrigued him.

He was still peeking into the bag when Tony returned, and the man's laugh made him stand up straight with a start.

”Like what you see?”

”I do, actually.” Loki smiled. ”It looks nothing like what I thought it would.”

Tony was about to say something else, then he stopped and sniffed, eyebrows flying up. ”Did you... make coffee?”

The smile widened. ”I guessed you would want some.”

”Genius move, kid”, the man said, pointing at him with a serious expression. ”And I should know.” 

Then he walked around the island to pick out a cup and pour for himself by the counter behind Loki, who didn't bother to turn from curiously eyeing the sushi. So he wasn't prepared when Tony stepped up right beside him and placed an arm around the small of his back. He blinked at the smiling face. The dark gray t-shirt Tony was wearing now didn't actually make the smile less brilliant, so maybe the colour hadn't done it all?

”Want to give it a try?” Tony nodded his head to indicate the bag.

”Yes, please.”

It all seemed very complicated when they settled by the table and Tony picked everything from the bag. There was the sushi, of course, in a lot of different varieties, and then some stuff a poisonous shade of green and something that looked like little off-white, pinkish, wet leaves. Tiny plastic bowls and miniature bottles of what smelled like soy. Chopsticks.

”I didn't order anything too weird. Since it's your first time and all”, Tony said with a wink. Then he pointed out and named and described the pieces. It was mostly different kinds of rolls, some in something black Tony explained was made of sea weed, and some rolled in other things, like fish eggs. The ingredients seemed to be heavy on the side of salmon, tuna and some other kinds of fish Loki didn't know, prawns and avocado. 

In the end he gave up trying to remember what was what, and just went for it.

Again, Tony had been right. He loved it. It was such an explosion of both flavours and textures that it was almost overwhelming, but it was all good. Unbelievably good. Before he'd even swallowed the first bite Loki heard himself make an almost indecent noise around the mouthful.

It looked like Tony's face was about to split in half with his pleased grin. ”Told you!”

Loki loved every piece he tried. He hated the green stuff. The wet leaves (which turned out to be ginger) was great, though.

They ate until they almost couldn't move. What at last made Loki attempt to catch his breath and sit up properly after leaning over the table, was the flash of memory reminding him of something important.

”The surprise?” He eyed Tony with his eyebrows expectantly raised.

Another grin. Then a groan. ”Crap. I left it up in my room after I changed. I'm not sure I can get up the stairs in this state.”

”I could help?” Loki offered.

”Well, aren't you helpful when you're curious.” Tony chuckled. ”All right then. But I'll topple like a felled tree on the bed and you'll have to open it up there anyway. Just, you know, fair warning.”

”That shouldn't be a problem.”

It wasn't. 

First of all, Loki was curious about actually getting to see Tony's bedroom. When the man pushed open one of the double doors leading into it and stepped inside, the room greeting them seemed to be all bed. It really wasn't, but it felt that way. The room was large and open, with a high ceiling and windows opening to show the ocean outside, sunlight shining off the white peaks of foam on the waves now and then, but the bed was still big enough to dominate the space, even though it was low and simple in design just like Loki's own. He noticed, too, that the bed didn't look like it had been slept in.

Tony did sprawl out on that bed now though, just like he'd said he would, and from there he pointed out the plastic bag containing the surprise where it was on the floor by the walk-in closet, where Tony had obviously dropped it before changing clothes. Loki quickly walked over, picked it up – found that it was surprisingly heavy – and then returned to sit on the side of the wide bed. He glanced over, only to find warm, brown eyes smiling at him.

”Well? Go on! Killing me over here!”

That made Loki laugh. ”You already know what it is, Tony.”

”'Course! But still!”

Shaking his head, Loki stuck a hand into the bag and pulled out a vaguely familiar wooden box. It rattled a little when he moved it. There was a lock on one end, and he flipped it and opened the box. And then he grinned.

”Oh, I see... You were itching to have your ass kicked again.”

It was a mancala board. Beautifully carved out of dark wood with a line of stars decorating the middle between the rows of shallow hollows. The pieces weren't stone, like with the game back in the Tower, but made out of many different kinds of wood, smooth and rounded.

Tony huffed a little laugh. ”I'll need to keep trying if I'm going to win some day, right?”

”Right now?” He raised an eyebrow at the still sprawled out man.

”Sure. Why not? Set it up.”

When Loki had spread the wooden pieces evenly along the sides of the board, Tony rolled over on his side, propped his head up supported on an elbow on the mattress, and they started playing. And then the strangest thing happened.

Tony won.

Even the man himself looked almost more shocked than pleased.

He won the next game too, but then Loki beat him, although not by much. The fourth game was a tie.

By then, Tony was sitting up and staring at the board and Loki in turns.

”What the hell was that?” He frowned at Loki. ”You didn't let me win, did you?”

Loki frowned right back. ”Definitely not! I played just like usual. You haven't been letting me win before, have you?”

”Hell no!” Tony snorted. ”I never let anyone win anything.”

They both stared at the board. Without a word, Tony set it up for another game, which he won by a narrow margin.

”Okay, kid, this is officially weird.”

Loki had to agree. Not because Tony was winning most games now, but because he hadn't been doing so all along. And he actually believed the man when he said he hadn't been faking it before.

As an experiment, they kept playing until their eyes grew too heavy to keep going. Then Tony asked Jarvis for the statistics. Out of 27 games, not counting the first ones, Tony had won 15. Five had been ties.

The man scratched his beard, his brow furrowed. ”I don't get it.” He glanced up at Loki. ”I mean, you're good, kid, don't get me wrong. You're damn bright and with some more practice I think you could beat me at least 50 percent of the time. Maybe more. But what the hell was going on before?”

Loki shook his head, looking down at the wooden board, honestly confused. ”I have absolutely no idea.”

When he looked up again, Tony was watching his face with something Loki could only call fascination. ”You're just one big mystery, aren't you?”

Once those words would have hurt, they still made him slightly uneasy, but there was nothing negative in the tone of Tony's voice. Just more of that fascination and something that might have even been wonder. Loki could do nothing but blink and feel stunned. Even more so when Tony closed the board up to a box again, pushed it aside, and then leaned over to catch Loki's hand in his own, and unceremoniously pulled him closer. Until he nearly fell right over into Tony's lap. But he managed to get his other hand out for support, chuckling.

”Done playing, I take it?”

”Not even a little”, Tony said, smiling. ”Just had another game in mind.” And then he simply leaned in close again and settled his lips on the side of Loki's throat. Gentle but warm, followed by a tickle of the tip of his tongue.

The noise Loki made was not unlike the one the sushi had gotten out of him. And it didn't get any less indecent when those lips flitted lightly up his neck to his jaw, before catching his mouth. Then it wasn't long before Loki did fall over, dragging Tony down with him in a tangle of arms, until Tony managed to push him up a bit when Loki was obviously too heavy on the reactor. Loki had noticed that Tony preferred not to have too much weight or pressure on it. When he adjusted for stability and leverage and sat back, he realized that he had ended up straddling Tony's thighs, leaning in over him on straight arms.

Tony didn't seem bothered by that, though. He just reached up, slipped his hands around the back of Loki's neck, up into his hair, and gently tugged him down until he was on his elbows by Tony's shoulders instead, guided into a new kiss. It was sort of a reversal of when Tony had been lying on top of him before, and Loki found that he enjoyed this too.

Then Tony moaned, and smiled into his lips. ”You still taste like sushi.”

Loki smiled back. ”So do you.”

After a while, they had kissed that taste away. Loki was happy he was supported on his elbows, because his arms felt weak. His legs too, apprently, because they were no longer holding him up above Tony's. Soon he felt his ass and the top part of the back of his thighs come to rest on the legs under him. Then one of Tony's legs left the mattress and came up to push against him, willing him forward, and he let himself be moved until his crotch was suddenly against the other's.

They both groaned against each other, before Tony gave something that might have been a muffled curse, caught his sides and moved him down and over on his back, irresistably strong, turning to press into Loki's side. One of his hands kept sliding down Loki's opposite side, to his waist, curling around his hipbone for a moment before moving across to his abdomen, the heel of that hand touching against the elastic on the sweatpants he wass still wearing since he pulled them on after that late morning's shower. Loki knew where it was heading, and even though he knew he was hard, even though they had been grinding into each other to get off just the day before, he suddenly wasn't sure he wanted it to go there. Which was silly. Wasn't it?

He'd had sex yesterday. Tony had said so. Told him that if he thought so, he wasn't a virgin anymore. So a hand on him shouldn't be too much to take. Somehow, it still was, and before he could even make sense of it he felt his own hand flash down to catch the man's wrist, stopping him.

Tony turned his head to meet his eyes, a question on his face, and Loki was sure that when it came out of his mouth it would be 'why?' or possibly 'why not?'. And he would have no answer.

”You want me to stop altogether?”

That wasn't the question he had expected at all, so it took Loki a moment to register what this one meant, and what he wanted to answer. At last he managed a tiny headshake. He had no words to explain what he did want, so he just gripped Tony's wrist a bit harder and pulled, until he had that warm palm flat on his chest instead. That felt safer, so then he let go.

Keeping the hand still there at first, Tony leaned in to kiss him again. But while he still kissed him, tongue softly sliding along his top lip, his hand slid a little to the side, turned, and fingertips brushed over a nipple, moving the fabric of his t-shirt against the already hard little nub.

Loki heard himself gasp.

”All right?” Tony asked against his mouth.

He managed a nod. Still no words.

Soon the light touches had him so sensitive his whole chest seemed sore, and he felt he had to give at least some payback. After a glance and a reaching hand asking permission, he settled a hand along the side of Tony's pectoral, a thumb finding his nipple in turn. The man didn't seem as bothered with a layer of clothing between them, the scars invisible and the small ones impossible to feel through the t-shirt, and the heat seeping into his kiss then felt like approval.

They just kept that up for a while, kisses gradually turning slower, easing up, coming further apart, their hands stopping their exploration and settling on the other's ribs. Their breathing evened out, and they relaxed. Loki felt Tony's hand grow more and more heavy on his chest, before it suddenly twitched a little, and he realized that Tony had nodded off.

The man stretched and rubbed his face into Loki's shoulder. ”I know it's early”, he murmured, ”but I didn't sleep at all last night, so I think I should give it a try.”

Just like Loki had suspected when he had seen the still pristinely made bed.

"Probably a good idea then." Loki pulled back enough to slip under the covers, not even for a second considering that Tony might have meant that he should get out and leave Tony alone – which suprised him later. He turned, grabbed the pillow on the other side of the bed and pulled it closer, dropping his head on it with a sigh.

He felt Tony slip off the bed behind him, heard him pull off his jeans and drop them on the floor, and then felt the dip when he crawled back into bed, also under the covers.

A few seconds later, he felt an arm slide carefully around his middle. Legs fitted themselves in behind his, a warm body along his back, and the warmth of breath against the back of his neck told him there was a face buried in his hair. It somehow felt even more intimate than what they had done on the bed before this, in its own soft, relaxed, soothing way. He rubbed his own face deeper into the pillow, let himself melt into the solid comfort and presence of the man behind him, and then he surprised himself by falling asleep, despite the early hour.

And Loki had been asleep for a while when movement woke him up again. The arm around his waist had tensed, he noticed after a moments confusion as to where he was and who was sharing a bed with him, and then it held on tighter, so hard it almost hurt him. But just for a second. Then Tony suddenly jerked his arm back in a quick movement, and the next moment hands planted themselves against Loki's back and shoulder blades, shoving him away, hard and almost violently.

Thankfully the bed was too wide, but if Loki had been closer to the edge Tony would have pushed him clean off the mattress.

What was going on? If Tony hadn't wanted him there, he could have just told him!

Lips pressed together in a line of irritation mingled with unease, Loki turned on the bed, rolling away so he could face the man on the other side of it. There was just enough dim lights in the darkened room and from the reactorglow that he could see that Tony had pulled his arms back after lashing out at Loki. Now he had them curled up around his own abdomen, as if in protection. His brows and his mouth were in such a pained twist that Loki could make it out in the semi-darkness, and the faint lights seemed to shine off sweat on his forehead. His eyes were closed.

Suddenly, Loki realized that Tony was still asleep.

The man curled up a bit then, his breaths coming quicker, until they turned to noise, a whining deep in the back of his throat, as if from a wounded animal. And then, without any warning what so ever, Tony just... stopped breathing. Altogether.

It didn't take Loki long to do the only thing he found reasonable at the time – he panicked.

"Tony!" It was almost a shout as Loki shot across the bed, hands clutching shoulders where the muscles were so tense they felt as hard as stone under his fingers. It didn't even register with Loki in his distress that if Tony was tense, he couldn't be lifeless. He was too frightened to think about details like that. "Tony! Please, be okay!"

Under his as-gentle-as-possible shaking Tony suddenly twitched before his eyes flew wide, staring wildly at Loki's face. There was not even a hint of reconition there, and the next instant hands came up to grab his wrists and pull them away. But the man also sucked in a hissing breath, and that was all Loki had hoped for.

Before he had any time to be relieved, though, he was suddenly flipped on his back and pinned by a heavy, solid body and very, very strong hands. Tony's face hovered over his, a shocked blank. Loki carefully stayed still, looking up at him, instinct telling him to not be a threat, not make it worse.

"Tony?" he whispered. "It's okay. You're okay." At least he hoped the last part was true...

For a moment there was no reaction. But then Tony blinked, and his mouth opened. "Loki?" Horse and broken. Then he raised his head and seemed to realize their position. "Oh, fuck...", he groaned. "Lights, Jarvis!"

Soft light suddenly surrounded them, giving Loki a very clear view of Tony's concerned, sweaty face before the man quickly let go of his wrists and rolled off him. Tony sat on his side of the bed, leaving some space between them, and combed his fingers back through his hair.

"Shit...", he muttered. "Loki, I'm so fucking sorry! Please tell me I didn't hurt you?"

Shaking his head before he had even stopped to think, Loki pushed himself up sitting as well. It wasn't until he moved his hands to his lap that he noticed his wrists were actually pretty sore. They would probably bruise, but it wasn't serious enough that he felt he needed to worry Tony with that right now. Nothing was broken, and it wasn't as if Tony had done it on purpose, anyway.

"I'm just fine." Then he frowned. "Are _you_ all right? You... you weren't breathing, Tony."

Tony sighed and gave a heavy shrug. "Yeah, it happens. Guess I should have warned you when I had you sleeping in here, but it's been a while since the last time." He rubbed a hand over his mouth and glanced away. "Just nightmares, really. Bad ones."

"But..." Loki couldn't let it go that easily, not without understanding. "But then why couldn't you breathe?" Just nightmares couldn't explain that, could it?

Brown eyes, darkened by wide pupils, came back to meet his. A moment of hesitation. "Was holding my breath, kid. That's what you do when someone tries to drown you. No matter if you're asleep or not."

It took a moment before it really sunk in. Then it was a cold knot tightening in his gut. ”Oh.” Loki swallowed. It tasted sour. ”I'm sorry. I shouldn't have -”

But Tony cut him off with a wave of a hand. ”No, it's okay, kid. I can tell you the story. If you want. Just... not now, all right?” He waited until he saw Loki nod, then he relaxed a little. ”If you want to go to your own room, that's fine. Not sure I can sleep again anyway.”

Loki did think about it, but then shook his head. ”I'd rather stay, if that's okay.”

That earned him a surprised blink. ”Yeah?” Then Tony managed a small smile. ”Well, if you're sure, then you're welcome to stay.”

They got back down under the covers. Tony didn't come close enough to hold him this time, and Loki let him keep his distance. He just let one hand rest on the mattress between them, and just before he started drifting off back to sleep, he thought he felt fingers settle over the back of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Also - I just gave myself a serious sushi craving. [So I had to go buy myself some.](http://usedupshiver.tumblr.com/post/114217675647/writing-your-favourite-food-into-a-fic-is) Damn.)


	12. The morning after

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (I just wanted to say _thank you!_ to everyone for kudos and lovely comments making posting this story such a huge pleasure.)

Tony woke up with the soft daylight from the semi-darkened windows kept out of his eyes by a faceful of soft hair, smelling of both sweet and spice. His arm was curled around a lean body, he felt slim fingers entwined with his own, and long legs tangled up with his as well as the covers. It was delicately innocent, and at the same time intimate in a very real way.

He hadn't expected to wake up that way. For two reasons.

First, he had never even expected to go back to sleep after a nightmare like that. Usually that didn't happen, but then he was usually left to handle that on his own, tossing and turning in sweat-damp sheets, or working the anxiety off in the 'shop, drinking coffee like water. It was different when there was another person there in the bed, falling asleep by his side, slow breaths and tiny, sleepy noises forming a sort of lullaby to rock him to sleep as well, and a cool hand placed where he could reach it, if he needed the comfort. Which he did.

Second, he had decided that he wouldn't get too close to the kid this time. It had ended badly the first time, and he didn't want to risk doing anything in his sleep that might end up hurting Loki. That just wasn't right. But as soon as he had fallen asleep it seemed his body had taken matters into its own hands and attached itself to Loki like a fucking barnacle. So there he still was. Judging by the way the kid was holding on to him in turn, though, curving his spine to fit right into his front, it didn't seem like he minded it. At all.

It was like his old dreams, only better. And Tony had barely thought that before he felt himself getting hard, groaning internally at the lousy timing. He just wanted to enjoy the moment, not be distracted by his own libido. Was that too much to ask?

Apparently it was.

Tony didn't move, though. He just stayed right there, nose buried in the scent of Loki's hair, feeling slow breathing move his arm, even heartbeats under his hand, and he really was content with just that. Sure, his cock hadn't heard the news yet, but it could just suck up and deal. At least that's what he thought before he felt Loki pull in a deeper breath, waking up, shifting slightly against him, which with the way they were pressed into each other of course made him rub that perfectly firm little ass right up against Tony's hard-on. He shut his eyes tighter, waiting for the moment when the kid would tense up and pull away, hoping he could pretend he was still asleep himself.

It never came.

Instead the fingers entwined with his carefully freed themselves, only to hold Tony's palm flat to Loki's chest, where he could feel the rythm of breathing and heartbeats increase noticeably. He decided to take that as some sort of sign of approval of the situation and let out a breath he hadn't noticed he had been holding into the soft, black tresses of hair, and in a repeat of his actions the day before he moved his hand against Loki's chest, happening upon an already hard nipple under the t-shirt.

The tiny sound in Loki's throat at that must have made him lose his mind a little bit or something, because before he had thought it through – or _started_ thinking about it at all, really – he curled his fingers into the fabric, gathering it up, and then slid his hand down over the creases to slip in under the hem of the garment. For the first time ever he was touching bare skin that wasn't Loki's hands, arms, face or neck. He skimmed lightly over the softest stretch of abdomen he had probably ever put his hands on, felt his way back up to the slight swell of a pectoral, and – yeah, right there – back to the nipple he'd been touching through fabric just moments ago.

_What the hell was he even doing?!_

A fraction of a second later the actual _whimper_ from Loki broke right through his shocked reaction to his own impulsive action. The kid's back pushed closer into him, his ass again coming way too up close and personal with Tony's hard-on to be good for his sanity, and okay then, it seemed he hadn't just completely messed up after all.

Tony got his face out of the kid's hair, lifted his head and brushed his lips against the side of Loki's neck while his fingertips went exploring, drawing a little circle around that nipple before wandering across the wide chest to the other pectoral and another nipple, giving it the same treatment. He kept caressing over ribs and sternum all the way up to the kid's clavicles and the hollow of his throat, then back to where he had started again.

By then Loki was panting into the pillow under his face, a little whine now and then following the air back out of him. The noises where distracting Tony so much that he barely noticed when a hand came to join his under the t-shirt, caught Tony's, and in a determined movement pulled it down from Loki's chest, to his abdomen again, now hard and concave from the muscles pushing his spine back into Tony's body, and then further down... The kid gave a shaky moan when Tony's palm reached below the dip of his navel and he could feel a hint of coarser hair and oh fuck that had to be Loki's treasure trail and Tony's brain felt like it short-circuited because the hand moving his still wasn't stopping.

A part of him, the part that needed reassurance that he was doing the right thing even when he wished for nothing more than to just keep going, wanted to pull on the breaks and ask Loki if he really was sure about this. Just a few hours ago he'd reached out to stop Tony from doing this exact thing, after all.

But another part of him on some level recognized the state Loki was in; he was lost in sensation and arousal, and speech and analyzing his actions were not on the agenda. If Tony started asking questions and made him snap out of it, the kid most likely wouldn't thank him. He knew, because that state of mind was one of the things that had always made Tony love sex so much – it was one of the few things that could shut his busy mind down. He very much suspected that Loki's mind was probably a pretty busy place as well, and that the kid could use a break.

Tony decided to keep his mouth shut, just go with it, and keep careful watch for any sign of a changed mind, ready to hit the emergency stop button at any time.

For some reason it wasn't until his hand reached the waistline of Loki's underwear that Tony noticed that those were actually all the kid was wearing now, apart from his t-shirt. When their bodies had the same temperature he hadn't realized that Loki's legs were bare against his; the touch of his skin was usually so cool that Tony noticed it at once.

Sometime during the last hours Loki must have woken up, too hot for comfort, and decided to kick his sweatpants off. That was completely reasonable and practical and shouldn't really be sexy at all. That didn't seem to matter, though, because right now it was making _Tony_ feel too hot for comfort. And fuck, but all at once it was really hard to keep a cool head and not get just as lost as Loki was. He couldn't afford that luxury for himself, though, not right now. But oh come on! For the second time this thing had gone from zero to sixty in absolutely no time at all, and he couldn't blame himself for reeling just a little bit.

In no way was he out of it enough to try getting his hand in under Loki's underwear, though. Not even close.

It really wasn't necessary anyway. For either of them. Tony knew that as soon as he slipped his hand low enough that his palm settled over what had to be the surprisingly hot and slightly damp head of Loki's cock. The kid's breath hitched into a groan and he instantly moved his hip forward into Tony's hand. All at once Tony could perfectly make out the hard length against his fingers, could even feel the little twitch into his palm when the pad of his thumb brushed the tip.

It literally took seconds of Loki more or less rutting into Tony's rubbing palm before the kid was whining loudly and desperately like a starving dog with every single breath. And he really loved the discovery that the kid wasn't afraid to make noises like that.

This time Tony wasn't far enough gone to let himself be cheated out of seeing everything, so he quickly propped himself up on his elbow and leaned in to get at least a glimpse of Loki's face. All he saw was the pale profile against the soft mocha colour of the pillowcase, the black hair forming a dark halo behind it, but damn it that wasn't enough.

Loki's eyes were shut tight, his eyebrows pinched together above the bridge of his long nose, while his jaw had dropped, his lips slack and wet and parted and Tony just got a hint of the pink tip of his tongue running over the kid's top lip before a palm suddenly pressed down over his. He almost startled, but made himself keep his arm in place when he felt Loki go tense, stop breathing. Under his hand an even hotter patch of damp was suddenly spreading in the fabric, as he watched Loki's mouth open wider in a silent scream, eyelids wrinkling when he pressed them shut even tighter, his hips stuttering helplessly.

Then, Loki was suddenly a limp, boneless thing slumping back into Tony's chest, panting, his face completely blank in relaxation. Tony didn't say anything. He just leaned in even closer and nuzzled the hair on the side of the kid's head. When he raised his head again he saw an emerald eye blink open and turn to take in his face, and all he could do was smile.

* * *

A dream had woken Loki up to begin with. And it definitely hadn't been a nightmare.

In the dream he had been in the swimming pool with Tony, both of them naked even though the sparkle and shimmer of the water meant he saw nothing below their waists. He remembered seeing Tony's richly dark skin, and the glow in his chest – even though for some reason the reactor in the dream wasn't round, but shaped like one of the five-pointed stars on the mancala board – and he didn't need to see anything anyway, not with the way Tony had crowded him with his back into a corner of the shallow end, one hand on the blue pool edge behind him, the other hidden under the water. There it was settled on Loki's hipbone, before it moved, warm in contrast to the cool water, and traced its way lower –

– and then he had woken up, knowing that at least the warm touch hadn't been a dream.

The rest was sort of a blur, now, but he knew it had happened for real. He knew it from the gentle but oh-so-very-pleased smile on Tony's lips when he dared to open an eye, and the feeling of the man's palm still settled over him, where he was sticky with cum inside his underwear, the now wet fabric all there was between them.

Against his backside he could feel the very difficult to miss hardness giving Tony's own arousal away.

Loki couldn't stop a little smile from sneaking its way onto his lips then, and he pulled his hand out from under the covers to rub at his face, eyes still gravelly from sleep. When he opened his eyes again, turning to face Tony more head on, that face was no longer smiling, though. The full lips were suddenly a thin, tense line and the brown eyes fixed on Loki's hand. Or, more exact, his wrist. He knew why, of course, and didn't even have to follow the look to make sure.

He could see Tony's mouth twist bitterly, start to open, and then Loki turned even more, half onto his back, so he could get his left hand free and place his fingers over the words he knew were coming, stopping them in their path.

”Don't”, he said, softly but firmly. ”I'm feeling way too good right now. I'm fine, it wasn't your fault. Just leave it at that.”

Brown eyes flitted over his face, and the crease between the dark brows told him Tony was far from convinced about doing that. At least he stayed still and silent, and then nodded slightly under Loki's fingers. So Loki let himself relax against the man again, but noticed that the hard bulge against his ass was just as gone as Tony's smile. He sighed as he let his eyes fall shut. The mood seemed to be ruined anyway. Just over a few harmless, accidental bruises.

By his side Tony dropped down on the mattress again. His hand left Loki's crotch and moved up his front, on the outside of the t-shirt again, to settle around his middle, holding him tighter. Lips touched his temple.

”Good morning, kid.”

That made Loki smile again, and he placed his hand on top of Tony's, happy to start over. ”Good morning, Tony.”

The mouth against his temple tensed and stretched into a smile. ”You look completely fucking gorgeous when you cum, by the way”, Tony said, almost conversationally, lips still so close they brushed his skin. ”Just figured you should know that.”

Loki was sure Tony could feel the heat of his blushing face, but he couldn't keep from grinning like a maniac at the same time. When he had his mouth under control again he turned his head, tilting it back until his lips found Tony's, catching them in a soft, lingering and strangely chaste kiss, considering the topic and the situation.

”I still don't know what you look like, though”, he murmured when they parted enough to speak.

”There should be some opportunites coming up to set that to right, I hope.” Tony's smile tasted as warmly sweet as the ginger had the day before.

”Yes, please”, Loki breathed, and went to kiss the man again.

There was not a single thing chaste about it this time.

* * *

Watching Loki slide half naked out of the bed to pick up his discarded sweatpants and leave to take a shower was an interesting experience in itself. The kid's legs were somewhere around a mile long, slim and elegant and subtly muscled under the pale skin. He must have felt Tony's gaze following him, because right before sliding out the double doors he threw a self-conscious little glance over his shoulder, blushed lightly, and then he was gone.

Tony sat staring at the closed doors for a while before he shook himself, rubbed his hand over his face and made himself get up as well, picked up the jeans he'd dropped on the floor the day before and pulled them back on.

He felt like he'd been run over. The nightmare, the shockingly intimate morning activities, the bruises, the guilt, Loki's firm way of brushing it aside, the kid saying he wanted to know what Tony looked like when he came... His head was a _mess_.

Only one thing to do.

”Jarvis, buddy, light up the workshop for me. And get some coffee going down there.”

”Right away, sir.”

He had finished two cups and had sketched maybe half of the blueprints for what he thought would turn out to be the Mark 12 – if he could get enough blood out of his lower regions to actually focus on the thing anytime soon – when he heard the door to the workshop open with a beep and a click. Tony turned around on the high chair to see Loki come walking in, curiously eyeing the wire model.

”That one looks different from the others”, the kid pointed out when he stopped by Tony's side, placing a hand on his shoulder in an absently casual sort of way that made Tony warm inside, remembering a time when Loki would never have touched him so naturally.

He didn't mention it though, just looked up at the suit-to-be as well. He raised a hand to spin the bulky shape around. ”The others are mostly built for speed and agility. This one will sort of be the tank of the family, I think.” 

Loki nodded thoughtfully and traced the lines with his emerald gaze.

Tony turned the chair he was sitting on until he had Loki in front of him, pulling him in until he was standing between Tony's slightly spread legs. He tilted his head back to look up at the kid, who was now giving him that curious expression instead of the blueprint.

”I built the first real suit here, actually”, he said. ”Nearly killed myself, oh, three or four times, trying out the parts and the finished thing. Concussions and burns and nearly splattering myself all over the street on the first real flight, and it still felt worth every single second. Drove people nuts, though.”

While he listened intently, Loki's hands came to settle softly on his shoulders.

”That was right after I came back from Afghanistan.” He swallowed a sigh. He had said he would tell Loki the story, if he wanted to hear it. Might as well. ”I don't know how much you know about that?”

Loki gave a little shrug. ”Not much, really. I know you were kidnapped, that you built a suit to escape.” A smile tugged at a pale corner of his mouth. ”I remember your press conference when you had just come back to the States. Odin was horribly upset. He was sure he'd lose a lot of money.

Tony gave a snort. ”He wasn't alone, that's for sure.” Then he turned serious again, and had to look down before he went on. ”There was more to it, though. Which I'm sure you have already figured out. I almost got blown up, and that's when I got this.” He rubbed at the reactor. ”They had a lot of my weapons, and they wanted me to build more for them. Although 'wanted me to' doesn't really cover it...”

The words failed him a there. He felt Loki's thumbs rub little circles into his shoulders, and drew a little bit of strength from that gesture.

”They drowned me. Didn't stop until I agreed to do it. Just because it was that or die or lose my mind with my head forced under water and I... Yeah.” Tony huffed a little, but it sounded choked. ”Maybe I did lose my mind anyway.”

Loki moved a little bit closer, his hands held Tony's shoulders firmer, willing him closer, until Tony relented and leaned in to support his forehead against Loki's chest. A hand left his shoulder so that long fingers could comb through his hair.

He sighed deeply, pulling in the air through his nose together with the fresh scent from the newly showered Loki.

”I lied to them, though”, he told the kid's chest. ”I didn't build what they wanted. Instead I made the first arc reactor for my chest, used it to power a really primitive suit and -” Tony stopped and leaned back, glancing up at Loki's serious face. ”Got out of there.”

Yeah, got out. Got one of the best men he'd ever met killed and then burned most of the bastards who did it to a crisp in the process. He didn't feel like telling Loki that, though. The kid already knew he wasn't a perfect rolemodel or anything but fuck it, some things were better left unsaid. Anyway, the knowing little glint in the green eyes made him suspect that Loki guessed the truth – or close enough – without hearing it in any sort of detail.

”When I got home, I figured the reason I even survived that mess was so I could try to do something better. Make up for all the greedy, stupid shit I'd done before. That I shouldn't waste my life.”

Those last words made Loki blink, and frown, his eyes suddenly intently searching Tony's face as if he was looking for something half forgotten. ”You didn't do it alone”, he said then, making Tony blink in turn. ”You said someone saved your life, after the shrapnel. That someone dying so we could live is never easy. And that I shouldn't waste it...” His frown deepened. ”He helped you and he didn't make it, did he?”

Tony felt his jaw drop a little. He'd know the kid wasn't exactly slow, but damn, that was still a bit of a shock. Maybe he just wasn't used to being around someone who actually listened to him with enough focus to apparently remember _every goddamn thing_ he had ever said to them. His eyes stung, but he made himself keep meeting Loki's while he closed his mouth again and swallowed. ”No, he didn't make it”, he said, all gravel. ”Yinsen. He was a better man and more of a hero than I'll ever be and he took more bullets than I could even count so I'd get out instead.”

Loki didn't say anything to that, just ran his fingers deeper into Tony's hair. The emerald eyes turned a bit more liquid, though.

”So, yeah.” Tony cleared his throat. ”I cleaned up my act a bit. Became Iron Man. And then sort of a probationary Avenger. And that's basically it.”

”Not nearly, I think.” There came a smile to Loki's face. ”I remember that second appearance in the media too, you know?” A black eyebrow arched. ”Thor and I stayed up late just to see it on the news again. We didn't know much about you before that, really.” A corner of his mouth twitched higher into a little smirk. ”I was fifteen. What did I know – or care – about the stock market or the weapon industry? But then you turned into a real, actual superhero, right in front of our eyes, and it was like something out of a comic book.”

Tony was far from sure what to make of all that and was sure he was staring like an idiot. ”Damn”, he finally muttered. ”It feels so weird, hearing about it like that. From the outside.” 

(At the same time a part of him was silently panicking in the back of his head because _fifteen! The kid had been fifteen fucking years old_ and fuck, now he felt even older...)

”Thor was such a huge fan of yours, seriously.” Loki's face split into a real grin, but then it suddenly flickered and died again. ”At least until... Well...” He was the one to glance away now.

”Until I came crashing in and stole his baby brother away?” 

Loki eyed him hesitantly, and then nodded.

Tony had guessed as much.

That was the moment when Loki's stomach decided to give a loud rumble. Given that Tony was still sitting so close there was no way he could miss the noise. They both gave the kid's middle a look, and then faced each other.

”Sounds like someone needs breakfast”, Tony grinned.

”Hard to plea not guilty now, isn't it?” Loki gave a slightly awkward little shrug. ”How about you?”

Tony shook his head. ”Not a breakfast person, kid. I'll try to get some more work done.”

”See you later, then.” And with that Loki leaned in, kissed the top of Tony's head, and left for – presumably – the kitchen.

For a while Tony once more found himself staring at a door where Loki had just disappeared. Then he turned back to the model of the suit and stared at that instead. He felt run over again. His head was still a mess.

Somehow, it didn't feel horrible, and even though it had left him a bit sore he thought it had done him good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A quick note of the timeline behind this story:  
> I decided to use the years the movies were released as a the years things happened. Meaning that Tony became Iron Man in 2008, and the events of the Avengers took place in 2012.  
> This story takes place in 2013, making Tony, who was born in [1970](http://marvelcinematicuniverse.wikia.com/wiki/Iron_Man), 43 years old. Loki Jarlson was born in 1993.
> 
> (I feel for Tony - this kid makes even _me_ feel old...)


	13. Brat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A huge _thank you_ to Litfiva for encouragement and inspiration!)

It was so late that the mansion was mostly dark, the for once cloudy sky over the ocean outside giving no light of its own. Just a few spotlights in the high ceiling illuminated Loki where he was spread out on the couch by the wide windows, reading. As usual. He was so lost in the words that it took him a few moments to realize that the sound he heard was unfamiliar - it was the sharp, rapid click of high heels against the stone flooring. Loki just had time to lower the book, placing it pages down on his chest, and look up before he heard a voice as well.

"Tony, I can't believe you sometimes." A tall, elegantly slim woman in wide, pale blue pants and a cream-coloured shirt came walking straight into the room, eyes locked on a few papers in her hands, reddish hair in a bun on the back of her head. "You know that if you don't answer my calls Jarvis will still let me know you're home and then I'll just have to -" Her head at last came up, eyes catching sight of Loki and at once going wide as she came to an abrupt halt in the middle of the floor. "Oh!"

Loki slowly pushed himself up sitting, to feel a bit less vulnerable under her curious scrutiny, but he had still not found his words when the woman spoke up again.

"I'm sorry", she said, voice slower and softer now. "I just saw that the lights were on in here and I forgot that Tony has a guest."

"It's all right." Loki closed the book and put it aside so he could stand up and walk up to greet her. He was suddenly very aware that his feet were just in a thin pair of gray socks. At least he was more properly dressed in jeans and a longsleeve today, instead of his sweatpants and the t-shirt he usually slept in and often didn't bother changing out of. (Tony told him that was just fine – vacation, remember?) Taking a deep breath, as if he was preparing to dive into unknown waters, he lifted a hand out, offering it for her to shake. "My name is Loki. And you are Miss Potts."

Of course he knew the CEO of Stark Industries. He'd seen her in newspapers and on TV before, but never imagined he would meet her in person.

She smiled, without showing teeth, and slipped her long, delicate hand into his to give it a firm but short shake, businesslike, and Loki was happy she didn't let it linger. "You might as well call me Pepper. If you are living with Tony you won't hear any other first name for me anyway." Her hand came back up to fold around the papers she was holding. "But it's nice to meet you, Loki. Tony told me he was helping you out, but I sort of expected..." She looked a little uncertain, suddenly, eyeing him, and Loki understood.

"You expected me to be younger", he concluded with a little smile, "because he calls me a kid."

Pepper returned the smile. "To your face too?"

"All the time."

"Well what the hell else am I supposed to call him?" They both turned to see Tony taking the last couple of steps up the stairs from the workshop, grinning as he came closer.

Loki rolled his eyes, but he knew the corner of his mouth was twitching all the same. "I'm twenty, Tony. Not twelve."

The man gave a snort. "Practically a baby."

"Or maybe you're just the one who's... what was it? Ancient?" Loki let the teasing smirk form as it wanted.

At once Tony's brown eyes went wide and pained, like a kicked puppy's. He pressed a palm to his chest and whined, as if Loki had delivered a physical blow. "Oh my god, I can't believe you just said that!" A pout. "Brat."

"Is that the new thing you're calling me?" Loki raised a doubtful eyebrow.

"I'd say you just earned it."

There came a huff from Pepper at that. "If anyone's a brat it's you, Tony." She held out the papers. "I need you to be all grown up for a few minutes right now, however."

Tony turned from Loki, and eyed the papers. Even though he saw them upside-down it took him only a second or two to take in the long title on the top of the document. Then he groaned. "Not the arc reactor thing again! It's been two weeks! I thought we were done with this! What have they found this time? A comma that needs to be a semicolon? What are -?"

"Actually", Pepper said, sharply, speaking over his rant, "they agreed on the suggestions we sent last time."

"They what?" Tony blinked.

"They agreed. This is the final version of the contract." The woman gave a little smile that seemed made up of equal parts annoyance and patience, while she pushed the papers into Tony's chest, making him finally grab them out of her hands. "I need you to look it over and make sure it's right and then I need to have my PA plan your flight and find a hotel and -"

"Whoa there!" Tony raised a hand in a stopping motion. "What flight?"

Pepper's little smile turned so thin it was just a red line across her face. "Page seven. Paragraph four."

After giving her a look through narrow eyes, Tony flipped through the contract, skimmed the paragraph in question, and groaned again. "I agreed to this at some point, didn't I?"

"In the first draft."

"That was ages ago!"

"Seven months tomorrow."

"You can't hold me to something I promised seven months ago, Pep. I'm fickle and unreliable and _busy_!"

"You shouldn't have let me put it in writing, then." Pepper was obviously supremely unimpressed with Tony's protests.

Tony started to open his mouth, probably to rattle off a few more anyway, and then he went suspiciously quiet. He threw a little glance Loki's way, and then his mouth curled up in a smile. "You know what? All right. I'll go. On one condition."

Pepper raised a reddish eyebrow. "Which is?"

"Loki comes with me."

Loki blinked and his eyes flitted between the two people suddenly looking at him curiously. "What?" He instinctively folded his arms across his chest, defensively. "Loki comes with you where?"

"Stockholm." Tony grinned. Then the expression faded a bit. "If you want to, that is. Could be fun, though, right? I mean yeah, I'm going there just to sign a stupid piece of paper because swedes are apparently a distrustful people who need to see me do it in person to believe it's real and that's all pretty dull but hey, there might be a Nobel prize in there somewhere, and we could make an adventure out of it if we want and come on, hotels are always nice and then there's -"

"All right!" Loki threw his hands up, laughing and giving up all at once. "All right. I'll come with you. Please, just stop talking!" He was honestly a little worried Tony would run out of oxygen and pass out.

The grin turned blindingly bright again. "See?" Tony turned to Pepper. "He'd love to go!"

She rolled her eyes and then gave Loki a more genuine smile than the exasperated thing she had offered Tony. "Shouldn't be a problem. I'll set it up." Then she turned back to Tony and the smile was gone in an instant. "Contract. Read it. Right now. I'll call you when I have the details for the trip and for the love of all that is holy, Tony - pick up your phone when I do! I can't come running here everytime I need to talk to you."

"Of course, Miss Potts." Tony suddenly sounded very grave. "I'll make sure. Come on, I'll walk you out so you can yell at me some more on the way to the car. You'll like it, you know you will. You always do." Still with the papers in his left hand he slipped his right around her slim waist and started guiding her out of the room.

Pepper threw one last look over her shoulder at Loki, and raised a hand. "It was nice to meet you, Loki. I hope you're not suffering horribly."

"Thank you." He raised a hand to wave at her in turn, grinning. "I see you know what I'm going through."

Right before they left the room Tony turned his head enough to stick his tongue out at Loki, who could only laugh.

Shaking his head, Loki walked back to the couch and the book he had left behind, but when he got there he realized that he'd alreayd been reading for hours, it was late and he was hungry. So he turned on his heel, following the couple who had just left the livingroom - and then stopped with a jolt when he heard them speaking, still, in the entrance hall. Their voices were more hushed, and he guessed they didn't want to be interrupted. On his soft feet they hadn't heard him approaching, so he stayed where he was, hidden behind a corner.

"...know it'll be fine", Tony was saying, as reassuring as ever. "I'll handle it."

There was a little pause. From his spot behind the corner Loki could clearly hear Pepper give a soft noise, a completely fake clearing of her throat.

"Tony? This... kid?" Her voice was hesitant and full of tense suspicion. "Is there something I should know about him?"

Loki froze, his heart making a terrified leap in his chest. Oh, no! She knew! How did she know? Had they given everything away by being so teasingly familiar? They hadn't even touched eachother, but it had apparently been enough to alert her that something was going on anyway. How would she react? Not well, he assumed. She was going to be judging Tony for this, probably. Think he was forcing Loki into something, taking advantage of this situation - when nothing could be further from the truth.

The unusually long silence from Tony made Loki suspect that he was just as startled by this question. Then Loki was surprised to hear a choked little chuckle. "Jesus, Pep... No!" He actually sounded honestly amused, to Loki's astonishment.

"Are you sure?" Pepper sounded doubtful. "Because in the early nineties you _were_ sort of all over the place, and -"

And _then_ Loki understood what she was asking. He had to put a hand over his mouth to keep an almost hysterical giggle back. Relief mingling with amusement of his own into something bubbling and threatening to explode, like a bottle of champagne.

"Yeah, I'm sure. Really fucking sure." Tony was grinning; Loki could hear it. "That kid's not mine. I can promise you that, with onehundred percent certainty. Or more. That's really not what this is about, at all."

”Then what is it about, Tony?”

”It's about keeping the kid safe. No matter what.” The answer came without even half a second of hesitation, firm and all at once deeply serious.

It was Pepper's turn to hesitate. ”God, I hope you know what you're doing.”

”Doesn't even matter, Pep. I have to. Simple as that.” There was a soft little sound Loki guessed was Tony kissing the woman's cheek. ”Call me when it's all done. I promise I'll answer. I'm just an asshole when I work. You know that.”

”I know. Just don't be an asshole to Loki, okay? He seems sweet.”

”I try not to be.”

”Good. You need to work on that.”

The sharp clicks of her heels again, the door opening and closing, cutting the sound off, and then Loki knew they were alone in the house again. When he heard the deeper sound of Tony's footsteps leading away he stayed leaning against that wall, a hand on his thumping heart, feeling a warmth he had started to associate with all things Tony moving in his chest.

”Hey, brat!” The call made Loki startle out of his pleasant thoughts. It seemed to come from the kitchen. ”I'm thinking sushi for dinner. You on board?”

Already smiling, Loki pushed himself away from the wall, and started walking toward the voice. Of course he was on board! Even if he had to do something about that new nickname...

* * *

Autumn was not the best time of year to visit Stockholm, and they realized that almost instantly. After the warmth and sunshine and bright colours of Malibu, this place was just a gray, chilly, damp and very windy mess. Not that strange, since the city was practically on water, and the hotel they were staying at was just a street away from it, the surface of it as gray as the sky and lapping softly at stone walls.

Their suite more than made up for that, though, Loki had to say. And then some. Traveling with Tony he probably should have expected something extravagant, but this was beyond even what he had imagined, honestly. It was enormous, had every single luxury imaginable and some he had never thought of, like their own movie theatre. And a library...

A computer panel worked as an interface to control the lights in the suite, and it took Tony moments with a round, metallic little thing stuck to it, looking almost like a tiny refrigerator magnet, before Jarvis had his coded hands all over the system, running the room his way.

There were two bedrooms, and without a word Tony led him to the one he found with a bed dressed in soft shades of turquoise, which made Loki laugh. On the inside he quietly thought that he would probably end up not sleeping in that one a lot anyway, no matter how perfect the colours.

After sleeping in the same bed had ended with a couple of bruised wrists, Tony had been very reluctant to let Loki back there for the night. He hadn't said it out loud, but it had been clear by the way he had tried to stay in the workshop when it had been time for Loki to go to bed, and tried to keep his eyes away from the bruises. It had taken about a week for the marks to turn green and yellow and fade almost completely, and by then Loki had decided that if he ventured nothing, he'd gain nothing. So he had come sneaking back to Tony's bedroom late one night, when Tony had thought Loki had gone to bed hours ago. Which he had, but not gone to sleep. He had just waited to hear Tony come upstairs.

Tony had been sitting in the middle of the bed, looking just slightly wary, when Loki had knocked softly and opened the door. When Loki had come to sit on the mattress as well, the wariness had become clearer.

”I don't think this is a good idea, kid”, he'd said at last. ”I promised no-one would hurt you again. Or ever touch you against your will. And that goes for me too, you know.”

”You didn't really hurt me, Tony.” Loki had still stayed on the edge of the bed, hands in his lap. ”And it was against your will, too, so I don't think that counts.”

Tony hadn't looked convinced.

”I'll know not to grab you like that next time, okay?” Loki had tilted his head, sweeping his hair behind an ear, and then looked down when his hand dropped to his thighs again. ”It was just... Nice. Not sleeping alone.”

And it had been more than nice to wake up with Tony cuddled up against his back and a hand on his chest, fingers on his nipples, on his _skin_ , and then that firm, perfect hand fondling his cock through his underwear until he came so hard he saw stars. Far more than nice. He didn't say any of that, but he was fairly sure he didn't have to. When Tony had relented and pulled the covers to the side, to invite him into bed, the way he had almost immediately curled up behind Loki, with an arm around his chest and his face in his hair, had made Loki even more sure about that.

Still, actually sleeping together had been all they had done since. Apart from the cuddling, and some light, gentle, almost shy kisses, which Tony had been the one to turn away from. Loki guessed he could have felt hurt or rejected, but the bitter little twist he saw on Tony's lips every time that happened made him believe it didn't actually have that much to do with him.

Tony had opened up a little after the nightmare. Had told Loki things he most likely had told very, very few people before. Things he wasn't proud of, and still wasn't at peace with. Clearly. The way he had started dressing in double layers around the mansion and sleeping in t-shirts thick enough not to let the glow from the reactor bleed through was proof enough that this wasn't about Loki. Not really.

Sharing a bed hadn't helped that. Loki hoped this vacation away from their vacation would.

When he had left his jacket on the bed he might not sleep in, Loki walked out into the huge livingroom, complete with diningroom table and luxurious seats and even a piano. There he found Tony by one of the many windows, and the man had clearly heard him approaching, because he raised a hand to wave Loki over, without even turning his head.

”Hey, look! We have a gray view of the gray water outside.”

Loki, who had eyed one of the little information folders on a table in his romm, stepped up to his side and pointed across the water. ”Apparently, that's the royal castle, right over there.”

They studied the building in silence for a moment, then Tony heaved a sigh.

”Well, now I'm just horribly disappointed. Castles are supposed to have towers and spires and crenellations and moats!”

”That's an island it's built on”, Loki pointed out. ”So we're looking at the moat, sort of.”

”Okay, I'll give you that one. But still!” Tony made a dismissive wave in the general direction of the castle. ”It should be more than just a cube of red brick.” He sighed again. ”Honestly? I can't believe this place is getting my first arc reactor. No sense of style!”

Smiling, Loki placed his hands on Tony's shoulders and turned them both around, so they were facing the room behind them instead. The elegant furniture, the soft colours, and the sweep of a black piano. ”Are you sure about that?”

And then Tony laughed. ”Good point. I guess it'll do.”

It was about five in the afternoon and already getting noticeably darker outside their windows. The way their bodies counted time it was about 8 AM, but since they had been traveling for almost fifteen hours, all in all, they were still pretty exhausted. And of course, it had been planned that way to help them be ready to go to sleep at a time of day that was at least close to the right one for their new timezone – even though they both knew they probably wouldn't sleep much the first couple of nights anyway.

They went to shower the travel dust off themselves, dressed in sweatpants and hoodies, watched a movie in their private theatre, and then decided to do the smart thing and at least _try_ to sleep. Tony's appointment to sign the arc reactor contract was in three days, so at least he had time to get over some of the jetlag, but only if they actually tried doing something about it.

That was when they discovered that Loki's bedroom was actually the bigger of the two, which made Tony give a snort, turn around and drag Loki right back to the softly turquoise one.

”Don't think you'll get to have this one to yourself, brat”, he said while he walked across the room to pull the curtains across the window.

”I actually didn't want it to myself.”

Tony turned from the window and looked at him, where Loki was already sitting on the bed, legs folded like a tailor's. He gave a little crooked smile. ”Guess that's settled, then.”

"Come on." Loki patted the bed next to him. "Let's try to get some rest."

Smile widening as he went, Tony walked over to the bed and sat down too. "When you sound all reasonable and grown up like that I don't think I can keep calling you 'brat' anymore."

"You shouldn't keep calling me that anyway." But Loki was smiling too while he moved the covers aside, got under them, and grabbed Tony's hand to pull him down to stretch out on the bed too.

"I'm not promising anything", Tony said while he took his place by Loki's side, slipped an arm around his waist and nuzzled his face into the hair on the side of his head. "Kid."

When Jarvis turned off the lights on command, Loki curled his fingers around Tony's arm, holding on. He wasn't sure either one of them really slept, but at least they rested, drifted, slumbered, and if he sometime during the night felt something rock hard burning like a hot coal against the side of his hip, it might have been part of a pleasant dream.

* * *

The next day Loki woke up to a restless Tony Stark moving like a whirlwind through the suite. They had been served breakfast in their own kitchen, and the coffee alone had made Tony completely reconsider his previously pretty bland opinion of this country. It was rich and strong and black as sin and he wouldn't stop talking about it for half an hour - probably fueled by the caffeine.

When they had eaten they left the hotel on foot. A quick glance at a map had told them that they were living in the very heart of the city and that letting a car drive them around would only slow them down. So they joined the constant stream of pedestrians crossing the bridge to the little island holding the royal castle, along with the oldest part of Stockholm. And it showed. No straight and neatly planned roads here, only winding streets and narrow alleyways and steep stairs and cobblestones. The houses were high and really pretty, in different colours and with different kinds of decorations. Under many of them the old stone cellars had been turned into coffee shops or restaurants.

After a while they reached an open square with a high stone base holding up a statue, turned green by years exposed to the elements, and Loki found himself so fascinated that he wouldn't leave for a long while. It was a knight in his heavy armour, on his equally armoured steed, sword raised, riding down a dragon. Something about it drew him in, and he wasn't sure if it was the heroic warrior, or the snapping monster fighting for its life under the warhorse's hooves.

In the end a hungry Tony pulled him away, and they quickly found a place to eat, and drink more of that strong coffee, protected from the cold winds in a vaulted cellar.

"Yeah, the swedes still fail in the castle department", Tony murmured, leaning back with a steaming cup in his hands. "But they know bacon. And coffee. And frankly, I think that makes up for it."

"I'm sure they're happy to hear that." Loki grinned and sipped from his own cup of tea.

Soon after the meal they gave up their tour of the old city, feet sore from the uneven cobblestones, and decided to return to the hotel.

Tony almost shuddered out of his jacket when they were back in the bedroom. "That wind is horrible. I'm chilled to the bone here!"

Loki threw his own jacket on top of Tony's on the armchair and gave him a little smile. "You know, I saw the tub in the other bathroom. That might help us get warm." Us. Not you.

"Yeah, sure..." The brown eyes shifted away from Loki's face, and a hand came up to rub absently at Tony's chest. "Or I'll just order in some more of that coffee, maybe, because that was just great and I don't -"

Without a word, Loki stepped closer and placed his hands on Tony's head, gently turning until they were facing eachother. Cutting the rushed little stream of words off by leaning in and brushing his lips by the full ones framed by neat lines of beard. "Nothing's changed, Tony", he said then, softly. "Not for me."

Loki had wondered what was behind the way Tony felt about his chest. He had been sure that a part of the problem was simply the way it looked, the scars and the strangeness of the reactor in the middle of it all. Tony was definitely one to care about the look of things, and especially when it came to himself. A perfectionist. Of course it would bother him that his body was not, and could never again be, perfect, the way he did his best to keep his appearance.

But he didn't think that was all of it, because despite that care for a flawless front, Tony really wasn't shallow. He enjoyed a perfect surface, but he knew it wasn't everything.

The things Tony had told him in the workshop had felt like the clues Loki had needed to begin to really understand. To really see. And he thought the reason he could understand it at all, was that this was a feeling they both shared.

Guilt.

That more than anything else was what made Tony hate those scars. Not because they were ugly, but because they were a reminder that he had survived when he shouldn't have, and that it had cost someone else everything. Whenever he saw them, he knew he was there at the cost of another's life, and all the things it could have been.

The same kind of guilt Loki felt was a part of his own skin, this pale, stolen one he wore as a disguise to hide the truth of him. Guilt he felt because of the life he had at the cost of another's, and all the things it could have been.

"You're still my hero", he murmured against Tony's lips.

Cold hands came up to slip around his back then. "I'm not -"

Loki hushed him, softly, and kissed him again. "I told you. That's not up to you to decide." He combed his fingers deeper into Tony's hair.

Tony sighed against his mouth. "Guess not. But seriously, kid, heroes are something abstract in the distance for a reason. Because when you get up close and personal, they disappoint you."

"You haven't disappointed me, Tony. Not once." He tilted his head forward to rest against Tony's forehead. "I'm old enough to know that heroes aren't meant to be perfect." Loki dropped his hands and leaned back, reaching behind himself to catch Tony's, holding the icy fingers between his own, which were as cool as always but felt warm now in comparison. "You're cold. Let's get you warmed up." He lifted the chilled fingertips to his lips and kissed them. "At least in a shower. Alone. All right?" Loki met Tony's eyes on the last word.

There was a moment of hesitation, but then Tony finally nodded. "All right.” And as soon as Loki let his hands go he disappeared into the ensuite.

Loki wasn't cold. He just changed into more comfortable clothes and stretched out on the bed to rest his tired feet, picking up a book he hadn't had time to finish during the flight, listening to the noise from the shower running in the next room. When it at last cut off it still took a while before the door swung open again, and when Loki dropped the book to his stomach, he was surprised to see Tony in the doorway with just a bath towel slung around his hips. His skin was flushed with the heat of the water, which had also had turned some of the scars red around the bared glow of the reactor, his hair dark with wet and just brushed back from his forehead with his fingers, by the look of it. His eyes wandered away across the floor, didn't meet Loki's.

”I didn't bring anything clean to wear”, he explained. ”I'll go get dressed.”

Tony had just started turning away when Loki shot up sitting on the bed, the book tumbling into his lap. ”Please don't.”

The man turned his head to stare.

”I mean, you don't have to, for me.” Loki tried to find the words to express what he meant. ”If you want to get dressed, that's fine, but I'd... really like it if you were just like this. For a while?” The last came out almost pleading.

Tony was still frozen in place, wide-eyed, but at least hadn't moved or protested.

Loki knew it was a lot to ask, and tried to distract. ”You've already seen me more or less naked anyway.”

That seemed to work. Tony blinked, and turned back to face him. ”I have? Why don't I remember that? Was I drunk?”

”Stone cold sober, as far as I know. Back at the facility. You know? The... puncture? They stripped me to my underwear and you were right there.” He felt a hint of a blush at the memory, even if he hadn't actually been embarrased right there and then.

”Oh. Yeah, I guess they did.” Tony looked surprised by the thought. ”But that doesn't really count because I didn't see anything. I wasn't looking.”

”You weren't?”

”Of course not!” It sounded like he was astonished Loki would even think something like that. ”I might be a dirty old bastard and all but shit, that wasn't like that. That wouldn't have been right.” He paled a little. ”You didn't worry about that then, did you?”

Loki quickly shook his head. ”I had other things on my mind. I didn't even reflect on it until later, when I was tied to the bed by that damn headache and had way too much time to think about a lot of things.” He dared a little smile. ”But the idea wasn't really that... bad. Even then.” Loki bit his lip, thoughtul. ”It's just that I've grown used to hiding, so no-one will put a hand on me. By mistake, or otherwise. I've had years like that, and it's going to take a while to get over it all.”

For a while Tony looked at him in silence, but he wasn't so stiff and staring anymore. Then he started moving, walking around to the other side of the bed and sat down, leaning back against the pile of pillows. With the size of the bed that still left a lot of room between them, but Loki let him have it.

”I get that.” Tony turned his head to watch him with serious eyes. ”Really. You know something about how I used to live before Iron Man, right?”

Loki nodded. Of course he knew. The drinking and the parties and the nightclubs and the women.

”Yeah, I did... everything. All the time.” He pulled a wry face and tapped a fingertip to the center of the reactor. ”Then after this, I stopped. All of it. I didn't dare get drunk among strangers anymore. I definitely didn't dare drag any of them home and take my clothes off in front of them. Not just because of the way it looks, but because this keeps me alive and it was too big a risk to let it get widely known I had it. So I hid it. Hid me, really.” Tony looked down at the hand still rubbing at the glowing surface under it. ”The only one who knew all about it and who I could stand to have close to me, was Pepper."

Loki said nothing while he listened, but he slowly moved a little closer, until he was sitting with his back against the pillows too, not even half an arm's length away.

Tony's eyes were still down when he kept speaking. "We had this sort of 'friends and colleagues with benefits' thing going on and yeah, that worked out pretty well, too, until she met a guy she wanted to try something serious with. That was soon after New York, and the last year I've been sort of a mess. Again."

A part of Loki wanted to be jealous, then, even though he had no reason and no right. He remembered the crisp, cool beauty of the woman, the easy way Tony had put his hand around her waist, the soft sound of Tony kissing her cheek. But he knew whatever else had been between them, had been long over by the time he entered Tony's life.

A bitter, downward curl came to the corner of Tony's mouth. "Everytime I see it now, it still freaks me out. It's probably my greatest achievement, making this little bugger work." He tapped the glowing circle again. "And my ego just sucked up the boost of what a fucking genius I was, building the impossible in a cave. But me? The man behind all that? Yeah, he still cringes and feels a little sick. Every goddamn time."

And it surprised Loki how well he could understand that 'man behind all that'. How much they really _did_ have in common. He was sure Tony had had it a lot worse, at that. Loki's isolation went back almost as far as he could remember. Tony had lived a life of socializing and physical intimacy in excess - and then had it all taken away. First once, and then lost what little comfort he'd had left. Loki had never known what he was missing. Tony had. That _had_ to be worse.

And then it hit him, that maybe it wasn't so strange that Tony was almost as overwhelmed by their newfound intimacy as Loki was. It obviously wasn't all new to Tony, but he hadn't had that kind of closeness in a long time. Because fear had made him shield himself, hide away, and now he had to dismantle that armour again.

Loki had never thought they could be this much the same, when on the surface they were so very different.

Following an impulse, Loki turned on the bed, shuffled closer and down a little, until he could prop himself up on the bed on an elbow, right by Tony's side. He threw a quick glance at the surprised face above him, then he leaned in and kissed the scar closest to him, in the hollow below Tony's right collarbone. He heard and felt a little gasp, and when he moved to the one right next to it to repeat the procedure, Tony's left hand came up to settle on his own right shoulder. Not really pushing him away, though, just holding on.

He glanced up again before he kissed the third one he found, and saw that the brown eyes were even wider, Tony's mouth a bit slack.

”What are you doing, kid?” The man's voice was thick.

”You have been hidden away long enough.” Loki mouthed at a scar right below the hollow of Tony's throat, one that was still red against the thin skin. ”And you don't have to hide from me. I'd never use anything here against you.” He leaned over and placed a kiss on Tony's other hand, still resting over the reactor. ”Never.”

He went on, moved further down the right side of Tony's chest, finding more marks, some small and neat, some larger. He kissed them all. Just light, soft brushes of lips over warm skin, before he moved on.

After a moment or two, the hand on his shoulder curled harder around it. ”Loki, please.” Tony looked at him with dark eyes, wide and tense. ”Please stop. You don't want to do that.”

Loki glanced up at him, after placing another kiss at a neat little scar just to the left of Tony's right nipple. "If _you_ don't want me to do this, Tony, then I'll stop." He moved down to place his lips on a wider scar, stretched over the thin skin across the ribs just below the pectoral. "But no-one gets to tell me what I want. Not anymore. Not even you." Loki brushed a kiss over another small mark, closer to the ring of the reactor. "And I do want to do this." He looked up at the liquid brown eyes again. "Very much."

And when Loki kept going, leaving a trail of kisses around the rim of the reactor, no protests came. The hand on his shoulder slowly relaxed and let go.

While he kept finding and leaving a caress of lips on every mark on the left side of Tony's chest as well, he could feel the rythm of the man's breaths slowly turn more erratic, the tension on his chest was forced and laboured and Loki guessed he was holding back sobs, stubbornly holding on to control he was afraid to lose. It made Loki's own heart twist in a sharp flare of pain, but he didn't stop.

Then, when he was done, when every single scar left on Tony had been seen and acknowledged, Loki finally raised his head and looked at the man again.

Tony's head was tilted back on the pillow behind him, the arm he had used to try to hold Loki back was thrown across his face, but it didn't manage to hide the faint tremble in his bottom lip and chin, the twist in the corner of his mouth.

"They're just scars, Tony”, Loki murmured, brushing soft fingertips over the scarring around the bottom curve of the reactor casing. He knew that wasn't exactly true, but it was close enough to the message he wanted to convey. "Signs that you're still alive."

"I shouldn't be." The words were rough, wet with swallowed back tears.

"I know you believe that." Loki shuffled a little higher, so he could place a hand on Tony's cheek and gently turn his face until the arm fell away and he could meet the bloodshot, liquid brown eyes. "But that was the choice that was made."

"Yeah, well, it was the wrong one." Tony tried to move his head away, flee, hide, but Loki wouldn't let him.

"I'm sorry, Tony, but that's not up to you to decide either." Rubbing the pad of his thumb over Tony's cheekbone, Loki felt him stiffen under those words. "It was his choice to make and you will have to respect that. It's time you let him rest in peace."

For a while Tony just stared at him, in what looked like disbelief. Then trembling but still strong hands came up to grab Loki's shoulders, pulled him close, until Tony could bury his face in Loki's hair, pressing into him. The strained, painfully controlled breaths shuddered into a sob, at last, and even through the veil of hair between them Loki could feel the hot wet of tears.

Loki shifted even closer, held on to the shaking body against his as well as he could. He listened to the little whines of bone-deep hurt and the choked gasps and could feel the beating of Tony's heart against his chest, right through the hardness of the arc reactor. Years of fear and doubt and pain and guilt that had nowhere else to go now but turning into tears, and Loki said nothing to stop the flow. It needed to get out. Even though this wasn't something that could really be cried away, it was an outlet Tony had very obviously denied himself. Probably hadn't thought he deserved.

It seemed to go on for a very long time, and soon Tony, who was still just wrapped in a damp towel, was shivering with cold on the bed. Loki took a hand from the man, which made him whimper miserably by Loki's ear, and reached behind himself for the covers, pulling them over them both before he firmly wrapped his arm around Tony again.

”Jarvis”, Loki whispered, knowing he would still be heard. ”Lights.”

Then the room was as dark as it could get with the windows not covered, but the afternoon dusk was coming on soon anyway.

By the time Tony had cried himself empty and drained, limp and exhausted, they had moved down to lie flat on the bed, and there was nothing stopping him from promptly falling asleep, still curled up against Loki's chest, held in his long arms.

Loki stayed awake for a while, watching the gray sky turn slowly to black, and couldn't help wonder if something had drawn the two of them to each other. Magnetic fields. Forces of nature. Fate. Something that had seen that they were made up of the same parts, made of the same stuff, and known they would fit together, like pieces of a puzzle.

Center stones of an archway, both falling, and both still holding eachother up.

* * *

It was just turning lighter outside when Loki woke up again, in a way that was a little bit familiar – with something rock hard burning like a hot coal against his hip. This time he knew it wasn't a dream.

Tony seemed only about half awake, though. Breathing slightly too heavily to be really sleep, but shifting minutely against Loki with tiny little rolls of his hips, which didn't seem to be conscious.

Loki couldn't hold back a little smile, going warm on the inside. After how he had pushed Tony over the edge yesterday he had half been afraid that the man would have left the shared bed in the middle of the night, not able to stand being close anymore. That Tony would feel too embarrassed. Or even angry at Loki for not leaving well alone. But this felt very much like the opposite, even though maybe Tony didn't know who he was clinging to in this state.

He lifted a hand to gently comb it into Tony's hair, wildly messy after he had fallen asleep with it still wet, and the man pressed harder into him at the touch, a hand curling around his other hip to urge him even closer. Loki heard Tony mutter something into his shoulder that he couldn't properly make out, but a part of it sounded a bit like '...damn long legs, kid...' which lacked a context but gave Loki the impression that Tony after all had him in mind. That he was the reason for the obvious, dream-fueled arousal.

Unfortunately Loki himself felt all worn out on the inside still, nothing in him having the energy to respond, except with this fond warmth in his gut.

When he ran his hand deeper into the tangles of Tony's hair the man finally stirred and seemed to really wake up. Still pressed up flush against Loki's hip, and quickly realizing it, Tony gave a long sigh and rolled over on his back, half leaving the circle of Loki's arms, pushing the covers aside. He blinked at Loki, slowly making sense of the world again.

”You're really here”, he murmured after a moment.

”Of course”, Loki smiled, sleep turning his voice deeper. ”Although maybe not in the way I was before you woke up?”

”Yeah, I...” And then Tony actually _blushed_. ”No, not really.” Then his eyes fell closed as he visibly gave up trying to keep it together. "Fuck, Loki..." It was almost a groan into his hair as Tony's arm still around his back pulled him closer to his side. "You made me fall apart like a house of cards just a few hours ago. And now you've got me hard enough to dent steel. How are you even doing this to me?"

Chuckling softly, Loki molded himself into Tony's ribs and side and hip, sliding his leg up across Tony's under the covers while he nuzzled into his neck, breathing in his warm, familiar, safe scent, even if much of it was washed away in the recent shower. "I honestly have no idea."

"That's okay. Just as long as you keep doing it." A huff. "At least the getting me hard part. Seeing me fall apart isn't that attractive."

"Why would I mind?", Loki murmured against Tony's neck. "It's not as if you're the only one in this room who's been seen stripped down and exposed and vulnerable. Or broken down and crying." He kissed the flickering pulse under his lips.

"Well, when you put it like that..." Tilting his head back, Tony put a hand on the back of Loki's and pushed his lips even closer. "I guess we're sort of even." Then he moaned. ”If you keep doing that to my neck I'm going to lose it, kid.”

With a smirk Loki gave one last little lick to the side of Tony's throat, before he pulled back. ”Sorry”, he mumbled, ”I'll stop. I'm really in no shape to... do anything.”

Then he stretched his leg out, pulling it back, and the movement pulled the covers off Tony almost to his knees. And Loki had both seen and felt Tony hard before, but there had always been a couple of layers of clothing keeping him in place then. Now there was just the towel that was only barely hanging on to his hips, loose between his thighs, and it was really hiding nothing. The size and shape was clear under the fabric, Loki could even slightly make out where the crown of the head of Tony's cock was, and his breath hitched at the realization. Before he thought about it, a hand had started sliding down from its place on Tony's solarplexus.

”Still sure you're in no shape?” He heard Tony's smile.

”I want to”, Loki murmured, watching his hand resting against Tony's firm abdomen, right above the dark treasure trail, so close to that insistent curve under the towel. It would take so little, so very little, to move his hand down those last inches, but it was completely beyond him. He didn't have the energy or the bravery. ”I do, but I just don't... It's...” He closed his eyes, hiding in Tony's pectoral.

”You want to, but it's too much?”

Loki nodded.

”That's okay, kid. Really.” A kiss touched his hair. ”But I'm feeling a bit like this is going to kill me any second now.” Tony shifted a little against him, before a hand came into Loki's field of vision, pressing down on the hard-on in a probably desperate attempt at some relief, if the little grunt Tony gave was anything to go by. ”If you let me go I'll take care of that, so I can be a functioning human being again. All right?”

But suddenly Loki didn't like that option either. ”I don't want you to leave", he nearly whispered, still holding on.

Tony went very, very still, taking in the implication of those words. ”You... want to watch?”

Loki nodded again.

The arm around him held him harder again then. "Brat", Tony chuckled, and Loki for once felt he could kind of agree with the nickname, after making an almost-demand like that. Tony actually didn't seem to mind, though. Or maybe he was too far gone to do so. He just let the hand he already had on himself curl more firmly around the hardened shape under the towel - and that's when another thought hit Loki.

"Tony?"

"Hmmm?" Just a distracted little noise in his throat.

"That's your left."

"Know. Doesn't matter."

Why was that so hot? Loki had no idea, but it was.

Then he had no more time to think about that detail, though, because that's when Tony let go, slipped his hand in under the towel, and made it come undone and fall aside completely. Loki forgot to breathe, and how to blink, while he saw Tony's blunt, strong fingers catch the flushed, rigid length, right by the root, the movement letting Loki get a better look at the curved shape and the raised pattern of veins, the almost shockingly red tip and the little glint of wet in the slit running down it. Tony gave a couple of strokes, Loki's wide eyes following the movements, before he gave an impatient little sound, took his hand back - and placed a few broad licks of his tongue over the palm and fingers. Loki felt his head spin and had to force himself to hiss in a breath while the slicked hand moved down and resumed its work. Tony gave a stuttering little moan, obviously pleased with the change, and his right hand held on tightly to Loki's ribs.

Somehow this was the most fascinating thing Loki had ever seen. Such a private and secret thing, and yet so perfectly natural and basic with nothing mysterious about it at all. Still it felt like getting a hint of the unknown, watching Tony's fingers slide and tease and twist and push.

It didn't last long. Loki hadn't thought it would, given the state Tony had been in from the start, and he wasn't surprised when he saw the movements speed up, felt the chest under his head heave, the fingers on him digging in harder. So he pulled back enough to raise his head and get a glimpse of Tony's face, before it was too late. Because that was something he had wanted to see, needed to see, and now he had his chance.

Tony's eyes were shut tight. His eyebrows were pulled together and up a little in the middle, sharp lines between them. Teeth catching his red, swollen bottom lip. If Loki hadn't known better, it would have looked like pain. Strange, how this intense pleasure could look so much the same. Then his teeth let go, his jaw dropped a little when his face went slack, Tony's body turning tense at the same time, head pushing back while his erratic breathing cut off with a gasp. Loki could feel his back arch, muscles tremble and spasm, the sensations rolling into his own body in a warm rush of second-hand pleasure. He pushed back into those uncontrolled movements, eyes locked on the dark face until everything was a lax, crumbled mess, melting into him and the mattress.

Only then did Loki take his eyes off Tony's face, curiously trailing his gaze down the relaxed body, still now exept for slightly laboured breathing and heartbeats so hard he could see them flutter between ribs. Tony's fingers were just barely holding on to his now rapidly softening, shrinking cock, seeming to hide itself back in the soft foreskin. Loki guessed he shouldn't have found that sort of... cute. But he still did. On Tony's abdomen was a spatter of milky, thick fluid, most of it almost collected in his navel - and some on the back of Loki's hand, where it had never moved from its position on Tony's stomach. He hadn't felt it when that happened, too absorbed in watching the play of ecstasy on Tony's features.

Loki at last dared move his hand now, lifting it to his face, sniffing curiously. He remembered wondering, once, if Tony's cum would smell the same way his did. And it sort of did. The base was the same clinging, thick, damp and earthy scent. But there was something else there, too, a sweeter note of something faintly exotic. And he knew he wanted more.

First, he glanced over at Tony and found brown eyes smiling at him under heavy lids.

"Can I...?" He didn't think he needed to be more specific.

Tony nodded, eyes narrowing with a widening smile. "Sure. I'm clean."

So Loki brought his hand to his mouth, reached out his tongue and experimentally licked at the milky drops on the back of his fingers. It had a bitter note, sharper than anything in the smell, but the taste was otherwise the same. Even that unfamiliar sweetness. And then, when it was on his tongue, he knew it.

Coconut.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone's curious:  
> [This is the suite where the boys are staying.](http://www.grandhotel.se/en/explore/hotel/the-princess-lilian-suite)  
> [This is the statue Loki was so interested in.](http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/e/eb/Saint_George_and_the_Dragon_2012.jpg)  
> [This is what a very disappointing royal castle looks like...](http://www.stromma.se/imageengine/cache/u.3133926300.s0.k620.jpg)


	14. As good as you look

_Pepper,_

_I kind of need to ask you a favour here. And part of it is a surprise. Or all of it. Or maybe a secret? I don't even know which. Either way - keep it off the record and tell no-one just yet._

_Anyway..._

_We're staying in Stockholm a few days longer, first of all._

_And oh, right, the signing went just fine, by the way. Damn these people are pedantic and serious as fuck but once you get them to crack a smile they're pretty great and also - make sure to order me some coffee from this place because this shit is amazing and maybe I've had a few cups too many and should be asleep right now but whatever._

_ANYWAY._

_I hope you're not missing me horribly because I'm not coming straight back home from this place. There's somewhere I need to take Loki first even if it might piss him off but it's important. At least I think it is. So I need you to get some stuff together to send ahead and set up a traveling plan. I trust you to do it._

Tony raised his head and let his gaze wander from the lightpad where he was composing his e-mail and to the floating lights that were Stockholm in the middle of the night, reflecting in the black surface of the water. He sipped from the glass of scotch he had poured himself to replace the coffee he really should have stopped drinking earlier. Then he resumed typing, making the list of things he needed Pep to do for him. 

He was very nearly done when there was a noise from the other end of the room

"Tony?" The word was rough from sleep. 

"Hmmm?" He just gave a little not-really-verbal response while he finished the mail and sent it. Then he turned his head to search for the speaker in the soft, muted light in the livingroom where he was seated in an armchair. He spotted Loki almost at once, standing in the middle of the room, between the dinner table and the piano - and then did a double-take. The pad sank slowly into his lap. 

The kid was practically naked. Just wearing a pair of boxer briefs, striped in dark gray and petroleum green. He noticed Tony's reaction and glanced shyly away, but there was a tiny upwards curve to his lips. Still, one of his arms came up to cross his front, hand clutching the other elbow, again reminding Tony of the little boy in the corner. 

Nothing much about how Loki looked was the same as in that old picture, though. Of course, he wasn't blue. But he very obviously wasn't a boy anymore either. Still slim and long-limbed, still mostly hairless, apart from a dusting of dark hairs on his legs and a treasure trail (one Tony had once rubbed his hand over) disappearing into the underwear, but clearly grown up. He seemed even taller like this, his shoulders broader, his hands so very long. But when he'd said that Tony was in better shape than he had ever been, he hadn't been lying. Loki was lean, but not very muscular. The hint of muscle in his arms and legs came mostly from a lack of bodyfat. His chest and abdomen were flat but smooth, and looked sort of soft and vulnerable. The hint of hollows by his hipbones gave Tony a strange lump in his throat. 

The kid was undeniably beautiful, but not in an athletic sort of way. He was more ethereal. Lithe. And his skin was a cross between marble and satin which Tony's fingers just ached to touch. 

"Tony?" The word was less rough now, and a bit more amused. 

Tony's eyes jumped from the soft glow on the curve of Loki's hip bone to the hint of a smile on his face so quickly he nearly gave himself whiplash. "Yeah?" Now he was the one who sounded gravelly. 

"It's two AM." The kid's fingers moved, curling tighter around his elbow. "The bed was empty when I woke up."

Leaning back in the chair, Tony gave him a self-deprecating little smile. He'd known he should have gone to bed a long time ago. "Sorry, kid. This is just that kind of night. Don't think I'll be doing any sleeping."

"You want company?" Then he shrugged a shoulder at Tony's hesitant face. "I'm up now anyway. Maybe we could watch a movie?”

Actually, that wasn't a bad idea. Going to bed was out of the question, he was too wired and his mind was rushing so fast he felt it in his whole body, but a movie, that could work. 

”Sure, why not?”

”All right.” Loki smiled. ”I'll just...”, he continued, and then dropped his eyes down his front. 

”No problem.” Tony understood. ”See you there.”

The kid let his arm fall to his side at last and slipped out of the room with long, quick steps. Tony couldn't stop himself watching him go, eyes tracing the muscles in his back and thighs moving, curves of his ass shifting under the striped cloth before he made his eyes move away.

Things like that were getting harder. Since his breakdown in Loki's arms it felt like a lot of walls had been torn down, both inside Tony himself and between the two of them. Not that strange, maybe, since he hadn't cried like that in years. Not since right after he'd come home from Afghanistan, when he had still been one giant open wound on the inside. And never in front of another human being. Ever. Which Loki technically wasn't either but, well, close enough that it counted.

It just seemed there was something about Loki that brought it out of him, that old hurt he had tried so hard to patch up and hide away when it obviously refused to heal. A touch, a few words from the kid, and he had come apart. And somehow, it had felt more like a relief than reliving old torture. Yeah, it'd hurt like hell, but in Loki's arms he'd still been... safe. That was new. It had been all right to break apart because Loki wouldn't use the advantage to hurt him, or try kicking him when he was down. 

_”I'd never use anything here against you.”_

Tony really believed it, too.

Then he'd fallen asleep and dreamed and oh holy shit that had been one hell of a dream. If he closed his eyes now he could still see how Loki had looked spread out under him, how those damn long legs had felt wrapped around his hips, and when he had woken up pressed against the kid he'd had no idea what was real and what was dream at first.

The feeling had only deepend when Loki had seriously wanted to watch him jerk off. And had seemed to enjoy it, too.

Since? Yeah, it wasn't easy to keep his eyes off the kid. Or his hands. And in the days that had followed there probably wasn't one single room in this huge place that hadn't seen them make out like horny teenagers, draped over couches and loveseats, leaning against the counters in the kitchen or bathrooms, bracketing eachother against walls, one time even rolling around on the floor in the bedroom when they somehow just hadn't physically managed to make it all the way up to the bed before their knees buckled. That time Tony had been so lost he had just stuck his hand under Loki's sweatpants and rubbed a palm over his hard-on, still covered by underwear, until the kid had thrown his head back with a thud against the floor and came actually _shouting_ Tony's name.

And that was nice. Really fucking nice. But a part of Tony knew what that was, deep down – distraction.

He did trust Loki not to use anything against him. He didn't trust himself not to. Fuck, he used everything against himself. That's what he _did_.

This was getting serious. In a new way. Where it had been about protecting Loki, keeping him safe and happy, about playing a hero and saving someone he saw a hint of himself in, it was now about... And that was as far as he got because what _was_ it about? About baring his everything to this kid he had only known a few months?

Tony wasn't ready to face that. And how badly he wanted it. So he silenced his questions in moans and whimpers, and shut Loki up with kisses when he seemed about to ask something. Even though the distraction in itself was almost as confusing.

And here, he had no workshop to be distracted by, to hide in, to run away to. Which, yeah, he had to admit that he tended to do. He still did some design work and some calculations on his pad, but mostly when Loki was stuck with his long, elegant nose in a book anyway. And it was easier to tear him from the lightpad than to drag him from the 'shop. 

And now, yeah, well... Now he needed another drink. He put the lightpad aside and walked to the bar by the door, refilled the glass, considered, and then brought the whole bottle with him when he went to the theatre. He'd just placed himself in one of the red armchairs, feet still in the very furry carpet, when Loki stepped in.

Now the tall, pale body was more or less completely hidden in a dovegray bathrobe, which helpfully spread open when Loki sat down next to Tony and propped his legs up on a matching footstool.

”What do you want to watch?” The kid tried to cover himself up again when he had his legs stretched out and crossed at the ankles.

”Dunno... Jarvis? Do they have any really braindead actionmovies we haven't seen already?”

”Yes, sir, three of them as far as I can tell.” The AI speaking to him from the surround system in the room made it feel like home and soothed Tony's nerves.

”Pick one at random, buddy. I'm sure they're all just as great.”

The room darkened a little as the movie started playing and Tony leaned back, sipped his glass, and tried to relax while he placed his feet on the stool by Loki's legs. It worked well enough that when his glass was empty he didn't refill it again, but instead placed it on the carpet next to the bottle. He let himself slide down deeper in the chair, making his leg brush against Loki's, and he thought he saw the kid glance his way.

Maybe he should have given Jarvis some guidelines on how to pick a movie for them anyway. But by the time Tony realized that, half an hour into the thing, it was a bit too late. So he had to live through the sex scene that felt about an eternity long, and even though it was just as bad as the rest of the movie at least the actors seemed to put some real enthusiasm into this part. 

Typical.

Again Tony could feel the kid glance his way, and in the end he glanced back, finding emerald eyes glowing gold in the light from the screen, sharp, white teeth worrying at a thin lip.

”What?” Tony asked with a hint of a smile, though.

Loki let go of his lip. ”Do you miss... that?” He rolled his eyes back to the screen.

Tony's eyes more or less automatically followed, to see the curvy blonde female lead giving a guy what was supposed to seem like the ride of his life. He huffed, and looked back at Loki. ”Do I miss sex in general? One night stands? Women?”

A bit of hesitation. ”All of it, I guess?”

Now it was Tony's turn to hesitate, thoughtfully chewing at the inside of his cheek. It felt like it actually was a serious question – because the kid rarely asked any other kind – and he felt he had to give a serious answer. ”Not really”, he finally said, slowly. ”Sometimes I miss how... easy life was. Easy, because I didn't think much about anything at all. I was either working or partying. I didn't give one single fuck about the consequences of either.” He shrugged. ”Sex was easy, one night stands were easy, and women were easy, because anything that looked complicated made me walk out.” Then he smiled. ”Don't have to miss sex anymore though, do I?”

Loki was still biting his lip. ”But I'm not a woman. Or... easy.”

”I haven't walked out either.”

The kid blinked, and his lip fell away from his teeth again.

”I've always gone for both men and women. It was just, well, complicated, to be open about that. So I wasn't.” Tony let his head roll around on the back of the chair to face Loki more head on. ”And if it wasn't obvious already, easy isn't really my thing anymore.” He tilted his head a little. ”So if you were wondering if I miss all that so much I'd go after anyone just happening to be around?” He paused long enough to see the kid's eyes drop and knew he'd guessed right. ”The answer's no.”

Loki's eyes didn't come back up, though. Tony didn't like that. He got up from his chair, turned, and sat down on the footstool instead, next to Loki's legs, his own knees against the edge of the kid's seat. Long fingers, white in the cold lights off the screen, toyed with the belt on the robe.

”This isn't about me being desperate, kid.” He leaned in with his elbows on his thighs. ”You know you don't owe me anything, right?”

”I know.” The kid sounded a bit torn, though, and Tony thought there was more. ”And it's not about me being... desperate either.” At last the wide eyes came up again, daring to meet his. ”I'd still choose you.” Loki almost whispered, eyes dropping again. ”Even if I had a choice.”

And Tony, self-centered ass that he tended to be, hadn't even thought about the fact that Loki had about as limited choices in partners as he had himself. Shit.

”Hey?” Tony shoved the stool back so he could get down on his knees in the gray fur of the carpet, making Loki's feet land in it too, right by his side. He caught the kid's cool hands in his. ”'Course you have a choice, kid. You don't have to -”

”No!” Loki hurried to lean forward, eyes wide, a hand sliding free to cup Tony's cheek, cool and soothing. ”I know. I told you, it's not about me being desperate.” His fingers moved into Tony's hair, thumb brushing by his ear. ”It's about you being... perfect.”

That actually made Tony laugh, and he reached up to catch Loki's hair in turn, pulling on him until he had to almost bend double in the chair, so Tony could steal a kiss. ”Fuck, but I wish that was true. Then we'd be a matching set.” When he let Loki lean back he traced his eyes down the kid's chest, where the robe hand slipped open a little. ”I mean... look at you.”

There was a little movement in Loki's leg when he tensed, and then relaxed again. He gave a shaky sigh. ”Do you want to?”

Tony blinked up at his blushing face. ”What?”

”Look at me?”

He didn't have to think about that one. ”Hell yeah.”

One of Tony's hands was still holding on to one of Loki's. Now the kid reversed the grip, catching Tony's wrist from above, and pulled on his hand until he could settle it right above the knot in the soft cloth belt around his waist. For a moment Tony was unable to move when his hand was set free there, released into the wild, and with no idea how to act outside of captivity. How had they ended up here? Then he decided he didn't care, and let instinct take over, guiding his hand to undo that knot, still moving slowly so there was plenty of time for Loki to change his mind and stop him.

He didn't. His pale, smooth chest was heaving a bit faster than normal, but he stayed still while Tony's fingers gently pushed the robe open, baring a strip of bare skin from his clavicles down to where his treasure trail disappeared into his underwear. And then more, when Tony spread the cloth open wider, revealing shoulders, darker pink nipples, and his ribs and sides. Loki just leaned forward again, making soft little creases form over his middle, so he could shake the robe off completely, showing long, lean arms as well, before he leaned back again.

Tony heard himself make a strangled little sound in his throat at the sight of _all this_ , right there, and raised his eyes to Loki's face again. It was all huge eyes and parted lips and the blush was actually gone. That more than anything made Tony feel like the kid really wanted this. This and more. And since he did too, he caressed the soft, soft skin down Loki's sides, to his hips, and slipped a couple of fingertips in under the waistband on his boxer briefs on each side. He did stop there, though, until a tiny, jerky nod from Loki gave him permission.

Swallowing a lump in his throat Tony let four fingers on each hand move in under the elastic across Loki's abdomen and gently pulled it down, lifting it in the same movement to accommodate for the obvious swell of the kid's hard-on under the garment. His attention was so fixed right in that area that he barely noticed how Loki lifted his ass off the chair to let Tony slip the underwear all the way down his legs and off. But he couldn't even blame himself for that.

Loki's cock looked absolutely fucking _delicious_. It seemed to be a nicely average size - which, considering the size of Loki as a whole, probably ment it was actually slightly above - smooth and elegantly curved toward his abdomen with how hard it was at the moment. Surrounded by black hair, it was as pale as the rest of him, with just hints of pinks and purples under the thin, satiny skin, stretched tight over the blood filling the tissues. It looked like it would taste of something cool and sweet and rich. Like cream. And Tony very much wanted to get his mouth on that. Yesterday, preferably.

Tony might have licked his lips when he saw it, actually.

He glanced up at Loki's face, to find that the kid had tilted his head back and thrown an arm across his eyes, hiding. But then he noticed the way the light just barely glinted off something emerald in the shadow under that long forearm, and he knew Loki was still watching. So he gave the kid a slow little smile.

”Would you let me find out if you taste as good as you look?” He added a questioning arch to an eyebrow.

Loki slowly moved his arm up from his eyes, until it fell to the backrest behind his head. He gave Tony a wide-eyed look, his face shifting somewhere between blank shock and a delighted curl of his lips, like he couldn't believe his luck. "Would I let you...?" He made a breathless little noise, and closed his eyes. "Oh my god", he got out in a breathy whisper.

"Is that something related to a yes?" Tony smiled wider at the still closed eyes, and saw a slow nod.

"Yes", the kid almost moaned when he felt Tony's hands slide up his thighs, lightly and gently, moving one of those legs, muscles flexing into trembling tension and then relaxing again, until they were bracketing Tony's body.

Then Tony leaned in all the way between Loki's ridiculously long legs, propped up on elbows framing the kid's narrow hips on the plush, red seat, and bent his head down. The surprisingly warm and spicy scent greeting him definitely wasn't a disappointment, and he actually couldn't stop himself from starting by just nuzzling the side of the pale length, against soft stomach and coarse hairs. But then he drew back and licked a broad stripe all the way up to the pink head, all hesitation gone.

Loki gave a hitching gasp, and then one of his hands shot down to let his fingers curl in Tony's short hair. They pulled hard enough to sting a little when he wrapped his lips around the already wet tip and gently sucked it in, but he couldn't fault that. Especially when Loki gave a helpless moan at the sensation. ”Tony! Your mouth...” Something like a sob interrupted the kid. ”So _warm_!”, he groaned when he got his breathing back under some control.

And Tony could get that, because even if Loki's cock was warmer than his skin usually was, it was still cool against his tongue. Which was in no way unpleasant. And yeah, it was just as creamy smooth and rich and fucking perfect as it had looked. So since Loki apparently was just as pleased with the temperature difference he stood up a bit higher on his knees, and took Loki in deeper, licking and sucking his way down in little bobs, until his throat was closing around it, probably even hotter than just his mouth had been.

It had been years and years since he'd done something like that, and when Loki gave a probably involuntary twitch of his hips Tony felt it. He made himself relax and swallow the thrust instead of gasp and gag on it, at least, and when Loki gave a choked shout and came, his length flexing against Tony's tongue, it felt worth both the soreness in his throat and the hairs the kid's cramping fingers had torn out of his scalp. Completely, totally worth it.

He swallowed and slowly pulled back off the softening cock, making Loki twitch a little as oversensitivity struck, and then Tony could just rest his cheek against Loki's thigh, blinking up at the slack face. The kid finally licked his lips, swallowed too, and blinked his eyes open to look down at Tony. For a moment he looked almost shocked to find him there, then he smiled, and his fingers combed into Tony's hair in softer movements, gently, pleased.

Then the smile turned teasing. ”I'd say that movie really sucked.”

Tony closed his eyes and laughed at that, helplessly, hiding his face in the hollow of Loki's hip, until he was almost wheezing. ”Damnit, kid, that's awful!”

”But you're still laughing.” Loki's grin was almost triumphant when he glanced up, and that set Tony off again.

At last he managed to stop, panting and wiping tears off his face, grinning up at the kid from where he was still kneeling on the floor, even though his knees were starting to object. ”I think that proves I'm about ready to go to bed after all.”

”Probably”, Loki agreed, and then went to help him back on his feet.

That night – or early morning, more like – they both went to bed in just their underwear, and the feeling of a smooth chest under his arm and palm, a bare back against his own chest, long legs folded to fit with his, felt amazing. Tony still held back a little, afraid to push too close, knowing the reactor against Loki's spine couldn't be that comfortable. But then a hand caught his wrist and pulled, while the kid's back arched into him, connecting them all the way.

”I like the way it's humming”, Loki murmured sleepily into his pillow. ”Sings me to sleep.”

Tony blinked into the darkness, shocked. 

The only one who had ever come close to the thing was Pepper, and the barely-there vibrations had just made her nervous. Not to mention the way it glowed in the dark. He had never blamed her.

His eyes burned a little, so he closed them, curled his arm tighter around Loki's chest, buried his face in the soft, black hair, and knew he was so far beyond distractions it wasn't even funny.

* * *

Of course, he still tried to find new ones. Because he was Tony Stark and he did distractions so damn well.

Best distraction ever? His wallet. So he dragged Loki all over Stockholm, shopping for clothes and _suits_ and shoes and watches and anything else he could think of. Until the kid had to cling on to his arm and physically drag him away from the next shop, tugging on him like an actual kid with a temper tantrum.

”Tony, no!” There was laughter in Loki's voice, but clear exasperation too. ”No more! Seriously! I can't take it anymore! I need to eat, and you're frozen to the bone again. Let's just go home.”

That note of tiredness and frustration at last got through to him, and Tony knew he'd pushed a little too far. Also, the kid was right. He was so cold he was shivering, now that he stopped long enough to let himself feel it.

So he relented, and called for the car to drive them and their bags back to the hotel.

While Loki found himself some food in the kitchen Tony remembered the last time he had been cold, and the suggestion the kid had made to get him warm. Maybe it hadn't been such a bad idea? Except for all the ways it was a horrible idea when he had spent all day trying to distract himself from thinking about the kid without any clothes on. But still... He quietly snuck into the bathroom to fill the bathtub with warm water and bubbles because why the hell not. Who doesn't love bubbles? The fact that they could help hide any nakedness was just a bonus on the side, really. Then he went back to the kitchen to find Loki still by the table, bent over a book now, meal finished.

”Kid?” He said the word a moment before he settled his hands on Loki's shoulders, just as a warning.

”Hmmm?” The little noise was the only reaction, no startled flinch.

”I know I'm really the only one freezing my ass off, but that tub _is_ big enough for two, so I just figured I should offer you a seat.”

Loki slowly leaned back in the chair, tilting his head over the backrest until he could give Tony an upside-down smile. ”I'd like that.” And he didn't hesitate to get out of the chair and follow into the bathroom.

They both hesitated a little bit there, though. Because no matter the bubbles they would still have to get naked _before_ they got into the tub and that? They had never done that. They had never been completely undressed in the same room at the same time. Even if they had both seen the other naked now, they had always been dressed themselves at the time. So when they had come as far as ridding themselves of their sweaters and t-shirts and shoes and socks and were about to get working on unzipping their jeans, they slowed and stopped and glanced at each other. Both with what felt like the same blank expression, waiting for the other to take the next step.

Until Tony could suddenly see them from the outside, and couldn't help a little snort of laughter. ”We're pretty ridiculous right now, aren't we?”

”Nothing we haven't seen before”, Loki agreed.

Still, they just looked at eachother for a while longer. And then it was Loki who made the next move. He stepped up to Tony, brushed his uselessly fumbling fingers aside with a gentle swipe, and went to unbutton his jeans. The backs of his fingertips felt very cold against the skin of Tony's stomach, but it didn't make him shiver because he was freezing.

While he was still slowly pulling the zipper down, Tony reached out to return the favour.

When they were both unbuttoned and unzipped it was somehow a lot easier to pull their pants and underwear off, and they didn't hesitate before they climbed into the tub, warm water and white, melon-scented foam swallowing them whole.

Tony gave a deep moan and sunk as far down into the tub as he could get, before his face started disappearing into the bubbles. ”Yeah, that's the stuff...” He let his eyes slide shut, felt Loki's legs shuffle against his when the kid settled too, and then he shut down and just drifted on the warmth for a while.

It was the temperature difference of lips on the corner of his mouth that made him startle a little, and brought him back to reality. Where things had happened while he'd been away. Hidden and masked by the way the water had warmed him, Loki had been able to place himself straddling Tony's thighs without him noticing. The long arms seemed planted on the tiled edge behind him, and the kid was leaning in to kiss him again, slow and sweet, but with clear intent. Intent made even more impossible to miss by the way something really hard was poking his hip when Loki moved even closer into the kiss.

”I take it back”, Tony mumbled through a smile when Loki pulled back to breathe. ” _That's_ the stuff.”

He rubbed his hands over the kid's shoulder blades and then down along the muscles along his spine, feeling the tension in them, the little knobs of his vertebrae, the way the pads of his fingers smoothly glided over the soapy skin.

”Just trying to get you warmed up.” Loki returned the smile, even as he shivered under the touch. Shivered pleasantly, by the feel of it.

”Mission accomplished.” He groaned and dropped his head back a little against the edge when Loki pressed closer, his mouth finding Tony's jaw. The so very natural and uninhibited display of want was seriously turning him on even more than the actual actions. And those were turning him on a lot to begin with.

It was all enough to drive him a little bit more out of his mind than he already was.

Tony let his hands slide all the way down to the small of Loki's back, the little dimples just above his ass, and then didn't stop there, but continued to shape his fingers and palms around the curves of firm muscle. Maybe he should have been satisfied with that, that they were already closer than they had ever been, but Tony wasn't that great at being satisfied with something less than what he could have. So instead he let his hands move some more, gentle, curious fingertips dipping in between Loki's ass-cheeks. 

In response came a stuttering, noisy little exhale against the skin on his jaw, right below his ear. Loki was leaning into Tony's chest, moving his head to breathe heavily into his hair, rolling his hip just slightly. Not to get away from Tony's hand, though, but to rub his cock against Tony's. Seeking friction and giving it all at the same time.

That was probably about the time when Tony knew he was completely losing it, and he wasn't even trying to hold on.

While one hand was stroking over the side of Loki's ass, hip and lower back, somehow still soothing, he let his fingers find their way to where they wanted to be, rubbing gently but firmly over the knot of gathered skin he found there. He pressed the pad of his middle finger against it, intent clear, but didn't demand anything, didn't advance, until Loki rolled his hip sharper into him, impatient suddenly.

”Yes”, came a little hoarse whisper by his ear. ”Please!”

”Since you're asking so nicely”, Tony murmured, trying to smile and not sure if he succeeded.

Loki was tight, which didn't come as anything of a surprise, but the warmth and relaxation of the bath made sure he wasn't as tense as he could have been. All soft, clean skin and pliant muscles. The slight slick of water and the soap in it was just enough to let him slip the tip of his finger in without any struggle. While Loki whimpered and moaned by his ear, Tony let his other arm slide firmly around Loki's waist, pulling him even closer. He kissed the flushed pink shoulder in front of him and, since nothing in Loki's reactions seemed like a protest, he slowly, gently, one tiny movement at a time, worked that finger in deeper, until his hand was flat against that smooth ass and he couldn't get closer. 

Tony took his mouth from the kid's shoulder with a gasp at the unfamiliar sensation. He probably should have been prepared, but he still wasn't. Because just like Loki's mouth was colder than his skin, so were his insides. With the way the skin on both of them was now warmed by the bathwater it felt very much like dipping that finger into a pool of water on a hot day, looking forward to how refreshing it would be to dive in.

Turning his head to find the shell of Loki's ear Tony tried to find air. ”That's new”, he muttered. 

The noise he got back was too indistinct to be words, but he heard an inquisitive tone in it.

”Yeah”, he said, pretty sure he knew what the question would have been if Loki had managed speech. ”It feels good. You feel good.”

Loki gave a whine, wrapped one arm around Tony's neck and supported his head on it as well as he could, still rolling his hip a little, which – probably more by accident than design – made him gently and slowly fuck himself on the finger Tony wasn't even moving.

After a little while of that they were both lost in sensation, but Tony still noticed when there was something off in Loki's breathing, in the way he felt too lax against him. Blinking his eyes open he raised his head and nudged Loki's jaw with his nose, made him turn his head. The green eyes were foggy and unfocused and his cheeks were too pale.

”You okay, kid?”

”I... don't think so.” Loki blinked, looking dazed. ”I can't feel my hands.”

Or his face, by the slack look of it. He was most likely not far from passing out. Tony got a grip on himself and pushed them both upright in the tub, making Loki moan in a way that wasn't pleasure.

”Guess this much heat isn't what you're built for, kid.” Tony kissed his neck and as carefully as possible slipped his finger free of Loki's body. ”Well, we got me warmed up. Let's get you cooled down.”

Tony got up and out of the tub, not caring that water sloshed and dripped everywhere, while Loki tried to keep himself sitting, head rolling limply forward. Then he caught Loki's forearm and gently but steadily pulled him out too, wrapping an arm around the slim waist so he could lead them both to the shower when Loki seemed unsteady on his feet, knees weak. 

He turned on a soft setting, like gentle rain, at a temperature that wasn't cold, but cool enough to be refreshing, cutting through the heat in the room. While he supported the kid against the wall he could feel Loki's breaths get deeper and steadier, his pulse turn less erratic, and the feverish blush on his chest and neck faded away while his cheeks turned less bloodless gray and more his usual pale colour.

”Better?” He reached up and swept the black hair out of Loki's face, and got a weak little smile in return.

”A lot.” The hands holding on to his shoulders for support squeezed a little. ”Thank you, Tony.”

”No problem, kid.”

Tony then turned the shower off and led Loki out of it, propped him with his ass against the edge of the counter and then proceeded to rub him dry, all over, from his long hair down his body to his actually very nice-looking feet. He'd never really been into feet, but something about Loki's - all soft skin over fine bones, and long, delicate toes - made him suddenly want to kiss them. It felt too likely to weird the kid out, though, so he just stood up to face Loki instead. 

”Ready to stand on your own again?”

The kid pushed gently away from the counter and stood up straight. He blinked and took a deep breath, but then he nodded and gave Tony a smile, one that was less weak and more genuine. ”Seems like it.” Then the smile faded a little. ”Too bad I cut the bath short.”

"Bathtime is over, but the night's not”, he promised. ”Go lie down on the bed, kid. You look like you still need to get off your feet." Tony smiled at him. "I'll get dry and be right there."

No protest came from the kid. He just nodded and left the room with careful steps, a hand half raised to the closest wall in case he needed the support, but he was steady on his feet by the look of it so Tony let him go and did what he had said he would.

By the time he was dry enough, hair messy and still wet but at least not dripping, his hard-on had wilted completely after the little scare in the tub and the lack of attention. Tony felt pretty sure that didn't matter, though.

Damn, was he ever right.

It felt like he was drunk when he stepped through the door to the bedroom to find Loki naked on the bed, head resting on the arms curled up under his cheek, turned so he was facing Tony, his damp hair spilling like ink over his shoulders. The elegantly arched lines of his back led to the curve of his ass. One leg was stretched out straight, the other bent so that long foot was hooked behind his knee. It left his legs sort of half spread, making him look both inviting and innocently shy, all at once. 

Tony knew he wasn't drunk, but his head was spinning, heartbeats loud and thudding in his ears, his body felt warm and heavy, and when he walked to the bed his feet didn't feel like they belonged to him. He at last got close enough to place a knee on the side of the bed, first for support, and then leaning over to start moving closer. 

Loki's head tilted so he could still hold Tony's eyes. The pale face was strangely blank when he opened his mouth, almost like when he had been about to pass out. "Do you want to fuck me, Tony?"

Those words could have sounded inviting too, teasing, slightly embarrassed and shy, perhaps, or even nervous and worried. And Tony could have worked with any of that. Loki being inviting would have been unexpected, but Tony could have rolled with it and made sure the kid got everything he asked for and then some. If Loki had been teasing, Tony could have answered in kind, until he had Loki begging instead. Embarrassed and shy would have made Tony soft and light, as intent on making the kid laugh as on making him turned on - because having fun was half the pleasure. And if Loki had been nervous and worried, Tony could have held him until he remembered that just because Tony _wanted_ , it didn't mean he thought he had a right to _have_. But Loki's voice held none of that. Instead some note in it made every single alarm in Tony's head go off, screeching about _danger ahead!_ Those words were not what they seemed. He instantly stopped moving forward, sat back on the mattress, one leg still hanging off the side of the bed, and let his palms stay flat on the covers. 

"By now I'm sure you would know I was lying if I tried to say no."

"Because you find this skin appealing?" Nothing moved on the kid's face still. 

Tony saw where it was all leading, then. It wasn't that Loki was opposed to the idea of Tony fucking him - he needed to know that Tony wanted it for the right reasons. That it wasn't about Tony being desperate and out of options. That he hadn't forgotten what Loki really was under that flawless skin.

And he knew he had no other choice but to be completely honest. The way he had tried to be with Loki since the very beginning. 

"Yeah, that's part of it", he admitted, as calm as he could manage. "I'm not blind, kid, and not immune to how fucking gorgeous you are." He saw something the whole wrong shade of dark move in Loki's eyes, and made himself keep talking. "That's not all of it, though. Not even most. I do want to fuck you. And suck you off again. Kiss every single breath out of you. Crawl in under that skin of yours, if I could. Not because it's pretty, but because I want _you_ , this amazing creature living in it, that's all bright mind and huge heart." Tony saw the emerald eyes blink, and some of the darkness drain out of them. He dared a little smile. "No-one thought I even had a heart, until I needed spare parts to make it work. You just have to exist to make people fall for you. DUM-E adores you. Bruce likes you. Pepper thinks you're sweet. And none of them are that easy to charm, really." He shrugged a shoulder. "Just in case you wouldn't take just my word for you being kind of amazing."

The kid seemed like he had no words left then. He slowly pushed himself up from the bed, shifting until he was sitting facing Tony instead. And even though they were still both naked, of course, Tony didn't even think about that anymore. This was about something else now. 

"So yeah, I do want to fuck you. But that's pretty unimportant anyway because what I really want to do, is love you." Tony swallowed. Hard. Tried to keep breathing when he saw Loki's eyes go wide in an expression he couldn't read. "And I suppose I already do. I just didn't exactly know it myself, until just now."

Loki's eyes searched his face in that familiar way, looking for clues. "You do?" He sounded wrecked. 

"I do." Tony reached a hand out and let it settle on one of the kid's knees. There was no flinch or move away, so he counted it as a win. "How could I not? I mean we've barely known eachother any time at all, but you... get me. There are people I've known longer than you've been alive who can't see me the way you do. I'd have to be an idiot not to appreciate that." He glanced down to where his thumb was rubbing warm circles into Loki's cool skin. "And sometimes it feels like I see you that way too." Tony looked back up. "Like we're..." Damn, it sounded so cheesy when he tried to say it out loud.

"The same", Loki filled in for him. And it didn't sound cheesy at all, then, somehow.

"Yeah. Exactly. So much the same."

They sat staring for a moment. Then Loki shuffled a bit closer, raised a hand, closed his long fingers around the back of Tony's head and leaned in to kiss him. Softly, sweetly, lingering and all satiny lips. 

"I thought I was the only one who felt that way", the kid murmured when he pulled back, emerald eyes bright and slightly liquid. 

"Well, you're not."

A smile narrowed the green eyes then. "And I love you, too." Loki rested his forehead against Tony's with a soft little sigh. "How could I not?"

Tony had said it himself – easy really wasn't his thing anymore. And this wouldn't be. But he knew it was worth anything and everything. 

No more distractions.


	15. Jotunheimen

"So, we're going to Jotunheimen next." Said casually, out of the blue. Like there was absolutely nothing strange about that what so ever.

Loki twisted in his seat on the couch to blink at Tony. "Please tell me you're joking."

"Not even a little." Tony even smiled at him, brown eyes showing a warm, golden glow. "We're so close it would be silly to go back to the States without dropping by."

" _Dropping by_?" He sat up straight, staring in disbelief. Perhaps he shouldn't be surprised. Tony was curious and stubborn, of course he wouldn't give up on this idea just because Loki asked him to.

"Well, yeah?" A shrug. "There's still so much we need to find out, so I arranged for us to go there in three days, before we head back to Malibu."

"There's nothing to find out."

"Yes, there is." Tony leaned forward, and the smile faded away. His eyes were still warm, but so firmly intent that Loki's gut turned to a twisting, frozen knot.

"No, there's not! Cancel it. I'm not going."

"I really think you should. It would be good for you. See what it's really like. Get a chance at some closure."

Loki's heart fluttered in his chest, a panicked bird beating itself senseless against its cage of bone.

"I can't believe you're doing this!" He shot up from the cushion, unable to stay still anymore, scowling down at Tony. "You know I want nothing to do with the place!"

"Loki, please, just hear me out here." The man reached for him, but Loki drew back.

"No! _You_ listen!" Wrapping his arms around his middle, protecting himself or holding something in, or both, he backed another step from the couch. "I told you before, I don't want anything to do with it. Just drop it, Tony. Leave it alone. Leave _me_ alone! They threw me away, that's all I need to know."

"You don't _know_ that, kid." Now Tony got to his feet too, but thankfully he didn't try to move closer. "You're making all of these assumptions and guesses, and maybe they're all plain wrong. If you actually found out the truth, I think it would help."

"Really? Did it help you?" There was a harsh, nasty note in his voice now. Loki hated the sound of it, but he couldn't stop. Anger and a sharply clawing panic in his gut was making him lash out.

It didn't seem to bother Tony, though. His eyes were resting just as steadily on Loki's face. "Yeah, it did", he said, calmly. "The truth often hurts, I'm not trying to say anything else. But I know who betrayed me, I know what getting out cost me and others, I know what I have to deal with. It'd be a lie if I said it was all healed up and over with, and you know that, but if I didn't know? Fuck... I doubt I'd even still be here."

All Loki could do was shake his head. "They killed Loki and abandoned me. What else do I need to know?"

"Calm down, kid." Tony raised his hands, palms out, placating. "Breathe, and think. You don't know either of those things, do you?"

Loki felt his breathing speed up and turn erratic at the advice, instead of slower and calmer. His eyes flitted away from Tony and he knew he was hunching up, curling in on himself. Hiding. "Stop."

"No, I won't. I'm not doing this to piss you off, though. Or mess with you or freak you out. I'm doing this for you. For your peace of mind." Tony pulled a deep breath. "Yours, and other's. Because I think Frigga would want to actually know what happened to her son, too."

Suddenly, Loki was so angry he could barely breathe at all. "Shut up, Tony!" It was a growl through clenched teeth. "How _dare_ you use her to get me to do what you want? What? I don't have enough guilt to carry around? You really feel the need to add to it?"

"It's not about what I want, kid. And don't you get it?" The man reached a hand out, palm up, as if he was offering Loki some kind of insight resting there. "This is about getting rid of that guilt. Once and for all. You're not the villain here, but as long as you keep believing that you are, you'll keep punishing yourself."

Loki stared at him a moment. "You're deluding yourself", he spat out. "You think you can... what? Redeem me? I'm a monster, Tony! You refusing to see that doesn't make it any less true!"

He spun on his heel and half ran out of the room, to the front door, and was just shoving his feet into his resisting shoes when Tony caught up with him.

"Loki -"

 _"No!"_ He shot up straight, shoes finally on, and the word was almost a scream. Tony jerked to a halt, mouth hanging open. "I'm a fucking _nothing_ , stuffed into a stolen skin!" He was panting now, in hissing, hitching breaths, eyes burning, throat feeling ripped to shreds. "Stop pretending I'm something more!"

With that he snatched his jacket from the hook where it was hanging, burst out through the door and slammed it behind his back, rushing toward the elevator. Hoping that Tony would actually let him go this time.

Tony had to let him go, because Loki was right. He knew he was right. Had always known.

The fact that Tony claimed to love him didn't change the fact that he was a worthless parasite. It just made Tony blind enough to believe others would see a value where he imagined Loki had one.

Genius the man may be, but he was an idiot if he thought there was anything here worth redeeming.

* * *

For a long time Tony just stood staring at the door to the suite, the sharp, loud bang of it slamming still ringing in his ears.

Okay. Honestly? He hadn't expected that. He probably should have, but he hadn't. The kid had seemed so calm and happy and somehow that had made Tony believe Loki would just smile and nod and go along with the plan. So yeah, maybe the kid was partly right about him deluding himself, really, because he should have realized that Loki was only calm and happy on the surface. Inside, he was still the same chaos he had been the whole time. The open wound bleeding guilt that Tony had recognized himself in from the very beginning.

He had seriously, horribly, underestimated the amount of self-loathing Loki was burdened with. He had let himself forget that Loki wasn't just the soft and understanding young man sharing his bed, the one who could make him laugh until he cried, but also the bitter and tired creature he had found in SHIELDs research facility, the one who considered himself a parasite and a monster.

That didn't change Tony's mind about what he thought needed to be done, though. Quite the opposite, actually.

But what was he supposed to do now? Follow the kid? Leave him alone? Wait here? Fuck, but he sucked at this... relationship stuff.

Shit. A relationship. He was in a relationship. How had that happened? When? Maybe it had been a couple of days ago when he'd confessed to loving Loki - and he still couldn't believe he'd actually said that out loud - but a part of him pointed out that that wasn't really it. Just the last clue that made sure he got the message, too. It had started a long time ago, if he tried to be honest with himself the way he tried to be with the kid.

He had cared about Loki since before he'd even met him. That picture of the blue-skinned little boy in the corner had stirred something in him that hadn't let itself be ignored. And the closer he had gotten to Loki after that, the stronger that something had grown. The wish to see Loki safe, protected, happy, smiling, at ease, allowed to live and flourish - and Tony getting to be around to watch that brilliant mind work. Somewhere along the line his libido had joined the party, but he hadn't been lying to Loki when he'd said that was unimportant. Because it really was. The kid could ask him to never put a hand on him again and he would comply. Of course he would! He would miss those cool lips and that soft skin and the smell of his silky hair. He would miss it _so fucking much_. But Loki came first. Loki's happiness and peace of mind were more important than his own.

(Somewhere inside, his ego was trying to elbow its way to the front of the line, insisting that _hey, nothing's more important than me!_ , but Tony firmly informed it that it could go fuck itself - which it probably wanted to do anyway, narcissistic thing that it was.)

So, the real question was - did he think Loki was happy and at peace out there, alone in the cold city?

Tony turned from the door and went to get dressed in something warmer.

* * *

Loki walked slowly over the cobblestones, and watched the faces of the humans passing by all around him. Smiling, frowning, talking, laughing, thoughtful. They wandered along the same narrow streets as he did, saw the same houses, felt the same wind on their skin, and they had no idea what manner of creature was walking right among them. He wondered what they would have said or done if they had known.

While he aimlessly kept walking, with no idea where he was going, he started wondering if he could even turn around and go back. Would Tony let him back in? He wasn't sure he would have, himself. Not after all the horrible things he'd said.

Why had he done that? Lashed out at Tony, who just wanted to help him? He couldn't help, of course, but he still wanted to try. One of only two people in the world who had ever really wanted to try.

His eyes burned and he rubbed the heel of his hand over them, pretending to himself that the wind was to blame for the tears that wet his skin when he pulled the hand back.

These last few weeks he had let himself forget what manner of creature he was, too. He had wrapped himself in the warmth and comfort that was _Tony_ , and let himself pretend that he was just as human as the man was. It had been easy to forget his own flaws when he had been allowed to see Tony's pain and guilt and held him through the breakdown. It had been so very easy to forget what he was under this human skin, when someone was so eager to touch it, _taste it_ , seemingly without thinking about what he was either. Still, he hadn't been able to let Tony carry on without the reminder, before the man went one step too far, before he did something he couldn't undo, something he might regret. Loki couldn't let Tony come as close as he wanted to be in the heat of the moment, just to see him pull away in disgust afterward, when he could think it all the way through.

Better then if he decided to stay away, altogether.

In the end, he sort of had. Although not in the way Loki had half feared, half hoped. Instead of coming to his senses and backing off, Tony had told him he loved him. And then they had spent the rest of the night tangled up under the covers, still naked, but doing nothing more than holding eachother. Overwhelmed enough as it was.

They had come so close, so wonderfully close. And there would probably never come a day when he didn't remember the heat of Tony's mouth on him, or those strong but gentle fingers holding him, caressing him, finding their way inside...

But then, all it had taken was a reminder that none of that was meant for him, and he had brought it all crashing down himself.

Now, it was just him and the cold. As it had been meant to be all along, really.

When Loki looked up from the cobblestones the next time, he realized that he had reached the square with the statue he had liked so much. He tilted his head back and eyed the green monster, its mouth gaping, teeth bared, and wondered if it was afraid, facing its death, or just angry. Could monsters even be afraid?

He had thought he was afraid many times, and even right in this moment, but perhaps he wasn't. Maybe it was just greed. Him unwilling to lose what he had, or what he wanted to have.

Monsters could definitely be greedy. No doubt about that.

Loki walked up to the base of the statue, turned to lean with his back against it, let his head fall back onto the stones as well, and stared up into the gray sky, slowly getting darker. He didn't know how long he had been gone from the hotel. Two hours? Three? More? Did it matter? Tony was probably happy that he was gone now, anyway.

He closed his eyes, and tried to think about nothing.

When he felt his cellphone vibrating against his chest he wrapped his arms around himself, and let one signal after another pass, until the device went still. For a few moments. Then it started again. With a sigh Loki stuck a hand into his jacket, pulled the phone out, and saw the name "Tony Stark" across the screen. Was he relieved to see it? Or was this just a call to tell him he could come pick up his stuff and get his ungrateful ass out of there? He hesitated, but then he swiped over the glass, and held the phone to his ear. Not saying anything, just waiting for rejection.

"Hey, kid." The words were so soft, clashing with his bleak expectations. There was a light rustling of air passing the microphone, giving away the fact that Tony was outside too. "On your left."

Blinking, Loki lifted his head away from the stones and turned it, confused for a moment, until he saw Tony standing there, on the other side of the square. A wide hand lifted with palm out in a silent greeting.

He couldn't stop a little huff. "Having Jarvis help you stalk me again? Creepy, Tony."

"You know it." The movements on Tony's lips were just a hint out of sync with the words in his ear. A tiny smile showed on them, too, but then it faded. "I'm still in trouble, aren't I?"

"Yes." Loki winced and rubbed a hand over his face. "No." He let his hand drop and looked at Tony across the square again. Suddenly, all he wanted was to be over there, safe in Tony's arms, nose in his hair, pretending the world didn't exist. He felt himself deflate, slumping against the high base of the statue. "I'm such a mess, Tony." His head tilted forward, his eyes falling shut again, forcing tears out, and the hand holding the phone fell to his side.

Just a few seconds later there was a firm body against his, a strong arm around his back, pulling him closer. Loki didn't resist, he just leaned into that steady support.

"I know, kid", Tony murmured into his hair, breath warm all the way to his skin under the long tresses. "You and me both."

Loki slipped an arm around Tony's shoulders. "I'm so sorry", he whispered into the chilly wind.

"You don't have to apologize to me, Loki. It wasn't me you were hurting."

That was what made Loki lean even more heavily into the man holding on to him. Relief was like a warm glow in his heart. He had been spitting and screaming out acid and venom and he was sure anyone else would have dissolved under the burn and just left him to his own bitterness. But Tony knew. Tony knew it wasn't truly aimed at him. He knew Loki was doing it all to himself.

”You want to go back?”

Loki nodded against Tony, feeling miserable.

Back in the suite they just curled up on the bed, still dressed, incapable of being apart, too worn to do anything but staying there. Loki's head resting in the hollow between Tony's chest and shoulder, an arm around him, his own arm and a leg across the man beside him.

”I still don't want to go there”, he muttered.

”I know. I still think you should.”

Loki swallowed, and closed his eyes. ”Will you make me go?”

The hand on his back slid into his hair, cradling the back of his head while warm lips pressed a kiss into his hairline. ”No, sweetheart, I won't. If you're not ready yet, I won't push you into going.”

It was the first time Tony had called him anything but kid - or _brat_ \- and even though he apparently could be a brat, and even though he kind of liked being the kid, this still made his heart flutter again, but not in a panic this time. Frigga had always called him sweetheart, and hearing it now felt a little bit like coming home. He gave a long, slow exhale and let himself melt into Tony's side.

”Can I think about it?”

”As long as you need.”

And then those warm fingertips rubbed against his scalp in slow little circles until he fell asleep, listening to the soothing song of the hum from the reactor, and the even beats of Tony's heart, protected behind it.

* * *

Loki did think about it. Long and hard.

In the end he still said yes. Because apparently he couldn't say no to those wide, brown, pleading eyes.

He was sure he would regret it before the end, but he still said yes.

* * *

Autumn really wasn't the best time of year to visit Jotunheimen either, and they discovered that really quickly. Almost as soon as they got out of the helicopter that had brought them there. The landscape was nearly stunning enough to distract Tony from it, with its soaring white peaks and bright blue water, but just nearly.

At least the cold here was not the same kind as in Stockholm. The actual temperature here was lower, but the air was high and crisp and even though the wind was enough to burn a little against his cheeks, it lacked that damp chill which had crawled into his bones in Sweden. This was better. This was the kind of cold you could actually pull on a couple of extra layers and be protected from. There had been no way to shield himself from the cold coming from the water.

He didn't have time to focus on the landscape though, or the weather. Instead he turned to Loki, standing beside him on the half green, half brown grass just barely covering the rocky ground where they had been left with nothing but themselves and their luggage.

The kid was turned away, probably looking around at the mountains, but his shoulders looked tense even under the thick jacket, hands curled to fists in his gloves. After a while he finally turned to face Tony, black hair shifting in the cold wind, green eyes looking almost unnaturally bright in this light. Just like they had by the ocean in Malibu.

”This place looks good on you, too”, Tony said, before he could think it through. It was true, though. The gray and dull green made Loki pale skin sparkle just like the white peaks behind him.

Loki's thin mouth twisted a little, but he didn't protest. Instead he nodded at the bags by Tony's feet. ”Should we get the tent set up?”

”Sure.” 

It wasn't difficult. Of course it was something Tony had designed himself, once. Military issue. They'd be warm in there even if it got cold enough to actually turn Loki blue. And even though it didn't just take the push of a button to pitch it, it wasn't far from it. So pretty soon they had everything done, set up, unpacked enough that when they felt like it they could just go to bed.

It looked a little like Loki would have wished to do so at once. Not because he was tired, really. More to hide away.

Tony didn't let him. They had taken their gloves off while they had made camp, and now he stepped up to Loki's side and slipped his hand around those long fingers, actually cold here, rather than cool.

”Let's go for a walk.”

Loki hesitated, but then nodded and went along while they slowly wandered down the slope, closer to the lake at the bottom of the valley. When the sun was hidden in clouds the water didn't have that startlingly sharp turquoise colour Tony remembered from the photo of the Jarlson family, but it was still pretty.

”I would never have guessed that you were the type who enjoyed going camping. Or hiking.” Loki's voice was strained, just a little, but it was clear he was trying to sound casual so Tony just turned a smile at him.

”Yeah, well, you'd have been right because I'm really not. I was born and raised in the city. I'm not made for, you know, nature. As long as I have my tech around I'm happy.” He shrugged. ”Just making an effort for you.”

”At least I'm not the only one who's a bit miserable to be here, then.”

”That you are not.” They had come to a halt on a cliff, with a view of the water below, so Tony took the chance to slip his arm around Loki's waist. ”Is it really as bad as all that, though?”

Loki turned his head, and his bright, emerald eyes traveled slowly over the dramatic landscape in front of them. At last he shook his head. ”No. It's beautiful. It really is.” He sighed. ”I wish I could just enjoy it.”

”Want to at least try?”

Still gazing off at the horizon, Loki nodded.

And they did try. 

They walked around this mountainous piece of land until their feet blistered. They marveled at the views. Loki laughed at the way Tony's nose turned bright red when the wind got really cold and then nicknamed him Rudolph, until Tony tried to kick him in the shins – even though the kid's sense of humor returning had to be a good sign.

Neither of them really slept at night in this both new and strange place, and Tony noticed that when Loki did sleep, he didn't sleep well. He seemed to dream. A lot. But he didn't want to talk about what he was dreaming about. If he even remembered.

On the third day they woke up – or at least stopped trying or pretending to sleep – and pulled on their clothes to go out for another long walk, heading for the lake this time. Loki wanted to see the water up close, so Tony followed without protest. About halfway there they stopped for a rest, sitting on a shelf of rock with a perfect view of the lake. They sat down to get off their feet for a few minutes, drank some water, and planned the route they would take from there.

Then Tony turned to Loki, and blinked.

He didn't know it then, but about the same time his eyes opened again, nothing would be the same.

* * *

Tony turned to face him, and Loki thought the man was about to say something. Instead his face stayed completely the same. Not a muscle was moving under the skin, blushed by the wind. Not one. A moment later, Loki realized that Tony wasn't even blinking. The wind Loki could still feel wasn't moving a single strand in the chocolate brown hair.

It was the strangest and most chilling sight he had ever seen.

”Tony?” He was already sure he wouldn't get an answer, but instinct made it impossible not to at least try to make contact.

Loki swallowed, feeling himself grow cold in the inside in a way that had nothing to do with the temperature. His hands, still resting in his lap, curled to fists, and his breathing started speeding up.

Why had he let Tony take him here? He had known something would happen. But he had thought whatever were to happen, would happen to himself. Not to Tony. 

There was a sound behind him then, something that must have been a footstep on the rocks and gravel. Loki felt himself go stiff, fear and adrenaline burning in his muscles, his heart thudding in his ears, but he made himself slowly get up on one knee and turn around anyway. Carefully keeping his own body between the frozen, helpless Tony and whatever was behind him.

Someone was standing there. The low autumn sun was at his or her back, and Loki couldn't make out anything but a tall shape against the sharp light at first. He raised his hand to shadow his eyes, squinted, and when the other took another step closer, he could finally see. Loki stood up without thinking about it, feet numb and knees weak, and stared.

”I thought you were dead.” His voice was a torn whisper.

”As you can see, I'm not”, Loki Jarlson greeted him, his sharp grin and his smooth voice so familiar, and at the same time so completely, utterly, mindbendingly strange. "And I knew we would meet again."


	16. Your birthright

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Since I left you in such a painful place yesterday, I worked a little extra hard to get this done today. So, here goes...)

As far as he could tell, his and Loki's faces were identical. It was odd, seeing that face when it wasn't flipped by a mirror, but he knew every line on it even so, knew the shade of green showing under those long, black lashes, the flash of white teeth before the grin softened into a thin curve of a smile instead. The face was the only thing identical about them he could see, though.

Loki's hair was much longer than his own, tumbling over his wide shoulders, falling down his chest in inky waves, turning to soft curls closer to the ends.

Their clothes were different too, of course. Loki Jarlson wore knee-high, black leather boots, and the pants covering the rest of his legs seemed to be made out of the same material, but a softer, more supple kind. Over those pants he wore a long, heavy tunic in dark green, just the collar of a thinner garment showing by his throat. The tunic fell more than halfway to his knees, open on the sides of his legs to let him move easily, and a long, black belt was slung twice around his hips, fastened with a knot around a metal ring. It was a simple outfit, but it looked well made and perfectly fitted to Loki's frame. He seemed at home in it.

"She didn't think you would ever come back", Loki Jarlson continued, still smiling. "But I was sure you would learn the truth. Or at least enough to come here seeking more."

"She?" He could just barely speak. His throat felt tight and almost closing up around the word.

"She will be here soon, and I know she would want to make her own introductions." Loki took a long but slow step closer. "I wanted to meet you first. After all, we are brothers now, in a way."

The movement closer made him tense up, lifting a hand to hold it out by his side, fingers spread, as if that would help shield Tony, sitting unmoving on the cliff behind him. This person might look like him, might look human, but he knew nothing of what Loki Jarlson really was now. He was not letting him close to Tony. Never.

Loki saw his movement and reaction, and stopped, very white palms coming up in a calming gesture. "He is in no danger, I swear." The familiar face was serious now. "When we came through, we locked him in-between. He will see or hear nothing. To him, no time will even have passed when this is all over."

"When what is over?" He swallowed. "What do you want from me?"

"Nothing." Loki's smile came back, gentler. "I only wanted to see you again. Even though you look nothing like I remember, of course. But if not for you, I wouldn't be here." Then his back straightened, his head turned half to the side, as if he had heard something, and his smile widened. "I can't speak for her, however. There might be something she wants."

Then he heard a sound as well. Footsteps. Almost too light to make out, but he realized they were coming closer, just before another tall shape stepped up behind Loki. Now, the sun behind the two was hidden in clouds and he could see this person clearly right away as she came to a halt by Loki's side, a long, elegant hand coming to rest on his shoulder. She. Yes, this was the one Loki had spoken of. He knew that without being told. And he knew who she was without hearing it said, too.

She was taller than Loki by a few inches, but she was lithe and slim and she didn't seem as huge by his side as she could have. Her skin was a shade of blue he was painfully familiar with, and since her garments bared so much of it, it was impossible to miss the deep colour or the raised lines running along her limbs, forming a pattern he didn't know the meaning of. All she had on was a thin, loose-fitting tunic, sleeveless, falling almost to her knees. It was made of soft and supple cloth in a dark golden colour, fastened around her waist with a black belt in the same fashion as Loki's. Long, strong legs bare, no shoes on her feet. The hair on her head, gathered into a heavy braid falling over a blue shoulder, was a dark shade of gray, almost matching the rock she was standing on.

And her face... It looked nothing like his own, but its features still stirred a memory. The high cheekbones under the wide, crimson eyes. Pale gray eyelashes. Full lips, so dark blue they were nearly black, parting in a smile to show sharp, white teeth. His heart knew that face. It had been forgotten by his mind, but his heart remembered, and always would.

His knees nearly buckled, but he managed to stay upright. The breath he pulled in was almost a sob. "Mother?"

Her hand on Loki's shoulder gently moved him aside, and Loki Jarlson gave his doppleganger a little nod before he turned, and seemed to move back, disappearing into thin air. Then the woman stepped closer, still smiling so very, very softly.

"Yes", she said, her voice a dark and smoky thing running through his bloodstream. She came to a halt right in front of him, so tall he had to tilt his head back to meet her red eyes. "My son."

Inside him, every single thing he had thought he knew was falling apart. The clear glint of affection in those crimson eyes, that gentle smile, her words... It was nothing like what he had expected.

"Please", he heard himself murmur. "Please, tell me my name. If I have one." The one thing he had needed to know, more than anything else. The one thing he had always missed.

Her smile faded. "Of course you have a name, my child. And you have carried it with you all along." She tilted her head forward. "Loki. I named you so while I still carried you under my heart. A proud name. Old as the stones. Fit for a king." The smile returned, red eyes narrowing slightly, and that was all he saw. "You were such a curious little thing, and when you heard the humans calling your name, you couldn't stay away. Not unheard of for them to steal our names, and I thought nothing more of it, until that little boy turned to look at you..." Her words faded to silence, and he thought he saw a hint of pain in her eyes, even though the smile stayed.

He remembered the old family photo, then. Everyone smiling at the camera, except Loki. Loki, who was looking away, eagerly reaching his hand out for something unseen, even when Thor's stronger arms kept him in place.

"He should never have been able to see me", Loki said, understanding.

"No, he should not. And when he did, your fate was sealed. " His mother sighed. "You see, we lost something, once. Something precious. And without it, we need those with the Sight to lead us between the realms. If we cannot travel, we wither and perish. Without him, we would all be dying. But we can never take something away without leaving something else in return. The balance of the universe must be kept."

"So you just... left me behind?" He searched her eyes and face, frowning, hands clenching at his sides. "Abandoned me here?"

A tension became visible around her eyes, dark brows pulling together above the bridge of her nose. "Do _not_ think I lightly gave up my only heir, and the rule that has belonged to my line for seven generations. Not lightly, and for anything less than the survival of my people I would never have done it at all. You were not _abandoned_ , my son. You were a sacrifice." She lifted her head upright again. "You were the only child young enough. Few are born to us these days at all. I had no other choice, and I did what I could to hide you, make sure you were safe. But since you are here now... Well. It would seem I failed."

Loki's mind was reeling, trying to take in everything she said, but it was all so much, far too much. _"Fit for a king. My only heir. My people..."_ He was the son of a queen. He had been born to be a king. He had not been thrown away, abandoned, a flawed thing discarded. He had been left behind for a desperate reason, been sorely missed, and his mother had tried to keep him safe.

Tony had been right - every assumption he had ever made had been wrong. Completely wrong.

"I fell into a frozen lake", he explained, tongue nearly numb behind his teeth. "My skin..." Words failed him. But of course, he didn't have to say any more than that.

"Oh, Loki." The name was almost a moan. "I am so sorry. The humans were never meant to know. I feared what they would do, how they would treat you, if the did."

"You were right to." He felt the bitter twist that was his smile. "But some have still kept me safe. Some have still loved me."

"I'm pleased to hear that." One of her long, blue hands lifted, half reaching for him, before it fell to her side again.

Loki's eyes fell at the movement, before he faced her again. "I don't know your name, either."

"Laufey", she said, the soft syllables running off her tongue like honey. And it felt right to his ears.

Then she craned her long, thin neck and her eyes moved over his shoulder, falling on the man still sitting behind him, shielded by his body as much as possible. Something curious hinted in the curl of her dark lips.

"This is one who loves you." It wasn't even a question. And she didn't wait for an answer before she took a couple of long steps around Loki. "Ah, yes, I can see why you were drawn to this man", she said, crouching down with fluid motions in front of Tony's frozen form, to get a closer look at the man's face. Loki's heart beat harder, fearful, but she didn't raise a hand, so he tried to stay calm. "Your natural affinity for the earth no doubt has found you a worthy match. The shape of him speaks clearly enough. Not to mention those dark, lovely eyes. His hands are used to stonework, no? Or metal, perhaps?" Laufey threw a questioning glance over her shoulder.

Loki nodded, too stunned to speak for a moment. "Yes", he got out, hoarsely. "Metal. But I don't understand what you mean. My... affinity?"

She stood up and turned to him again. "No, I suppose you wouldn't know", she said, thoughtful. "But it is clear your heart does." She stepped close again. Obviously wanting to be near him, even though she was afraid to touch. "We come from the earth, you see. We were made from rock and soil and metal, and emerged from the dark, deep places. It is what we know, and we influence the earth just as it affects us."

He blinked. That made... a strange amount of sense. Actually. It explained why Loki had always wanted potted plants in his room. Why he had felt so at home on the cliffs in Malibu. Why he and Tony, the solid and grounded engineer with a metal heart in his very bones, had always felt so much the same.

Perhaps they really _were_ made of the same stuff, in a way he had never considered?

"And his heart is honest. I can tell. You have made a fine choice." A pleased glint showed in the crimson depths of Laufey's eyes as she continued, and a smile curled her dark lips. "Would you wish to keep him?"

"Keep him?", Loki repeated in disbelief, suddenly bristling, anger simmering in his gut. "He's not a _pet_!"

"Of course not!" The smile quickly faded into seriousness. "I meant no disrespect. The fact of the matter is that he is human, however, and no longer young, either, as the silver in his hair shows. You can have a few more years with him, perhaps, but then he will be gone and you will still be here. For a very, very long time."

Swallowing down his anger along with the sudden lump in his throat, Loki glanced at Tony, and then back at Laufey's angular, cerulean face. "How long?"

"At least a few millennia, as they count the years. It is difficult to say; time flows differently between the realms."

It felt like a punch in the gut. He would live for thousands of years. Thousands! Loki sucked in a gasp, wrapping his arms around his middle. Again he looked at the unnaturally still man on the ground. Thousands of years without Tony... It felt like an icy dagger stabbing his heart.

"Yes", he almost whispered. "Yes, I would wish to keep him. But I have no idea if he would want to stay with me."

"At least give him the choice."

Loki frowned and turned back to her, confused. "I can do that?"

"No", she smiled. "You cannot. But I can." Then she crouched down again, this time to pick a small rock off the ground by her bare, blue feet, raised lines running from her toes up her shins. She stood, holding the rock to her heart, closed her eyes, and he thought he saw her lips move, just a little. A blue-white and very cold glow showed between her fingers for a moment before she looked up, and held her hand out to him. In her pale blue palm now rested what looked like a ruby, blood red and glowing. "Take this. If you wish to bind his years to yours, and he agrees, then you will know what to do with it."

Starting to reach his hand out to take the offered jewel, Loki thought her words through more carefully, and made himself stop. "Bind him?"

Laufey slowly shook her head. "Not him, Loki. Only his years. How he spends them will still be up to him, but as long as you live, age will not take him. He can still be killed, as we all can, but he will share some of your natural resilience as well."

Loki stared at the red stone. The offer was amazing. Unreal. In every sense of the word. It was beyond anything he could have ever imagined. And still, all he could think was... _"Why?"_ He raised his eyes to search her face once more. "Why are you giving me this?"

Her lips parted, and she somehow seemed to shrink in front of him as her shoulders fell and her hands, still holding the stone, curled in over her middle. "Because it is all I _can_ give you." Laufey's voice was slightly unsteady, suddenly. "You were meant for greater things, Loki. Meant to have everything that is mine, before fate robbed you of your birthright. I was forced to strip you of so much, my child." Her red eyes blinked, and suddenly overflowed, tears trickling down to follow the raised lines drawn along her cheeks. "I had to seal away your true face, your true form, your magic and your spirit. I had to hide everything you are, just to keep you as safe as I possibly could. It broke my heart, but there was no other way."

She stepped even closer, raised an empty hand and placed it on his cheek, softly, hesitantly, as if she half expected that he would slap it away. He didn't. Her very long fingers weren't warm when they settled against his skin, as everyone else's had always been. They were both the same temperature. And before he could think about it, Loki closed his eyes and turned his face into that hand, seeking more of what should have been his home. He heard Laufey give a shuddering sigh, and her thumb caressed his cheekbone, brushing by his eyelashes.

"There is nothing I can give you", she murmured, "except for this one, single gift. So I can at least know you do not have to be alone in this world, even though I have to leave you here. Again." Another sigh, heavy and pained. "Will you take it?"

Would he? Could he? Could he refuse? No, of course not. The mother he had never thought he would meet again offered him a gift, hoping it would help him. Of course he couldn't refuse it. Perhaps Tony would not take it from him, if he offered it to the man in turn, but some day perhaps there would be another to offer it too – if he had the heart to try and find someone like that, when Tony was gone. At least he would have a chance. A choice.

"Yes, mother." Loki opened his eyes and looked into her crimson ones, so liquid and bright. "I will. Thank you."

"Here." Laufey pressed the red jewel into his palm, letting him slip it into a pocket. "Keep it safe. And treasure your time with him. No matter how many years you have together. A heart like his is a rare thing to be given."

That actually made Loki smile, wide and honest, for the first time since Tony had frozen in front of his eyes. "It is", he agreed, thinking that she had no idea how right she truly was. "And I will."

Laufey returned his smile, but hers was small and soft and sad. "I must leave you now. There is no more time." The large thumb caressed his cheek again. "Perhaps we shall meet again, or perhaps not. Either way..." She leaned in, held his face in place with her gentle hand, and placed a soft kiss on his other cheek. "Never doubt that I love you." He felt the wet of her tears on his skin, and felt his own eyes sting, his heart a tight knot in his chest. "You are my flesh and blood, the son of Laufey, prince of the jotnar, no matter what skin you may wear. Never forget that, Loki."

Her eyes caught his at the last words, and all he could do was nod. Mute and overwhelmed and completely broken and more whole than ever, all at once.

The red eyes fell on Tony again. "If you wish to hide what has happened here today, you should return to where you were before we arrived. When I leave, he will be free again. To him, not even a moment has passed, and he will know nothing you do not tell him." She looked at him, making sure he had understood.

Loki gave another nod.

Then her hand fell from his face, slowly, and he had to struggle not to reach for her, hold on. There was no use and he knew it.

"Thank you", he said, voice rough, "for giving me myself back."

And his mother smiled at him, before she turned and slowly walked away over the gray rock.

Loki wished he could have watched her go, take int the last moments they shared the same place in the universe, but he knew he had to take her advice. So he hurried to turn back, sit down where he had been, and rubbed his face dry as best he could. He honestly still wasn't sure what he should tell Tony, and if so _how_ to tell him what had just happened, but if he didn't try telling him right now, at least this little trick would let him figure that out later, give him time.

In front of him the wind suddenly caught the strands of Tony's brown hair again, his dark eyes blinked, and his lips parted to let a breath through.

Everything was back to normal, and absolutely nothing was the same.

* * *

Tony blinked, just once, and then the kid had the strangest expression on his face all of a sudden. He was really pale, grayish around the cheeks, the emerald eyes were more liquid than they should, there was this slight little quiver in his bottom lip and chin, barely noticeable to someone less familiar with Loki's face, probably, but Tony noticed. He frowned.

"You okay, kid?" Had he changed his mind about the hike to the lake, maybe? Was this all too much?

The words were barely out of his mouth before Loki just... crumbled. Came apart, right in front of his eyes. The tears that had just glinted in his eyes suddenly ran down his face in huge, sparkling drops, his eyebrows knitted together, his mouth fell open, but nothing but a whimpering sob came out. And then he just folded, slumping forward until his arms and face were right in Tony's lap, shoulders heaving with gasping misery.

Shocked, Tony could just stare for a moment before he settled one hand on the trembling, wind-tousled head, and another on the kid's shoulder. "Was it something I said?" Yeah, it was part joke, but most of him was also seriously worried he had fucked up in some way he didn't even know, had never noticed.

The keening little noise escaping Loki hitched in a way that almost, just almost, sounded like he was laughing. Crying his eyes out, and laughing at the same time? Really? The fact that his head was now moving in a tiny headshake against Tony's thigh made him think he actually wasn't crazy for thinking that was what was happening. He didn't ask any more questions right now, though, just ran his fingers through Loki's hair and let him cry this out. Whatever ”this” was.

At last, Loki finally calmed down a little, got his breathing under control, and sat back up, sniffling and wiping at his face before he looked up, turning red-rimmed eyes at Tony.

"What's wrong, kid?"

Loki pulled a long, slow, slightly shuddering breath. "Nothing." He gave a huff that could really be a little hint of laughter, although a wet one. "Everything." He shook his head again. "I have no idea how to tell you."

"All right." Tony shuffled a bit closer on the cliff and placed a hand around Loki's back. "Just start at the beginning, and we'll work it out.

The kid nodded, slowly. "I just met Loki. And... and my _mother_." He shivered at the last, choked word, and a new tear ran down his face. He wiped at it with a quick movement. "They... locked you out of time. Somehow. So you wouldn't see. But they were here." The emerald eyes looked almost feverish now, words tumbling faster out of him. "I swear I'm not crazy, Tony. They really came. To see me."

He was almost stunned beyond words, but he knew he had to talk. Staring and gaping would not help the kid right now. So Tony held on harder to Loki's back and made his mouth work. "Easy, kid. I believe you. Okay?" Because why the hell would Loki make up something like that? It definitely explained the sudden, seemingly unprovoked breakdown just now. "I believe you. Now just breathe for a little bit, and then tell me what happened."

Loki relaxed, leaned into him, and breathed. His eyes fell shut for a moment, his face turning softer than the distressed lines etched on it before.

"You were right, Tony", he finally started. "You were right. Everything I thought I knew about myself was wrong. Loki isn't dead. He's just fine, taken care of, and he seemed... at home. More at home than me, really." The kid huffed again. "And they didn't abandon me. They left me because they had to, so they could live. There was nothing wrong with me. I wasn't unwanted." He was staring right into space while he spoke, as if he could barely believe his own words. "My mother told me she loves me." More tears, but he was smiling, too, and it was like sunshine through falling rain when he turned to look at Tony. "You were right."

Smiling back, Tony raised his other hand and wiped wet from Loki's cheek with his thumb. "I'm glad to hear it, kid. And not only because I love being right." He leaned in to kiss the wet, stil slightly trembling lips, which still kissed him back. "Because I love you more. And that's saying something." And kissed the kid again.

Loki's lips tensed out ot the kiss, stretching into a grin, and then he leaned back laughing. "I feel like I'm losing my mind. And I honestly thought it was long gone already."

"Nah, you're just the right amount of insane, kid."

"And what amount is that?"

"Enough to put up with me."

There was a pause, then. ”About that? I think I know now why we feel so much the same." Loki snuggled in even closer under his arm. 

"Yeah?"

"I have always guessed I was some sort of ice monster. Or snow, maybe. Apparently, I'm not." He glanced up at Tony's curious face. "I come from earth. And stone. And metal. And those are the things I'm affected by. And influence in turn."

That made Tony blink. Surprised. He would definitely have guessed at some kind of icy ancestry for Loki as well. But when he said it like that... Yeah, it made sense. The kid had said the reactor sang to him, after all.

"Well, I'm part metal now, so I can see that happening." He rubbed a hand over his chest. "This is part of me enough I can even taste it. All the time. It's like metal and coconut."

Loki stiffened under his arm then, and stared. "Oh! That's why -" He abruptly cut himself off. And then he blushed. _Furiously._

"What?" Tony was completely perplexed by the reaction. 

"Nothing."

Didn't look like nothing, but Tony let it drop. For now. 

”Guess a lot of questions got answered today, then?” He moved the arm resting around the kid, to rub his hand into the tousled hair again. He just liked doing that, a lot.

”Yes.” Loki's voice was serious again then, thoughful. ”I even found out my real name.”

”Oh?” Tony's hand stilled in the silky strands.

”It's Loki.” The thin lips pulled up in a small but genuinely happy smile. ”It was always Loki. Before I was even born.” Then he shook his head. ”It's not Jarlson, though. That's not me. I'm...” He frowned, thinking again. ”Laufeyson.”

Tony thought about that for a moment too. ”After your mother?”

Loki nodded.

”Laufeyson”, Tony murmured, trying it out. ”I like it. Suits you. As I guess it should.”

Silence fell between them then, but it felt soft and easy and Tony went back to rubbing his fingers through Loki's hair, looking at the view of the lake below, feeling the kid just breathe and exist and relax. It was good, somehow. Peaceful. In a way it hadn't been in a while.

Then Loki turned under his arm, getting closer, and wrapped his own arms around Tony's back. "There's nothing for me here. Never really was.” Loki sighed into his neck. ”Will you take me home, Tony?" 

"And where's that?" They had a couple of different places to choose from, after all.

"Wherever you are.” Lips touched the skin on his neck. 

Oh... Well, that was... something. Tony was pretty sure that burning sensation in his chest right then was his heart melting to a puddle behind the arc reactor.

* * *

”Let's go back to Malibu, kid”, Tony murmured when they were curled up in their tent for the last night in Jotunheimen. ”I'm sick of cold and gray and wind. I need sunshine!”

”I'd like that, too.”

”And we're totally bringing DUM-E out there, too. We metal creatures want to be around you, after all.”

Loki chuckled. ”You're insane, you know that, don't you?”

”Just the right amount?”

”Yes, Tony.” He turned his head to brush his lips by a silvery temple. ”Just the right amount.”

* * *

"Holy _shit_!" Tony jerked upright in the chair where he was sitting in the shade on the balcony, back by the ocean in Malibu. Sputtering on the sip he had just taken from his glass of scotch. 

Loki startled at the exclamation and twitched, almost dropping his book. He frowned at the man, who was now pulling his sunglasses off, staring ahead, mouth open. Worry twisted around in his gut. They had only been back from Norway for two days, and there was still so much they both needed to think about. What if Tony had thought of something unpleasant, something Loki had overlooked?

"What?" He sounded a bit wary, even to himself.

"I fucking figured it out!" Tony was so excited he was almost breathless. 

"Figured what out?" Still frowning, Loki closed his book and set it aside. It didn't feel like he would get to do anymore reading right now. 

"Hold on! Don't move!" And then Tony shot out of the chair altogether, rushing into the mansion. 

Loki blinked, surprised again by the sudden movement, and stared after the man. He didn't get long to wonder what Tony was actually on about, before he swept back out through the door, sat down across the table where Loki was placed, and put something down on the glass surface between them. A wooden box with a star carved into the lid. Of course, he knew what that was – the mancala board.

”You want to play?” Loki was confused.

”Not exactly.” Tony gave him a grin, nearly wide enough to cut his head in half. ”I've figured out your little trick.” He opened the box, showing the wooden pieces in their little hollows. ”I know why you kept winning all the fucking time while we were in the Tower, but not here. After I bought this.”

This was not making Loki less confused, actually. ”What trick? I told you; I have no idea how I did that.”

”And I believe you”, Tony assured him, grin turning softer. ”It was still something you did, though.” He gestured to the board. ”Look at this, and tell me what's different from the one we used in New York.”

Trying to focus, and remember, Loki eyed the board. This one was smaller, more elegantly made. The stars running down the middle were a clear difference, of course, but he didn't think that would really matter. Hm... Both boards were made of wood. On this one the pieces were also wood, but on the other one they had been...

His jaw dropped. ”Stone!”, he choked out. ”Those pieces were made of stone.”

Tony laughed, bright and delighted. ”Yeah! Exactly! Get it?”

He did get it. ”I moved them.” Loki ran his hand through his hair, staring at the board again. ”Somehow, I _moved_ them. They knew where I wanted them to be and they... obeyed.”

In his mind a memory flickered by, of Laufey saying she'd had to bind his magic. He'd not spent much time dwelling on that part, because it had made no sense. Was this it? Or was this something else? That affinity for earth she had spoken of? It didn't matter. He knew Tony had been right again. He had used a trick to win, and this was it.

He leaned back in the chair, grinning at the man. ”Guess I cheated. Sorry?”

”You should be, you tricky little shit.” But the warm, pleased and very curious glow in Tony's eyes said the opposite. 

And Loki suspected he would get a lot of chances to find out more about what kind of tricks he could really do.


	17. First and forever

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Have I told you guys that I love all of you? You just make me so damn happy posting this thing! And since you stuck with me through the cliffhanger and the feels I'd thought I'd celebrate this fic's two month birthday by passing 100K, making it my longest ever, and filling this chapter with as much smut as would fit...)

Loki woke up alone in the bed, which was something he had more or less grown used to since they had returned to Malibu. Since they had started sleeping in the same bed during their stay in Stockholm they had kept dong the same here, used to the closeness and the company by now, but here there was a workshop calling for Tony to come play, and he couldn't resist it for long. And Loki didn't really want him to. He knew what Tony's work meant to him, he had seen how the man lost himself in it and was at peace – even though it might not look it from the constant, sometimes almost feverish activity. He saw it in those brown eyes, though, the calm of a found center.

Stretching in slow, lazy movements Loki rolled over on the mattress until he was facing Tony's side of the bed. He had felt that it was empty as soon as he woke up, before he even opened his eyes, so the folded back covers and the rumpled sheet was no surprise. Loki could feel Tony's presence, like a soft humming in his bones, and that wasn't there now. Before, he hadn't thought that much about it. He had thought it was just a reaction to the vibrations from the arc reactor, but now he thought it was more, his own nature responding to the metal in Tony's body, and that made him far more aware of it.

There wasn't just the reactor of course, although it was the most powerful thing. There was the shrapnel, too. Tony had told him not all of it had been removed, and was the reason the reactor was there at all. He wondered if he would be able to feel the difference in the two, if he tried. If Tony let him, he _would_ try. The man was still not completely comfortable with having his chest bared and closely studied and touched.

Just thinking about having his hands on that rich, warm skin made Loki miss it. He reached out and let his fingers sink into the pillow on Tony's side of the bed, pulling it close until he could curl up around the softness of it, burying his face in the cloth and breathing in the scents of oil and metal, aftershave and shampoo, a hint of scotch, and the warm, spicy, soothing waft of Tony's very own, personal scent. Sweat and the oils from his scalp and just... him. Loki smiled into the pillowcase and hugged that piece of Tony's presence tighter to his chest.

Home. It smelled like home. Because that was what Tony was to him now. 

Reluctantly Loki sighed into the pillow, let it go, and rolled out of bed to go to his own room to shower and get dressed. Even though they shared a bed he hadn't moved his things into Tony's wardrobes and drawers and ensuite. It felt like that would somehow be a bigger thing, the final way of agreeing that yes, they were _living together_. Really. That Loki wasn't just a roommate, a stray taken in, and that sleeping in a tangle of bare limbs every night actually meant something. Something more than comfort.

In his own ensuite Loki reached in to turn on the shower, turned to pull his underwear off, and instead found himself staring at his own reflection in the brightly lit mirror. He froze with his thumbs inside the waistband of his boxer briefs and just looked, for at long time. 

That was something he hadn't really been able to do before. He had covered up to hide himself from others, but also to hide from himself. His stolen skin had always made him feel uncomfortable, a reminder of what he was, and wasn't, a stab of guilt into his heart. This pale skin, the black hair and the green eyes, the long limbs and the features of his face, they had all been something reminding him of a name that wasn't his, a life he shouldn't have had, and what it had cost someone else. It wasn't him, and he hated it.

Or rather, he _had_ hated it. He wasn't sure he did, anymore. Or what was under it.

Now he knew that this skin wasn't so much stolen as it was borrowed. A gift of protection his mother had left him with, so that he could fit into the family she had hoped would care for him when she couldn't. It wasn't his, still. This face wasn't the one he had been born with and he would most likely never know what that face should have looked like, but it was the only face he could remember, and as faces went? Well, it wasn't all bad, was it? Loki turned his head a little to take in the straight line of his long nose, the high curve of a cheekbone against his sleep-tousled hair, sharp jawline sweeping up to his ear, thin lips, a high forehead and a bright green glint under the thoughtful arch of a black eyebrow. No, definitely not all bad.

He also knew now that he would have to live with this face for a very long time. He might as well learn to accept it as his, after all. Since he knew no-one had been killed to give it to him, that it wasn't there to cover up what a flawed creature he was in the eyes of his makers, it felt like some of the old guilt had been washed off this human skin. And since the name attached to this face was indeed his, and had always been, it made him feel more connected to it than he had before.

What he was wasn't the truth, but it wasn't all lie either. And he thought that now, he could fashion his own truth out of what he had.

Loki Jarlson wasn't dead, but he was gone forever.

Loki Laufeyson wasn't here to take his place. Not anymore. He had been reborn, and he would make the most of this new life.

Loki at last took his eyes off the mirror, stripped and stepped into the shower. While the warm water soaked his hair and ran down his skin, it felt like it took a lot of his old self with it, circling down the drain and leaving him free and clean. It was a new and exciting feeling.

But then another thought came to the front of his mind, weighing him down just when he was starting to feel light enough to just float away.

"Frigga", he muttered, water seeping into the corners of his mouth when he spoke.

He remembered how _angry_ he had been when he had felt that Tony was using her name, the guilt attached to it, so make him go to Jotunheimen. The anger was gone, now, because he knew Tony hadn't been manipulating him, hadn't pushed him for his own sake. It had been for Loki. But the man had also been right.

Of course Frigga would want to know what had really happened to her own son. Of course she deserved to know.

And now Loki could tell her. At least some of it. Maybe what he knew could be enough to give her at least some peace of mind, if she could know that her son was still alive, safe and cared for.

Because he was sure that Loki was both safe and cared for. He had looked healthy and strong, well dressed, moving with confidence. When Laufey had joined them it had been obvious that Loki had deferred to her, what with the way just a gentle touch to his shoulder had made him move away without protest, but there had been no trace of fear of a looming threat, just respect. And Loki was important to them, after all. That was the whole reason this had happened in the first place.

He believed that he honestly could tell her that her son was safe. If he had not, he would never have considered telling her anything. She would know if he lied. She always had, with everyone. Her gray eyes could turn from soft velvet to glinting steel in a moment, and cut you to the core if she so much as suspected you of thinking about lying to her.

Tony had called her "pretty damn badass" after just meeting her once. The man probably had no idea just how right he had been.

Loki felt himself smiling while he lathered shampoo into his hair.

Both of the heroes in his life were pretty damn badass, he decided. All things considered, he had been very, very lucky.

He finished his shower, dried off, dressed, found out Tony was in the workshop (were else?) and went down the two flights of stairs to find him.

When Loki punched the code to open the glass door he saw Tony standing in the middle of the floor, surrounded on all sides by screens floating in the air, numbers flickering by almost too fast for the eye to follow, probably Jarvis running calculations, and the magnified, glowing blue model of a boot from the Mark 12, Tony's fingers picking at some detail in the repulsor on the bottom of it. Loud music hit him like a crashing wave when he stepped into the room, but when he stepped closer he could hear Tony speaking.

”Of course it's not going to work with the old model. This thing is going to weigh at least three times as much as the Mark 11 and I'll need to account for a different center of gravity, too, becasue the _posture_ of this thing is horrible and no, shit, wait, what was that? Bring that last one back, buddy?” One of the screens shifted to a detailed image of circuits, probably from the inside of the boot he was working on. ”Yeah, see that? That'll never fucking work. Those wires will burn like paper and I really don't want to find out what falling out of the sky wearing this much metal would feel like. We'll have to do it over from scratch and _how_ did this turn so fucking heavy I don't even oh, hey, kid!”

Tony's face turned from a dark, thoughtful frown to the blinding flash of a smile so fast Loki barely even had time to register he had been spotted before the change from work-mode to happy-to-see-you was complete. Suddenly the music was down to a soft murmur in the background, and Tony brushed a couple of screens aside so he could wave Loki into the circle of blue lights.

”Come on, look at this mess!” He was still grinning, and when Loki came closer Tony put an arm around his lower back and pulled him right into his side, tapping the screen with the fingers of his free hand. ”Just a heads up, this one ain't pretty...”

A model of the whole suit showed in front of them. And, well, no, it really wasn't pretty. Not compared to the sleek, gleaming, elegant perfection of the older suits. This one was heavy and bulky, and Loki undertood what Tony had meant by the horrible posture – it looked like it was hunched over, the shoulders too heavy for the rest of its frame. It had been obvious the last time he saw it that it would, as Tony had put it, be ”the tank of the family”, but since then it seemed to have grown into almost monstrous proportions.

”Tell me, Tony?” He glanced at the man's face with an eyebrow arched. ”Are you and Igor here planning to turn the world to rubble?”

Laughing, Tony held on to his waist tighter. ”Igor! Yeah, I like that! That's totally his name now.” Then he turned an if possible even wider grin on Loki. ”Nah, he's just... sort of a back-up plan. Worst case scenario kind of armour. It started out heavy and then things happened and somewhere along the line I _might_ have had a little conversation with Bruce about a suit that could stand up to the Other Guy. You know, at least in theory. Hopefully I'll never need to try that out.”

”Hopefully”, Loki agreed, with a little shudder. There hadn't been that many images of the Hulk from the attempted invasion of New York, but the ones there had been had been enough, by far. It was difficult to remember that the kind and mild-mannered doctor Banner and that green force of raging destruction was – in a way – the same person. He knew Tony and Banner were friends, good friends, but he suspected that such a thing was no guarantee to get away from a fight like that in one piece.

”Anyway.” Tony swiped the rest of the screens away and turned to face Loki. ”It's mostly a thought experiment at this stage, if I can get it to work at all. Jarvis keeps telling me I'll need to fit some more reactors on there and I'm starting to think he's right.” Then his face turned curious, his fingertips slipping into the back pockets of the worn jeans Loki was wearing, along with his favourite, petroleum green longsleeve. ”Speaking of arc reactors... I remember you turning the prettiest shade of pink when I mentioned how mine tastes like coconut.” A dark brow arched. ”What was that about?”

Loki had expected that he wouldn't be let off that hook so easily, but he had forgotten about it. There had been more important things on his mind, after all. Now he still felt a little hint of a blush, but he smiled, too.

”I've tasted it, too.”

”Oh?” Both brows shot up half way to Tony's hairline. ”Like, when we kiss, or -”

Loki's eyes dropping down his front, and then meaningfully returning to his, shut him up.

”OH!”, he burst out, looking equally delighted and shocked. ”I... actually had no idea that could happen.” His eyes glinted with amusement suddenly. ”Did you like it?”

Loki felt the blush intensify. ”Yes.” His eyes dropped, but to the side this time, while he bit his lip. ”But I just... thought it was supposed to taste like that.”

Chuckling softly, Tony pulled him closer, and placed a kiss on his jawline. ”Well, I guess you would, wouldn't you?”

Turning his head back around Loki found Tony's lips and caught them in a soft kiss, before running his tongue along the inside of the man's bottom lip. No, there was no trace of the coconut flavour there. But now that he'd thought about it... He blinked his eyes open long enough to glance behind Tony, who had his own eyes closed, lost in the kiss, and saw an empty, metal worktable placed there. Smiling into the kiss Loki pushed gently on Tony's hips, making him back up. The man didn't even seem to think about what was going on while he sucked on Loki's top lip and then nipped at his bottom one gently. Until his backside hit the edge and he twitched his head back, looking behind himself, and then turned a raised eyebrow on Loki.

”Up.” Loki was still smiling.

”What are you up to now, kid?” Despite the question he didn't hesitate to place his hands on the table and lift himself up on it with just a little help from his legs.

When his lower legs dangled on either side of Loki's thighs, he placed his hands on Tony's hips again and pushed, once more. He couldn't move him like that on his own, but the man complied and lifted himself back, until the back of his knees were against the edge of the metal surface. Loki still didn't answer verbally, but when his hands moved from Tony's hips to the button and zipper on his jeans it was clear enough.

”Oh...” It was just breath now, almost, Tony's eyes darkening when Loki glanced up into them. ”You... want another taste?”

”I just got a few drops last time”, Loki almost _purred_. He'd never heard his own voice sound like that. ”I'm thinking more would be better.”

Tony swallowed visibly. It seemed Loki's tone had hit home. ”More is almost always better”, he agreed, husky now. ”Of anything.”

Meanwhle, Loki's fingers had gotten the jeans undone and now they caught the waistline of Tony's underwear, pulling it all down enough to expose his cock, half hard already but still soft enough to be easily freed of the clothing. The last time Loki had been offered to touch Tony like this, he had been too overwhelmed to do it. Now, it felt just exactly right to wrap his fingers, so very pale against the dark skin, around that stiffening length. He could feel it grow and harden under the pads of his fingers, moving like it was something alive, hot and shifting and pulsing with the rapid flow of blood.

With a shuddering sigh Tony leaned back, out of his way, until he was supported on his elbows on the table, head tilted forward to keep watching Loki as he ran his fingers up and down in a far too soft and gentle stroke, testing his own courage more than anything else. When Tony actually _whimpered_ , and shivered under the touch, Loki knew it would hold up. And then some.

The worktable was higher than an ordinary table, so Loki didn't have to lean in too far to plant his own left elbow by Tony's hip. He was still bracketed by Tony's legs, and it was all very similar to the opposite position they'd had in that private movie theatre in Stockholm. It was that thought, knowing that Tony had already been here and done this, to _him_ , of all peaople, that gave him the last push. It wasn't really about returning the favour as much as knowing that if Tony hadn't hesitated to do it, then it was most likely something he would want done to him as well.

He still had his fingers around the base of Tony's cock, now fully erect and blushed the intent shade of red he remembered. It was still pulsing gently against his skin, so warm against his cool fingers, when he as best he could imitated Tony's actions, as far as he could remember them. Starting with licking up the underside, tongue flat and broad, tasting salt and a hint of spice on the satiny soft skin. Encouraged by a groan, he swept his tongue over the tip as well, the salt mingling with a sharp bitter note from the precum already beading there. Bolder, he slipped the whole head between his lips and gave a soft suck, testing, getting a louder groan in response, and then alternated those applications of pressure with experimental kitten licks.

It wasn't long before he was absorbed in it, lost. And he wasn't the only one lost.

”Oh, fuck!” It was so choked it was barely a word. ”Damn...”, a bit clearer, but followed by a gasp when Loki trailed the tip of his tongue along the slit down the middle of tip with a bit more purpose than before, tasting more sharp bitterness. ”You're really good at this.” A half-swallowed whimper when Loki lowered his head and curled his tongue around the underside, stroking along the way, feeling the changes in texture, every ridge and softly pulsing vein. ”How are you so good at this? Fuck... You should be doing this all the time!” 

At those last words Loki felt Tony tense up under his hands, and heard him pull in a quick breath. He tilted his head just enough to be able to glance up at the man's face, and saw a worried glint in his dark eyes.

”I mean...” He trailed off, helpless, but Loki knew what he'd meant.

He felt his lips try to curl up in a smile, but with a thick, hot length of cock between them, that didn't really work. Loki was sure Tony would be able to see the amused and pleased sparkle in his eyes, though. Letting him know that Loki had taken those impulsive words for what they were – praise. Not a demand.

Loki actually didn't think he would mind doing this all the time, though. It felt surprisingly good. It reminded him of that first time he had made himself cum fantasizing about the man, shoving his hand into his underwear while thinking of nothing but Tony. He had felt powerful then, like he was the one in charge, giving Tony no say in what happened, and this made it feel the same way.

Usually it was Tony calling the shots, moving things forward. Not in a way that meant Loki was at his mercy, of course – Loki's approval and permission was constantly asked for and freely, joyfully given – but Tony had definitely been leading the way. And Loki had never disliked that, because it had felt right. He had needed to be led. Now? Now he needed to try things out for himself.

And besides that, this was another kind of power. He _did_ have Tony completely at his mercy. Right in this moment, he owned every pleasure the man felt. The power over Tony was in the plams of his hand, the pads of his fingers, resting on his lips and the tip of his tongue. His to give, when and how he wanted, or his to take away... Tony could just lay there and take what he was given.

This realization was a heady rush which left him shivering and made him moan. At that he felt the tissues between his lip give a distinct _twitch_ , and Tony moaned right back.

Oh. Interesting. He hummed experimentally, while taking Tony in deeper, and was rewarded by a wordless little exclamation and the sound of short nails scratching along the metal surface of the table.

Loki filed this new knowledge away for later, and instead tried to see how much of Tony he could take. Inside him was the sudden want, need, urge, to swallow him whole. Until his lips were in that nest of black curls, his nose pressed into his abdomen, and there was no distance left between them.

It wasn't easy, though. Sooner than he wanted to he felt the head hit the back of his throat and that seemed to be the end of it, to his annoyance.

When he pushed harder, a shiver running up his neck at the pressure, turning to a little gag, making tears spring into his eyes, he felt Tony shift and move until a hand cupped his cheek and gently lifted his head until his mouth was off the cock completely. Loki breathed a bit heavily as he licked spit off his lips and raised his eyes to give Tony a worried look.

”Did I do it wrong?”

Tony's face was a bit flushed and looked breathless, eyes wide and lips gently parted, curling into a lazy hint of a smile now. ”Well, the answer to that is both 'yes', and 'definitely not'.”

Loki frowned, curling his fingers closer around the root of Tony's length, feeling warm, damp curls of coarse hair tickle his skin. 

He didn't have to ask the question before Tony continued. ”If you're intent on taking the whole thing, this is a bad angle. You'll end up hurting yourself.” The hand moved up into his hair, smoothing it back from his face. ”But you really, really don't need to. It feels fucking amazing anyway.”

Relaxing his face into a smile, Loki dropped his head to run his tongue along the underside of Tony's length. ”Good”, he murmured, before glancing up again. ”Could you show me, though? Another time? How to take it all?”

Something even darker seeped into the wide, brown eyes at the clear implication that this definitely wasn't the last time Loki would be doing this. ”Fuck yeah, I could.” His voice was shot now.

”Good”, Loki repeated. He felt himself give a little smile that was nearly a smirk, a teasing twitch in the corner of his mouth. ”How would we do that?”

Tony groaned and tipped his head back. ”You seriously want to have a conversation about -” He cut off with a sharp hiss when Loki gave the head of his cock a just-almost-too-hard suck. ”All right!” His head jerked upright, and it was clear that he was trying to glare and failing, miserably. ”I'll tell you, you brat”, he panted. ”Even though I'm starting to feel like you're learning way too fast on your own, damnit.”

Loki shot him a pleased grin, but then he leaned down to draw soft, lazy patterns over Tony's length with the tip of his tongue. Enough to keep his attention on what he was doing, but not distracting him from talking.

”The best way...”, Tony started, breathless, carrying on in fragmanted sentences. ”On the bed... Head over the edge. Just relax and -” He cut off with another gasp when the side of Loki's hand pressed down into his groin. ”Could definitely take it all that way oh my god you're such a fucking tease!” Tony groaned and let his head tip back again when Loki's tongue kept skittering along the underside of his cock, just brushing by under the sensitive crown. ”I should have seen that coming...”

The way his words trailed off told Loki that the man had lost track again, but he had also heard in the way Tony had described what they could do that it was something he was familiar with and had probably done many times, and Loki wouldn't be surprised if it had been something of a favourite, either, given the way he could barely get the words out.

”And you want to do that?” He asked anyway, just to tease some more.

Tony actually managed a little hoarse chuckle at that, without raising his head. ”Take an educated guess, kid.” And then he lifted his hips a little, bringing his by now probably aching hard-on closer to Loki's lips. Which made him realize Tony hadn't moved his hips at all before that. He suddenly felt like there was a lot more he had to learn, no matter what the man said.

”Then we will.”

And then Loki decided to be merciful, so he wrapped lips and tongue around Tony's cock as tightly as he could, found a steady rythm fast enough to urge the man closer to the edge, slow enough that Loki could keep from gagging. It wasn't long at all before he felt Tony's fingers catch his hair again, pulling just a little on it, trying to get his attention.

”Loki?” The whisper sounded almost pained. ”You... I'm...”

He knew what that meant, but if Tony thought he would back off now, when another taste of this was exactly what he wanted and why he had started this to begin with, then he was sorely mistaken. So instead he just squeezed a little harder with his hand, gave another humming in his throat, and Tony was pushed over with a shout. His cock seemed to swell even more, and then heat and thick, rich bitterness was pooling on Loki's tongue. A scent of damp and sweet coconut traveling up the back of his throat to his nose before he swallowed.

Loki let go and stood up straight, his elbow a little sore, and licked his lips. They felt swollen and warmer than usual, from Tony's skin. He felt the unfamiliar mouthful reach his empty stomach, and it didn't exactly seem to be completely welcome there. It didn't make him feel sick, but it was a strange, burning sensation, like he had swollowed something mildly acidic.

Tony had flopped back flat on the table while he caught his breath, but now he had tucked himself back inside his clothes and was pushing himself upright as well. The first thing he saw was the frown on Loki's face, and then the palm he held over his abdomen.

”More wasn't better after all?” He settled his hand over Loki's on his middle, smiling gently. 

Loki pulled a little wry face. ”The taste was fine, but I guess it wasn't the best sort of breakfast ever...”

Tony chuckled again. ”Sorry, probably should have warned you about that. At least let's get some real food in you, all right?”

”All right.” Without thinking about it, really, he leaned in and kissed Tony again.

The man ran his tongue over his, almost searching, curious, and when they parted there was a grin on his face. ”Coconut... I had no idea.”

* * *

It took Loki all day after that, but when they were curled up in bed for the night he at last remembered that he had actually come down to the workshop to tell Tony something. That it hadn't been to give his first ever blow-job. Even though it felt now like it should have been all along. It had been very pleasurable after all.

He turned in Tony's arms until he was facing the man, who looked a little surprised by the move.

”I think I need to go to New York, after all.”

Tony started to frown, but then his face smoothed out in comprehension. ”Frigga?”

Loki nodded.

”Yeah, well, you already know I approve of telling her the truth”, he said with a smile. ”We can leave for the East Coast as soon as they can have the plane ready, if you want.”

”And bring DUM-E back?” Loki smiled too.

”Told you we could.” Tony ran a hand down his back. ”I guess U misses his bro too, after all.”

The touch made Loki reach for a kiss instead of answering. And Tony didn't seem to mind. He just let Loki in with softly parted lips, while his hand ventured even lower. Soon Loki's hand was clenched in Tony's hair and they were kissing more hungrily, heatedly, wet lips and searching tongues and sharp, sharp teeth... And strong fingers squeezed his ass, dipping into the crack to rub at him.

Gasping for needed air, Loki pulled his head back a little, settling their foreheads together. ”Tony?” So much gravel he barely understood himself.

”Yeah?” He sounded pretty much the same.

”You still want to...?” He'd said the words so easily once, when he had been so sure he had known the ansers would be all the wrong ones. Now it was a lot more difficult, the syllables getting stuck in his throat.

”Fuck you?” Tony, helpful as always.

Loki nodded against his forehead.

The fingers dipped a little deeper, one pushing demonstratively at a very particular spot. ”Take an educated guess.” His words were still hoarse, but clear and serious enough.

Loki leaned back enough that they could see each other. ”I... I want you to.”

Tony's eyes bloomed black in an instant.

”I just...”

A thumb rubbed soothingly at the top of his ass, just by the small of his back. ”Just what?” It wasn't impatient, or annoyed, just encouraging him to continue.

"I just need to be sure you know what you're getting yourself into." And then Loki couldn't hold back a smirk. "Literally."

Tony gave a snort of laughter at that, before rubbing his face into Loki's neck. The faint burn of his facial hair was a lot more pleasant against his skin than it should have been, really. "I do know. And it hasn't stopped me wanting you. I'm not going to regret this in the morning, if that's what you're worried about?"

"...Maybe?"

A searing line of kisses trailed up the side of his neck, to the soft skin behind his ear, and made Loki moan helplessly, curling his arm around the man's firm waist, willing him closer all over.

"I know what I'm doing", Tony said softly, before mouthing at the shell of his ear in a way that sent chills racing down all along that side of his skin. "This isn't some impulsive, spur-of-the-moment kind of thing. I've wanted you for a long time. I've _had_ you for a long time, already. I'm not changing my mind. Unless you ask me to." He shifted against Loki, pressing closer the way they both wanted him to. "I know what you are. I know what you taste like. And what you feel like. And it's left me just wanting more."

”More is always better?”

”Almost.” Tony kissed his temple, then his cheek, before he met Loki's eyes again. ”What we've had is pretty fucking great, though. This doesn't have to be the next step, you know?”

”I know”, Loki said, his turn to assure now. ”It's not a spur-of-the-moment thing for me either, actually.”

”Didn't think it was. Actually.”

Then Tony pushed the covers off them and sat up. He reached over, fumbled around a little in a drawer on his bedside table, and then dropped a tube on the pillow by Loki's hand.

Loki rolled over on his front, the dip in the mattress from Tony's weight meaning it was uncomfortable to stay on his side anyway, picked the tube up and almost at once understood the purpose. Lubricant. Curious, never having had a chance to familiarize himself with the stuff, he popped the cap. It smelled of nothing much, just a hint of plastic, but that might have been from the container. He caught a drop from the opening on the tip of his index finger, and then rubbed his thumb over it. It was enough to be slick and slippery, his fingertips sliding over eachother like repelling magnets, refusing to stay together.

When he glanced up, he found Tony watching him. Smiling and clearly a little amused by his investigation.

”Acceptable”, Loki stated, returning the smile and the once more closed tube.

”Well, that's just great.” 

Tony smiled wider and then moved to the side of Loki's legs, curling his fingers into the waistband of his boxer briefs. Loki lifted his hips a little of the bed, making it easier for Tony to pull them off. The man dropped his only garment over the side of the bed, rid himself of his own, and then stretched out by Loki's side, close and warm and safe and smelling of home.

Curling his arms up under his head Loki's spread his legs a little, watching Tony take the tube and liberally coat his first two fingers in the clear lubricant. Then the man shuffled down a little, until his lips were resting agains Loki's arm, a few inches below his shoulder. The way Loki's head was resting on its side, this meant they were nearly eye to eye. Tony didn't even hesitate to press so close the reactor was a cool circle against Loki's ribs. One of Tony's legs came to reast between his thighs, pressing his hard-on like a hot coal against Loki's hip.

Tony's firm, heavy, gentle, warm hand came sliding down over his ass, between the cheeks, slick against his sensitive skin. When a fingertip slowly and softly pressed against him, slipping in without much struggle, Loki couldn't stop a needy little whine in the back of his throat. He unconsciously arched his back into the intimate touch, so hot and slick and glorious, seeking more, and when Tony answered by pushing in deeper, he got it.

It was unfamiliar and a little strange, but it felt good, too. Incredibly good. Before Tony had even done anything but start working that single finger in slow movements he was clutching at the pillow under his face, breathing heavily, moving his hips back and then down into the sheets.

Their eyes never left each other – both seeking reassurance in the other, and both finding it.

The stretch of the second finger burned a little, enough for him to hiss into the circle of his arms. Lips brushed against his bicep while the fingers stopped moving, just the tips breaching him, letting him adjust, before they slowly pressed in deeper.

What happened next felt a lot like magic. Not the kind of magic that let him unconscioulsy move stones while playing a boardgame, not really like the kind singing of metal and magnets in his bones when Tony was close either, but more similar to that kind. This was something purely physical, but it was still its own kind of miracle. Or at least, Loki thought so.

Loki had known all along that he needed to relax, and he had, as well as he could. He wasn't afraid of what was coming; even though he didn't know exactly what it would be like, he completely trusted Tony to know how to make it good, do it right, not hurt him. He had no doubts about what he wanted, he had no second thoughts. But he was buzzing with excitement, he was more aroused than he could remember being, and that made it a lot more difficult. But then, something in him just... gave way. His whole body felt like it was melting, turning soft and pliant and malleable. Heavy as lead on the mattress, suddenly he wasn't sure he could move even if he wanted to. Loki gave a long, slow exhale and felt his entire being open up. Tony's fingers at once sank into him to the knuckle, with no resistance what so ever.

It made the man give a deep, pleased, rumbling groan. Loki could feel it everywhere they touched, even in the lips still resting against his arm, and the fingers inside him.

"That's it", Tony murmured, the praise feeling as warm as the breath brushing over Loki's skin. "There you are. That's perfect."

He slowly slipped his fingers back out, kissed Loki's arm one last time, and then pushed himself up from his place by his side. While he moved, he used his knees to shift Loki's legs together, and then settled straddling his thighs. Loki felt like he should have helped more, followed the gentle directions, but his body was still too heavy. All he could do was let it happen, feeling his eyes drift closed. He was so relaxed it was almost like being close to falling asleep, drifting and floating, just a light tether keeping him connected to reality.

At the same time he felt completely present and awake, he felt... _everything_. Every nerve was so very alive and sensitive. He felt the downy hairs on the inside of Tony's legs against the more or less hairless skin on the back and outside of his own. Weight and warmth holding him down, keeping him in place. Slightly calloused but also slippery slick fingers and palms running slowly down his back, to his hips, cradling his cheeks, before thumbs ran into the cleft between them and spread him open. He heard the little hitch in Tony's breathing at seeing him exposed like that, and the next breath leaving his own lungs came out a soft moan. He still couldn't move, couldn't ask for more, couldn't squirm or beg, all he could do was wait, and want.

Tony didn't let them wait for long, at least. While his hands held Loki open, he moved closer, leaned in, and then the slick, brightly burning hot tip of the man's cock touched him. One hand left his ass, lined the length of Tony up better, and then slowly, slowly let it sink into him. His body, still open and pliant, welcomed the intrusion. Almost as eagerly as he did himself. There was just a point, probably the widest part of the head, where the stretch was enough to make the muscle reach the limit of how far it wanted to give, but it never passed over into pain. It was just a moment of tension, then Tony was sliding in. Smooth and easy, but still letting Loki feel the sweet drag of friction.

”Fuck, you feel even better than I thought”, Tony groaned while he pushed in all the way, his hips burning against Loki's ass. He leaned down until he was a heavy, welcome weight on top of Loki's back. ”All cool and... refreshing.” An open-mouthed kiss almost sizzled against the back of Loki's neck.

Then Tony rolled his hip, slowly, pulling out a little, and then seemed to get even deeper inside.

Loki sucked in a gasp and finally – finally! – he could move! He arched his back, lifting his hip to get even closer, even though it might be impossible. ”And you're burning!” He whimpered into the pillow and then managed to turn his head, open his eyes, and catch a glimpse of Tony's face hovering by his shoulder, all black, half-lidded eyes and red, breathless mouth. Loki was fairly sure Tony had never been more beautiful.

”In a good way?”

”The best”, he got out in a moan. ”Just, please... move!”

And he did. Another slow roll of his hip, turning into another, and another, like waves.

Loki felt like he was melting even more, dissolving into a mess of sensations and pleasures, his skin not enough to hold him in a solid shape anymore.

”The only problem now”, Tony muttered into his shoulder-blade, ”is that I'll want to keep doing this. Forever.”

And Loki thought of a glowing red jewel, resting in the pale palm of his hand, while he arched back again, a burning ache settling like sweet honey along the muscles in his back.

”I can live with that”, he assured. ”Forever.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Yeah, the Mark 12 seems to have turned into the lovechild of the real Igor armour, and the Hulkbuster. I blame all the AoU trailers...)


	18. Slow for a genius

”You want to do what?” Tony turned from the screen where he had been checking in on the systems running the Tower and glanced across the workshop.

Loki was leaning casually against a worktable while DUM-E was not-so-casually trying to stick his head into the kid's armpit in an effort to catch his attention. The robot had nearly lost his mind when Loki had stepped back into the workshop, whirring around him in excited circles and whistling like a construction worker spotting the first bare pair of legs of the summer.

”Easy there”, the kid muttered and pushed the robot down, but gently, and settled for scratching the head still shoving at his waist to make sure DUM-E knew he wasn't forgotten. Then he looked over at Tony. ”I want to see if I can feel the shrapnel.”

”And why would you want to do that?” It came out perhaps a bit harsher than he had meant it, while one of his hands came up to rub a bit defensively at his chest, beside the reactor.

At least the kid didn't seem to take offense. ”I want to know if I can do it”, Loki said, turning more thoughtful. ”And I want to know you.”

Tony stood and walked over to the table, hands slipping into the pockets of his jeans when he came to a halt by Loki's side. ”I guess I don't have a problem with that. Really. I just don't see the point.” He shrugged a shoulder. ”It's not... doing anything? It's just there.”

”Just there, right by your heart”, the kid pointed out, cocking his head. ”I remember you telling me you have this for a reason.” He placed a hand, the one not busy scratching the robot, over the reactor, eyes meeting Tony's. ”Maybe I won't even be able to feel anything with this one singing to me, but I'd like to try. If you'd let me?”

Tony eyed the pale fingers over the glow under his worn t-shirt and bit the side of his lip, thinking. He didn't exactly know why he hesitated at all. It wasn't like he didn't trust Loki, or as if he hadn't let the kid near his chest before. Maybe it was just that the reactor and the scars were bad enough. Thinking more specifically about the nasty little pieces of metal in there, the reason for all of it, was somehow a lot worse. 

But then again – he needed to work on his issues, didn't he?

”All right”, Tony sighed. ”DUM-E! Go sweep something!”

The robot gave him what felt like a sad look before it rolled off, head hanging.

Tony turned his back to the table, got his hands on the cold metal surface and jumped up to sit on the edge, legs dangling on either side of Loki's narrow hips when the kid moved to stand between Tony's knees. Their eyes met, and from the heated little glint in the emerald glow Tony knew the kid was thinking about what had happened the last time he had jumped up to sit on a worktable, just as much as Tony was thinkig about that himself. He felt his cock make an enthusiastic little twitch at the memory of Loki's mouth, but he tried to ignore it. At least for now. They had work to do here, after all.

"Okay, kid. Put those magic fingers to work."

Loki's face split into a grin at that, actually, but then he didn't say anything. He just got started. Letting the mentioned fingers skim up Tony's thighs and hips, in under the hem of his t-shirt, drawing lines of cold up Tony's sides to his ribs. Then Loki caught the bunched up fabric and went to pull the garment off altogether. Tony hesitated again, but just for a moment. Then he raised his arms and let it happen. He had agreed to do this, and he should have figured out that clothes would just get in the way.

With the t-shirt out of the way Loki placed his hands on Tony's chest again, light touches which still made him shiver a little, pleasantly. Tony sat still with his hands resting on the table – but he went to hook his legs around the backs of Loki's thighs, trying to pull his hips closer.

"Don't let that dirty mind wander too far, now", Loki murmured while his eyes followed his fingertips as they moved over a little scar on Tony's left pectoral.

He tried his best to sound insulted, giving a little snort. "What? Who do you take me for, kid?"

"Tony Stark?" Green eyes flicked up to his while Loki smirked at him.

"Well, yeah, sure, when you put it like _that_..."

"Now keep quiet so I can concentrate."

"Sorry, sir." Tony made his voice deep and grave, eyebrows dropping low.

Loki made an exasperated eyeroll. ”Did I just go from 'kid' to 'sir' in... what? Fifteen seconds?”

”I'm sort of flexible like that.” A black eyebrow arched at that statement, and Tony chuckled. ”Now who's got a dirty, wayward mind?” He raised a hand to tap a finger to the back of Loki's hand, suddenly unmoving on his chest. ”Let's see what you've got going on here first, okay? Then we can discuss... other things.”

The kid visibly shook himself, his bright eyes turned back to the scar under his fingertips, and his brow furrowed slowly as he focused, concentrated. After a moment he shook his head, left that scar alone, and moved to the next, pressing cool skin against Tony. His eyebrows knitted together tighter over the bridge of his nose. Then he shook his head again and moved to a bigger scar, one almost touching the one around the reactor casing. Loki leaned in a little closer, fingers pressing a little harder into the skin and muscle. He was barely breathing by that point, so intent on what he was trying to do.

Worried, Tony took his eyes off the searching fingers and looked at the kid's face, pale and strained, eyes narrow and dark. He was just about to say something, thinking that maybe they should take a break or something, when a new sensation made him gasp and flinch back a little in surprise. The fingers on his chest were suddenly not just cool, but _cold_ , icy even, and somehow felt harder and smoother, as if the fingers of a marble statue had brushed by him.

”What...?” He blinked quickly and dropped his head forward to see what had happened. Even though he should probably have guessed.

Loki's fingers were blue. They were no longer in contact with his skin, since Tony had pulled away from the sudden chill, but they were still hanging in the air between them, and a glance at Loki's face showed that he was staring in disbelief just as much as Tony. While they were still staring, the blue hue faded back to pale, the raised lines on the back of his fingers turning to smooth skin again. Loki started pulling his hand back.

”Wait!” In a hurry Tony caught his wrist, and pulled his hand back those few inches until it was flat against his chest, cool again instead of freezing, and then let it go. ”That meant it was working, right?”

Wide, green eyes stared into his face, but Loki didn't take his hand away at least. ”I don't....” The kid swallowed, heavily and strained. ”Yes”, he admitted, hoarse. ”I could feel the metal in there. It's different from the casing of the reactor. And it's not singing, but it listens to the song. Just like I do.” He frowned. ”Seven. There are seven of them. Three here”, his hand lifted to indicate an area to the left of the reactor, ”two here”, showing the right side, ”and two here”, tapping beside Tony's sternum above the casing. ”The biggest one is right here.” A fingertip dipped in between two ribs, right by one of the ugliest scars.

For a while Tony could only stare, mouth open. Loki was exactly right. Tony had seen enough scans of the inside of his own chest to know that very well. He knew the placement of the shrapnel, which ones were close enough to nearly tickle his heart, and he knew that the one Loki had indicated last really was the biggest one, about three times the size of any of the others.

”I'm sorry”, Loki mumbled, maybe misinterpreting Tony's stunned, silent expression. He started pulling his hand away again. ”I had no idea that could happen, or I wouldn't have touched you like that.”

”Hey?” Again, Tony caught his wrist. But this time he lifted the long fingers, half curled into a fist, to his mouth and kissed the cool, hard knuckles. Loki tensed even more between his thighs at that action. ”I didn't mind.”

”You... you flinched.” The kid glanced away.

”Yeah, I was a bit surprised by the cold, that's all. It didn't hurt or anything.” He pressed Loki's knuckles to his cheek until the kid looked back, and then Tony gave his wary face a smile. ”There you are. You okay?” 

After hesitating, Loki nodded.

”Want to try again?”

The kid hesitated again, and then he shook his head. ”Not right now. That was...” He shuddered, eyes coming up to ask Tony for mercy. ”Not now.”

”Completely up to you, kid.” He kissed Loki's hand again before releasing it. ”It was all your idea, so you say when.”

Nodding, Loki gently ran his fingertips over Tony's chest again, but this time it was obviously without any other intent than because he enjoyed it. Which was still a very strange idea to Tony. That Loki could enjoy being near that mess. But he made himself stay still under the touch.

”You were right, by the way.”

”Hmm?” Loki didn't even look up from his skin. 

”About the shrapnel. The number and placement and everything.”

”Oh.” The pink tip of Loki's tongue came out to wet his lips. He still didn't look up. ”Good to know.”

One of those cool, light fingertips were now circling Tony's left nipple, and the gentle friction was making it tighten, delightful chills turning the skin on his chest around it to goosebumps. Tony didn't notice when his own hands left the metal tabletop, only became aware that suddenly his palms were on the smooth softness of Loki's waist, under his longsleeve, and that the colder metal had turned their skin the same temperature. Then he was pulling the kid even closer, their breath mingling, lips _this close_ -

\- and then he heard the door to the workshop slide open, the noise it made seemingly very loud cutting through the silence and tension in the air.

There were only four people in the world allowed to walk into his 'shop unannounced. Two of them were already in it. One was on the other side of the country. But somehow he had forgotten that this still left one more person who could walk right into the room without him getting any kind of warning.

Tony sighed. "Hi, Bruce", he said before he turned his head to the side and caught sight of his friend, who had frozen in place just inside the door, eyes far too wide behind the glasses.

"Um...", Banner replied, eloquently, but his eyes were already narrowing down and Tony thought he saw something harden in them.

This wouldn't be pretty.

When he turned back to face the kid, Loki was looking stiff and guarded, eyes flitting between Tony's and Banner's. Tony slowly pulled his hands free from under the kid's longsleeve; jerking them out like he'd burned himself would only make him look guilty and he wasn't, damnit! He'd done nothing wrong. Not that Bruce would see it that way, but Tony couldn't blame the guy - he hadn't seen it that way himself from the beginning, after all.

"How about you go to the penthouse for a while?" Tony suggested in a way that made clear it wasn't a suggestion at all. "I'll be up in a bit."

"Tony -"

He cut the kid off with a tiny but firm headshake. No, this one was all his to handle.

Loki's mouth turned to a tense, thin little line on his face, but he backed away to let Tony grab for his t-shirt and pull it back on. By the time he was done the kid had already turned away and was walking toward the door – which of course also brought him closer to Bruce. The man didn't look like he was about to turn green at the edges, so Tony considered it safe. At least for the kid. He wasn't sure about himself yet...

When he was close to Bruce, Loki stopped. He didn't look back at Tony, though. Instead he gave the doctor a little smile Tony could only see the hint of in his profile. And then he did something that almost made Tony fall off that damn table – he reached out his right hand, palm open and half facing up, invitation to shake it clear as anything.

”It's nice to meet you again, doctor Banner”, Loki was saying, but Tony barely heard him over the buzzing confusion in his ears.

Bruce blinked at the offered hand. Then his eyes flickered up to the kid's face. Then to Tony's. Then back to the long, pale hand. He knew almost as much as Tony about the issues Loki had always had with touch, and that this was something new and really, really important. By the way his eyes once more traveled between Tony and Loki it was obvious that he also realized that this was something more.

Loki was making a statement. He didn't mention it with a word, he didn't even glance Tony's way, but the message was still clear as day. He was telling Bruce that he had changed, that he was doing great, and that it was thanks to Tony.

Fuck, but the kid was smooth! And in that moment Tony loved him even more than he had before.

Banner gave a visible swallow before he nodded and accepted Loki's hand in a shake that looked firm but didn't linger. ”You too, Loki.”

The kid's smile widened a little without showing teeth, then he nodded in turn, let his hand fall to his side like that had been no big deal what so ever, and walked out of the 'shop without another word.

They both stared at the door where the kid had disappeared for a while, before they almost at the same time turned to face each other across the room. Knowing he wouldn't be let off the hook that easily, even though Loki's little demonstration seemed to have stopped Bruce at least a little in his tracks, Tony slid down from the table and walked over. He noticed the way he was almost defensively crossing his arms in front of himself but didn't bother to let them drop back to his sides. Too late now anyway.

"So, what was that about?" Bruce wasn't quite meeting his eyes when he asked.

"Well", Tony started, making it sound lighter than he was feeling, "it turns out the kid has this affinity for stone and metal. He doesn't really know how it works yet or anything, so we're sort of trying it out and he wanted to see if he could feel the shrapnel in my chest."

"Mhm?” A glance directy into his eyes. ”And is that the only thing that's going on here?"

Sighing again, Tony rubbed a hand over the back of his neck, looking at Bruce through his eyelashes. "Is there any chance at all you'd believe me if I said yes?"

"No."

"Yeah, I guessed not." Shaking himself Tony turned and walked to a couple of chairs by a workstation, waving Banner along. "Come on, let's have a seat so you can yell at me more comfortably."

There was a little pause, but then he at least could hear the slow footsteps as the man followed him. "Do I need to yell?"

"Not the way I see it." Tony dropped down on a chair a little heavier than necessary, and then put a foot on the other one to turn it around for Bruce to take a seat. "But from the look on your face I take it you're not exactly on the same page."

Banner sat down, put his glasses on the table beside them and rubbed over his eyes, all at once looking very tired. "Tony, I don't even know where to start here."

"Well... Maybe with how you think I'm taking advantage of someone who's completely dependent on me?" There was something a little bit bitter sneaking into his voice, but Tony couldn't stop it. "That I should play with someone my own age? Or someone more... female?"

"Okay, I'll admit that the part where you're suddenly with a guy was a little bit of a surprise. And maybe the age difference, too." Bruce at last looked up, his face very serious under the untidy mess of hair. "But you have to know me well enough to get that I don't care about that. Right?"

"Right." Which just left the most crucial point in question. Tony pulled a wry face and glanced away across the room, to where DUM-E was trying to sweep the floor. "I guess maybe I thought that you would know me well enough to get that I wouldn't take advantage of someone either."

A few moments of silence passed while Tony kept watching the awkward movements of the little robot.

"I thought so too. But you -"

"No, you don't have to." Tony turned back, a hand raised with a halting palm out. "I know what you're thinking and trust me, I thought about the same things way before anything even happened between him and me, all right? I know what it looks like and I know it doesn't look pretty. I get that. I really do." He let his hand fall into his lap, fingers fumbling around each other where both his hands were now dangling between his thighs. "This isn't like that, though. There's no pressure on the kid, what so ever. He knows full well he has the right to tell me no at any time, without any negative consequences. He's not paying his rent like this. I'm not kicking him out if he doesn't -"

"Whoa!" Bruce waved his hands from side to side, stopping him in turn. "No details, please!"

At that Tony couldn't hold back a little lopsided smile. "Wasn't going to offer any."

"Really?" His friend raised an eyebrow sceptically. "That doesn't sound like you."

"Well, this is different." Clearing his throat, serious again, Tony looked down at his still fidgeting hands. "It's not really about that."

Another silence, this one full of disbelief.

"You... You're trying to tell me you have a crush on him?" Bruce shifted a little in his seat, facing Tony more head on, and when Tony glanced up there was a very different kind of line forming between his eyebrows. Before Bruce had looked uneasy, worry mixing with anger, but now there was something thoughtful to his expression.

Tony had to chuckle a little, shaking his head. "Well, no... It's a lot worse than that." He glanced down at his restless fingers and then up again, and found Banner's face blank, waiting. But the hard shine to his eyes had faded completely now. "I love the kid." It rushed out of him, sort of unexpectedly. "That's what it's... about. Okay?"

”Oh.” Bruce blinked. ”I... see.” He cleared his throat. ”I mean... I knew you cared about him. Even from the start. Right from the moment you saw that old picture in the file. You wouldn't have gone to see him otherwise.”

”Probably not.” Tony had realized the same thing after all, known that he had seen himself in the kid.

”Or offered him shelter. Or told SHIELD to stay away from him.”

”Yeah...” Tony scratched at his goatee. ”I hadn't really figured out how serious it was by then, though.”

”Well, you can be slow for a genius.” Burce was actually smiling now.

”Hey!” Tony was smiling too, even though he tried to go for the insulted look.

After a moment, which felt so much friendlier and warmer than anything Tony would have expected out of this, Bruce turned more serious.

”So, I'm guessing SHIELD doesn't know anything about this... metal thing?”

”No, and I'm keeping it that way”, Tony stated firmly.

”Don't worry, I'm not telling anyone”, Bruce soothed, immediately. ”But I need to know if you still think he's... If you think you're still safe with him?” The line between his brows came back. ”I like him, Tony. I do. He seems bright and... nice. But you're my friend and I don't want you to get hurt.” His eyes dropped to Tony's chest and then came back up to his face. ”And you told me even he doesn't know what he can do yet.”

Out of nowhere Tony remembered what Odin had told him when he had declared that Loki was never coming back to the facility, what felt like ages ago: _”You let it inside your defenses, and it can stab you in the back.”_ He shook himself, shoving the memory aside. Just like he'd told the man then, he knew the truth of that.

Loki wasn't Obie, though. And everything Obie had ripped right out of him, Tony would willingly place in Loki's hands.

”That makes no difference what so ever, Bruce.” He made himself return to reality and meet his friend's eyes again. ”I don't know what I can do, either, and I'm willing to bet I'm safer with him than I am with myself.”

”Well then.” Banner picked up his glasses, rubbed them clean with the hem of his shirt, and then put them back on, giving Tony a long look. ”I'm sorry.”

And Tony understood. He stood from the chair and put a hand on the man's shoulder. ”It's okay, big guy. At least you listened.” He glanced to the door. ”But now I think I'd better go.”

* * *

Loki was waiting by the windows when Tony came up to the penthouse, his back to the room, one hand clutching the opposite wrist, the fingers on the free hand twitching restlessly. When he heard the elevator doors open he turned around, mouth half open as if he was ready to say something, but then he shut it again, eyes wary. He looked like he was waiting for an inevitable rejection.

Tony sighed and started walking through the room. ”Don't look at me like that, kid. I didn't come back up here to kick you out.”

The emerald gaze dropped to the floor. ”He doesn't approve.”

”He didn't understand”, Tony corrected when he was close enough to place a hand around Loki's waist and close his fingers over the cool ones gripping that poor wrist so hard it had to hurt. Gently he coaxed them into letting up and gripping his hand instead. ”We're all good now.”

Gnawing on his abused-looking bottom lip Loki searched Tony's face. ”I thought you'd -”

”Don't even dare finish that.” Tony squeezed his hand harder. ”I told you; easy isn't my thing anymore. I don't do the path of least resistance. Bruce was just worried. For you, mostly, actually.” He gave Loki a smile. ”Even if he hadn't approved it wouldn't matter, okay? I'm sticking with you.”

Loki blinked. ”You are?”

For a moment Tony studied his stunned face, then he pulled on the hand he was holding and tugged Loki along when he walked away from the windows. ”Come. I need to show you something.”

At first the kid dragged his feet a bit, but then he followed Tony into the front room of the private suite, then into the bedroom behind it. And then into the ensuite. There he let Tony place him by the sink while Tony stood half beside him, half behind him, a steady arm around his waist.

”What do you see here, kid?”

”Your bathroom?”

Tony gave a snort. ”Nope. Try again.”

Out of the corner of his eye he saw the head of black hair move as Loki took in the counter in front of them. ”Toothbrushes”, he finally offered.

”Right. Brushes. Plural. I know I have a really big mouth, but I still only need the one. So why are there two?”

Loki started to relax a little, leaning back against Tony's chest. ”Because one of them is mine.”

”Now open the cupboard to the left of the mirror.”

By now the kid had to know where this was heading, but he still did as he was told, and answered the next question without Tony having to ask it. ”My hairbrush. And deodorant.”

”So, again, what do you see here?”

A pause. ” _Our_ bathroom.”

Without giving an answer Tony used the arm around the kid to turn him and lead him into the bedroom again, up to the wardrobes along a wall. He opened one of them with his free hand, showing the drawers and hangers holding clothes that would definitely not fit Tony himself very well at all. Then he turned again so they could take in the wide bed, flanked by nightstands. The closest one held some kind of potted plant, the mancala board, a half-empty glass of water and an uneven stack of books. The opposite one just a lightpad, precariously close to tipping over the edge.

”So that makes this...?”

”Our bedroom”, Loki almost whispered, but Tony heard it. Then he turned around in Tony's embrace and searched out his eyes. Loki's own were dark and liquid, when he blinked his eyelashes stuck together with wet. 

”Sure is.” He knew his voice was gravelly, so he didn't say anything more. Tony just pulled the kid in closer until their foreheads connected. 

To be fair, it had taken him a while to figure this out as well. The second time in Malibu Loki had still kept his stuff in his own room, even though they had slept every night together in Tony's bedroom. But when they had come back to Manhattan three days ago, to the Tower where the kid's own room was on a completely different floor, they had just moved into the penthouse suite, together, without even exchanging a single word on the subject. Apparently without thinking about it, without considering any other option – or what this meant. Really meant.

Fuck, Bruce was right. He was slow for a genius. But to be fair, this wasn't rocket science – it was a lot more complicated.

”How about we call it a night?” He rubbed Loki's lower back, felt the tension go out of the muscles there. ”It's been a long day.”

Loki nodded against his forehead, so they got ready for bed and crawled in under the covers, tangling as close as they could in the middle of the mattress. The kid's head was on his shoulder, Tony's arms around the lean back, their legs hooked around each other. It wasn't very long until he could feel Loki's breaths turn long and slow against his chest, and Tony knew he was sleeping.

He stayed awake a while, though, thinking about what he had told Bruce. Yeah, sure, he'd known for a long time it wasn't all just about sex. It had never really been about that. It was still a bit of a surprise to see how close they had come to eachother without even making a big deal out of it. 

He'd thought the big deal was mandatory.

Not that the sex wasn't great, of course. Smiling to himself in the darkness Tony slowly let a finger twist into a long half-curl of black hair, feeling the silky texture run over his skin, and let himselt think about exactly how great it was. The kid was still inexperienced, but it was becoming increasingly clear that he more than made up for that in natural talent and an impressive ability to just go with his instinct. He'd taken to sucking Tony off like he'd been born to do it, and that almost magical way he'd just turned soft and supple in Tony's hands that same night... That had been... something.

With some actual experience on top of all that Loki would be goddamn _lethal_ pretty soon. Tony wondered how many years it would be until he was just unable to keep up with the kid. He was already turning gray and frayed at the edges, and Loki was just getting started...

Then Tony blinked and did a mental double-take. What the hell was that? When had he come to the conclusion that he was in this for something counted in _years_? He'd never had a relationship last longer than weeks before! What was he thinking?

Well, maybe he was thinking that this had been going on for months already. That they were going to sleep in _their_ bed every night. That they were at a point were this couldn't remain something between just the two of them anymore, that this was becoming very real – and that Tony was just fine with that.

He hoped Loki would be, as well.


	19. In a thousand years

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (So, it turns out this is the last of it. I actually didn't know before I sat down to write it... I just wanted to leave a huge heap of love here for everyone who followed this thing and made me such a happy writer. Thank you!)

Loki woke up early the next morning to find Tony still sound asleep. At least Loki assumed he was; all he could see of the man was a mess of brown hair where he had burrowed his face into the side of Loki's pillow. When he felt movements in the bed all Tony did was give a wordless grunt and curl an arm around his head, protecting himself from any sign that he had to wake up. He really wasn't his most charming self in the morning.

With an affectionate smile he didn't even notice had found its way onto his face Loki carefully slipped out of bed, got dressed and left the room as quietly as he could. He was hungry, but he knew Tony would be asleep a while longer, and even when he woke up he wouldn't want breakfast. If you didn't count coffee, and Loki didn't.

As it turned out, Loki still had company for breakfast that morning.

When he reached the kitchen on the floor below the penthouse, the floor that had once been his, someone was already sitting by the table. Loki came to such a sudden halt in the doorway that he almost stumbled over his own feet from the surprise. It had been just the two of them for so long that he wasn't used to seeing other people around. After Banner walking in on them in the workshop the day before he probably shouldn't be surprised to see the doctor here now, though, but he still was.

Loki was aware that all of the Avengers were welcome to stay in the Tower. It was their home in the city, and their base of operations. But he also knew that Banner was the only one staying there more or less permanently. He had curiously asked about where the others were, but Tony had just shrugged and told him he didn't even try to stay informed anymore. 

_”Spies and soldiers, kid. No use trying to keep track. People give orders, and they go running.”_

They still hadn't seen a lot of the doctor in the Tower, even when they had stayed there a lot longer, before they had left for Malibu. Tony had told him that Banner lived on the ground floor, in rooms fortified enough to keep even his green alter ego inside them. He usually ate there, and came and went following his own schedule.

Loki was sure that his surprising visit to the workshop had been accidental, that Banner had had no idea what he would find. But Loki was just as sure that this little meeting was no chance thing. The doctor had to know that Tony was no morning person, and definitely no breakfast person, and that the only one he was likely to find here was Loki.

Now he swallowed a sigh as he studied the man sitting by the table, hands resting around a steaming cup of what looked like green tea, the herbal scent of it warm in the room. Banner's glasses were resting on the table by the cup, he was wearing a sweater that looked worn soft, and his dark hair was almost as messy as Tony's had looked. The man's face was calm, and it looked like he was keeping a neutral expression as well as he could manage.

”Good morning, doctor Banner”, Loki finally greeted him, realizing that he couldn't very well turn and walk out. That would be really rude, and he didn't want to be. He liked the doctor, after all. He was the only one working at the research facility who had ever treated him like a human being. Even though he wasn't one, of course, but Banner had still treated him with a respect and dignity the others had never offered.

”Good morning, Loki.” Banner gave him a little nod, but didn't change his expression. ”Sleep well?”

”I did.” He folded his arms across his chest and leaned with a shoulder against the doorframe, not sure he should step inside the room yet. ”Once things calmed down.” He kept his own voice as neutral as he could as well, matching the other's.

The doctor's eyes shifted away from Loki's, and he cleared his throat. ”I didn't mean to get you both upset”, he said, looking into his cup now, stirring the hot liquid, before he glanced back up. ”I needed to ask a few questions, though. I think you can understand that.”

Loki nodded and finally stepped forward, but heading for the counter instead of the table, still keeping his eyes on the doctor. ”You were worried that he's taking advantage of me.” It wasn't even a question.

Not a single muscle moved on Banner's face. ”He told you that?”

Now Loki shook his head before he turned to load the coffeemaker, just the way Tony had taught him – one measure of ground coffee per cup, and one extra. ”He just said you were worried, and mostly about me”, he said while he added water and switched the machine on, and then turned back around, leaning against the counter. ”It wasn't that difficult to see why that would be. You know where he found me, and you probably also know that I really have nowhere else to go. Tony's a billionaire, I have a couple of thousand dollars to my name. I'm not even half his age and compared to the things he's seen and done, I know nothing. On the surface the balance of power between us is more or less nonexistent, so of course you would assume something like that.”

The doctor's face was still carefully neutral and calm. ”On the surface?”, he repeated.

Tilting his head to the side, Loki considered for a moment before he spoke up again. ”None of those things matter, doctor Banner. What matters is that Tony found me, and he saw me. The most valuable thing he's given me is myself. And even if he threw me out on the street today I would still take that with me.”

Banner finally blinked. Once. Twice. 

Before he had found anything to say, though, Loki went on. ”And since you apparently aren't worried that I'm the one taking advantage of _him_ , I suppose you know that means I see him, too.” Loki shrugged a shoulder. ”I'm not a parasite. Neither is he.” He smiled then, remembering Tony's words from what felt like a long time ago. ”This is symbiosis.”

The doctor nodded slowly, but he was still silent for a while, just watching Loki's face. 

”Scones”, he said at last, making Loki feel like he had missed a huge chunk of the conversation.

”What?”

”You like scones? I was thinking about making some, but it's boring to make breakfast just for myself and I know Tony's thoughts on eating in the morning, so how about you?”

A wider smile spread on Loki's face. ”I do like scones.”

Not long after that the warm, sweet smell of baking bread was spreading in the kitchen while Loki and doctor Banner sat across from each other by the table, sipping from their respective cups. They were silent now, but the quiet was companionable.

They waited, the doctor flipping through a newspaper, Loki mostly watching the pale winter sky turning brighter outside. Then the timer gave an insistent buzz, and Banner got up from his chair to turn tho oven off and take the bread out to cool on the counter. When he turned back there was a very thoughtful look on his face, his eyes a little unfocused, as if he was seeing something that wasn't even close to here and now.

"You know, I get what you mean", he started, blinked, and focused his eyes on Loki again. "About Tony seeing you. I think that's why we're friends, now, because he saw me too." He came back to the table, sitting down, tapping the side of his cup of tea. "If you were to ask someone what Tony's... super power is? I bet they'd all say his genius, his tech and inventions. But they'd all be wrong. That's not it. It's empathy."

Loki looked down into his own now half empty cup of cooling coffee and thought about that. Not that he really had to, though. He knew it was true. That ability Tony had to see himself in others, to know what they went through and needed, without falling into simple sympathy or useless pity, that was definitely something that made him different from other people Loki had met. 

The only person Tony seemed to fail to see redeeming qualities in, was himself. Claiming to be self-obsessed when he in reality was acting completely selflessly in any moment that really mattered. Claiming he wasn't a hero, even when his glowing heart made him exactly that.

At last he nodded. ”Yes. It is.”

”And I really don't think he'll be throwing you out on the streets today.” When Loki looked up he found the doctor smiling. ”Or anytime soon.”

Loki couldn't stop himself laughing at that, feeling the last traces of tension drain out of him. ”No, I don't think so either.”

Having company for breakfast wasn't bad, come to think if it.

* * *

”Tony...” Frigga had barely stepped all the way out of the elevator before she had her hands on his shoulders, leaning in to press a soft, caramel-sweet little kiss to his cheek. ”It's so good to see you again.”

The previous times Tony had met Frigga it had felt a little bit like being swept up by a warm, irrisitible force of nature, and this time was no different. Her presence filled the room and enveloped him in a sense of genuine acceptance he didn't think he'd ever felt before. It gave Tony the strange, dizzying feeling that somewhere along the line Frigga had decided that he was a part of her family just as much as Loki was. Not necessarily the Jarlson family, but _her_ family, the way she saw it.

Suddenly he found himself wondering what Loki had really told her about their relationship, what kind of turn it had taken, but when he felt his stomach clench at the idea of her knowing about that he quickly shoved the thought aside and just placed a kiss on her cheek in turn. It was soft and smooth under his lips, smelling of powder and cinnamon. He would worry about pissing her off by being a horrible influence on her kid another day.

"It's good to see you too", he said with a smile when they parted, her hands dropping from his shoulders. "And you look great."

Because she really did. Wide wool pants in a soft gray, the high waist perfectly fitted and a creamy white blouse falling in soft folds around her chest. Her hair in an artfully messy bun, and the gray eyes bright.

She smiled at his compliment before she turned to face Loki instead.

The kid was hovering by Tony's shoulder now, and he was so nervous that Tony could feel it, like a stinging tingle running down his own spine. While they waited for her, Loki had restlessly paced in front of the windows in the penthouse. Tony had been sitting on the couch, tapping away at a light pad, and tried to get at least himself relaxed. After all, he wouldn't help Loki any way at all by being just as anxious as he was. But it didn't seem to have made much of a difference anyway.

”Sweetheart”, Frigga said in what seemed her usual greeting for Loki, and stepped up to kiss his cheek as well. He still looked tense under her touch, but he returned the gesture without hesitation, at least.

”Mom...” The way the kid's face looked when he said it, that wasn't what he had planned on calling her now.

The two of them stared at eachother for a moment, frozen in time, and then Loki leaned in even closer, put his arms around her back and pulled her into a hug. Frigga's hands, still on his shoulders, moved to his back as she held him, her cheek against his.

Looking at the two of them turned Tony's throat uncomfortably tight, so he decided to leave them alone for a moment and walked over to the bar instead. He picked out a glass, his usual bottle of scotch, and poured for himself. And then he frowned at the amber liquid, the bottle settling with a clink on the counter beside the glass, while he figured something out.

He didn't drink anymore.

Yeah, sure, there was the occasional glass, and he would probably have claimed that as a fair description of his drinking habits all along, but it actually _was_ occasional now, where it had been more of a constant to find him with a drink in his hand by the time Loki had moved into the Tower. Now he couldn't even say exactly when things had changed; it had never been a conscious effort to drink less, so he hadn't bothered to keep track of his own habits changing, it had just... happened. The same way he had just happened to start sharing his bedroom with the kid, apparently. He had never wanted to quit drinking all the time, somewhere along the way the need for it had just started to fade away. Been replaced by something else.

Well... How about that? The revelations just kept sneaking up to slap him in the face, didn't they?

Unpredictable fucking things.

When he looked up again he found that Loki and Frigga had let go of eachother, even if they were still standing close. The kid looked a lot calmer than he had, so Tony took that to be a good sign.

”Could I offer you a drink?”, he asked the room at large, letting the question be for both of them.

Frigga turned and eyed the bottle he was still holding, before she nodded. ”I could take a glass of what you're having, Tony.”

He felt an eyebrow rise in surprise. He would have expected her to want something sweet. Then he gave her a wide smile. She just kept getting more badass in his book. ”Sure thing, ma'am”, he said while he picked up another glass, and made her smile in return. ”You, kid?”

Loki shook his head. ”I'm good.”

Tony put the bottle away, picked up the glasses and walked over to them again, handing Frigga hers before he made a gesture to the couch, indicating that they should all take a seat. That ended with Frigga on one cushion, and Loki so close to Tony's side that they were more or less sharing another one. Tony found himself squirming a little at that. Not that he minded having Loki close, obviously, but he had no idea where the kid was heading with this.

He realized they should have talked this part through, not just the part about family...

For the time beeing he kept his hands on his glass but didn't move away as he listened to Loki starting to tell a story he was already familiar with. The kid's words came slowly at first, but as the story went it flowed more naturally. Telling Frigga about how Tony had seen the old family picture from Jotunheimen, how the theory that Loki had joined the Jarlson family in that place had started forming, how Tony had taken him to Stockholm, and then to Norway on the way back to the States. Tony didn't speak up to add anything, he just listened, and Frigga only gave one or two thoughtful little nods between sips from her glass, not seeming surprised by anything she heard.

When Loki got that far he hesitated again, and Tony felt him turn and twist a little. He glanced down when he noticed a hand against his thigh, and saw fingers moving over the worn cloth of his jeans, reaching for his own hand holding the glass. And then Tony didn't even think about who was watching; he just let go and moved to catch that searching hand, giving his quiet support. He found relief in Loki's eyes when he met them again.

Then the kid started talking again, getting into the part of the story Tony himself hadn't been a part of, but had heard retold before.

Now Frigga seemed to completely forget about the glass in her hands while he heard about Loki being visited not only by his mother by blood, but also by Frigga's son by blood. Her gray eyes were very wide and liquid by the time Loki ran out of words, sagging into Tony's side.

”I wanted to tell you”, Loki almost whispered, after catching his ragged breath. ”He's still gone, your son, but I thought you should know that he's alive. That he is well, and taken care of.” His fingers gripped Tony's a little harder.

Frigga nodded, mutely, and put her drink on the table before she leaned over to place a hand, trembling slightly, on Loki's knee. ”Thank you, sweetheart.” Her voice was as wet as her eyes, but there was a small and unsteady but genuine smile on her lips when she leaned back again. ”That is a great relief. I have both worried and mourned over the years, and it's good to know that he is well, even though he's not with me anymore.” Then her gaze dropped to where their hands were joined, still resting on Tony's thigh, before it came up to shift between their faces and then settled on Loki's. ”And you are taken care of as well?” Her smile widened a little.

Tony immediately tried to dive head first into his drink, so he didn't have to watch her face. But he didn't let go of Loki's hand. No way.

The kid gave a little choked noise, like he was trying to clear a tight throat but sort of failed. His palm turned even colder against Tony's, and a little bit clammy, too. ”I am”, he said at last. And then rubbed a thumb along Tony's hand. ”We take care of each other.”

Letting his glass rest on his other thigh, Tony finally glanced up to see Frigga's reaction.

Her smile was even warmer now, and the shine to her eyes didn't seem to be tears anymore. ”I'm sure you do.” Then her sharp, gray gaze fixed on Tony and it felt like she saw right into his soul. ”You have been good for my son, Tony. In many ways. I can tell.”

It wasn't until he opened his mouth and found it dry and his throat hoarse that he realized he hadn't spoken a word since Loki had started talking. That wasn't like him. Tony swallowed, tried to make his tongue work again. ”Well, I try to be. He's been good for me, so it's only fair.”

Frigga nodded. ”You do seem more... at peace. Than when I first met you.”

”I guess I am.” Hard to argue with that when he had realized less than an hour ago that having the kid around had more or less turned him sober, right?

Then the gray eyes left him and focused on Loki again. ”Will you be staying in Manhattan?”

Tony glanced over to see Loki shake his head. ”Not for long. We'll be going back to Malibu, at least until spring.” They had agreed on that before coming back here; neither of them wanted to spend the winter in New York.

”You should see Thor before you leave, Loki.” Her voice was firm.

The kid's eyes dropped from her face. ”I don't think he would want to meet me again.”

”I think he would. He might pretend otherwise, but I know I misses you very much.” She tilted her head to the side. ”At least promise me you will try? He deserves to know the truth about his brother too, after all.”

Loki hesitated, but then he nodded. ”I promise.”

”Thank you, sweetheart.” Then she placed her hands on the seat by her hips, a clear gesture that she was ready to stand and leave. ”Thank you both.”

It wasn't until they all stood and left the couch that Tony and Loki let go of each other, accepting Frigga's cinnamon-scented embraces and giving promises that they wouldn't dare leave the city without seeing her again first.

When the elevator door slid shut behind her, Tony turned to find Loki watching him, nervous all over again.

”I'm sorry, Tony.”

He blinked. ”Why?”

”I feel like I should have talked to you about this before I let her know. About... us. But I hadn't even planned on doing it.” His gaze fell. ”I hope you're not angry. I just... can't lie to her. Even by omission. And I -”

”No, kid, it's okay.” Tony stepped up, leaning his head forward in the movement so he could capture Loki's lips while he wrapped his arms around his back. The kid made a surprised little noise in his throat, but then almost melted into Tony, lips parting to let him in. ”It's really okay”, he murmured against Loki's mouth before leaning back a little to give him a smile. ”I was actually thinking about how to bring up the idea of starting to tell some people. You know, the near and dear ones.”

”You were?” It looked like Loki didn't know if he was terrified or delighted or a little bit of both.

”Yeah. I mean, Bruce already knows, and he took it pretty well. All things considered...” Tony rubbed a thumb along Loki's back. ”If I have a say in it, this isn't going to be over anytime soon, so we might as well make it sort of official.” He swallowed, eyes flitting between the wide, emerald ones in front of him. ”Right?”

A smile tugged at the corners of Loki's pale mouth. ”Well, shocking doctor Banner was awkward enough. I'd rather not have to go through that again. So, yes, we might as well.”

Then Tony couldn't stop himself from kissing him again, before pulling him back away from the elevator. ”That's good. Really good. And I'm sure the rest of the gang will take it really well.” He frowned a little, back still to Loki so he couldn't see it. ”Unless they want to be assholes about it. Some of them are assholes. Well, mostly Barton. Only Barton, to be fair. I mean Nat's scary as hell but that's just a badass attitude, and then the rest is... Well, her being pretty damn badass, actually. But I'm starting to think that's all women. Cap might seem too good to be true, but that's just because he is, so feel free to ignore that. And Bruce you kind of know already and he's the anti-asshole, more or less. And then there's me, and you already know _I'm_ an asshole, so that's all of us covered I guess...”

Loki was smiling at him when he turned around, and a long, cool hand settled over his cheek. ”Breathe, Tony.”

He pulled in a quick gulp of air. ”And then there's Pepper and I don't think she'll even be that surprised, she already knows I care about you. A lot. And of course there's Rhodey and you haven't met him yet either, but he'll probably just shrug and say it's obvious I'd go for the one with legs for days and he'd be right because yours are fucking amazing, and -”

Fingers combed into his hair, gripped it hard enough that Loki could turn his head and shut him up with a very, very thorough kiss, all nipping, sharp teeth and a tongue flicking at the ridges of his palate. He gave Tony a smirk when he drew back, the expression a mix of warm affection, gentle teasing, and a hint of exasperation. ”Why don't you go play in the workshop for a while, and let me enjoy the silence?”

Tony's face split into a wide grin. ”Thought you'd never ask.”

Yeah, the kid was a keeper.

* * *

A few hours later Loki was stretched out on his front across their bed, the mancala board set up in front of him, four smoothly polished stones of different kinds in each little hollow on both sides of the wooden board, as if ready for a game. But Loki wasn't playing. He was frowning at the stones, resting heavy and solid in place, wondering how he had ever managed to move them before, without even knowing. And still knowing now that he must have.

Loki at last took one hand off the covers under his chest, and placed it so it completely covered three of the little hollows on his side. He squeezed his eyes shut, focused, felt the difference in texture and structure of the little stones, could almost taste the minerals on his tongue. Now, to tell them what he wanted them to do...

He had lost track of how long he had tried when he felt a cold little rush along his palm. Quickly he blinked his eyes open, turned his hand and just had the time to see a swirl of pale blue skin in the middle of his palm before it faded again. When he looked at the board, there were now three stones in the left and right hollows of the three, six in the middle one. 

Loki bit the side of his tongue as he gently scooped the stones out, holding them in his hand like they were something alive that might bite him. There was nothing visibly off about the stones, though. They were exactly the same. Or not exactly – he was sure two of them were a lot colder to the touch than the other four. He wondered what made them colder. If it was his influence, or if the magic used something in the stones themselves, some energy, turning them colder? Perhaps Tony would know. Or would know how to find out.

Then, while he still studied the stones, he suddenly had a very clear mental image of pressing that hand to Tony's chest again, and then pulling it away with seven sharp, evil-looking scraps of metal in his palm, instead of smooth stones. Loki blinked. Could he do that? Pick the shrapnel away from Tony's vulnerable heart, just by his will alone?

He realized that it probably wasn't impossible. It wasn't something he would be experimenting with anytime soon, obviously, but no, he didn't think it would be impossible...

As lost in thought as he was, Loki didn't even notice that he wasn't alone in the room until the bed dipped and a warm, heavy body settled along his side, firm and familiar. Deep in his bones echoed the song of metal and magnets.

”Practicing?”

”Yes.” Loki poured the stones back into the empty hollow before he turned a smile on Tony. ”I think it went well, too.”

”Well, that's good.” Brown eyes smiled back at him. ”All done for tonight?”

”All done.”

”Even better.” Tony was almost purring then, before shoving a sholder into his side until he had made Loki roll over on his back. ”I'm all done, too. Or, no, not really. The calculations for Igor's boots are still pissing me off.” He straddled Loki's thighs, leaning in to nip at his throat, and even at his collarbone through the t-shirt. ”But then I started thinking about you and got all distracted.”

”Sorry about that”, Loki lied, slipping his hands in under Tony's t-shirt to feel the hard muscles move along his spine.

”Yeah, you should be”, Tony replied, just as insincere, mouth by the hollow of his throat. ”Because now you have to put up with me getting you all naked and having my way with you.”

”Sounds horrible.” He just got the words out before Tony lowered himself, grinding their hips together, and made him gasp and arch up. ”Really horrible”, he groaned when the pressure on his groin eased up. 

Tony sat back on his thighs and shot him a grin before he caught the hem of Loki's t-shirt and unceremoniously pulled it off, throwing it to the floor. Then he settled his hands on the button and zipper of Loki's jeans and had them undone in seconds. But before he went to pull them off, he palmed Loki's already hard length through the layers of fabric. ”Completely horrible”, he agreed, voice thick.

Then he placed his fingers on the sides of Loki's waist, sliding them down to his hips, catching the waistline of his pants and underwear in the movement and pulling it all down. He had to get off the bed to get them off Loki's legs all the way, but he just made sure he got his own clothes off before he got back down on the mattress. For the first time Loki could remember there was no brief moment of hesitation before Tony pulled his own t-shirt off, baring his chest. It just seemed completely natural.

Before slipping back onto the bed Tony also retrieved a familiar little tube from the nightstand, dropping it on the covers, and then came back to place himself astride Loki's legs again, only closer to his feet this time. Far down enough that he could lean down and trail kisses along one of Loki's hipbones, and then the other, gentle curves along the tops of his thighs.

The tickling touch of beard and warm, damp breaths made Loki squirm in anticipation. ”Tony, please...” He placed his arms above his head, hands fisting in the sheet, or he would be grabbing on to Tony's head instead, trying to force it where he wanted it the most.

”Begging already?” He glanced up long enough to give Loki a smirk. ”Even worse than I thought, then.” A hand reached across the bed for the tube, but then Loki felt a line of hot, wet, open-mouthed kisses along the underside of his cock instead and had to close his eyes and just _feel_. ”Better get it over with quickly. Spare you the suffering.”

Loki nodded frantically against the covers, head tilted back, not even sure if Tony could see him do it. He couldn't speak while Tony's tongue kept stroking him, slow and broad and almost soothing. Then hands urged his legs apart, and a slick finger pushed into him.

”You think you can let me in again, like you did last time?” Tony was murmuring against the hollow of his hip. A second finger was stroking gently, but not trying to press for entry. 

He wasn't sure that he could, but Loki didn't waste time telling Tony that. Instead he pulled in a breath, forced himself to make it long and deep, and then slowly let it out, along with the tension in his muscles. The flutter of anticipation and want and _need_ was still there, coiling in his gut, but he willed it out of the rest om him, turning heavy and limp against the bed. There was no need to ask if he had achieved what he wanted when there came a deep, pleased moan from Tony. And Loki, who felt like he was floating and dreaming, was sure that it was more than two fingers slipping into him next.

”Fuck, you're amazing”, Tony groaned, pressing a kiss to the inside of his thigh. Probably watching as he got his fingers in all the way to the knuckle. Without pulling them out he moved then, leaning over Loki until he could place a kiss on his sternum, right over his heart. ”You want to turn over, or...?”

”No, just like this”, Loki murmured and made himself blink his eyes open, reaching out to grasp for Tony's shoulders. ”I want to see you.”

The man let himself get caught and pulled down and forward until he was resting with his hips between Loki's legs, which wrapped themselves around Tony more or less by instinct. He was supported on his elbows to not weigh too heavily on Loki's chest.

”If you say so.” Tony's voice sounded light, but there was a doubtful hint in his eyes that Loki didn't miss.

Smiling at him, Loki placed his hands on his head, fingers rubbing into the silvery hair by his temples, one thumb brushing over the crow's feet by an eye, the other against the faint line by his mouth. ”I do say so”, he said, reaching up for a light kiss to Tony's lips. ”Why wouldn't I want to see you?”

”Well, I'm not exactly all smooth anymore.” The little smile he saw a hint of on Tony's mouth, before he leaned down to kiss Loki's cheek, was a bitter thing. ”Kid.”

”So?” Loki gripped his head a little harder, pushing it away so they could see eachother's eyes again. Even though Tony didn't look happy about that. Loki wrapped his legs tighter around his hips as well, making him stay put. Tony's hard-on was still pressed against his ass, his own rubbing against the ripples of muscles on Tony's abdomen, but that didn't seem as important now as making Tony look happy again. ”You're beautiful. Years can't change that. And I don't just mean this skin you live in. That's not the thing I love.”

Dark eyes shifted between his, and he could see even darker thoughts move behind them. ”You sure? You have a lot of years left, after all.”

”I do.” Loki swallowed, and decided to tell Tony the detail of those years he had so far kept to himself, still overwhelmed by the truth. ”More years than you know.”

Tony blinked. ”What?”

”My mother thought... a few thousand. At least.”

Tony's eyes went round, his mouth falling open. But before he could panic, or say anything more, Loki made the grip with arms and legs even harder.

”And I'm still sure years can't change how beautiful you are.” He held Tony's eyes as firmly as his body. ”Sure enough that I want to spend every single one of mine with you. No matter how many they are.”

The man stared at him for a few moments, still as a statue now. Then he blinked again, slower, and licked his lips. ”Loki...” He swallowed. ”That's... You...”

”I know.” Loki smiled, and then wriggled slightly, rubbing his ass against Tony's cock. It seemed to have wilted a little from the seriousness of the conversation, but the intent movements looked like they at least snapped the man out of the shock, and he gave a little groan at the friction. ”I know it's a lot, Tony. And you don't have to decide anything right now. At least nothing besides if you're going to have your way with me or not, after all...”

And then, at last, the warm, happy glow came back in Tony's eyes. ”Oh, I'm doing that. Definitely.”

Loki willingly let his grip soften enough that Tony could shift back and get a hand between them. When his fingers found Loki still ready he didn't hesitate to make sure his cock was still slick enough too, and moved to slowly push his way in.

It turned out to be a little bit more difficult to adjust in this position, but Tony noticed. Of course he noticed. And he didn't rush at all. So by the time he was all the way inside, Loki's throat and lips were red from kisses, his hair tousled from stroking, soothing fingers, and he was a gasping, whimering mess, arching up and begging for more. He blinked his eyes open then, when Tony's hips were pressed against him as hard as possible, and met the still smiling, dark gaze.

”You said you'd... get it over quickly.” He dropped his head back with a moan. 

”Sorry about that.”

”Liar...”

Tony grinned against his throat, wide enough that Loki could feel his teeth. But after that he didn't feel anything but the man start to slowly but firmly thrusting into him. Hot and hard and heavy and perfect.

”Said I'd spare you the suffering”, Tony muttered against his skin. ”Guess that was a lie too.”

Then he gripped Loki's hips, tilted them just so, and before Loki could even wonder why, Tony hit a spot that made him see stars. He was sure he made a noise that wasn't close to human. Lucky Tony already knew he was no such thing, anyway.

So he just dug his fingertips into Tony's shoulders, begged not to be spared from anything, and when Tony gripped his hips hard enough to bruise, crying out Loki's name with his face buried by his throat, he got what he'd asked for. And more.

* * *

”Horrible?” Tony smiled into Loki's hair, nuzzling the side of his head, when they were clean and dry and tangled up under the covers.

”Completely.” It was just a mutter, the kid was so wrung out.

Tony thought of something then. ”So, important question – can I still call you 'kid' a thousand years from now?”

There came a soft chuckle while Loki wrapped an arm around him and pulled him even closer than he already had been. ”I don't see why not”, he said, still muttering, but a smile making his voice warm. ”In a thousand years, I'll still be younger than you, after all.”

With a snort, Tony pinched his soft waist. ”Brat!” But the reminder didn't really feel like it stung as bad as it might have just an hour ago.

Loki gave a little squeal before he managed to slap Tony's hand away. But he was grinning when he leaned back far enough that they could see eachother in the faint lights of the room and the glow from Tony's chest. Then he turned softer, the grin becoming a sweet smile. ”And in a thousand years, you'll still be my hero.”

Swallowing down a sudden lump in his throat Tony realized that he had no words to answer that. So instead he just leaned in and kissed that smile, tasting smooth lips and a cool tongue.

He still didn't think he was a hero, but, well...? After a thousand years of Loki looking at him like that, he might actually come to believe it.


End file.
